Saturday's Child (9 page)

If we went to the same school maybe we would have something in common and be allowed to be friends and play. But I don't know where Roberta goes to school. I go to a private school, Miss Wetter's at 230 East Lincoln Avenue, and there are only 40 pupils in the whole school and nobody looks like Roberta. I mean not only nobody is a Negro person but also nobody smiles a nice smile at me. At school everybody knows I'm on TV every week so they act like we have nothing in common. Also I'm pretty smart in school and a good reader and have what Mr. Nelson calls “a fast memory,” that helps with learning my lines. But getting all A's in school doesn't help me have more in common with the other kids. They think I am a rotten stuck-up pig (Doris Sheidecker said that) just because I'm on TV, and Carol Maloney once tried to burn my face with the sun through a magnifying (spell?) glass when I wasn't paying attention and was reading in recess. Miss Wetter shouted at her and then Carol hated me more afterward. And Harold always pushes me and once he ripped an organdy because there was a photo shoot in the morning before school and no time to change. Mommie says I should ignore it because they're just jealous. I think Roberta would have a lot more to be jealous of me about if she wanted to because she has only one doll that is a Raggedy Ann
and no organdy dress but she seems to like me. But since we have nothing in common I guess we can't be real friends. Mommie says I should always smile back of course, and be polite and greet all our neighbors (in the building and even next door) when I see them. But that's not being real friends. I will understand all this when I'm old, Mommie says, and besides the world will change and people won't be poor anymore and she never loses faith. I believe her because she's the best Mommie in the world and she is giving her whole life to me. I hope I die before she does because I wouldn't want to live without Mommie.

I'm too tired to write more so I'll tell you more about myself another time.

Your friend
,

with love
,

Robin

Dear Diary
,

This time I really will tell you about myself. Sometimes I write poems. I am 8 years old, but you know that because you were born on my 8th birthday (which means we have the same birthday, January 29) and I have brown eyes and blond hair. When I was young my hair was
very
blond. You can see it in the pictures when I did the baby food ads and the toddler clothes. But last year it began to get dark and become what Mr. Nelson called “dirty blond” even though we wash it every night and Aunt Sally sets it in curls with bobbypins and hairset while I sit on the toilet seat and study my lines. Anyway, Mr. Nelson and even Miss Irwin (she's our show's Producer) were getting worried, and so they had a talk with Aunt Sally about my hair and now we go every three weeks to Charles of the Ritz on 57th Street in the City to keep my hair blond. I sort of like Charles of the Ritz, because it means I miss half an afternoon of school even if I do have to do makeup homework. Charles of the Ritz is named after a great hairdresser who is either dead or anyway never there. It is very expensive Aunt Sally says so I always sit still and don't waste time. I like the shiny white marble floor and the pink silk coat they put on you and the big soft chair you climb into that turns in every direction and walls and walls and even the ceiling of mirrors. You can see millions of yourselves turning in all directions. The rest I hate. Miss Frances is nice to me and says I am a little
princess but then she puts this stuff on my head and it stings awfully and the smell makes me sick in my stomach. Aunt Sally and Miss Frances say to hold my nose and breathe through my mouth but the smell even stings in my throat like it does on my head and it goes on and on because they leave it on your head and go away while you do your homework or study your lines or something. You have to be very very careful not to let it drip down your forehead into your eyes if you bend your head down because you could go blind. So I always hold my head straight ahead of me and lift my homework or the script up high which makes my arms tired. After a while, Miss Frances comes back and then it gets better because we have a shampoo to get the stuff out and then conditioner and a set and then I sit under the dryer like the grown women in their silk coats. And then we do comb out and it all is silky golden curls and Miss Frances and Aunt Sally and Miss Irwin and everybody is happy. Your head stays stinging for two or three days and hot water especially on it hurts when your hair is getting washed even at home but then the sting goes away until the next time you have to go to Charles of the Ritz. I wish I hadn't started to be a dirty blond.

Rosemary Rice who everybody but me calls Rosie plays my older sister Katrin and also has stuff put on her hair to be blonder. She has tiny feet and can play the accordion and is beautiful. But I know she doesn't like me. She won't let me call her Rosie, and she hurt my feelings by nicknaming me Toothless Tess when I lost a tooth. Miss Quinlan (Miss Irwin's friend who is Associate Producer on the credits) whispered to me that Rosemary was jealous. I don't know why
she
should be jealous of me because we're
both
on TV. But she sure loves Mr. Nelson. Once at a cast party in Luchow's restaurant she said right out loud in front of everybody “Ralph, I'm tipsy so I've got bottle courage and I'm asking you to marry me.” And everybody laughed I guess at the idea you could put courage into a bottle and Rosemary laughed too and so did Mr. Nelson but then it got serious because she started crying and slid down onto her knees and said “Ralph it's been two years and we're going nowhere. I'm begging you Ralph. Marry me. Ralph I'm begging you.” Then everybody got quiet and looked away and Mr. Nelson kept clearing his throat and Billy Nalle—he's our musical background director and plays piano and organ and everything—he took me by the hand and said Why don't we go into the restaurant
lobby and check out the menus. I didn't want to because people are always pulling me away when things get interesting but I had to go so I don't know how it ended except Rosemary and Mr. Nelson still come to rehearsals in the morning together but they didn't get married because I think he already is or something. He used to be married to Celeste Holm a famous movie actress, but that was before.

I'm tired.

Dear Diary
,

I apologize because I always mean to tell you about myself but always get tired. Also I'm sorry I was so sleepy I forgot to sign my name last time but you know who writes in you anyway. Today I had rehearsal in the morning and then school and then the lesson with my drama coach in foreign accents. We did French and British today. Tomorrow I have piano after school so I had to do extra practice tonight after homework because I was falling behind. So now I'm too sleepy to write more. I apologize Diary. Oh and I almost forgot. I'm not going to sign what I write in you like I have been, I mean “Your friend, with love, Robin Morgan” anymore. Because way back that is what we decided I should write on the fan pictures I autograph (we are very honest about this and I sign them all myself even if other TV stars use a rubber stamp because Aunt Sally says we have a duty to our fans). But you are not a fan and I don't want to sign this like that. Even if you feel like a real friend and I do love you, those words got used up someplace else. But I don't know what else to sign this with.

Robin

Dear Diary
,

Today is February 4 and Mommie says I should always put in the day but I don't see why because I've been writing in you every day since Mommie gave you to me on our birthday so if anybody reads this because you never know they can always count up.

Mommie did read you last night after I was asleep but I guess you know that. This morning she explained to me that it was a waste of time and your creamy paper to fill you up with drivel she said about things like Roberta and Charles of the Ritz. She said a person should be positive and write happy things in a diary or else if anybody looked at it they would get
the wrong impression and think life was nothing but miserable. My life is not miserable and I know I am very lucky to be a TV star and have hundreds of loyal fans and go to a private school and have organdy dresses and a doll collection and wonderful privileges like music and dancing lessons and the best mother in the whole world and also Aunt Sally to help take care of me. I apologize, Diary, if I gave you the wrong impression. Mommie explained that even if nobody read what I wrote in you when I was old and read you I might get the wrong impression and who wants to remember bad times an old person wants to remember good times. I have never been old yet so I believe Mommie. I certainly would not want to give me the wrong impression.

Robin

Dear Diary
,

This is Friday, February 5 and it was Air Day, which is always special. I don't go to school at all on Fridays (I do full school makeup work at home on Saturdays) not even for a half day like usual because we start rehearsal at ten in the morning in the studio and do a technical run-through and then a lunch break and then a full dress rehearsal and then dinner break and then get our makeup put on and then there's The Show. We don't get out of the studio until
ten o'clock at night!
So I'm going to write in you right now on the train (that's why my writing is bumpy) because when we get home Aunt Sally puts me down right away even if I'm excited because she knows I'm tired and also there's the Saturday makeup schoolwork tomorrow and a new script to learn. And singing lessons, too.

Anyway, today was Air Day, and Miss Wood (she is Peggy Wood who is the Star of our show) and everybody in the cast went around being nervous because it was Air Day and we do our show live and not filmed which means anything could go wrong you never know. But doing our show live is what gives it its magic Miss Irwin says. One time the player piano wouldn't play and Billy Nalle had to fake the music, and
three
times I covered up when grownups forget their lines and everybody said I saved the show. So I wasn't nervous even though I had the biggest part in this episode, which was about Dagmar getting in trouble for being a tomboy until she wins a baseball game for the neighbor kids by hitting a home run. I could have been nervous because I'm not a tomboy and I don't know how
to throw a ball or catch one. All week in rehearsal Mr. Nelson had said he “despaired” of me. “Robbie,” he said, “I despair of you.” I hate it when anybody calls me Robbie. I don't mind Rob so much but I
hate
Robbie. But you can't say that to Mr. Nelson, no matter how polite you say it. I asked Aunt Sally to tell him but she said she didn't dare to either and besides she said everybody else called me something different anyway like Elfin and Sweetie and Princess and Lilliven (that's Dagmar's nickname on the show because it means little one in Norwegian) and between themselves they call me The Baby which Aunt Sally says I should understand because I am the youngest member of the cast and why be fussy? I just REALLY hate The Baby. But anyway Diary I want to be positive and Mr. Nelson is usually nice to me and says I am brilliant and his little Sarah Burnheart (who was the greatest actress who ever lived and died a long time ago). But he despaired of me once before when the script made me ride a bike but I don't know how so I wobbled and rode it right into the scrim that had San Francisco's streets painted across it so it looked like I was crashing into the whole city and they had to change the script even as late as dress rehearsal. Mr. Nelson despaired of me this time too and swore bad words and yelled why can't this godam kid even catch a ball. I kept shutting my eyes tight and sort of ducking down when it came flying at me. I couldn't help it. You never know, it could bust up your face. Aunt Sally talked to me and I really tried to keep my eyes open but then my hands went up in front of my face instead. I don't think it's so silly to duck when somebody throws something at you. It wasn't so silly that time the crazy man threw a rock on the last personal appearance tour. It was good I ducked or Aunt Sally said I could have got a scar or lost an eye or something horrible. They took the crazy man away to an insane place and he was crying and I felt sorry for him but I sure wasn't sorry I ducked.

Roberta next door can throw a ball and catch it perfect every time. I've watched her. After Mr. Nelson despaired of me in rehearsal I thought it would be a good idea if Roberta could teach me how she did it after all it was for my part and she could rehearse me all week on my ball stuff after school just like Aunt Sally or Mommie rehearse me my lines after homework. But Aunt Sally said that was not practical. She and Mr. Nelson and Miss Quinlan all had a conference because nobody wanted to bother Miss Irwin and they solved the whole thing by hiring a double to catch and
throw (that's called a stunt) and they would show that scene in a long-shot. It felt funny to see another little girl wearing one of my costumes with her hair done up like mine, being me, except for in the close-ups. They called her the stunt kid and I never even got to know her name. I don't know how she learned to throw and catch like that but when Aunt Sally told Mommie it was going to happen, the stunt kid I mean, Mommie said to me which would you rather know how to do, throw a ball or be a star, catch a ball or get A's in school, and I told Mommie I'd rather be me and we laughed. I love Mommie because she didn't want me to feel bad so she told me to dry my smile and do a good show and remember that anybody could play ball but only I could be loved by thousands of people who never even met me.

The train is getting close to Mount Vernon so I have to stop. But the show went perfect and thousands of people will love me even more because they won't know about my double. They'll think I am the best child star in the world and also that I can throw and catch good as Babe Ruth. Like Aunt Sally says, it was a triumph.