Sarah's Duke: and Ellie's Gentleman (The heir and the spare, book 1) (12 page)

****

Sarah had had enough. She had been spoken down to, criticized and glared at every day for almost a month and she was at breaking point. She loved her husband, but she couldn’t keep living as she was. It wasn’t good for her, and it wasn’t healthy for the baby she suspected she was growing since she hadn’t had her monthly flux in the eight weeks since her wedding.

Sarah knew she needed to approach her husband and give him one more chance to be the man she knew he could be.

She walked the lonely halls of her husband’s main estate and found Oliver hiding in his study, where he normally remained during the day.

“Oliver, I don’t think I can stay in this house with your mother any longer.”

The words came out in a rush of mumble. It had taken all day for Sarah to find the courage to say those words to her husband and now that she had, she wondered why she hadn’t said them a month before.

“It’s her home. I can’t ask her to leave.” Oliver looked up at her and his mouth pulled down on both sides as he responded from behind his desk.

“And,
that
woman...” Sarah began, unsure how she should describe her husband’s sister-in-law. “She looks at me as though I were a rodent who had the audacity to find its way into her room.” Sarah shook her head to herself, pretty sure that the definition was correct.

“Honoria’s not that bad Sarah. Really, you’re exaggerating.”

“Why is she still living here?” Sarah placed her hands on hips and stared at her husband, unable to hide her feelings of confusion and anger any longer.

“Because I promised her that she would always have a place to live within our family. I didn’t have much choice. My brother didn’t leave her enough money so that she could rent her own home. She would have to return to her mother. And she’s good company for my mother.”

“But
I’m
your wife,” Sarah argued.
She
was suppose to be the one his mother wanted to keep her company.

“Of course you are.”

“Then why do they both hate me so much? I knew they’d never be happy that you had married so far beneath your own station, but I never thought they would be so horrible to me.” Sarah allowed every ounce of hurt to show in her face and voice, hoping to reach Oliver.

She watched, horrified as he shrunk further into his shell of denial.

“Oh, stop it, Sarah, you’re exaggerating and it really is unbecoming, especially in a Duchess.”

“I’m not exaggerating. They don’t think I’m good enough for you,” Sarah argued again.

Oliver remained silent.

“Oliver!” Sarah yelled, calling his name for the third time. Had she really lost him?

“Mmm?”

“Tell me the truth. Do you think I’m good enough to be your wife?” she demanded now, taking refuge in anger as well.

“Of course you are, you are the only one I’ve ever wanted.” The tone of sadness just about broke her heart.

“Then why can’t you see that your mother and your brother’s wife are totally disrespectful towards me?”

Oliver laughed and she stared at him. How could he find her pain amusing?

“Please answer me, Oliver.”

“What can I say Sarah? Nothing I am telling you is making you feel better. Tell me what you want me to say?”

“Tell me why they don’t like me.” Sarah all but begged. She needed an answer to her question, but she was also desperate to reach Oliver on a level that wasn’t just physical.

Oliver sighed, the sound long and tired.

“Because my mother was raised to believe only people who were born with titles have any value, and my sister-in-law not only feels the same way, but she’s also jealous that I chose you over her.”

“What? She wanted you to marry her?”

That was just ludicrous!

“It’s not that uncommon. She was raised to be the Duchess of Lincoln. She has been betrothed to my brother from birth.”

Sarah inhaled sharply, fear suffocating her. “Did you want to marry her?”

“Of course not. If I had, the wedding would have taken place the week we were out of mourning.” Oliver sounded angry that she had even asked.

“Oh, good,” Sarah exhaled, unable to keep her relief from showing.

“Not that she wouldn’t have been a perfect Duchess, but the idea of sharing a bed with her, in the same bed that my brother had... No.”

Sarah didn’t hear anything except that Oliver thought that his sister-in-law would be a better Duchess than her.

“So you believe it too!” She exploded, her heart hammering in her chest as every muscle in her body grew taut. “You don’t think I’m good enough to be your Duchess.”

Oliver sighed again and opened his mouth to answer her. Nothing came out.

Pain similar to a knife sliding between her ribs hit her. She cried out and fled, running all the way back to her bedroom. The room reserved for the Duchess of Lincoln she reminded herself bitterly, and cried until she could barely draw breath. Her maid rushed in after she had cried herself hoarse.

“You must stop, yer Grace, it is not good fer the baby.”

Her maid, Sophie, applied a cool cloth to her face and Sarah choked on a fresh wave of tears.

“How did you...” Sarah started to ask before realizing who washed her underclothes every day.

“Please don’t say anything to anyone, I haven’t told my husband yet,” Sarah begged her, her mother-in-law’s voice taunting her in the back of her head. ‘
A Duchess does not ask, she commands.
’

“Of course not, yer Grace. It is sometimes good to wait to make sure it is safe.”

Sarah pressed an anxious hand to her abdomen. She could not lose her baby. It was the one thing she had been able to do that her horrible sister-in-law hadn’t. Provide the dukedom with an heir.

“I think I need to sleep. Will you inform the cook and the Dowager Duchess that I won’t be able to come down for dinner?” Sarah lay back down and closed her eyes, wishing herself far away.

“Of course, yer Grace. Could I perhaps draw you a bath before you retire?” Sophie’s concern colored her voice.

Usually this would have soothed Sarah, knowing there was one person in her life that cared how she felt, but she was too miserable to care today.

“No thank you, I just need to lie down.” She was so emotionally exhausted that she fell straight into a dreamless sleep.

****

“Not even two months she’s been here and already she’s started thinking of herself as being too important to meet with us for dinner.”

Oliver heard his mother from his end of the table, and for the first time in his life wished that the enormous table was even longer.

“Did you hear her directing the housekeeper to change the menus that I had already ordered for the week?” Honoria asked the dowager, disgust obvious in her voice.

“Have you heard the way she speaks to the servants? She treats them as though they were her equal!” The dowager demanded back.

They both laughed.

“That is because they are.” His sister-in-law laughed again, and Oliver reached for the whisky decanter.

Dinner continued in this vein. Oliver drowned himself in a bottle of his best whisky and his closest relations spent the evening saying horrible things about his new wife. He was so cup shot by dessert he had to have a footman help him to bed, where he slept off his intoxication alone.

Eight

For the first time since they had married, Oliver didn’t join her in her bed that night. Sarah stayed awake most of the night listening, hoping to hear some movement in the room next door. She was completely alone now and it was her own fault. She had destroyed the one good thing they had together by speaking her fears aloud, and now her husband wouldn’t come to her bed. Around dawn Sarah fell asleep, only to reawaken when her maid came in to inform her that lunch would be served soon.

Sarah gasped and sat bolt up right. How could she have missed breakfast? She twisted and placed her feet on the floor, jumping out of bed obviously too quickly. She swooned and would have fainted dead away to the floor if her quick thinking maid hadn’t pushed her in the direction of the bed.

She landed with a thump on the soft mattress, black spots still swimming in her eyes. They slowly receded and she took long, deep breaths.

“There now, yer Grace. Do not you be getting up so quickly. The last thing you need is a fall.”

Sarah lay a hand to her spinning head and swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. The dizziness she usually felt had been multiplied this morning, and she was feeling very sick in the stomach too.

“Thank you Sophie. I am feeling quite sick. Do you think I could have some toast and tea in my room?” Sarah winced at the tone she was using to talk to her servant. Her mother-in-law would be disgusted.

Well, her mother-in-law could go fall in the lake for all she cared. Sarah had a new priority, her baby. If her husband was annoyed with her then she wouldn’t fight him. The thought made Sarah’s stomach clench painfully, reminding her that she wasn’t being truthful.

She wasn’t willing to give up on her husband, but until her pregnancy was better established she would have to protect herself. That would mean not allowing her in-laws to cause her distress, and not upsetting herself over Oliver’s withdrawal from her.

Sophie brought in her tray of toast and tea, and Sarah sat up in her bed and nibbled on her very late breakfast. Drinking slowly and eating slower, she waited for her body to respond to the food. When she wasn’t rushing to the chamber pot to be sick she had another nap.

The next time she awoke, Sarah felt more relaxed than she had in a month. The weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders as she saw her life for what was important. She was pregnant. She had to get outside, get some fresh air, and avoid her mother-in-law and sister-in-law at all costs.

Dressing in one of her old walking dresses, Sarah slipped out the servant’s entrance with help from Sophie and the housekeeper, and made her way to the stables. Walking slowly and enjoying the gentle breeze, she didn’t see her husband until she almost walked into him.

“Oh, Oliver, I’m sorry,” Sarah stepped back from where her husband was talking to his horse. It looked like he had just got back from a ride. He was sweating and his hair was windswept and unkempt. He looked so delicious Sarah’s body heated and her nipples peaked beneath her dress.

“Sarah,” Oliver greeted her with a bow. “Are you all right? You look pale.”

Sarah smiled, happy that at least he still noticed what she looked like, even if it wasn’t very complimentary.

“I think I stayed indoors for too long, I decided to go for a walk around the lake.”

Sarah gathered her courage and managed to smile invitingly at her husband. “Would you care to join me?”

Oliver hesitated. “I would love to, but I really need to be getting back to the house for a bath. Perhaps tomorrow?”

Sarah nodded and glanced away, ignoring the sadness that threatened to overwhelm her.

Oliver headed back to the house and Sarah continued on her journey. She meandered around the beautiful lake that was one of the many places Oliver had shown her in the first days they were here together. She blushed when she passed a secluded grassy patch where he had made love to her. Pressing a hand to her belly, she wondered when they had conceived this child. Perhaps it had been that day? Perhaps it had even been their wedding night? Either way, this child had been conceived in love and she would fight to keep it safe.

Sarah lost track of time, returning to the house when the sun was setting and the family was assembling for dinner.

“What time do you call this?” The Dowager boomed from the sitting room where they were taking pre-dinner drinks.

Sarah went to drop into an automatic curtsy but stopped herself. She was now of the same rank as her mother-in-law, she needn’t curtsy to anyone ever again. Straightening her spine she looked into the older woman’s cold, grey eyes.

“I lost track of time, I’m afraid.”

“Well, you’ll never be ready in time for dinner and you are not wearing that peasant dress in my dining room.”

Sarah smiled and inclined her head. It wasn’t her mother-in-law’s dining room.

Without a backwards glance at her husband who was standing next to his mother with his mouth hanging open, she walked up the grand staircase and along to her room. She saw one footman trying to suppress a smile as she walked past him and found herself giggling. What a relief it was to be able to ignore them now. Sarah was sorry she would not be eating with Oliver, but it had to be done. She would not subject herself to the stress of that dining room again.

***

Oliver could not believe what had happened. He had been waiting anxiously for his wife to arrive, fearing the explosion from his mother that was surely to come because of Sarah’s tardiness. Instead, Sarah had refused to curtsy to his mother, a first for her, of which Oliver was intensely proud , but then she had left him to have dinner alone. Well, not alone exactly, but without her, he may as well be.