Sand Glass (36 page)

'What do I do
Sam? I can't sleep properly.... Everything tastes funny. It's like
I'm still there. I mean back in the experiment.'

'Go on...' Sam
took over tea making, and I perched on a kitchen chair.

'I have these
terrible dreams.... Well more like nightmares really. And I just
wake up.'

Sam lined up
cups and pot on a tray, and indicated for me to keep talking.

'When I wake up
it's like I'm in the Summerland. And I feel happy for a moment.
Then I'm alone...' I trailed off.

'Come on. Back
to the comfy chair.' Sam waited until I Held a cup in my hands then
sat down himself.

'I just want
something normal back again. I mean I know it takes time....'

'It's only been
three days.'

'How are the
rest of the gang?'

'We're talking
about you, not them.'

'It would
help.'

'Well,' Sam sat
back, considering his words carefully, 'I'm glad to say that most
of them are doing better than you.'

'And who's not
doing better?'

'Nicholas and
Jules are about the same as you. Nik is at his parents now and he's
getting back to normal.'

'And
Jules?'

'He can't be
left alone. He's staying with Violette.'

'Lucky
guy!'

'In her spare
room. I went round there yesterday. He's rambling a lot. After
going back in Base that day he seemed to make a jump backwards. I
think that Violette will put him right now. She is the only person
who doesn't get rattled by him.'

I thought about
what happened that night at camp, and nodded slowly.

'The rest of
the original crew seem mostly alright. A few blips but generally
fine.'

'What about
Hanson?' I said suddenly.

'You know, It's
funny you should ask that. But he seems to have suffered no ill
effects whatsoever. He's back at work. He's apparently a void
case.'

'A whatty?'

'No recall of
the trip.'

'You don't
believe that do you?'

'Of course not!
We're keeping an eye on things.'

'And that
is....?'

'Dr Rhodes,
George, Kyle, Dieter, and Jean.'

'Hanson's
PA?'

'He'd like you
to think that, but no.... She works for us.'

'Us? Who is
that?'

Sam leaned
closer to me, and whispered even though there was no need for it,
'We are "Sandglass". We were never disbanded....just officially
removed from Project Bank; Nimbus is out for our souls. I'm the
clever sod who helped keep Sandglass true.... Kept the members
loyal.'

'I assume that
you mean Marcia and some of the original sponsors?'

'Yes. And no.
Only Marcia was ever part of this in an intimate sense. The other
sponsors exist outside the actual experiment. Marcia was very
specific on which project she was willing to support, that is what
got the directors attention. Others made a general donation that
was spread out over more than one project. But Marcia did one thing
that the others couldn't do.'

'Okay! Dramatic
pause, do tell!'

'I was simply
thinking how to put this. Marcia could not only pass all the tests;
she demonstrated an incredible ability to not be affected by
paradox.'

'It's that
really bizarre test right? The odd one where you don't guess the
result that they show you, but guess the other result that would
have happened?'

'Yeah. That
one.'

'They never
tell you the score, just if you passed or not.'

'Now you're
getting it.' Sam fidgeted with the cig packet, 'Out of the ones
that scored really high on the hit rate; there were two that really
stood out. Marcia was one.'

'And
Janey?'

'She didn't
take the tests. She had not got to Base.' Sam put the packet down
on the coffee table, 'You are the only other one who scored One
Hundred Per cent every time.'

'What does that
mean?'

'It means that
you are a commodity that Project Bank would try to exploit. The
Sandglass People want to stop this happening.'

'They still
have me in their sights?' I shifted in my seat.

'Again Yes and
No. Dr Rhodes covered for you and Marcia; but they suspect that
some of the test results had been changed....'

'She lied?' I
thought of Hanson's accusation.

'She delayed
the test marks; and dropped out some other information.'

'She didn't
change the results?'

'No. She just
left identifiers out.'

'What?'

'The codes that
tell them whose set of data it is.'

'I thought it
was anonymous.'

'It is supposed
to be.'

'So psyche girl
was doing what she was meant to do, and not supplying personal
info; even though the committee had ordered it to be sent on to
them.'

'Yes.'

'I thought that
they wanted to get rid of me for a reason!'

'Get rid of
you? Not at all. Transfer you more like. To someone who could run
the tests again. Like I said; you are a desirable commodity.'

'Oh....' the
thought of being wanted on such terms did nothing to flatter my
vanity. But it did increase the sense of precariousness.

'Debrief is
tomorrow. No one is really ready. But time is pressing.'

'Why's
that?'

'It’s because
the Sandglass experiment worked!' Sam was animated, 'You two broke
through it. It has translated to the real world. You changed
history!'

I thought hard
about what this might mean. It had happened because of something
that the directors had no power over.

'Jared and
Janey's story has changed,' I said and Sam nodded, 'and Marcia and
I did it because....'

'Yes,' said
Sam, 'And now we are unchartered waters.'

'And here be
monsters.' I said.

'It was the tag
signal,' said Sam, 'That told us you were dead.'

'Yet here I
am.'

'That's why
they called you Lazarus.' said Sam.

'It had to do
with Jared & Janey....and someone else. It's hard to
explain....' I looked down, I felt my eyes unfocus.

'Oh,' Sam took
a notepad and biro from somewhere inside the jacket, 'May I venture
a thought?'

'Please
do.'

'Don't try to
explain anything....we all know that there are things that are too
personal, or just downright inexplicable. And I think I'll correct
my estimation of who's finding it hardest. You do....perhaps with
Jared about on par with you. Janey is surprisingly quite together.
Marcia, is well, just being Marcia.'

'What does that
mean?' I rubbed my right shoulder again.

'We all admire
her. She is a magnificent woman. Not at all like the way she sees
herself.' Sam picked up the cig pack yet again, 'I think you should
tell her how much we all value her.' he pulled out a fag and
twirled it in his fingers.

'Why do want me
to speak for the rest?'

'She'll believe
you.' Sam sipped from the now tepid teacup, 'And therefore she will
help set Jared to rights. Bloody hell! He's exhausting! How do you
cope with the mood swings? He's worse than one of my mad
ex-girlfriends!'

'What mood
swings?' Then I recalled those horrible black moods. He used to
always work through it by being relentlessly practical until he
tired himself out.

'Yes. Actually
I do know exactly what you're saying. But I was not on the
receiving end of it.'

'The only one
then,' said Sam, 'You are so like Jared; but with all the dark and
scary bits turned into idiotic components.'

'I think that
was trying to be a compliment; but it sounds like an insult....' I
laughed in a slightly off the edge way then, 'I don't see it
myself. I know that others see a similarity between us.... But it's
in my blind spot.'

Sam regarded me
warmly, as if I had answered something in him that was biting and
nibbling around the subject.

‘Do you….’ He
started, and fell silent.

There was a
pounding on my front door, which made us both jump.

‘Good God Alex!
What on earth are you doing round at this hour?’

‘Put some
clothes on. You’re needed!’ Alex emphatically boomed.

‘Not until you
tell me what’s going on!’ I sniffed and wrapped the dressing gown
round tighter, ‘besides…. How did you know I was up?’

‘Not too bright
are we Dave? Oh, hi there Sam-I-Am!’

‘Uh Hello,’ Sam
stepped out and lit up the long delayed cigarette.

‘Chop chop!’
said Alex, ‘Or I’ll make you wear the red bobble hat.’

‘What…. Is
going…. On?’ I gritted my teeth, feeling sick suddenly. It was
probably the lack of sleep, chilly air and general empty-of-lunch
feeling.

Alex pushed me
into my hall; ‘I wouldn’t normally say this; but you need to do
this right now. Ordinarily I would be as pig headed as you. But the
Doc of all knowingness rang me 20 minutes ago and said to bring you
to George’s house right now…. She didn’t expand on it enough for me
to say anything meaningful, except: Get you Bloody clothes on!’

‘Violette said
to go? What is at George’s house?’

‘Go, Go!’ Alex
wafted me towards the staircase.

As I ran up to
find my jeans and sweater, I heard Alex muttering in my front hall:
‘Is he as screwed up as the other dead guy or not?’; Sam replied:
‘In all probability he’s not really himself. Tell me, what is he
usually like?’

‘Usually?’ I
hear Alex snort, ‘he’s my friend and esteemed colleague; so leave
the psychobabble to the blonde in the tight silk blouse. Davey is a
better man than any of that bunch really give him credit for.
Fucking Intellectuals! Brains should be used for the Basics of life
by most people, not for drawing any conclusions. But don’t take
that personally….’

‘I’m not.’ said
Sam, as I bounded back down the stairs.

‘You’re with
me.’ said Alex, ‘Sam, follow us!’

‘Yes… fine.’
Sam rolled his eyes at me.

‘You’ll get
used to him Sam,’ I said, ‘Eventually.’

We were
summoned into the kitchen by George. Violette sat at the table with
a glass of wine in front of her. I thought it strange at this hour…
actually I wasn’t sure what hour it was.

‘Davey…. Do
come in.’ Violette's even soothing tone was just what I needed.

‘Why am I
here?’ I remained standing.

‘George. Get
Alex and Sam a coffee or tea please,’ she smiled pleasantly at me
and stood up. George passed her a glass, and then a bottle for her
to pour in red wine. ‘This one is for you.’ She said and passed it
to me. I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t be sure if I was
dreaming this or not. I had dreamed something…. A while ago. I felt
my breathing speed up slightly.

‘It is fine
Davey. Come. Right this way.’

I followed
Violette along a small internal corridor and then to a little inner
hallway. She turned up a flight of stairs.

I heard music
playing. Quite softly. But continuously.

‘Now listen,’
said Violette, ‘You must give him this other glass. It contains a
powerful sleeping draft. He only will talk to you. He’s refused to
talk to anyone else, that is to say. Sorry to ask. But it is just a
matter of resting. One must rest…. I am concerned,’ here Violette
let her guard down a little, ‘Please help me. This is becoming
difficult. Jules is round at my brother’s house. Kyle is with him.
But I want to go back soon.’

‘Will this last
long?’ I asked.

‘No… in all
probability. Sleep and time and quiet will do it. But I can’t ask
for a second opinion…. Time sickness… it is a new branch of study
and treatment that I am exploring here.’

‘You’re the
Doc, Dr Rhodes. You’ve done really well so far.’

‘Thanks.’ She
smiled. I saw how tired she was too.

I slipped into
the room. It was warm and dimly lit. At first I didn’t see him. I
moved round slightly. He was round by the radiator, sat near to it.
He turned slightly as I moved into this eye line.

‘You came.’ was
all he said, and barely moved.

‘Jared? May I
sit here?’ I put my hand on the back of the nearby second
armchair.

‘You must sit.
You are very tired.’ His voice was a gentle murmur. I don’t know
what I expected. But it wasn’t this. I felt confused as to why they
had called me so suddenly.

Jared leaned
forward into the light from the corner lamp. His eyes were red
rimmed, and glittering in the gloom. We stared at each other. The
music ended on the player and stopped.

Next to him was
a table. Water. A glass. And beneath an overflowing wastepaper
basket.

‘Davey…’ he
smiled slowly and seemed to listen for a few moments then, ‘I
wanted you to come. I can remember waking in that other
place….after; after I…..’ his face contorted with pain.

I put my hand
out and took his. His grip was strong, almost a pinch. But then
relaxed. He pulled out another hanky. I waited. He gulped before
speaking again. ‘I know I died…. And that I was a spirit wandering
that place…. On the shore of that last sea I waited. But something
made me go and look for you. We drank together didn’t we? That day
of the first expedition. I was there too. But it was like I was
seeing myself through glass. You were always there for me. But
perhaps you don’t remember?’

‘I don’t know….
I can’t work it out. Was I there more than once? That once that I
see as a continuous stream?’

‘I don’t know.’
Jared leaned back then, ‘I saw you from a distance. And when the
giants had finished with you, I came as quickly as I could. I
thought that if I reached you I could go with you. I could let it
go. I wanted to go then….. and I knew that I wouldn’t be
alone…’

‘You wanted to
die?’

‘Yes…. Yes I
did. But I was not able to. Time had not finished with me. It had
not stopped playing around with my fate….’ He leaned towards me
then and touched my chest; ‘A mortal wound does not heal. Unless
you ask for a miracle…. Do you understand? I was asking for a
miracle. And then it happened! But there’s the thing, I was still
wanting to die; because I felt I didn’t belong. And although I
maybe didn’t deserve that fate, it was only when Janey came down
the beach, that I changed my mind. She didn’t know that she was
nearby. And she sat gazing out across the sea for a long time. She
sat in the shingle until I thought the tide would take her, but it
didn’t. I went to wake her up from that half dream…. Do you
understand? For her to find you dead and me alive. It was too
much…. A test… a test I almost failed. There was the knife. I
thought I would press it into my heart too. I was already broken….
I was so unworthy…’