Salvaged (9 page)

He raised an eyebrow and grinned.

"I mean, not to me necessarily... "

He quickly frowned.

"But evidently to everyone else. Every girl in school and some
probably not in school want to go out with you."

At first he blushed, but then he crossed his arms and shook his
head. "Not true, not at all."

"Yes true. It is true. Imagine being in my situation." I stood up
and threw my hands on my hips. The dreaded drama queen was
coming out. "Let's see, the bizarre girl from the accident who claims
an angel saved her life goes off to cheer camp where she wakes up
screaming at the top of her lungs every night. Throw on top of that
the fact that our cheer uniforms don't hide any of my scars, and
then I become Frankenstein. Kids are cruel, Riley. Do you think they
won't make it hell for me?"

He was silent. There was nothing he could say. Kids were cruel,
and they could show no mercy. He placed his elbows on the table
and put his face in his hands.

I lowered my voice. "I don't want sympathy. I just don't want
to subject myself to more anguish." Tears surfaced, but I shook my
head in an effort to keep them at bay. I didn't want to cry in front
of the Bennetts again. Sitting down, I tried to regain my composure. "Honestly, I don't care about cheering anymore. I only tried out
because my dad wanted me to. I prayed that I wouldn't even make
the team. God didn't seem to hear that particular plea."

"But you did make the team," Mr. Bennett spoke again. "You
made the team because you're good and because you love it."

"But Mr. Bennett-"

He interrupted me. "Okay, Attiline, it's my turn to speak." His
voice was stern.

"Yes, sir." I bit the fingernails on my left hand and looked down
at the table as I fumbled with the napkin ring in my right.

"Your dad wanted you to try out because he knew you would
enjoy it, among other things."

"What other things?" I mumbled.

"Look at me, Attiline."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him lean toward me, and
my tears fought their way to the surface again. I shook my head.

His voice was stern but gentle. "Atticus Elizabeth Reed, look
at me."

I sat still as he waited, never releasing me from his gaze. I could
hear Mrs. Bennett crying but wasn't sure what Riley was doing.
After what felt like hours, I realized I wasn't going to win the battle
and lifted my eyes to meet Mr. Bennett's.

"Thank you," he whispered. "It's time for you to move on, Attiline. It's time for you to enjoy your life again. Your dad ... all of us
want you to participate in life again."

Mrs. Bennett sat sobbing across from me. I still couldn't see
Riley.

"Nobody said this would be easy, and nobody said this would be
painless. It just is what it is. It stinks." His eyes filled with tears, and
his voice cracked. "Your mom and Melody are gone."

Feeling like I'd been slapped in the face, I inhaled quickly.

"They're gone; they died." He spoke the words as if he thought
I didn't already know they'd been killed.

I heard a small moan leave my body. It was as if a knife stabbed
into my heart. I physically ached.

"They're gone, Attiline. You lived, but you're living as if you're
gone. Can't you see that God spared your life for a purpose? There's
no reason, evidence-wise, that you should be here. That you should
have or could have lived. But you did; you're a miracle."

"I don't want to be a miracle if this is what it's like." The floodgates opened and my tears ran free.

Mr. Bennett continued, "You can't go through life as if you died
or should have. You miss your mom and Melody. We do too. We lost
our only daughter, and Riley lost his twin sister. There isn't a day that
goes by that we don't grieve for our loss.

"We could all shut down, write off life, but where would that get
us? Who would that benefit? It won't bring them back." Mr. Bennett
was full of emotion and his voice shook, as did my body. "God saved
you, Attiline. You're here for a reason. You aren't gonna fulfill that
purpose hiding away from people. Hiding from life."

For one of the first times in my life, I was speechless. I could think of nothing to say; there were no words in the English language
that could be used to disagree with him. He was right.

Mr. Bennett relaxed and sat back in his chair. "Riley's right,
Attiline; screw `em."

I'm fairly certain that my eyes popped out of my head, and Mrs.
Bennett's jaw came unhinged. He could see that we were shocked,
but he didn't seem concerned about it.

"So a few jerks don't like you; screw `em. What if some boys are
turned off by your scars? Screw `em. If stupid high school girls don't
like you-"

"Screw `em." Mrs. Bennett finished his sentence and giggled.
Mr. Bennett looked proudly at his wife and nodded his head.

He laughed as he looked back at me. "That's right, screw `em.
There's nobody on this planet that's perfect, Attiline. You'll never
please everybody-no matter how long you live. The sooner you figure that out, the better off you're gonna be. Your only responsibility
is to be the best person you can be. Obey the Lord and give your
life as a sacrifice to whatever God has in store for you. And if people
don't like that, well then-"

"Screw `em," Mr. and Mrs. Bennett said in unison.

I snickered.

"I'll get you out of cheer camp because you have a real medical
condition. But you'll stay on the team. If anyone has a problem with
you or looks at you wrong or says anything inappropriate, just smile at
`em, and then we'll go have Riley beat `em up." He grinned and then
grabbed my hands and bent down and kissed them. It was the sweetest gesture anyone ever gave me, and it caused me to cry again.

"Oh sweetie," his voice was tender, "you're gonna be okay. We're
here for you, and we're gonna walk through this with you. You're not
alone, do you hear me? We will all walk through this together. None
of us are completely healed yet. We all need each other."

I nodded my head. No one spoke for several minutes. All I could
hear were the sniffles that accompanied our crying.

"Attiline, your dad's not here right now, so I'm gonna take over
his role until he gets back."

"Oka
y"

"Here's the plan: first, I want you to consider getting some counseling with Joshua Crawford twice a week. I've already talked with
him, and he'd be more than happy to meet with you. Joshua did an
amazing job with Riley, and I know he'd do the same for you.

"Second," he said, looking up at everyone. "All of us will go to
church every Sunday morning. We've become too relaxed about it,
and it's time to be more faithful. We can't expect the Lord to fully
bless our lives when we can't even give him two hours a week.

"Third." He looked back at me. "You're gonna start holding your
head up high. You are who you are and it isn't gonna change, so you
might as well get comfortable in your skin-perfect, flawless skin
or not.

"Fourth, you've got to think of something else to call us other
than Mr. and Mrs. Bennett. You're like a daughter to us, and Mr.
and Mrs. seems a little cold and unfamiliar. Deal?" He held his hand
out to me.

I grabbed it and shook it a few times. "Deal."

"Good. Anything else we need to discuss while we're all here?"

"I would just like to say a few things," I admitted.

"Shoot."

I took a deep breath. "First, thank you for everything. For letting
me live with you and for putting up with my emotional outbursts
and for loving me unconditionally. I appreciate it more than you can
know. I haven't had that in a long time."

Mr. and Mrs. Bennett smiled at me, and I finally snuck a peek
at Riley. He sat with his elbows on the table, and both of his hands
held tissue, which he pressed to his eyes.

"And secondly... " I looked back at Mr. Bennett. "I'd like to add
that I've never heard you say that many words in all my time of
knowing you, which evidently is forever."

From beside me I heard Riley chuckle. Mr. Bennett threw his
head back and laughed. "I've been saving up all my words for such
a time as this. I'll go on record right now as saying that I'm now officially talked out, so don't plan on hearing anything out of me for
a while."

With that he stood, leaned over to give me a kiss on the forehead, and told me he loved me.

"I love you too."

I did.

I spent much of the week helping the Bennetts spruce up their flowerbeds, and for hard work it was a lot of fun.

Mr. Bennett had already talked to the cheerleading coach, and
she reassured him that all would be fine and it would be handled
diplomatically so as not to cause problems with the other girls. I was
glad to have one less thing to worry about.

While we worked, we took turns telling stories about Mom and
Melody. It was refreshing to focus on happier memories rather than
the accident. I hadn't done it in a year. I even felt like the worst was
behind me and I was doing better and moving on.

I suffered from nightmares every night since the second night
at the Bennetts'. Riley started sleeping in my room so that he could
wake me up if necessary. Against his wishes, I decided that tonight
I would attempt to sleep in the room all by myself. I needed to start
dealing with the nightmares on my own. But when Mr. Bennett
announced that we should start cleaning up because it was getting
dark outside, my heart sank, and I feared the approaching night.

Mrs. Bennett happily sang the Barney song as she cleaned up
the mess we'd made. She sang it over and over until Riley finally told
her she was ruining the whole day and begged her to stop.

After finishing up, we showered, ate dinner, and sat down to
watch a movie. Riley begged for us to watch lAm Legend. The movie
had just come out on video, and he hadn't gotten to see it while it was in the theaters. I agreed to his movie choice, wrapped myself in
a blanket, and settled in on the couch next to him.

"This movie better not give me nightmares," I said.

His lips spread across his face in a toothless grin. "Hey, at least
it would be a change of topic."

I never imagined dreaming about something different. For so
long having dreams that told a different story didn't even seem
possible.

Mrs. Bennett put a bowl of popcorn between us on the couch,
and we started the movie.

Watching a horror movie with Mrs. Bennett in the room was
like watching two movies in one, with the other being a comedy.
She talked back to the screen as if Will Smith were going to hear
her suggestions and follow them, and she constantly added her own
dialogue when it was a horrible time to do so. Luckily, the movie
became too much for her to watch, and she excused herself from the
room, leaving us to watch the drama unfold in peace.

I became completely engrossed in the amazing character of
Legend. He was a noble man who tried to do the right thing, so
much so that he lost everyone that he loved and began to lose himself in the process. No matter the circumstances and the uselessness
he must have felt, he continued on his mission. Legend was willing
to sacrifice his life to fulfill his purpose.

I could relate to the depths of despair he was feeling when he
begged a store mannequin to speak to him. He'd just lost his best
friend, and all he wanted was for someone to talk to him. Maybe he
longed for someone to tell him that he wasn't alone and everything
would be okay. For me, that one-minute clip was the most powerful
scene in the entire movie because it wonderfully showed that everyone, even a hero, needs someone to talk to.

At that moment I made the decision to agree to counseling with
Joshua. I knew that I needed someone to talk to, and I needed to talk
to someone whose pain wouldn't increase as I tried to decrease my
own. Dad, Mr. and Mrs. Bennett, and Riley couldn't be the ones I
shared my grief with because they each carried enough grief of their
own.

My attention went back to the movie. Legend became tired of
being alone and was ready to allow the monsters to devour him-the
monsters that only came out at night. He was going to let his enemy
be the one to put him out of his misery, and he went looking for
them so they would quickly accomplish their goal.

Amazingly, just before the monsters won, God sent someone,
another survivor that Legend could connect with and fight the monsters alongside. Although the movie didn't credit God for bringing
him his new companion, I knew that's exactly what had happened.
Just when Legend couldn't take one more step alone, God sent
someone who reached in, pulled him out of his pit, and joined him
in his battle. Now that he was given a companion, the trajectory
of the movie, of this character's life, changed. And because of that
change, Legend was able to fulfill his purpose after all.

I looked over at Riley, who was totally engrossed in the drama,
and couldn't help but realize the parallels of our stories. I was
haunted at night by monsters of my own, and just when I couldn't
take another night, another moment alone, God sent me a friend.
He sent me someone who would help me fight my monsters. God
sent me Riley, and I was certain that the trajectory of my life was
changing as well.