Sandra Chastain (17 page)

“Sing, Cade.” Rusty called out.

Eugene joined in, followed by Cade’s deep voice.

The bull looked around, turning his head one way, then another. He took a cautious step, then another. But his direction took him nearer to the hole. Rusty gasped, heard her voice waver, then picked up the tune again.

Cade rattled the bag. He reached inside and removed a piece of toast.

Pretty Boy took another step, and another, until he was finally past the hole. Doak took aim. Rusty heard the shot from the tranquilizer gun.

The proud bull faltered but kept going. The tranquilizer wasn’t going to work. But at least he was far enough away so that Eugene could get to the hole.

Rusty forgot about the bull and went after Pixie. She peered into the hole and saw her on a ledge about four feet down. Below her, the hole was filled with water. Pixie looked up at Rusty and began to cry.

At the sound of Pixie’s crying Pretty Boy whirled around.

“Rusty, look out!” Cade’s voice and a rifle shot sounded simultaneously. “The bull!”

“No, Pretty Boy!” Rusty screamed, and began to run toward him.

Reacting instinctively to the movement, the bull charged. Bellowing in pain and fear, he lowered his head, catching Rusty between his horns as he collapsed.

“If he’d hit her full force, he’d probably have killed her,” the doctor explained to Cade after he completed his examination. “As it is, she just sat down pretty hard. The mud cushioned her fall. She’s fine.”

Pixie had been reassured that Rusty was fine, and Eugene and Letty were putting her to bed. In the study, Cade clasped a glass of brandy in his
hands, swirling the liquid but not drinking. Only now could he release a sigh of relief.

“But she is all right, isn’t she?” Cade asked again.

“Oh, yes. As far as I can tell, the baby is fine too. Of course, at this early stage I can’t be sure. I’ll keep a close check on her for the next few days.”

“Baby? Rusty’s pregnant?”

“Yes, didn’t you know? She said—I’m sorry, McCall. I assumed you knew that she was coming in to confirm it. Less than a month, but she’s definitely pregnant. I guess that makes you a lucky man.”

The doctor put on his coat and picked up his bag. He held out his hand. “Congratulations.”

Cade shook hands. “Thanks. May I see her now?”

“She’s pretty exhausted, but I think she’d like that.”

Cade wasn’t sure. A thousand conflicting emotions clouded his mind as he relived every moment of what had happened. “Kill the bull,” she’d said. Then she’d flung herself toward him, screaming “no” as Doak had fired the rifle. In that moment everything changed. He wasn’t sure what he’d say to her. They had to talk. They had to make plans. But first he had something to do.

From her room Rusty saw the light flash on in Cade’s room across the courtyard. She threw her legs over the edge of the bed and forced herself to stand up. Sooner or later he was bound to confront her. The doctor would have told him about the baby. She knew that, but there was something she had to do first.

She reached for her dressing gown, but her
arms felt too weak to put it on. Her dressing table seemed a mile from the bed as she forced herself to walk to it. From the top drawer she removed an envelope and made her way back to her bed. She’d almost made it when the door opened. Lightheaded, not from the accident but from the coming confrontation, she lunged toward the bed. Somehow her feet got caught in the hem of her nightgown, and she stumbled.

Cade caught her as she fell.

“What in hell are you doing?” He demanded gruffly.

“I—there was something I needed.”

“Something more important than the baby?”

This wasn’t going to be easy. He was holding her. His arms were tight, and his mouth drawn into a furious line of disapproval. Well, there was nothing new about that. Almost everything she did displeased him, except when they were in bed together. And that would never happen again. She could look into his dark flashing eyes and see that.

“Nothing is more important than my baby, except—”

“Silverwild,” he finished for her. “Spoken like a true Wilder.”

“I was going to say—
you
.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said in a low voice.

“I don’t suppose I’ve given you much reason to,” she said softly, and let out a deep sigh.

He could smell the scent of her. It filled his nostrils and made him crazy as it always did when they were close. Her softness nestled against him. Just the touch of her, even now, affected him, and he stiffened with burgeoning desire.

God, why was he doing this? She couldn’t help
taking chances. It was part of her character. It was automatic. Hell, he’d done the same thing. But Pixie’s life was at stake, and he wasn’t pregnant.

He wasn’t sure of anything anymore. All he could think about was that as close as they’d come to be, she’d never even mentioned the possibility that she was pregnant. Why, knowing that she was, had she risked harm to their child by going out in the storm? Rusty shifted in his arms and lifted her hand to touch his cheek.

“Don’t,” Cade muttered and jerked away. “Not this time, Willadean.”

She flinched, and he wanted to take back the words, kiss away the pain. But he couldn’t. All they’d had together was desire. He wouldn’t give in to it again. Not now. If he didn’t get himself under control in another minute, they’d be in that bed, loving each other again.

No, not loving. Sex, he told himself, pure sex. That’s all she felt. She didn’t love him. Never once when they’d been together had she ever said one word about love. She’d whispered about feelings, about excitement, about pleasure, but she’d never mentioned love.

Rusty, feeling the tension and hearing his rejection of her, felt her world crumbling. She was going to lose him, and she didn’t know how to stop him from going. She’d thought that somehow, when he came to her room, she’d be able to reach him. There was something powerful between them, something overwhelming. It had been there from the beginning; she simply hadn’t known. She’d thought that making love was possible without being in love. She’d been wrong. Being in love only made the loving more intense.

She’d fallen in love with him the minute she saw him. Love at first sight? She’d never believed that it was possible. But it had been there from the beginning, and it still was. He’d come into her life and made it secure. Without taking over, he’d been there, steady, backing her up, supporting her. And all she’d done was use him.

He laid her down and stepped back, glaring at her with eyes that seemed hollow and blank. For a long time he merely looked. Then he turned away.

“For what it’s worth, Cade,” she said quietly, “I don’t know any other way to put it except to say that I love you. But I realize that I have no claim on you.”

He stopped. In the silence she could hear his breathing.

She went on slowly, determined to say it all, no matter what the cost. “This started with a game, but it’s turned into much more. I didn’t know how to love, and by trying to keep from being hurt, I’ve hurt the people I care most about in the world. I’m sorry.”

He turned. “So am I, Redhead. You know what’s so crazy about all of this? I really love this ranch. I never realized before that a place was important. I’ve been a drifter all my life, looking for where I belonged. I think I would have been happy to stay. I think we could have had a spectacular life.”

Rusty tried to close out the pain in his voice. She understood his pain because it was only a mirror image of her own. She forced herself to go on. “I want you to know that I’ve ordered Doak to destroy the bull, Cade. He isn’t worth the heartache he’s caused.”

“You did what?”

“I don’t care about him. I never did. I only wanted to keep him from hurting Pixie.”

“I know that now. But when he butted you, I went crazy. I was afraid for you. Then when I found out about the baby, I was angry, angry that you took such a chance. You could have killed our child,” he said slowly.

“Yes. But I didn’t. The doctor said that the bull’s head hit my chest, just at the moment he fell. The tranquilizer was working. It kept the full force of his fall from touching me. I may not do any riding for a few days, but our baby is fine.”

He was having trouble changing direction in his thinking. He couldn’t seem to understand. “ ‘Our baby.’ That’s what you wanted. Now that it’s happened, are you still pleased?”

His question surprised her. He was right. A baby had been the object from the beginning. Yet now he seemed to be the person having doubts. There was something about the way he asked that didn’t fit with the expression on his face.

“Yes,” she answered, and left it there. She didn’t know what else to say. That she’d have died before she’d have hurt their child? She would have, but she couldn’t expect him to believe her.

“I’d better go,” he said woodenly, making no move to leave. “You ought to rest now. If you need anything, switch the light on and off, and I’ll come.”

He wasn’t leaving the ranch, at least not tonight. In spite of all that had happened, he would be there if she needed him. He would keep a watch over her, at least for tonight. She liked that thought, Cade watching over her. Cade caring.

But it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t hold him. If by
some miracle he stayed at Silverwild, it would have to be because he wanted her to be his wife, because he loved her. There would be no more games.

Rusty adjusted her nightgown and sat up. She looked at the envelope she was still holding in her hand, then back at Cade. She opened the flap and pulled out the papers.

“Will you come over here, Cade? I want to give you something.”

Cautiously, he moved back toward the bed.

“Do you know what this is?” she asked, unfolding the papers so that he could see.

The frown on his face deepened. “The contract. I recognize it. So? Am I to be forced into a shotgun wedding?”

“If I thought it would make you want to stay with me, I might do it,” Rusty admitted, “but I don’t want to play games anymore. I’m releasing you from the agreement. There will be no wedding, but this is our child and if you wish to have a say in his upbringing and a share in raising him, I won’t refuse.”

She ripped the papers in half, then again in half, and let the pieces float to the floor. Whatever final arrangement you wish as a settlement will be agreeable to me.”

Rusty waited. Her sad eyes seemed focused on a spot just above Cade’s boot tops. Gone was the proud self-possessed woman he’d met in the airport. Her face was pale in the soft lamplight. Her proud chin was lowered in defeat as if she expected him to deliver some final blow.

As he stood, watching her, a lovely light seemed to emanate from somewhere behind her, like sunshine
in a dark corner. And he knew that was what she’d given him. Sunshine, light—warm happiness that was constant.

Rusty was beautiful. He couldn’t understand how she hadn’t known how beautiful she was. But she hadn’t. It was as if she’d saved that beauty until he’d come along. Then it had burst forth with the force of a new spring.

She’d fought him every step of the way for control of Silverwild and her life. But that inner part of her that no one else had ever touched had been given to him, freely and without restraint. He’d told himself it was because she wanted a child. Yet every time they’d made love, the feeling of togetherness had been more complete, more powerful and it had been harder for Cade to leave.

“Our child,” she’d said. For the first time, her child had become “our” child. And then he knew. She meant it. She loved him.

At first Cade smiled. Then he let out a loud, happy yell. Then he lifted Rusty in his arms and whirled her around the room.

Eugene and Letty came running down the corridor and stopped, wide-eyed, in the doorway.

“What’s wrong?” Letty asked.

“Wrong?” Cade let out another yell. “Nothing’s wrong. We’re pregnant, that’s what.”

“What’d I tell you?” Eugene said, giving Letty an exaggerated nod of his head.

“I never doubted it for a minute,” Letty agreed, and closed the bedroom door.

As the door closed, Rusty was pulling Cade’s head down to meet her kiss. For a moment he returned it, then as it began to deepen, he pulled back.

“No, Redhead, you know what this will lead to.”

“I hope so,” she whispered boldly, running her hand between the buttons on his shirt.

“Not tonight,” he said sternly. “You had a bad fall today, and we have to be careful. At least for twenty-four hours. Doctor’s orders.”

“But, Cade,” she protested, twisting her body so that she was touching as much of him as she could, “I want you so much.”

“I want you too. But then I always want you.” He put her back on the bed and pulled the cover over her body, pausing only to stare at her breasts. His fingers touched her breasts, rimming the dusky aureole, following the path of the veins, now darkening. “You look different. I should have noticed.”

Rusty caught her breath as she watched Cade
looking at her body. “That’s because of the baby. Sometimes the nipples are painful, the doctor says. Until he’s born, I’m supposed to pull on them, rub them to make them tough.”

Cade’s breath quickened. His touch intensified. “Does this hurt?” He sank down on the bed beside her.

“No. It’s very stimulating.” She tried not to show him how stimulating his touch was.

“Will being pregnant make you look different in other places?”

“Not yet. I think it’s too soon.”

Wordlessly, he pulled down the sheet and lifted her nightgown. His fingertips left her breast and moved down to cradle her stomach.

She couldn’t hold herself still anymore. A shudder swept over her, and she sat up, pulling the nightgown over her head. She clasped her arms around him, swaying helplessly against him. “Please, Cade. Love me. There must be a way.”

He was on fire, but the voice of reason told him that they couldn’t. Not tonight. As much as he wanted to be inside her, they couldn’t. But maybe there was another way. Yes. He caught the back of her neck, holding her as his lips found hers.

She moaned and arched against him, taking his tongue into her mouth in rhythm with the motion of her body.