Sarasota Dreams (51 page)

“I knew she was going to church, but I didn’t know the details.”

“You were awfully young, so you probably didn’t understand what was going on, and we didn’t like to talk about it much.”

“I don’t get why we didn’t all go to church. Wouldn’t it have made things better?”

“I was so angry about Jennifer dying that I refused to go, but your mother went, and she liked it. She said it brought her peace knowing this wasn’t all we had to look forward to.”

Charles remembered when the women in the church surrounded Mom and brought meals on days when she couldn’t get out of bed. He didn’t fully understand what was happening back then, but now it made sense.

“It took losing my job and working for Abe to realize the importance of faith in God,” Pop continued. “And now look at me. I’m dragging you and your mother to the Mennonite church. Who would ever have thought?”

Charles nodded. “I can see the Lord’s hand in this.”

“So can I, Son, and I think we need to remember that if the Lord can turn me around, he can certainly help us deal with the loss of Jennifer. She loved you, and she’d be the first to tell you to enjoy the rest of your life.”

“You’re right, Pop.” Charles knew he still wouldn’t be able to shake the sadness that had come over him during dinner, but he could at least keep reminding himself of what Pop just said.

“Why don’t we go on back inside so the Kauffmans won’t think we took off?”

Charles nodded. “I think I’d like to see the flower garden.”

“Good idea.”

Ruthie heard Charles and his father come back inside the house. She could tell Mrs. Polk heard them, too, because she stopped what she was doing for a second and a look of apprehension came over her. Mother was quick to place her hand on Mrs. Polk’s arm and give her a gentle squeeze, just as she did when Ruthie was worried about something.

“We’ve been through quite a bit since Jennifer died,” Mrs. Polk said softly. “It’s been especially hard on Charles. Just when we think he’s better, something sets him back. The sadness seems to stay with him awhile.”

Mother gave Mrs. Polk a hug. “The sadness may always be with him. Sometimes I can’t help but think about our little Hans and how he found joy in everything—from wiggly worms in the ground to the birds in the sky.”

Mrs. Polk sighed. “I’m sorry you all had to go through that, but it’s nice to know you understand.”

“We do understand. If you ever need someone to talk to and pray with you, I’m always here.”

Tears misted Mrs. Polk’s eyes. Ruthie had to turn away to keep from crying over the pain she saw.

Charles appeared at the door and watched the women for a few minutes before clearing his throat. Ruthie knew he was there, but she couldn’t face him after the way he’d snapped at her.

“Ruthie,” he said as he took a step toward her.

She looked up but didn’t say anything.

“I’d love to see your garden. Would you mind showing it to me now?”

Ruthie glanced over her shoulder toward Mother, who nodded. “Good idea. Why don’t the two of you look at the flowers, and when you come back inside, we can have some dessert?”

A
s soon as they got outside, Charles took Ruthie’s hand. “I’m sorry for what I did to you.”

  “You didn’t do anything.” She still didn’t feel like looking at Charles, so she pointed to a row of marigolds. “My favorite colors are all the different shades of orange and yellow.”

“They’re very pretty, just like you.” Charles turned her around so she couldn’t avoid looking him in the eye. “You’re not only pretty on the outside, you are a beautiful person on the inside. I should have never been so abrupt with you. I’m sorry.”

Ruthie had to fight back the tears as she nodded. She didn’t know why his apology brought this kind of emotion, and she certainly didn’t want him to see her cry.

“So why don’t we try to start over and talk about our next date?”

Now when Ruthie looked him in the eye she saw something different. His eyes were still filled with pain, but she could tell he truly wanted her to forgive him.

“Since we went to the circus last time, why don’t we do something simple?” she said softly.

She loved the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. “I would love that. Got any ideas?”

“Well …” Ruthie thought about the different things she did and realized it might seem boring to him. “You might not think this is fun …” Her voice trailed off as her cheeks heated up.

“You might be surprised. I’m not that hard to please.”

“We can walk on the beach or go on a picnic.”

“I love both of those ideas,” Charles said. “Why don’t we have a picnic on the beach? Nothing like a little sand to add texture to the picnic food.”

Ruthie laughed. “And seasoning.”

“Now that we’ve settled that, tell me about your flowers.” He pointed to the periwinkles. “What are those?”

Ruthie led him along the path as she pointed out the varieties of flowers and told him what she knew about them. “I’m sad that some of the flowers are starting to wilt, but not all of them can take the hot Florida summer sun, like these impatiens.”

“If I tried to grow any of them, they’d wilt, even in the best of conditions,”

Charles admitted. “I don’t exactly have a green thumb with flowers.” He held up his thumb. “But good thing I have a knack for vegetables and fruit. I don’t think Abe would appreciate my killing his crops.”

She couldn’t help but smile as he made a funny face. “Mother is the one who understands flowers. I used to overwater them. She’s teaching me that giving any living thing more than it needs can ruin it.”

“That’s true with everything. Even people and animals.” He touched the tip of his fingers, counting off the different farm duties as he named them.

“Do you see yourself staying in farming?”

He looked out over the yard, paused, and turned to face her, nodding. “There’s always something that needs to be built or fixed, like a barn or piece of farm equipment. I enjoy being busy all day. Makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile.”

“Do you think you’d like to have your own farm someday?”

Charles shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I’m still taking some college classes, but I’m losing interest in school very quickly. Mom and Pop used to push me to go to college, but now they’re backing off.”

“You know Abe went to college,” Ruthie said.

“Yes, he graduated with a degree in business, which was a smart thing to do. From what I hear, he turned his family farm around from barely making ends meet to being a tremendous success.”

Ruthie nodded. “That’s what I hear, too.” She wondered if he had any idea of the fool she’d made of herself when she threw herself at Abe. Ruthie decided to bring it out and get if off her mind. “I used to have a crush on Abe.”

“You did?” Charles gave her a worried look. “What happened?”

Ruthie shrugged. “When I realized he wasn’t interested, the only thing I felt was embarrassment. Since I wasn’t all that brokenhearted, maybe I wasn’t ready for a relationship.”

“Are you ready now?”

“I don’t know.”

He smiled. “You’ll know when it’s time … at least so I’ve heard.”

“Ready to go back inside?” The conversation had gotten uncomfortable, and Ruthie didn’t want to stay on the same track.

When they walked into the house, their parents were already sitting around the table again, enjoying dessert. “Why didn’t anyone let us know?” Charles asked.

“We didn’t want to interrupt you.” Mother hopped up from the table and grabbed a couple of plates. “Would you like coffee, tea, milk, or water?”

Ruthie and Charles joined their parents, who didn’t waste any time resuming their conversation about the Polks’ house. “It was Lori’s dream house when we first bought it,” Mr. Polk said.

Mrs. Polk nodded but looked wistful. “It started out being my dream house, but now that my dreams have changed, it’s not so much anymore. If anything, it’s become a burden.”

“Then why do you hang on to it?” Papa asked.

Ruthie wished Papa wouldn’t be so quick to ask that question. Everything was so simple to him—black and white with no shades of gray. But Ruthie knew most people weren’t like Papa.

Mr. and Mrs. Polk looked at each other before she spoke up. “We’ve discussed it, but the housing market isn’t all that great right now. Besides, where would we go? With my husband out of a job, we probably won’t qualify for a mortgage on another house.”

“Then rent,” Papa said. “That’s what we do, and we’re perfectly happy.”

“My wife … I mean, we never considered renting after we hopped onboard the mortgage train.” Mr. Polk chuckled. “We assumed the market would continue to go up and equity would keep increasing.”

“What does that matter if you feel that your house is a burden?” Papa asked. “The Lord doesn’t want us to feel the burden from things on earth.”

“Good point,” Mr. Polk said. “That’s something Lori and I should probably discuss … among many other things.”

“Yes, think about it, discuss it, and do whatever you feel you need to do,” Papa said. “Just don’t allow your house to create a wedge between you and your faith. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I were in that position.”

Mrs. Polk nodded. “We are having trouble sleeping.” She gave her husband a contemplative glance. “Yes, I agree it’s probably worth discussing. We can’t continue as we have, worried about how we’re going to come up with our mortgage payments to keep the bank from foreclosing. I wish we’d saved more money when Jonathan was working, but we never saw this coming.”

“Even if you had saved money, it doesn’t last forever,” Papa said.

As the parents talked, Ruthie cast an occasional glance at Charles to see his reaction. He seemed to be taking it all in just as she had.

Mr. Polk finished his dessert and stood up. “We need to head home now. Thank you for everything, Esther and Samuel—the food, the conversation … and the advice. You’ve given us quite a bit to think about.”

“We’ll pray for you and that you make the right decision,” Papa said. He turned to Charles. “I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of you.”

Ruthie cringed. Papa’s assumption embarrassed her, but at least she knew Charles wanted to see her again, so it could have been worse.

They’d barely pulled away from the curb when Mom started talking about the evening. “I’ve never seen you so talkative, Jonathan. You’ve always been such a private person—particularly when it comes to finances.”

Pop nodded. “I know. The Kauffmans are easy to talk to though. They don’t seem judgmental.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want what they have.” Mom turned and looked out the window before continuing. “Outwardly they appear to have very little, but when it comes to the important things, they’re richer than anyone I’ve ever known in the past.”

Again, Pop nodded. “I agree.”

“We should probably put the house on the market soon.”

They pulled up to a red light and stopped. Pop turned to Mom. “We don’t need to act on emotion. Let’s think about it for a few days then discuss it.”

“Okay, but I’m pretty sure I’ll say the same thing then.”

Charles looked out his window in the back of the sedan. During the past several months, his family had gone through more changes than they had in all the years before, and his parents still seemed to have a strong marriage. He had to admit that he missed having his own wheels, but he’d adjusted and discovered the joy of eliminating unnecessary junk from his life.

But the house? This was the house he came home to right after he was born, so he didn’t know what it would be like to live any other place. His room had undergone many transformations, but it was still the same room, with the same window overlooking the backyard he used to play in as a kid.

Until recently, Charles couldn’t have imagined his parents even considering moving anywhere, let alone to a rental house. The thought of them joining the Pinecraft community still seemed like a stretch. Those houses were tiny enough to fit at least two, maybe three, of them in their house.

All three of them rode the rest of the way home in silence until they pulled into the driveway. “I have to run to the grocery store,” Mom said. “So why don’t you leave the car out?”