Sara's Soul (14 page)

Sara shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The once-soft sofa now felt hard against her body. She grabbed her glass of wine off of the cocktail table and swallowed a big gulp. She hated that she and Chip had argued in front of his father, not to mention the fact that it felt odd to know their family secret when Dave himself was oblivious.

“I’m grateful to have you too, Dad,” Chip said. “And I’m sorry for raising my voice, Sara. I’m just frustrated. I keep trying to help you, and it sometimes feels like I’m butting my head up against a wall.”

“I know,” she said. “I’m sorry, too.”

“How about I have the cook whip us up some lunch? What would you two like—chicken marsala, filet mignon, roasted duck?” Dave offered.

“Actually, Dad, we were hoping to take you out to lunch,” Chip said.

“Oh. Okay,” he agreed. “Let’s go somewhere good. Not one of those little mom-and-pop diners.”

“Any suggestions?” Sara asked.

“Sangomore’s at the Forest Dunes Golf Club is decent,” Dave replied, licking his lips.

“Okay, Dad,” Chip said. “Sangomore’s it is.”

***

Sangomore’s was a cozy, but slightly upscale, restaurant with a floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace, three-tier candle chandeliers, and a huge wood-trimmed window that overlooked the golf course. The lunch menu was simple: soups, salads, sandwiches, and burgers. Sara felt comfortable there.

The three chatted about everyday stuff and enjoyed their lunch. Sara found Dave to be intelligent, kind, and very driven. He had a determined air about him, and she could tell he was very success-oriented. He talked about his days in finance and his many accomplishments.

“But the two very best things in my entire life were my wife, Celeste, and my son,” he said proudly. “They are what motivated me to succeed. I always wanted to give them the best life possible.”

“And you did, Dad,” Chip said. “But you know we would have had a great life anyway, without all the extras. You know how Mom felt about material possessions. All we ever needed was your love and your time.”

“But I wanted to give you the world,” he said, his expression turning sad. “I wanted to give her the world. But she belonged with him. She even crossed a bridge to be with him in his realm. I couldn’t compete with a love like that.”

Sara shivered. “What do you mean by ‘she crossed a bridge’?” she asked.

“Didn’t Chip tell you about that? How his mother and Connor communicated after his death?”

“No,” Sara said. “All he said was that Connor’s spirit visited him and his mother. What’s this about a bridge?”

“The bridge of illumination,” Chip said. “My mother found a way to cross over temporarily to the other side by using a special technique that allowed her to manifest a bridge. I read about it in her journal this morning. Mom thinks it may help you too, Sara.”

Sara couldn’t believe what she was hearing. A wave of fear ran through her. She was usually a sensible, logical person. But this bridge defied logic. Had Chip’s family all lost touch with reality? Sara was truly lost, and she now knew for certain that no one could save her or alter her course.

A powerful sense of helplessness overcame her, and she felt so alone, despite being in a room full of people and with the man she loved. Death seized its opportunity to claim her once again, throwing its blanket of darkness over her like a trapper snares an animal in a net.

Sara felt like she was going to puke. Her head began to pound like the intense beat of a drum.
Bridge. Bridge. Bridge.
She could her the words in her mind; they pounded in sync with her headache. She became fixated on the word “bridge.” There was something about it that struck a chord with her. A bridge was high up. A bridge was built over water. A bridge was her way out.

Sara saw herself driving off the edge into the water below.
That’s it
.
The perfect way to make my escape.
No one could stop her once her car went over the edge. Then she would finally be free from this messed-up life. Sara’s heart began to pound as she contemplated her next move. Fear coursed through her veins, and the dark, familiar, haunting call of death beckoned her. The noise of voices chattering around her echoed through the room. She felt the pain of fellow diners who had lost loved ones. And then she saw the images of their deaths. One by one, each face in the room had a story to tell. Blood. Hospitals. Car accidents. Gun shots. Stabbings. Cancer. Heart attacks. So much suffering. Sara felt like she was suffocating. Her body began to tremble.

“Sara, are you okay?” Chip asked.

“Excuse me,” she said, rising quickly from her seat. “I think I need some air.”

She bolted for the door.
Please make this stop.
She held her head in her hands and begged once again for the images, the torment, to go away. She ran away from the building onto the golf course. As she got farther from the restaurant, the buzzing and the images dissipated and were replaced with thoughts of Chip. Kind, gentle, loving Chip. The latest developments with the bridge had sent her into a tizzy. She couldn’t seem to escape death, no matter how hard she tried.
A happy ending just isn’t in the cards for me
, she thought sadly.

Sara couldn’t believe she had allowed herself to fall so deeply in love, knowing that the urge to kill herself would never go away. Who was she kidding? Chip couldn’t save her. But still she adored him, depended on him. Deep in her heart, she knew she could never stop loving him. She was powerless, just like she was powerless over death’s clutches. Love was strong, but Sara knew death would win in the end. She had always known that.

“Sara,” Chip called. “What’s wrong? Why did you run away?”

Sara hadn’t noticed that he had followed her outside. She turned toward the restaurant and saw the concerned look on his face. He ran to her and wrapped his arms around her. “My life is a mess,” she said sadly.

“I’m here, Sara,” he said, comforting her. “Please let me help you.”

“Help me how? By showing me a magic bridge where I can hang out with spirits?” she said sharply. “Get serious, Chip. I suppose you believe in unicorns and little green men, too?”

He pulled away from her with a hurt look on his face. Sara knew she had gone too far. He stared at her in silence.

“You’re right, Sara,” he said quietly. “I can’t save you. You have to want to be saved. And you don’t.”

She watched him as he turned around slowly and walked back into the restaurant, his head lowered in defeat. Her heart ached. She had disappointed him. She had hurt him. That’s the last thing Sara ever wanted to do. She couldn’t believe how upset she felt. She was planning to kill herself, so why did it matter if he was angry? This might be the perfect way to make her escape without him interfering. But strangely Sara didn’t want to kill herself right then. All she wanted to do was run into his arms and tell him how sorry she was. She wanted his forgiveness. She couldn’t handle thinking that she had ruined the day—especially after he had taken the time to plan all those wonderful activities.

Her love and compassion took over, stopping death cold in its tracks. Sara hurried back into the restaurant. This wasn’t about her, after all. Today was about spending time with the man she loved and meeting his dad. Today was about giving Chip some last precious moments with his father. Today was about enjoying the surprises Chip had so carefully and excitedly planned for the two of them. Sara had screwed up. She had to make things right between them.

She walked across the restaurant and headed to the table where Chip and Dave still sat finishing their lunches. “There you are,” Dave said. “Chip was worried about you. He was afraid you had another one of your death visions. He told me about them, you know. Are you okay?”

Sara was anything but okay. Her entire body throbbed. Her heart ached like someone was squeezing it tightly in his hand and at any moment, it might burst. Fatigue threatened to bring her to her knees, and the fog in her head was like a thick smoke, slowly suffocating her. “I’m okay,” she lied. “I had multiple visions. There are a lot of people in this restaurant. And they’re grieving so many dead friends and relatives. I can feel their emotions. So much pain and suffering. So many impending deaths. It was horrible. But thankfully all that is gone now. And I believe I owe you both an apology.”

“Not necessary,” Dave said.

Chip sat silently, looking everywhere but at her. She kissed his cheek. “I’m really sorry,” she whispered in his ear.

“I’m not crazy, Sara,” he said. “If you saw what I saw. If you knew what I knew, you would understand.”

“Then teach me,” she said. “Help me to see and experience it.”

Sara knew that anything Chip had to show her would be a welcome distraction.

“Okay then,” he said. “Tonight. At the campground. I will tell you what I know.”

“Okay,” she said, taking her seat beside him again. Chip seemed so certain that what he experienced was real. He deserved a chance to make his case.
This ought to be interesting
, she thought.

“Sorry to break this party up,” Dave said. “But I’m not feeling so good. I think we should head back to the house.”

Sara’s heart fluttered. Chip sat up stiff as a poker. “Maybe I should take you to the hospital?” he said with alarm.

“No, I’m okay. I think it’s just indigestion,” Dave reassured him.

“But what if it’s not? What if it’s your heart? Really, Dad, I think you should see someone,” Chip urged. “Just in case.”

“No, Chip,” he insisted. “If it’s my time to go, it’s my time to go. I’ve had a good life. I’m not afraid to die. Just let me be.”

“Sorry, Dad,” he said. “I don’t mean to be difficult. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“You know by now you could never lose me, son,” Dave reminded him. “I will come back and haunt your ass.”

Chip and Dave laughed together. “Is that a promise?” he asked.

“You bet it is,” he said. “If your mom and her ex-boyfriend can be your guardian angels, then I want to be one, too.”

Dave clutched his chest. “Oh man, I really need to lie down.”

***

The three drove back to Dave’s house in silence. Sara and Chip knew what was coming. Maybe in his own way, Dave did, too. It still didn’t take away the sadness, the fear, of losing someone. No matter how you looked at it, death was still a devastating and painful loss. All the foresight in the world could never prepare you for the emptiness and grief that followed.

Chip could feel that his dad was running out of time. He wanted desperately to stop death in its tracks, but he was powerless. Even if he told Dave about Sara’s vision, he knew his father would still refuse to go to the hospital. He was stubborn like that. And he was also lonely. Chip knew his father hoped to join Celeste in the afterlife one day. She may be with Connor, but Dave still longed to spend time with her. He supposed they would be more like friends or siblings in the afterlife. There would still be love, but more of a friendly kind rather than a romantic joining of hearts. Chip knew Dave would take whatever he could get, just to be near her again.

Chip pulled into his father’s driveway and helped him out of the car. “Do you want us to stay with you?” he offered.

“No, Chip,” he said. “I’ll be fine. Go be with Sara. She needs you more than I do.”

“Are you sure?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life,” Dave said with a smile. “You have to take care of that girl. You’re going to marry her one day. I see the way you look at each other. I just know you’re meant to be together. Kind of like…”

“Mom and Connor?”

“Yeah, like them,” he said quietly, with a hint of sorrow. “Remember that early morning, son?”

“Yes, Dad,” he said. “I will never forget it. I remember how much I could feel Mom’s presence. How much love there was in the air. It was so powerful.”

“I’m going to be with Celeste again one day,” Dave said with a smile. “And I’m gonna tell that wife-stealing angel Connor how lucky he is.”

“He didn’t steal her, Dad,” Chip said, patting his father on the back. “She was his all along.”

“I know that now,” he agreed. “It was just so damn hard to accept before she died. It was hard enough knowing they were still in love with each other, but then losing her to a ghost? That was the hardest part.”

“Well, you handled it pretty well considering.”

“I’m not a saint, Chip,” he said. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but loving her was not one of them. Even with everything that happened, I wouldn’t change anything. She taught me two things I would have never learned: what love is and what death is. And for that I’m thankful.”

“Me, too,” Chip agreed.

“I love you, Chip,” Dave said, as he embraced his son.

“I love you too, Dad.”

“And I’m really proud of you, Chip.”

“I know, Dad.”

“Now go be with Sara,” he said, motioning with his hand.

chapter 13

nature’s tranquility

Chip and Sara arrived back at the campground. It had become busier while they were away. Campers filled the front end of the park. Visitors grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, and the air smelled of campfire and charcoal. Several children played catch, and dogs happily trotted about.

As Chip followed the gravel road to the back of the park, he thought about Sara’s mood swings and intense emotions. He wished he could take away her pain and erase the scars and hurt of the past.

They soon arrived at the privacy of their campsite. Chip led Sara to a wooden park bench, and they sat down. He watched Sara intently as she took in a deep breath of air. Her shoulders seemed to relax a little. He could tell she was looking forward to spending the afternoon with him. And there was no place else he’d rather be. In the short time they had known each other, Chip had fallen head over heels in love with her. He just wished he could get through to her and convince her that his beliefs were not crazy, but in fact the truth. Maybe the more time she spent with him, the more she would realize how much more there was to life than she had ever known. Sara needed that assurance. She needed hope. She also deserved to enjoy herself, and Chip was determined to help her have a good time. He had a wonderful day planned out for them, full of peaceful activities that would help Sara connect to nature and to him.

First, he picked out a nice, quiet spot along the back edge of one of Herrick Recreation Area’s three fishing ponds. He thought Sara might enjoy fishing with him. A few scattered tents stood in the area, but there wasn’t much activity. The two of them were mostly alone, nestled comfortably amid nature’s tranquility. Many tall oak, maple, and fir trees surrounded the pond and offered a screen of privacy. Birds coasted by and musically called overhead, and they could occasionally hear the faint rustle of tiny nearby rabbits and squirrels scurrying about. It was a serene and peaceful setting—the perfect escape for Sara’s troubled mind.

As they began their fishing excursion, Chip was surprised that Sara was actually quite good at it. She easily caught several species of fish, including largemouth bass, yellow perch, northern pike, and rainbow trout. Somehow she could sense where the fish would be before she cast her fly, and she caught way more fish than Chip did. He enjoyed watching her face light up every time she felt a pull on her rod. There was definitely a big change in Sara as she immersed herself in the beauty of her natural surroundings. It was as if a quiet veil of peace and stillness had fallen over her, protecting her from the darkness that so often invaded her soul. Chip was certain he was seeing the real Sara, a gentle, kindhearted woman with a great capacity for love and a quiet strength that could easily transform the world around her.

A child’s laugh brought their attention away from the pond and the fish that Sara had just reeled in. She smiled affectionately as a small boy and his father approached them. “Fishy,” the boy said, pointing excitedly. Then he bolted away from his dad and dove right into Sara’s arms. He reached out and gently pet the fish.

“I’m sorry,” the father said, embarrassed, trying to lift the child off of Sara. “He’s usually not like this. He’s very shy and cautious around strangers. I really don’t know what got into him.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s fine,” Sara said calmly. She patted the child on the top of his floppy brown hair. “What’s your name?”

“Boone. Did you catch that fish all by yourself?”

“Well, hello, Boone,” she said sweetly. “Yes, I did. Pretty cool, huh? This is my boyfriend, Chip. And my name is Sara.”

“I know,” he said. “I saw you last night. In my dream. You save people.”

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “You must be mistaken. I don’t save people. But you’re too cute.”

“You saved my daddy.” His big brown eyes looked at her admiringly, and he seemed very confident that Sara had saved his father. Chip found it rather unusual but quite entertaining.

“No, Boone. I don’t even know your daddy,” Sara insisted. “I’m quite sure you must have dreamed about someone else.”

“Nope,” he insisted, shaking his head. “It was you. I saw you. I know I did.”

“He likes superheroes,” his father explained with a chuckle. “Must think you’re Wonder Woman or Supergirl or something. I’m Max, by the way.”

Max warmly extended his hand, and both Sara and Chip shook it. Max appeared to be in his midthirties, with the same floppy brown hair as his son. It was slightly long in the back, and the man wore a Detroit Tigers baseball cap, faded Levi jeans, and a navy-blue T-shirt. He was friendly, but much more serious than his playful, curious son.

“Why do you want to die?” Boone asked sadly, looking right at Sara.

“Boone. That’s enough. Why would you say something like that?” Max scolded.

Chip glanced at Sara as she uncomfortably shifted her weight from foot to foot. Her face was pale and expressionless. Chip was certain this little boy must have some psychic ability. How else would he know that Sara was suicidal?

“Sorry, Daddy,” Boone said.

“It’s okay, son,” Max said, patting his son’s shoulder. “But we don’t says things like that to people, okay?”

“Okay.”

Sara was still quiet. She seemed stunned by the little boy’s words.

“Well, we better go now,” said Max. “It was nice meeting you two. Enjoy yourselves.”

“Thanks. You too,” Chip answered for both of them. He put his arm around Sara, and she managed a weak smile.

“Bye, Sara. I like well-woh ribbons,” Boone announced. He leaned over and gave her a big hug. He then skipped off and waved as he followed his father.

Yellow ribbons?
Chip thought.
Where did that come from?
He pondered the ribbon Connor had placed in his hand and was more certain than ever that it meant he had to save Sara from an untimely demise. At least she was safe here with him. Being in nature was good for her body, mind, and soul.

“He was cute,” Chip said. He took Sara’s hand in his and admired the large supply of fish his girlfriend had caught.

“Yes,” Sara agreed, her face brightening slightly.

“He seemed very intelligent and insightful,” Chip added. “That was odd about the yellow ribbons, too.”

“Yes, it was,” said Sara, looking uneasy.

“So are you ready to pack up our fishing gear? I think I’d like to take a walk with you.”

“Okay,” Sara said. She still seemed bothered, but Chip didn’t want to further upset her by asking too many questions. He decided it was best to just go about their day for now. Later, when Sara felt more comfortable, he could bring up the subject.

They gathered their supplies and then headed back to Chip’s car at their campsite. Once the gear was loaded into the back of Chip’s blue Ford F-150, he took Sara’s hand, and they headed for the trails.

Their walk was a refreshing mix of contradictions—energizing yet calming, quiet yet full of life. Minutes turned into hours, and Chip couldn’t believe how quickly time passed while relishing Sara’s company.

They shared stories of childhood and young ambitions. Little by little, Sara began to let down her guard again and open up to him. She seemed really interested in hearing all about his paranormal experiences. Chip told Sara more about his early visits with his guardian angel, Connor. She looked especially mesmerized as Chip described his trips to Heaven in his dreams. He spoke of a world with unimaginable beauty, vivid colors, and universal love. He reluctantly admitted that Connor had been the one to teach him how to fish, hoping to persuade Sara of the truth of an afterlife. But instead of looking intrigued, Sara scrunched up her face in puzzlement.

“That’s odd,” she said. “How can a dead person teach you to fish? You must have seen how to do it on television or something.”

“Nope,” Chip insisted. “Connor was right there in my dream, providing lots of instruction. It felt so real. Even my mom was shocked when she saw how well I could fish afterward. Connor is an excellent teacher. He’s always taught me well.”

“If you say so,” said Sara with a shrug.

“I know you don’t believe this, Sara,” he said. “But it’s the truth. The dead aren’t really dead at all, and they have a lot to teach us.”

Sara’s calm demeanor vanished. Her face turned red, and she stomped her foot like a disappointed child. “Then why hasn’t my mother taught me anything?” she snapped. “She described a world just like the one you speak of. She told me she could communicate with spirits—and yet she’s done nothing to teach me how to do it or convince me of an afterlife.”

“She’s done more than you know,” Chip protested. “You’re just too stubborn and angry to see it. Open your eyes, Sara. Or better yet, open your heart. It’s all there right in front of you.”

“I’m not angry,” Sara protested.

“You can’t fool me, Sara,” he said. “I’m a therapist, remember? You’re angry your mother left you. You’re angry about the disturbing visions. I get that. What I don’t understand is why you want to kill yourself. You’re smart, beautiful, and kind. And now you have me. You could turn your life around if you only gave yourself a chance.”

“I never said I wanted to kill myself.”

“You didn’t have to,” he said. “It’s written all over your face. I can see your pain. I can see your fear. I can see your struggles. It’s so obvious that even that little boy could see it. It doesn’t have to be this way, Sara. Dammit, let me help you.”

Sara looked away, shifting her gaze to the trees that surrounded their path. “You do help me,” she said softly, stopping to face him. She seemed much calmer and more composed now. She gently brushed her hand against his cheek and looked deep into his eyes. Chip felt a wave of love and compassion come over him.

“When I’m with you, I feel safe,” she continued. “I even allow myself to believe that maybe I have a chance at a better life, a happier life.”

“You do, Sara.”

He stroked her hair and leaned in to kiss her. Sara melted in his arms. For a moment, time stood still. All that mattered was the present. They continued to kiss until Sara pulled away from him.

Her face turned serious and solemn again. Chip hated when she looked like that. She took a deep breath and sighed.

“It’s so frustrating,” she said. “Just when everything seems okay, death sinks its claws into me again. It pulls me with an overwhelming force that’s impossible to resist. The pain I feel is so excruciating… so unbearable… that nothing and no one can seem to penetrate it. I can’t live with that, Chip.”

“Then don’t,” he said. “Let it go. You’re stronger than it is.”

“Nothing is stronger than death,” insisted Sara.

“Love is,” he replied.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He wasn’t about to let her go. “I love you, Sara. The only question you have to ask yourself is how much do you love me? Are you willing to risk everything to escape your pain? Do you want to give up your chance at happiness and love? Is killing yourself worth that?”

“I can’t love you the way you want me to, Chip,” she admitted. “That would mean surrendering myself to the unknown.”

“And killing yourself isn’t?”

“What’s so unknown about death? When you’re dead, you’re gone. All of the pain dies along with you. It’s over. No more suffering. No more anything.”

“Well, if you believe that, Sara, then that would mean our love would die, too.”

“No, that’s different,” she said. “Love doesn’t just die. You can’t make that go away. Even after someone is gone. It doesn’t just vanish into thin air.”

“Then love is eternal?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, not
eternal
. Nothing’s eternal. Love is just always there, whether the person is or not.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, Sara,” he said. “If love is always there and never dies, then it is indeed eternal. And if love is eternal, then why not us? Why not life?”

“Stop it. You’re confusing me.”

“Sorry, I’m not trying to confuse you,” Chip apologized. “Just trying to get you to see the bigger picture.”

“But what if there is no bigger picture?” Sara asked. “What if this life is all there is?”

“All the more reason to make the most of it and live life to the fullest,” he answered. “We’re here to have fun, remember? Just you and me. Let’s focus on the here and now for a while. C’mon. Let’s walk some more.”

They continued to trek through the trails, enjoying the coolness of the shade from the large oak and pine trees and the magical flickering of the sun’s late-day rays filtering through the leaves. Sara was very quiet now, and Chip knew he had gotten her thinking. Maybe a small part of what he had said was finally getting through to her. Tonight he would continue the lessons. He would teach her all about the bridge of illumination, the gateway to the afterlife. Once Sara was able to cross that bridge and see the beauty of the world beyond for herself, she would know without a doubt that the afterlife existed.

Chip felt a rumble in his stomach. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Starving.”

“Let’s go back to the campsite and cook up some fish. The sun will be setting soon, and I want to be sitting on the beach with you when it does.”