Sarah's Duke: and Ellie's Gentleman (The heir and the spare, book 1) (21 page)

Every other young, unmarried lady Robert had met was vain, timid and often brainless. To meet a woman who was beautiful, loving and as honest as she was, was beyond rare and wonderful. Could he offer for her? Did he dare? Did he even want to get married again? To a woman who would expect a family of her own.

Simultaneous feelings of pleasure and fear assailed Robert at that thought. He had made it back to the study now and sat down into the large chair with a thump.

To give Ellie children would be a pleasure he never believed he’d have again. To watch her grow large with their child was enough to bring another tear to his eye. But the possibility of losing her, that would kill him. If she had weaselled herself into his heart this deeply in three days, he could only imagine what another couple of years would do. He wouldn’t survive losing another wife, especially one he loved.

Robert picked up his book again with a heavy heart. The risk wasn’t worth it.

A single laugh sounded once more and his head shot up.

He sighed and let his head drop back against the head rest. He had a lot of thinking to do.

Five

After a stilted dinner, Ellie made her way back to the evening sitting room. Smoothing her skirt down with hands that were shaking was hard. Never one to entertain the notion of ‘nerves’, Ellie had not realised they could affect a person so much.

She lifted her hand and pushed open the door, hoping - nay praying - the housekeeper had done what she had asked for.

The warmth of the room touched her skin as she stepped into it, the roaring fire giving off much needed heat.

By the fire, Robert stood tall, his shoulders broad and proud. Ellie’s breath hitched, how did one single man make her feel like this?

She walked over to him slowly. She was very quiet, yet he turned as though he knew she was coming. His face showed no surprise, he just nodded politely.

“Good evening young lady.”

Her mouth kicked up into a smile when she curtseyed. Robert called her young lady to distant himself and to remind her of their age gap. It wasn’t very effective. She loved that he had a personal nick name for her.

“Good evening Sir. How was the rest of your day?”

“Well thank you.”

Ellie looked up and saw the mistletoe, flushing with pleasure. He was going to kiss her; she needed him to kiss her. On the cheek, on the forehead, she honestly didn’t mind. Some sort of affection, a sign that he felt something for her.

“I love mistletoe Robert, don’t you?”

She looked back at his startled face. Looking up, he groaned a very un-gentlemanly noise. He backed away, shaking his head.

“Ellie, please don’t.”

Ellie’s disappointment was so keen she brought a hand to her belly to stifle the pain.

“But it’s Christmas.”

She looked at him and he turned away, his hands, clenched fists behind his back.

Ellie groaned in a very un-ladylike way and walked to the opposite side of the room. Why was he fighting her so much?

Her father walked in at that exact moment.

“Good evening. Goodness Ellie, what is wrong?”

Her father frowned; looking from her to Robert’s turned back, then returning to her. His eyebrows were raised and he looked suspicious. She needed to diffuse the situation, though she didn’t want to miss out on Robert’s kiss either.

Ellie sighed and wiped the true frown off her face. She smiled sadly whilst trying to ignore the knot of fear in her belly.

“I stood beneath the mistletoe and asked Robert to kiss me for Christmas, and he wouldn’t.”

Her father frowned even more.

“That is not very lady-like Eleanor. Robert is a guest in our home and my personal friend.”

She pouted, like a true little girl and focused on her father. She didn’t want him knowing just how much she wanted a true kiss.

“I realise that papa, but I have never been kissed, ever. I am twenty years old and I thought for just Christmas I could.”

She dropped her head, embarrassed when true tears sprang to her eyes. Saying the words aloud made it so much more real. She wasn’t a young girl anymore. She had never cared that other men had not tried to kiss her, or court her properly. She had never cared for any of them. It hadn’t mattered, not then.

“Robert, you really shouldn’t have said no. It’s only a harmless Christmas tradition.”

Ellie looked up and saw her father staring at Robert’s back. His hands relaxed out of their fists and he turned, his face unreadable. When he began walking towards her Ellie couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t be, could he? She wasn’t even standing under the mistletoe anymore.

Robert sighed and reached for her hand. Their warm skin touched and her hand tingled, the feeling almost burning her. He guided her back to her original place in front of the fire, under the mistletoe.

An unshed tear slid down her cheek when she looked up into his face. He was so handsome, so considerate. She didn’t know how she would ever find another man who she wanted as much as she wanted him. He reached up and wiped the tear away with the pad of his thumb. The caress tender, loving somehow.

“Don’t cry Ellie.”

He cupped her face in his hands and stepped into her father’s line of sight. Ellie looked down, waiting for the lips that would soon caress her forehead.

“This is just for Christmas.”

Ellie heard the gruff words and waited for him to lean forward. Instead he applied gentle pressure and she brought her head up. She looked into his blue-grey eyes, puzzled. His words made sense, but his eyes didn’t seem in accord. They were burning with an emotion she had never seen before.

Robert’s eyes flicked over her face for a moment then he dropped his head and pressed his lips against hers. Shocked, Ellie froze for a moment. His lips were soft but their pressure constant as he held her still and kissed her. Ellie’s head swam as pleasure filtered through her whole body. This was exactly what a kiss should feel like, her eyes slid closed.

Robert stepped back, abruptly parting their lips and leaving her tingling.  Her eyes sprang open. He was looking at her they way her father looked at a good meal. It made her heat in an uncomfortable way.

Then she remembered that her father was still in the room. She turned and located him, sitting on his chair in front of the fire.

“Better Ellie?”

She nodded, still dazed and walked towards her father. Her lips felt swollen, tingly. She wanted to reach up and touch them, but didn’t dare.

“Yes father, thank you.”

Her father looked up at his friend and a strange look passed between them. Robert flushed and walked away to gather the whiskey decanter.
What was going on?

“I think it is time for bed Ellie.” Her father’s tone stopped her when she moved to sit down. Looking up, she watched him take the glass of whiskey from Robert and he nodded in the direction of the door.

Afraid for Robert, she looked up to see him frowning. Then he too smiled and tilted his head towards the door.

Confused and still worried for Robert, she curtseyed to them both, then moved over to kiss her father on top of the head.

Her lips touched her father’s balding crown and she looked up into Robert’s eyes. He smiled, more fully this time and she turned to walk away.

Ellie felt a sinking feeling of guilt. She may have pushed a little too hard for her Christmas kiss.

Robert closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His heart was still pounding from his kiss with Ellie. He hadn’t planned to kiss her on the lips, hadn’t planned to touch her at all.

But he had, and he had to face up to the consequences of his actions. From the feeling he was getting from her father, he may have played his cards wrong.

“Is everything all right, William?”

He sat in the chair opposite his old friend and took a sip of whiskey. Not an easy task considering that his hands were still shaking from that one tender kiss. She tasted like everything a young lady should. Innocence, hope, love. She also had the softest and most responsive lips he’d ever had the fortune to taste. His imagination was already running wild and he needed to stop it.

“I believe Ellie is in love with you.”

Robert’s jaw dropped open. Talk about getting straight to the point! His old friend stared into the fire, his eyes glazed over and unseeing.

How was he going to tackle this? He knew Ellie had feelings for him, she had all but told him that she did. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to reveal all just yet.

“I don’t think so William, we haven’t spent enough time together for that.”

William turned his head, his eyes refocusing in a moment.

“She is young and impressionable Robert, I don’t want her hurt.”

Robert looked down at his whiskey, heat flushing his cheeks. He had been chastised like a school boy and he had deserved it. Playing down her feeling had not been well done of him. At her age most ladies were married with at least one child. She was a woman and knew her own mind.

However, he didn’t want to see Ellie hurt either. He wanted to take care of her, nurture the spirit that would surely be destroyed by so many others. But was marrying her even a possibility?

William cleared his throat meaningfully.

“Unless, you feel the same for her?”

Robert swallowed and looked up into his friend’s green eyes. Those eyes that were a mirror image of Ellie’s, proclaiming their connection. Robert’s chest tightened further and he waited, not wanting to answer the question. He swirled the whiskey in his glass, listening to the noises in the room. The crackling fire, the swishing of the drink.

William just waited some more and Robert knew he wasn’t getting out of this without committing one way or the other. He couldn’t get out of it, and did he really want to? If he offered for Ellie then he would have to speak to William about it at some stage, it may as well be now.

“I don’t know how I feel, William.”

His old friend frowned.

“Of course you do. A gentleman always knows his own mind and you have always known exactly what you wanted Robert. Even at University you had plans for the rest of your life.”

Robert smiled at the whimsy he saw on William’s face.

“I did and look what that got me. A bitter marriage followed by being a childless widower at seven and thirty. I don’t know if I have the strength to do it all again, William.”

His friend took a long drink of whiskey and lay it down.

“That is disappointing Robert, because that was one of the reasons I asked you to visit for Christmas.”

Robert sat up straighter in his chair. Did William just say that he had
hoped
for Robert to show interest in Ellie?
Surely not.

“William, did you just say that you wanted Ellie to attract my attention?”

His old friend looked his straight in the eye.

“Robert, she is the most important thing to me in this world and I know that the husband she chooses will determine her future happiness. I want a gentleman who will love her and I had thought you still had enough courage to look at the future with hope. Was I wrong?”

Robert fell back against his chair, shocked. He had thought that William would be shocked, disgusted even by the prospect of marrying his daughter off to an old friend. How wrong could he be?

William cocked his head again and repeated his question.

“My question has not changed Robert. Do you feel the same for her?”

Robert swallowed. Fear clenching in his belly as his future changed course, light momentarily blinding him.

“I…” Robert cleared his throat loudly. He sat up; it was time to live in the present, not in the past. It was also time for courage.

“I do feel the same as I hope she does.”

William met his gaze, steady and sure. A smile flickering in his green eyes.

“That’s better. I thought as much. So, the reason you have not offered for her is your fear of an unhealthy marriage?”

Robert shrugged, his friend repeating his fear made it seem small, pathetic even. His heart was beating faster than it had on any horse ride. He shifted in his chair and moved forward.

“I am also twice her age, a little more.”

William smiled.

“My father was almost forty years older than my mother. It has nothing to do with the success or happiness within a marriage. If you will do the right thing by her then I will give you my consent.”

Robert looked down, pain tightening his chest.

“There is one more thing. I couldn’t... If I lost her as I did Mary...”

William reached forward and squeezed his hand. Robert looked up and saw pure understanding in his friends eyes.

“I know how you are feeling my friend, but that is not a way to live. If I found someone I could be comfortable with, I would remarry despite the pain of losing Ellie’s mother.”

Robert released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

Was he really going to do this? Yes, he was. He was now walking the path of his choice, there would be no going back.

“I can look after her William. I want to.”

His friend sat up straighter and his eyes narrowed. “I know you can. Tell me why you want her.”

Robert took another sip of his whiskey, hoping for some of the famous Scottish courage. When it didn’t come he set his glass down on the table, he needed to call on his old strength for this.

He needed to stop thinking for a moment and just feel. How did he actually feel about Ellie?

“She is beautiful William, in all ways. She is funny and smart, loving and tender.”

William’s eyebrows raised in surprise and even Robert smiled at his suddenly easy way of talking.

“Then why is she tricking you into Christmas kisses when you feel this way?”

Robert took another sip of the whiskey, the warmth spreading along his legs. He needed to be honest. With Ellie, with William and most of all with himself.

“I never thought to marry again William and I told Ellie that. I honestly did not think I would find someone I wanted to spend time with as I do her. It has taken me completely by surprise.”