Sara Lost and Found (12 page)

While Ben talks with the policeman, I talk to Anna. “You okay?” I look up into her face. The fear-twin thing passes between us and I put my arm around her. Daddy's words still ring in my ears, but they feel more like a warning than a comfort.

“Being an Olson isn't easy,” I finally whisper.

“Not easy,” Anna agrees.

Minutes later, Ben reaches down and we both grab his hands, pulling ourselves up to our feet.

ANNA AND I ARE LOST
in thought on the way back to the Silvermans'.

No broken bones. Just a lot of bruises. I swallow hot tears. Ben walks between us and puts his arm over each of our shoulders. He rocks side to side, murmuring soothing words in Russian. It doesn't matter that we can't understand the words. Their meaning is clear.

When we get to the Silvermans', I wince while stepping up and into the house. I feel like Daddy's truck did run me over.

That night Mrs. Silverman makes our favorite meal, chicken with mashed potatoes and peas.

“Nothing like a good chicken leg to round out a meal,” Ben says, trying, I think, to keep things light.

“Round out your belly, you mean,” Rachel answers, flitting around the table like a mother bird.

“That, too!” Ben agrees. I grin as he rubs his stomach.

Everyone is trying not to talk about it, but Daddy is out there somewhere, running from the law.

Finally, Rachel leans over and looks into my face. “You miss your papa. I know this. But it was not right the way he called to you. You could have by that car gotten killed! The courts told him to stay away.”

“Then I hate the courts,” I say. “He's our daddy!”

“He needs to work out some things.” She says the word “work” as if it starts with a
v
. “Like, for instance, his drinking. He is the papa. He is supposed to take care of you. Not the other way around. So the courts, they find you a new home with a mama and papa who will look after you.”

I cry so hard there aren't any more tears to fall. “Mama said when she looks at me she sees Daddy,” I cry out. “That's why she ran away.”

Rachel puts down the plates she's carrying and sits beside me. “Is this what you are thinking all the time? That it is your fault your mama and papa are having these troubles?”

I don't answer, but I don't need to. Rachel knows.

“Ah,
kia.
Poor baby. You are not just like your papa. You are you, Sara. And Anna is Anna. Loving girls. Caring sisters. Maybe your mama, she just meant you look like your papa. You sing like him. I think this must be what she was meaning. She was talking about the good things. Maybe she thinks things would be better if she went away and tried to find work. She loves you girls. I just know it. Your papa loves you too. It's just that sometimes in life, we can't always be with the ones we love for one reason or another. It has nothing to do with you. You were in the middle caught. Can you understand this?”

I shrug.

“Now something else is bothering you. What is this thing that eats you up inside?”

Secrets are getting harder and harder to hide. Maybe Anna isn't the problem. Maybe I am. “I steal things,” I whisper. “That's why nobody wants me. Wants us,” I add.

“What things you steal? Money?”

I shake my head.

“Then what things?”

“Paper towels—rainmakers.” My head grows heavy.

Anna and Rachel both stare at me a long time. “And did you feel good about taking these things?”

I wonder for a moment if the racing of my heartbeat that I feel while stealing is the same as feeling good. I decide it isn't and shake my head.

“And did you tell somebody how sorry you are?”

I hesitate. I didn't exactly tell Pablo I was sorry.

“Have you done anything nice since then?” she prods.

I nod.

“Well, then, I say next time you feel like stealing, you stop and ask, ‘Is this what my heart wants to do?' ” She makes a line from her head to her heart. “You stop again. You ask, ‘Is this what my head wants to do?' If your heart, it says one thing, and your head, it says another? You don't do. You see how this works? Line up head and heart.” She taps her forehead and draws a line down to her heart, and then points to her feet. “You do this and your feet, they will follow. Those nice things you said you did can be the stars on your chart in here.” She taps her heart. “To replace the marks for stealing. Yes?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

“You have learned from this?”

I nod.

“Then forgive yourself and try not to do again.” She gives me a hug. Her voice drops to almost a whisper. “You made these choices to steal, yes, but not for bad reasons. This does not make them right, but you were trying to look after your sister, yes?”

My cheek rubs against her dress as I nod. I feel her strong heartbeat against my ear.

Rachel then holds out her arms to Anna, inviting her into a hug. Instead of shrinking away, Anna rushes into her arms and holds on so tight, I have to look away to keep from crying.

Finally, Rachel holds her at arm's length and asks, “You have secrets to talk about too, Anna?”

Anna looks at me, remembering, I'm sure, how she almost choked a boy to death and all the times she's wet the bed. She shakes her head.

WHEN THE DAY IS FINALLY
over and we've had baths, brushed our teeth, and crawled into bed, Ben comes in with a book. “Anyone for a story?”

Anna and I both nod. Anything to get my mind off the bad news about Daddy. And the fact that Mrs. Craig had told Rachel that she had a new, temporary foster home for us. Plus, we love Ben's stories. Sometimes he just tells one off the top of his head. Other times he reads. But when he reads, it's always from the same book.

“
The Magic Journey
,” he begins, opening to the middle.

“Shouldn't you start at the beginning?” I ask, just as I ask every time he reads a story from his book.

His eyes dance. “Ah, but remember, this is
The Magic Journey
, and in a magic journey, you can start anywhere. At the beginning, at the middle, at the end. It matters not.”

He clears his throat. “I begin now the tale of the Nine-Story Cat.”

“Big cat,” Anna murmurs, flashing a quick smile.

Ben laughs. “Well, bighearted, maybe. Actually, it's the building it lives in that's big.

“The story goes that a young cat named Faith, of all things, lived on the ground floor of an old, old building, built hundreds of years—if not more—ago.”

I strain to look at the page, but Ben holds the book close to his chest. “Just use your mind's eye, Sara. No need to look at pictures here”—he points to the book—“when you have them here.” He points to his head. I relax against the pillow and listen.

“Now, word was out that something mysterious—something magical, even—lived at the very top of this nine-story building. This something was beyond all somethings that could be imagined by any of the cats living in and around the building. At the top was a place nobody had ever seen.

“ ‘It's probably haunted,' said one cat. Tabby was his name. He was a bushy-tailed, arrogant sort that walked around with his head high in the air.

“ ‘You think so?' said Faith. She looked up, wondering if it could be any scarier there than it was right where she was living—struggling to find food and a safe corner to sleep in every night.

“ ‘I heard,' said Eve, who was a short-haired alley cat, ‘that a garden more beautiful than any we have ever seen is waiting, filled with sweet-smelling flowers, yummy birds, and no dogs!'

“ ‘We know of no one who has made it all the way to the top,' said Tabby, plucking at one of his nails. ‘Though I made it once to the seventh floor. I was lucky to make it out alive. There were rats the size of German shepherds. Snakes longer than any telephone cord you have ever played with.' He shuddered, and all the cats huddled around him to hear more. All except Faith, who had decided that it was time to go find out for herself what was up there. She was tired of being scared of something she couldn't see.

“Tabby had chosen to climb the stairs floor by floor, facing whatever lay ahead. But after hearing of all the awful things he encountered along the way, Faith decided she would take the elevator and just go right to the top.

“As the old elevator groaned and moaned up and up and up, Faith's heart began to beat faster and faster. What would greet her when the doors opened?

“The elevator stopped. Faith's heart beat so fast she thought she might faint. Slowly, the doors parted. Faith stepped out, and before she could run back in, the big elevator doors closed behind her with a
thud
. And there, on the top floor of the nine-story building, Faith found herself face-to-face—” Ben pauses and looks at us, eyes wide and sparkly, before going on. “She found herself face-to-face with a great big lioness!”

“A lioness!” Anna and I hug one another. “She didn't eat her, did she?”

“Well, that's the funny thing.” Ben looks at us out of the corner of his eye. “Lionesses are the hunters in the family, and the lions are the protectors, but she didn't eat the kitten. Instead, the lioness roared, showing all her sharp teeth. Faith was scared, but she roared too, only her roar came out sounding a little more like a meow. Still, a roar is a roar.

“Then the mighty lioness slashed the air with her paw and began to pace. Faith also slashed the air with her paw and paced right along with her. But don't be fooled. While Faith was doing all this roaring and slashing and pacing, she was trembling inside. The last thing she wanted to be was this lioness's snack.

“Finally, the lioness settled down, curled up on the floor, and looked at Faith with sleepy eyes. Exhausted, Faith stretched out as well and, light as a feather, pawed at her great paw. The lioness purred.

“Then Faith rubbed her small head against the lioness's large one, and the big cat purred even louder. But something seemed strange. Faith wasn't rubbing something. She was touching something smooth like glass, and it was cool. Faith stood back and looked again. This wasn't a lioness! It was a mirror!

“It had been a reflection of herself.”

“Faith is a nine-story cat!” Anna squeals, but all I can think about is when Pablo said, “When you cheat, or lie, or steal, everything you do reflects it, like a mirror.”

“Stay with us, Sara!” Ben coaxes, smiling.

“Faith stood tall,” he continues. “She felt different now, not the frightened little cat she had once been. And when she looked out the window, the world looked different too. For the first time, she could see how everything, even the cluster of cats gathered in the park below, were all part of a much grander picture—a picture she would never have seen had she not had the courage to go on this little journey.

“So, you see? It was scary for her, but Faith looked into a mirror and, for the first time, saw someone strong and confident looking back.

“And that, my two sleepy princesses, is the story of the Nine-Story Cat.”

I drop back onto my pillow, not wanting Ben's story to end. “Can you tell us another?”

Ben kisses us good night. “What I should do is teach you girls to read. Then you could discover a whole world of stories.”

The shock of his words hits like a bucket of ice water dumping on my head. “You know we can't read?” I sit up, stunned that he knows my best-kept secret. How did he find out?

“It's nothing to be ashamed of, Sara. Reading is something you can learn, and when you do, you'll look at the world differently. You'll see.”

All this talk about reading reminds me of Mama's lost letter and how Anna and I will never know what Mama wrote in it. I sink against the pillow.

“Ah-ah. No sad thoughts before you go to bed,” Ben says, brushing a frown from my forehead. “Only good thoughts before you sleep. Always think good thoughts.”