Savage (Daughters of the Jaguar) (26 page)

With great effort I dragged it towards the boat but had to have Jim help me get it out of the water. We pulled and dragged and finally we had it on the deck of the boat.

"Holy smokes!" Jim burst out. "That's got to be the biggest bastard I have ever laid eyes on. It's huge!" Then he laughed and slapped me in the back. "Way to go, pretty boy. You officially have earned my respect now."

I smiled and nodded. "Thanks."

Jim laughed again and opened the cooler box and took a couple of beers out. He threw me one. "Here, you deserved it."

"Thanks," I said again. Then we sat in the chairs on deck while the adrenalin slowly wore off. The beer was cold and made me feel good. When I was done with it Jim threw me another one. We drank while we stared at the enormous dead fish lying on the deck. I had pulled the spear out of its side and it was covered in blood where the spear had gone through.

"Ah. That's life, huh?" Jim said and put his feet up on an empty chair in front of him making the white leather wet. All our equipment was thrown in a pile. It was quiet now. A fish jumped out of the water now and then and made a splash as it dove back in. I took a deep breath of the moist air. It was late November, but still hot and humid. I could hardly believe it. I was so happy I hadn't decided to go back to the cold and darkness of my homeland. I missed nothing. Not even my father, sad to say. I had only called him a few times from the Kirk's phone since it was extremely expensive back then to call over the Atlantic, but even then he didn't seem that interested in hearing from me anyway. I mean, I think he was happy to hear my voice,  but after a short while he would stop the conversation with a "better not use all of the Kirk's money. They have been so nice to you so you show them your gratitude by not exploiting their generosity. Okay boy?"

"Okay Dad." And then that was it. He didn't seem to miss me so I decided I wasn't going to feel bad for not missing him. And to be frank, there was nothing else for me back in that country.

Jim looked at me with a smile. "Still can't believe you actually took down that bastard," he mumbled and finished yet another beer. He threw me a new one even if I hadn't finished mine yet.

"Me either," I laughed. I glanced at the ocean. It was such a calm day. Those were my favorites. The calm ones. And with the Atlantic you would be sure to always have waves since it was so big, so even on calm days I could go riding the waves on my windsurfer, jumping in the air and do my tricks. I had become quite known around St. Augustine for my windsurfing skills and often people would gather at the beach to watch me when I took the windsurfer into the ocean.

After a couple of beers more, I got drunk. And so did Jim. Drunk in the middle of a Saturday afternoon on a boat far out in the Atlantic Ocean. And finally, we opened up to one another. Finally we dared to speak about what was hurting us.

"I fell in love with the wrong girl," I suddenly said, taking another sip of my beer.

Jim nodded slowly while looking at his own beer. "I thought so," he said. Then he drank, and when he had swallowed he looked at me. "It's Heather, right?"

I looked at him with surprise. Was that what he had thought all this time? "No," I said.

Jim's eyes were still on me. He looked like he didn't quite grasp what I had just told him. "But ... but I thought you and Heather ... I thought ... well, I don't know what I thought. That you somehow suffered from the same broken heart and unfulfilled love that I did, I guess."

I shook my head heavily. "We had something in the beginning, yes. But she is not the one who broke my heart."

Jim nodded. "Ah. I see. Well it doesn't really matter anyway. She is not into me and she never will be." He drank again. A big fish jumped out of the water right behind him. "Who was it that broke your heart then?"

"The girl next door." I avoided his eyes. I had my doubts about telling this; I wasn't sure I was ready for it. "Her name is Aiyana."

"That girl from that family where the father died in some drug confrontation?"

I laughed. "Well, we don't know how he died, but that seems to be the general opinion, yes. He disappeared years ago. No one has seen him since and apparently his family didn't bother to search for him, either. Nice family, huh?"

Jim nodded in silence. I sensed that he could feel my hurt somehow. Maybe because he recognized the feeling.

"I think they just don't like men," I said. My voice had become blurry by now. "They probably hate us all."

Jim handed me another can and I took it even though I knew I had had enough. I wanted to feel nothing, I wanted to get so drunk I became numb. I wanted to sedate the anger and bitterness. I wanted to quiet my thoughts and the many voices and images in my head. Even if they had in time become more insignificant they were still there, still bothering me.

Jim sighed. "You should be with Heather," he said.

I looked at him. "What are you saying, man?"

"I have wanted to tell you for a long time but I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. I had no idea what happened to you two and I didn't want to stick my nose in something that you didn't want me to interfere in. But I have to say I think she is still into you. I see it in her eyes when we are together. I see it constantly. She looks at you when you're not watching, she smiles at everything you say. She really likes you and you should be grateful for that. My God, how you should be grateful. What I wouldn't give ... " He sighed again. "But she is not into me, you see? It doesn't matter how much I want her, she will never want me."

I nodded. "I know," I said. "Love's a bitch, right?"

"So I figure you might as well have her, if I can't," he said.

I was surprised, to put it mildly. "What are you talking about? I am not going to steal Heather from you. I could never do that."

Jim looked at me intensely. "But you have to. I want nothing more in this world than for her to be happy. And she would be happy with you. I know it. She is crazy about you."

"It'll wear off. It's just a crush."

"That's what I thought when I saw you two together on your first night here, when all that crap happened in the river. When you kissed her, I thought: ’let him have her, let her have some fun with him and then she'll come to me when he is no longer fun’. I thought you were her new toy. But that's four months ago now, and she is still taken by you. I think it is a little more than just a crush. Besides, nothing would make me happier than to have my best friend and the woman I love have each other. At least the two of you would be happy, and that would make me happy, too."

"You're a bigger man than I will ever be," I said.

"That I am," he said and emptied another beer.

Then we both laughed out loud. The outburst scared a couple of birds that had taken a rest on the railing of the boat. They took off, flapping their wings desperately to get away.

"I only have one thing I want in return," Jim said and crushed an empty beer can with his hand.

"And what is that?"

"To kill a jaguar."

Chapter  31

We both knew it was insane. We both knew it was a stupid thing to do. To go hunting while drunk has to be the most idiotic and reckless thing anyone could ever do. Even driving there in Jim's jeep in our condition was irresponsible. But we did it anyway. We were young, heartbroken and not afraid of anything, least of all of dying.

It was dark before we arrived and Jim lit the way with his flashlight. The moon was hiding behind the clouds and only occasionally peeked out to light our path with bluish light. We each held our rifles close and ready to shoot should anything occur. Just like under the water, we communicated with gestures and signaling. The way we preferred it.

I had promised Jim to show him where I had found the jaguar and we had even brought meat for it to lure it out of its hiding. I had decided that I didn't care about the jaguar anymore, I didn't care that we were about to kill it. I guess I somehow managed to reach some kind of numbness, after all. Or maybe it was more that I was mad at everything that had made me happy earlier on. I had felt something when I had been close to this animal that had once saved me, some sort of strange mixture between gratitude and love which I could no longer comprehend. How could you love an animal just because it had saved your life? It was still an animal. But I had seen something in those eyes that had somehow affected me and caused me to want to protect the creature. Now I had decided to get rid of that feeling like I had gotten rid of the feelings I had once had for Aiyana. I wanted to annihilate all my feelings and emotions, and by crushing anything that had made me feel something I somehow figured I could stop feeling at all. It is foolish, I know, but again I was young and young people act irrationally from time to time. I did this for Jim, I told myself. He deserved this kill.

The swamps were dryer than usual since it hadn't rained for weeks, so the water in the river was lower than the last time I had walked in it. It made passing through it easier on us. I wouldn't say I was still drunk since several hours has passed since my last beer, but I definitely still had a buzz going in my head, a dizziness that I knew would affect my coordination and ability to react quickly and aim in a dangerous situation. I could tell Jim suffered from the same condition. Nevertheless, we continued undauntedly our search for this animal I had once cared about.  For Jim, it was personal. He wanted this kill to avenge his father and to get back at the beast for making a fool of him by disarming him in that attack earlier in the year. He wanted to show it who was in command, he wanted to take back his power and manhood or something like that I guess. No matter the reason, he was determined to get it this time. He had that look upon his face as we crossed through the river and ended up back on the trail leading us to the clearing—the look of one who had been knocked down by life several times and now was about to get his long awaited vindication. Even if I wasn't as determined as he was to kill this beast—I don't think I cared about anything that much at this point—but I wanted him to have that victory in life. If anyone should do it, then I wanted it to be him.

Jim was the first to walk into the clearing with his rifle held high searching around him to make sure nothing was lurking in the bushes ready to ambush us.

"Remember. If it is cornered it will attack like the last time. Then you shoot, you hear me?" he whispered. "This time don't let me down. Now throw out the meat."

I took off my backpack and took out the raw meat. I threw it on the ground and then I backed up so I wasn't too close to it when the jaguar came out. It had been more than three months since I had last seen the beast, and I had no idea if it was there or not. I had no expectation of it even remembering me after this long a time. After all, it was nothing but an animal that lived from day to day, from meal to meal. It had no feelings or thoughts, it didn't worry about tomorrow nor did it have friendships. I couldn't imagine that it would be able to remember me.

It took only a few minutes. It might have been longer - it is hard to remember after all these years - but it felt like only a short wait.  The first thing I spotted were its eyes, those glowing yellow beads that suddenly appeared in the darkness between the trees. Like stars on a black night sky. I gasped as I saw them and immediately lowered my weapon by reflex. My heart started racing and I felt the adrenalin in my blood. Jim was standing next to me still pointing his rifle at the animal as it slowly emerged from the darkness, one smooth movement after the other. It was as if it was sliding towards us or even floating. It was a breathtaking sight. It uttered a low growl as it walked closer to the meat on the ground. Jim was shaking all over, causing his rifle to tremble as well. This was his moment. This was it. The jaguar sniffed the meat and started licking it and I was waiting, expecting, anticipating that Jim would take his shot. But somehow he didn't. I stared at him and realized he was frozen. The jaguar had its eyes fixed on him while sinking its teeth into the raw meat.

My heart was beating even faster now causing me to gasp for breath. I had no idea what to do. Jim seemed to do nothing, so was it up to me to finish it off? Was this even a worthy death for it? Being shot while eating meat we had brought it? Wasn't it kind of cowardly of us? I felt a sudden guilt come over me. I was the one who had tamed it and made it believe that it was safe to eat the meat that I put on the ground. I was the reason why it wasn't suspicious of us being there.

I lifted the rifle with my sweaty hands. I wiped them on my pants one by one to make sure they wouldn't slip when I made the shot. If I was to do it, it had to be a clean shot. I had to kill it immediately. I couldn't bear the thought of it suffering. At the same time, I really wanted Jim to be the one to kill it. It was, after all, his quest to kill the jaguar, his passion. It had never been mine.

Boom! A shot was fired towards the quietly eating jaguar. Jim had pulled the trigger. It hit the jaguar on the left hind leg causing it to roar out loud with a sound that let us know it was hurt but not yet killed. The sound pierced right through my bones. Jim loaded again and fired another shot. But his hands were shaking too much and he missed. Instead he hit a trunk somewhere. The jaguar roared again but didn't try to run away. Why doesn’t it just run away? I thought desperately. The sight of the suffering animal in anguish and pain made me realize that I didn't want it to be killed. I really didn't. I felt a lump in my throat that was growing as Jim fired another shot and struck its back. The jaguar fell to the ground with a huge roar. I couldn't breathe. Jim reloaded and got ready for another shot when the jaguar suddenly was back on its legs. Its eyes were twisted in agony. Before I was even aware of it moving, it leaped into the air towards Jim and knocked him over with a huge snarl. As if in slow motion, I saw it grab onto him with its paws, hold him down with its weight and then sink its teeth into his left leg. I could hear bones being crushed like someone crushing ice between their teeth. Jim screamed in pain while the jaguar effortlessly ripped his leg open causing Jim's blood to color the ground beneath them.