Satisfaction Guaranteed (17 page)

“I…uh…wanted to talk to you.”

He gave her an icy smile. “About what?”

“I take it you heard?”

“About what? Your date with Robards, you mean? Yes, I heard.” He looked her

over. “If that"s why you"re here, you shouldn"t have bothered. There"s nothing to talk

about. We"re not exclusive. I am well aware of the fact you only want sex from me.”

Pain lanced Sela"s heart. He was right. She was getting exactly what she asked

for. She couldn"t be mad at him, but she was hurt. “Uh, good.”

He walked over to the bar. “Want something to drink?”

“I"m sorry, okay. I shouldn"t have accepted his invite,” she admitted, feeling

bad.

He glanced at her. “You"re a free woman, Sela. You can accept anyone"s invite

you want. Don"t apologize to me.”

She heard the anger in his voice, but more than that she heard the pain and

frustration. Hoping to put out the fire, Sela told him, “We were just catching up,

Rome.”

He tipped the whiskey decanter and allowed the drink to fill the glass. He

looked up from the glass and held her gaze. His eyes glittered with barely held back

80

Tuesday Morrigan

rage. For a moment she was so startled by the anger she saw in his gaze she

wondered who he was. “It"s okay, Sela. I get it. I"m the fuck buddy. He"s the one who

gets to take you out on dates.”

She stared at him in horror. The light never reaching his eyes, he smiled. “It"s

the way of the world. Guys like me don"t get girls like you. We just fuck them.”

“What the hell are you talking about? You"re the one who—”

He slammed his glass so hard against the counter she heard it crack. “You

said, and I quote, „It"s just sex." Shopping and dinner one county over. You"re the one

who said you didn"t want people to see you leaving my suite because there would be

talk, and no one wants your name attached to mine.“ He paused and glared at her.

“No, because that would sully your precious reputation,” he bit out.

She knew then what she feared when he first made it clear that he wanted her

back in his life. This. The fights. The struggles. The discomfort that came when two

strong people were physically and emotionally invested in each other but had yet to

reach that comfortable spot. She knew relationships were hard, but there was

something about fighting with Rome that hurt so much more. They were good at

being each other"s friends. But lovers… Something always held them back. She

knew now what it was. Rome scared her. She was deathly afraid of giving him

everything and it not being enough, that in the end they still wouldn"t be able to

work things out and he would leave her.

“Look, I know it might seem like that, but it"s not that I don"t think you"re good

enough. I just didn"t want to deal with the talk when we go our separate ways,” she

admitted. “I am not ashamed of you.”

He glared at her and strode across the room. “Aren"t you? We"ve been sneaking

around like two people having an extramarital affair.” He paused for a moment, and

though she would have said it was impossible, his eyes hardened further. “What do

you mean when we go our separate ways? Already planning our breakup, are you?

Nice to know you"ve got such faith in me, in us.”

Her head snapped up, and she took an involuntary step backward. Her

stomach hurt, and her chest ached. Sela felt like she had been sucker punched. “It"s

not that I don"t have faith in you or even our relationship. It"s just…” She was

scared, damn it, but she wasn"t about to tell him that. Then she realized what else

he said. She"d never thought of him as some dirty secret. “I am not ashamed of you.”

His eyes shone with barely suppressed pain and anger. “How?” he said with a

brittle laugh. “Because it"s true. White-trash Rome Vicenza, good enough for

friendship, but a relationship? We all know better than that.”

The dam she had been trying to build on her emotions cracked. She marched

across the room. The loud crack of her hand colliding with his cheek shocked her,

but only for a moment. “How dare you say that to me when you"re the one who left

me, and just when I needed you most?”

He looked at her dispassionately. “Left you? You"re lucky that"s all I did when I

found out you got rid of my baby,” he bellowed.

Satisfaction Guaranteed

81

His words hung between them for several seconds as she stared at him, trying

to figure out what he was talking about. She shook her head, feeling like she had

lost control of the conversation. Her stomach danced violently, turning with the

need to throw up. “I didn"t…” she croaked out through shaky lips as she took a step

backward, her arms wrapped around her belly. “I lost your baby. I had a

miscarriage. I would never. Never!”

He looked at her as though he was seeing her for the first time. He took a step

toward her, but she shrank back, fearful of what she would do if he put his hands on

her. She wasn"t in a good place at the moment, and she didn"t want to do anything

she would regret.

Yet remorse swam through her when she saw Rome"s eyes darken as he shut

himself off from her. “I was told that you aborted it. That you never wanted to see

me.”

“You know me better than that!” she yelled, hurt and angry that he believed

she would do such a thing.

He ran a hand through his dark hair. “I went to your house, but no one would

let me see you, and when I finally did manage to sneak in, you turned me away.”

She was under the impression that he chose to ignore her all those weeks she

lay in bed, crying over her loss. When he did show up, she was so angry with him for

not being there to hold her, comfort her when she first found out about the

miscarriage, she turned him away. He hadn"t bothered to come back. That more

than anything hurt her the most. Both her mother and father had told her it was for

the best. But she had known better. Losing Rome"s child broke her heart. Then to

find that she"d lost him too had nearly undone her.

But she hadn"t lost him. Not really. He was taken away, stolen from her. Her

breath shallow, her throat constricted, Sela forced herself to ask the question even

though she wasn"t sure she wanted to know the answer. “Who told you that I…”

Sela found she couldn"t bring herself to say the word.

Abortion
. Sela suspected that from the moment she spotted Rome sitting in the

middle of her sixth-grade science class, she had been destined to be his best friend,

his lover, and the mother of his child. To think he believed she would actually rid

herself of his child made ice settle in her blood, chilling her very soul.

He grimaced and walked across the room. She stood rooted to the floor, unable

to move, even when he reached her. He had to pull her to him and wrap his arms

around her before she accepted the comfort he provided.

“My father told me first. I didn"t believe him. He never approved of our

friendship.” His hands moved down her back in a soft caress. “He liked to remind

me that I was trailer trash and not good enough to be with the daughter of the

town"s most prominent member. I think what angered him the most was the fact

that you are black.”

She stiffened in his arms, but he tightened his grip, not giving her the chance

to walk away from him.

82

Tuesday Morrigan

“He had certain views. I don"t think I ever really bought into them. Maybe

when I was really small, but my mom… She always told me the truth, and she liked

to remind me that some of the smartest, richest families in town were black.”

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, remembering all the times he had

refused to talk about his family, especially his father, and understood now that he

had been ashamed.

He shook his head as though he was trying to dispel unwanted memories.

“Anyways so when he told me that I didn"t believe him. I tried to see you, but your

father always turned me away, and then one night, a few weeks later, my mother

came to me and told me it was true.”

“That"s when you climbed the tree and snuck into my room.”

He gave her a soft smile. “I still can"t believe I worked up the courage to do

that, but I just had to see you. And when you told me you never wanted to see me

again, I just thought, „It wasn"t a lie."”

“You thought I didn"t want to have anything to do with you.”

“Yes. The sad part was I understood why you would want to go through with

the procedure. I had nothing to offer you. I was poor, still in high school, and I

wanted to be a painter. Not a doctor, lawyer, or even businessman.”

“That didn"t matter to me. It still doesn"t.”

She waited for him to say something in response, but nothing came. A little bit

of the hope she hadn"t even realized she was nursing died with his silence. Rome

had truly hurt her with his departure. His actions left both of them with wounds ten

years ago, but it wasn"t until then that she realized the wounds hadn"t healed.

Sela was breaking down inside.

Until then she"d been able to hide her scars from even herself. But now…

And she wasn"t the only one.

Sela knew if she couldn"t get him to forgive himself, if she couldn"t stop him

from leaving her, she would be so broken she doubted she would ever be able to

mend her wounds.

“Neither of us are to blame for what happened. How were we to know our

families were lying to us?”

Silence greeted her statement. And then very softy Rome replied, “I should

have known better.”

She could say nothing to him in response. She understood his sentiment. She

too felt as though she should have trusted him more, known that the man she knew

would never betray her in such a way.

He took a step back and looked down at her solemnly. “Are you okay?”

She gave him her best impression of a strong smile. “I will be.”

He nodded tersely. “Good. I"ll take you home.”

“I could spend the night with you,” she whispered.

Satisfaction Guaranteed

83

He shook his head. “No, if people see you sneak out of my suite in the morning,

they"ll talk.”

“I don"t care.”

His mouth flattened. “I"m not in a good place right now. I don"t think it"s smart

to be around me.”

She blinked at him. He was distancing himself from her. But she couldn"t

understand why. He"d been so damned willing to chase her when he thought she

had aborted his baby. But he was keeping her at arm"s length now that he knew the

truth. It didn"t make sense.

She gripped his shirt as she searched his face. His jaw was clenched, and his

eyes were hard. Worst of all his pulse was high. She had never seen him so angry.

“Please tell me what"s wrong.”

“How can you ask me that after what you just told me?”

She flinched at the iciness of his voice. Gone was the man she knew. Someone

entirely alien stood before her, and she didn"t like him one bit. He took a step back,

and she let him go, releasing his shirt.

“I just need to be alone right now. I need to collect myself. And I don"t think I"ll

be able to do that with you here.”

She turned and headed toward the door. He had already made it painfully

clear he didn"t want her around him. She might be slow, but she was not that

damned stupid. She could take a hint. “Good-bye, Rome.” She turned and looked

over her shoulder, expecting him to be where she had left him, only to find Rome

standing beside her.

Regret briefly shone in his eyes. “I"ll see you tomorrow.”

Sela stood in the doorway for a moment, looking over his face, wondering if she

really was going to see him again.

Probably not.

She didn"t blame him for not wanting to see her. The last few days had been a

roller-coaster ride of needs, revelations, and confessions. They had been moving too

quickly, relying on the fact that they had known each other once a million years ago

to justify their pace. Now, as she stood before him, ready to walk out of his door, she

realized their actions had led them on a collision course with failure. When you

drove quickly and recklessly, you were bound to crash.

“Tomorrow, then.” She heard the anger in her own voice but ignored it. She

stepped into the hall and walked straight to elevator. Sela was immensely proud of

herself that she never once looked back.

Sela blinked when the throaty sound of the late-night radio host came through

her rental"s speakers. Determined to gain back her independence, she had gone to

the nearest center and rented the most economical car. She was very glad she had

made the decision. Now she didn"t have to worry about being out to late with her

mother"s car. She glanced at the dashboard and groaned at the time it said.

84

Tuesday Morrigan

She had been driving around for over an hour.