Santa Baby (31 page)

Then there was Tanya. Seeing Marie with her daughter triggered all kinds of feelings in Tiffany about her mother – feelings of hurt and rejection all over
again
… and yet she still felt compassion for her. Tanya must have held her and Angel in her arms, just as Marie held Faith. She must have loved her babies, and then to lose them … Tiffany couldn’t believe that their mother didn’t feel the loss, whatever Angel thought. She still hadn’t heard anything from Tanya, but she couldn’t let it go. She had to see her, offer her the chance of rehab. Tanya had abandoned her but something tugged at Tiffany, stopping her from doing the same to her mother.

She was dealing with all these thoughts on her own, as she felt there was no way she could confide in her dad and Marie, they were so caught up with the new baby and with Lily-Rose, and Angel had made it clear that she didn’t want to have anything to do with Tanya. Tiffany couldn’t imagine confiding in Raul. Even though he had a sister with an addiction, somehow she couldn’t see him having any conception of Tanya’s ruined life … The one person she thought probably would understand was Sean. But she could hardly tell him.

She stayed for an early supper with her family and then headed back to London where she was supremely glad when Kara called in on her way home from the hairdresser’s. It was the first time Tiffany had seen her friend in a week and she was desperate to confide in her about Sean and the kiss. But first of all she had to give a full account of the birth of her sister. Kara cooed over the pictures of baby Faith and wanted to know every detail of the birth. While a lot of women who hadn’t had children avoided hearing any stories about that, for fear of putting themselves off for life, Kara adored hearing them. Nothing fazed her. Once she had got the low-down, her attention turned to Raul and the trip to Italy.

‘Have you started packing yet? You’re going to need so many different outfits. You know what amazing
dressers
Italian women are. And say Claudia the bitch stylist is there – you don’t want to be outshone by her.’

Tiffany shrugged. ‘I’m only there for a weekend. I thought I’d just take a couple of dresses for the evening and my shorts and a skirt for the day.’

Kara wrinkled her nose. ‘You’re going to be in the VIP area. You’ve got to dress to impress.’

Another shrug. ‘I’ll never be able to compete with those wealthy women. I want to be me.’

‘Yeah, but you want to be the best you, don’t you?’

‘I suppose.’ Just the thought of it all exhausted her.

‘Don’t you want to go, babe?’

If she didn’t tell Kara about Sean she would scream! Everything else felt like a distraction. ‘I kissed Sean,’ Tiffany blurted out.

Kara’s expression was suitably shocked. ‘But I didn’t even think you liked him any more?’

‘I didn’t think he liked me. It just happened.’

‘Chemistry,’ Kara said wisely. ‘That’s what you’ve got between you.’

Tiffany reached for one of the cushions and hugged it. ‘It’s doing my head in! I can’t stop thinking about it. But I’ve heard nothing from him since. What is it about him? He can give me a look or a kiss and then I’m all over the place. Whereas he’s probably being all manly and together with Erin.’

‘Babes, two words – Raul and Italy.’

‘I know, I know, I’m obviously losing it … Maybe I shouldn’t go?’

‘’Course you should!’

Kara was right, wasn’t she? Tiffany couldn’t be so stupid as to throw away the chance of a relationship with this great guy, all because she had kissed Sean … could she? She’d got over it the first time it had happened, she’d get over it again.

*

Tiffany had never flown first-class before and was rather regretful that the flight to Milan was so short, with barely time for her to make the most of the free champagne and the delicious food that bore no resemblance to the plastic-tasting economy airline food she was used to. From Milan she had another short flight to the closest airport to Monza, where the Italian Grand Prix was being held. Knowing practically zilch about the Grand Prix, and with Raul never seeming to want to talk about his sport, she’d had a quick Google and discovered that the track at Monza – Autodromo Nazionale di Monza – was the fastest circuit on the Formula One calendar. The drivers had to do 53 laps – just over 300 kilometres – and the race would probably last a couple of hours.

Luis was there to whisk her straight to the hotel in a blacked-out Alpha Romeo. Tiffany was booked in to the penthouse suite with Raul. It felt strange being in the luxurious rooms without him, almost as if she was trespassing on his space. They had only known each other just over a month and Tiffany didn’t feel that their relationship had progressed emotionally beyond their first encounter. They flirted with each other, but it didn’t seem to go any deeper than that, and she didn’t know if it ever could.

She wandered around unpacking her clothes, opening wardrobes, looking at his clothes. She paused and picked up a shirt. It was an expensive, freshly laundered petrol blue Dolce & Gabbana one. She felt curiously disconnected from him. Was she Raul’s girlfriend? Was Raul her boyfriend? They were something to each other, but were they that?

She was still wondering when she arrived at the track. Luis led her straight to the Ferrari team’s area. The spectators were already in place, and Tiffany drank in the atmosphere of the crowds, the feeling of anticipation,
the
noise, the bright sunlight reflecting on the gleaming racing cars.
I’m meeting Raul Garcia, my boyfriend
, she thought to herself. But it still didn’t sound right.

Raul was already wearing his team jumpsuit in bold red, the names of his sponsors emblazoned across it. He was surrounded by people who were all vying for his attention, but as soon as he saw Tiffany he walked over to her.

‘Tiffany, beautiful Tiffany.’ He put his arms around her and kissed her. ‘Have you missed me?’

Honestly
?
No
. ‘’Course. Very much.’ She had hardly thought about him. And now, he was as handsome as ever, but where was the excitement at seeing him again? Where were the butterflies?

‘So what have you been doing?’

‘Oh, filming … seeing my parents and new sister.’
Kissing another man
.

‘What have you been up to?’
Must show interest in hot boyfriend
.

‘Training, training, training. You find me in the peak of physical and mental perfection. And once the race is over, I will be all yours.’ He gave her his smouldering look.

Nope, still no butterflies
.

‘But now I must focus. Wish me luck! Charlie and Claudia will look after you.’

Oh, great … Tiffany glanced to the side and there was Claudia the bitch stylist with Hooray Henry. She kissed Raul and hugged him, trying to act like the perfect adoring girlfriend, knowing that Claudia’s beady eyes were on her.

‘Well, hello there, like some champagne?’ Charlie asked.

Champagne might be the only way to get through this …

‘Thanks,’ she replied, taking the glass he offered.

‘First time at a race?’

She nodded. ‘Yep.’

‘Don’t worry. Raul is in top form, he’s tipped to do well.’

Claudia stepped forward, looking stunning in a turquoise jumpsuit, slashed practically to the navel. Tiffany could only imagine that she herself would look like a smurf in such an outfit.

‘It’s a tough one for Raul, though, because of Jonas,’ Claudia drawled.

‘It’s always tough, isn’t it?’ Tiffany replied, wondering what Claudia was up to. She was bound to be point-scoring in some devious, snide way.

‘With Holly here to watch Jonas.’ Claudia spoke as if addressing a small child, a half-smile playing on her glossed lips.

‘You mean, Holly Beech?’
See, I do know about Raul’s exes
. But apparently she didn’t know everything as Tiffany was floored by Claudia’s next comment.

‘Then I expect that Raul must have told you they were engaged? It was all very hush-hush, the media didn’t know.’ Claudia gave a patronising, knowing smile. ‘Poor Raul was devastated when she broke it off, five months ago, and went off with Jonas. It makes the race very personal for him, as you can imagine. She’s over there. I expect she’s about to go off to the Mercedes area, she shouldn’t really be here.’

In spite of being shocked by the revelation, Tiffany tried to keep her expression neutral as Claudia nodded in the direction of a tall, dark-haired woman. Holly was talking to another woman who could have been a supermodel herself. At that very moment Raul walked past them. Tiffany watched as the two ex-lovers looked at each other. In that brief glance Tiffany thought
she
saw longing in each of them. They didn’t seem like ex-lovers …

Questions collided inside Tiffany’s mind. Why hadn’t Raul told her he had been engaged to Holly, and that she was seeing a fellow driver? And, more to the point, why hadn’t he told her that he was still in love with Holly … because that’s what the look in his eyes told her? Tiffany didn’t want to stay with Claudia and Charlie. As she scanned the room for someone she recognised from the ball, she caught sight of Bruno, and went off to talk to him.

‘Ah, Tiffany, you’re here. Raul must be so relieved.’ He waved his arms around. ‘What do you think of it all? It’s exciting, isn’t it?’ Bruno smiled warmly at her, clearly expecting her to share his enthusiasm.

‘Very.’ Tiffany tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘I have to ask you something.’ She hesitated and looked behind her to check that the loathsome Claudia was not in earshot. ‘How does Raul feel about Holly Beech?’

Immediately Bruno’s cheerful expression vanished. ‘Oh. You know about Holly?’

‘Only that she was engaged to Raul.’ She sighed. ‘I wish he’d told me. He always made out his past relationships weren’t serious. I feel a fool for coming out here. What am I? The reserve until he finds someone else as beautiful as Holly?’ Now it was her turn to gesture round the room. ‘Well, he can take his pick can’t he?’

Tiffany had never seen so many beautiful women in one room – all stunning, with perfect figures and long silky hair. She suddenly felt very upset with Raul, as if he had broken some unwritten agreement between them. They were supposed to be having fun. Finding herself slap bang in the middle of his past relationship was not fun.

‘Hey, don’t get upset. You are beautiful, Tiffany, and
Raul
adores you. Really, you have made him very happy. He’d been very down until he met you.’

‘I wish I could go,’ she said miserably. And indeed she wanted nothing more than to get away from all these people, this world that she didn’t feel part of.

‘Please don’t. It would upset Raul greatly. He needs to know that you are here for him.’

She sighed, and reluctantly agreed to stay.

‘Come, let’s go and find a good position. The race is going to be starting soon.’

Tiffany allowed Bruno to steer her to the front of the pit wall. The drivers were lined up on the starting grid, some twenty or so cars. She could see Raul flanked by two blonde Grid Girls posing away for photographs. She tried to cheer herself up by thinking how glad she was that she didn’t have to wear their outfit of bright red skin-tight Lycra shorts and a matching Lycra cropped top. It didn’t exactly seem as if they’d been chosen for their intellectual assets …

And then the grid cleared of people as the engines started. The noise was staggeringly loud, a snarling, whining sound that had always made Tiffany clear the room when her dad watched the Grand Prix on TV, but being here was entirely different and in spite of what she had just learned about Raul, she too felt the excitement and tension.

‘It’s a warm-up or formation lap first,’ Bruno told her. She stood on tiptoe, watching the cars take their position on the grid, looking out for Raul in the tomato-red Ferrari, the distinctive yellow badge with the rearing black horse on its side. She could just see his green, blue and red helmet.
Go, Raul
, she urged him silently.

And after the formation lap came the real thing. The tension seemed to ratchet up. Tiffany watched as the five traffic lights above the starting line glowed red, one after
another,
and then they all went off to signal the start of the race. Bruno acted as her personal commentator, explaining what was going on, where Raul was, the pit stops, the tyre changes. A huge plasma screen showed the race, along with two smaller screens relaying the images from the camera in Raul’s helmet. Right from the start Jonas led, or was in pole position, but Raul seemed to be doing all he could to close the gap.

There was a gasp from the room as Raul overtook to gain second place. It was nail-bitingly tense, watching him trying to push forward and get past Jonas. What must he be thinking? Tiffany wondered. Not only was Jonas running away with the race but he was with the woman Raul loved. Or was Raul able to blank out all thoughts, focus only on what he was doing? But however hard he tried, it was destined to be Jonas’s race. The black and gold car streaked across the finish line in first place.

‘Do you mind if I don’t come to the dinner tonight?’ Tiffany said quietly. They were back at the hotel. She was perched on the double bed; Raul had just come off the phone to his mother. He seemed very down after the race, which was only to be expected, but now Tiffany knew it wasn’t just about that. They had hugged and kissed but once more she felt as if their embrace lacked that vital ingredient – passion.

He frowned. ‘Why not?’

Tiffany sighed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were engaged to Holly and that she was with Jonas? I felt such an idiot when Claudia told me.’

‘I’m sorry, but what is there to tell? She left me. People leave people all the time. I’m over it.’

He didn’t sound like the usual happy-go-lucky Raul today. He sounded broken. Tiffany didn’t even feel angry with him, just sad, for him and for herself.

‘I don’t think you are over it,’ she said gently, suddenly feeling very old and very wise. ‘I think you still love her.’

She expected him to deny it, but instead he came over and sat next to her, ‘I don’t know what I think any more. This entire year felt like a kind of punishment until I met you.’