Safety Net (5 page)

“When did you get back?” he asked.

Lowell laughed hollowly. “I never
left.” He leaned forward, explaining to Erick, “My mom and sister flew in to
visit. When they moved me out here, training camp started and I guess I kind of
ignored them, and it was such a long drive back, they didn’t stick around. For
Christmas, Mom decided it would be fun if they came out here instead of me
flying back there.”

The way he said it, Erick could
tell it had not been fun.

“Week and a half in a hotel room
with my mom and Kaylee. Who were fighting about something stupid Kaylee did but
I never got the whole story, and I don’t think I even care ‘cause I’m just so
glad to be out of that room.”

Erick remembered what Trisha had
said about women and their mothers driving them batshit insane and felt
sympathy for Kaylee and Lowell both.

“Didn’t you go anywhere?” Dale
asked, rocking back in his chair.

Lowell propped up on his elbows. “Oh,
yeah. Golden Gate Park, Fisherman’s Wharf, Alcatraz, stuff like that. That part
was okay, except we didn’t rent a car and the Baytrain completely sucks. How
long’s the pizza gonna be?”

“Forty-five minutes.”

Lowell groaned. “I’m going to die
before then.” He tapped Erick’s shoulder. “How was your break?”

Erick tossed the
USA Today
aside and sighed. “Not so relaxing. All things considered, it could’ve been
better.”

Lowell bumped his knuckles against
Erick’s shoulder. “Sorry to hear that. What about yours, Dale? You go back to
Ohio?”

Erick cast a look at Dale. Before
the break, Dale had said a few things, not exactly unloading all his burdens,
but enough that Erick knew Dale hadn’t been looking forward to seeing his
parents again.

“Yep,” Dale said shortly, not
meeting Erick’s gaze and not looking at Lowell. There was an awkward pause when
Dale might have said more but didn’t, and Lowell was clever enough to let it
drop. Then he brought up the Rose Bowl, and they recounted all the highlights
and lowlights and all their reactions before moving on to other bowl games,
which got them to the pizza and well beyond.

After the pizzas, they were vegging
on the floor, watching a soccer match streaming on Dale’s laptop. Out of the
blue Lowell asked, “What are you guys going to major in? I need to find a major.”

“I think you have until the end of
next year until you need to declare,” said Dale.

“Yeah, I guess,” Lowell said
uncertainly. “So you’re undeclared, too?”

Erick glanced over. “I’m majoring
in industrial design. The program here is one of the best. It was one of the
reasons I chose Crocker.”

Lowell frowned, and Dale said, “Economics.
Sorry, homeboy.”

Lowell sat up and rubbed his hands
over his hair, pushing short blond clumps of it back and forth. “Shit. I knew
it.”

Erick tapped Lowell’s foot with the
back of his hand. “Don’t worry about it. Lots of guys on the team are
undeclared. You’ve got time.”

Lowell didn’t look reassured. “It’s
just something my mom said. And my advisor reminded me about the conditions of
my scholarship.” He smiled a little. “I realized, oh yeah, I have to get a
degree while I’m here, too, right?”

They watched the soccer match for a
while before Dale said, “Well, what’re you going to do after college?”

Lowell slumped back to the floor
and blew out a breath. “Shit, I don’t know. NFL. That’d be the dream. I’ve been
so focused on where I was going to college, I never thought about the rest of
it.”

Erick lightly knocked his fist
against Lowell’s shoulder. “You’ve got plenty of time. Chill.”

When Lowell got up to go back to
Harris Hall, Erick left Dale’s room with him, exchanging a, “Later,” with Dale.
They paused at the door to Erick’s room.

“Dale and I are going to get in
some throws tomorrow,” Erick said. “Wanna come?”

“Yeah, sure. Text me when you’re
heading out.” Lowell turned, stopped, and looked back. “Industrial design, huh?
What is that, exactly?”

Erick grinned and shook his head.
He slapped Lowell’s shoulder. “Let it go, man. Take some electives, find
something you like. You don’t have to declare a major right this second.”

Lowell sighed. “I know.” He looked
lost and uncertain.

“Menacker.”

Erick had a wild impulse to tell
Lowell his idea about next season’s poster, that Lowell should be on it because
he was the best-looking guy on the team.

He froze. No way he could tell
Lowell that. That was crazy. What the hell?

Instead he said, “Don’t stress
about it, okay? And look at it this way: only a month until spring training
starts.” Erick grinned.

Lowell smiled back. “Hey, yeah,
that’s right. See ya tomorrow.”

Erick went into his room thinking
that smile, the one Lowell had just given him, definitely had to be on the
poster. They could probably fill the stadium with every girl on campus if they
used that.

The last week of winter break flew
by. Rain or shine, every day Lowell met Dale and Erick at one of the fields to
get in some throws and catches. Dale had mentioned picking up Erick’s physical
cues, and Lowell caught on fast. It was sweet to know where to be without Erick
signaling, until Erick pointed out that if his tells were that obvious, their
opponents were going to figure them out, too. So he worked on shedding his
cues, which was fun because it pitted Dale and Lowell against each other racing
for the catch.

In the evenings they’d hang out in
Hopkins Hall or wander around the nearly empty campus. One night they
discovered the small, creepy founders’ cemetery with its gothic mausoleum.

“What kind of university has a cemetery
in the middle of it?” Dale wondered as Lowell and Erick tried to get inside the
mausoleum but found it locked up tight. No doubt from the generations of
students before them who’d managed to break in.

“Crocker,” Erick said with a smile,
and Lowell knew what he meant. Crocker wasn’t quite like Lowell had imagined
college life to be, but there was something special about this place.

During the season, there’d been
times when Crocker’s un-football attitude had driven him crazy, but when he’d
talked to his mom about it over Christmas break, she’d reminded him of just how
good a school Crocker was, what a great opportunity being here was.

“I know you’re thinking of the NFL,”
she’d said, “but you have to be prepared, just in case. The NFL doesn’t work
out for everyone. Or, God forbid, you could get injured. Don’t waste what you
can take advantage of here: great classes, great teachers, great resources.
Maybe they brought you here for football, but while you’re here, why not get
something more than football out of it?”

Since that conversation, Lowell had
obsessed over what to major in. It was easy for Dale and Erick to wave it off;
they’d already chosen their majors. It figured, too. Those two knew what the
hell they were doing. Lowell felt like he was a dumb high school jock compared
to them. But they were great guys, and after spending the last of winter break
with them, Lowell considered them two of his closest friends.

When classes started again, Lowell
continued his survey of his freshmen teammates for their majors. Kryzinski was
majoring in human biology, Lee in mechanical engineering, and his roommate Joel
was an international relations major. MacAdam and Babcock were undecided, and
it was a slight relief to Lowell that he wasn’t alone, but didn’t help him get
rid of his obsession. He signed up for his first elective: Introduction to
Sociology and Social Systems.

It was a large course but the
professor was funny and interesting and the TA was patient. Ryan Hutchinson was
in the same class, and after some internal debate Lowell deliberately chose to
sit next to him in a last-ditch effort to find any evidence of the nice kid
Lowell had met at recruits’ weekend. Ryan acknowledged him generically and
exchanged some neutral team talk for the first two classes; beginning with the
third class, he got up and moved away from Lowell without a word, and Lowell
had no idea why.

The best part of the class, though,
was the girl Lowell met in it. Kelly Hsieh was a cute, petite, slender computer
science major from Santa Barbara. They met because Ryan snubbed Lowell: Kelly,
sitting behind them, leaned forward and asked, “What was that about?”

Lowell watched Ryan relocating
across the auditorium. “I have no idea. We’re not really friends, we’re just on
the team together.”

“What team?” Kelly asked.

“Football.”

“We have a football team?”

She was serious. Lowell checked and
double-checked this, and Kelly grew increasingly embarrassed that she hadn’t
known, and her embarrassment only upped her adorableness; by the end of class
Lowell was smitten. He asked her out after the next class and she said yes.

Lowell’s high school girlfriend had
been April, who played basketball and understood the demands of being on a
team. She was tall and gorgeous and Lowell knew he was envied by most of the
guys in school. He wasn’t sure if he loved her, but he liked her a lot and
enjoyed hanging around with her. And the sex was great.

She broke up with him the day after
senior prom, and wouldn’t tell him why. Lowell was confused more than crushed,
but the more she avoided him, the more it annoyed him, and he wouldn’t leave it
alone. Finally, the week before he left for Crocker, April agreed to meet and
told him the reason she broke up was because she was a lesbian.

Lowell cut off his laugh just in
time. “No, you’re not. You can’t be.”

“I am,” April said. “I’m sorry I
didn’t tell you earlier. I’m sorry I let this drag out for so long, but it’s
been really hard for me, you know.”

“You’re serious.” Lowell let it
sink in. “But how...? Did I do something to you? Did I hurt you somehow? Like,
y’know...”

April glared at him. “Oh my God,
Lowell! It’s not all about you. No!”

Lowell had shrunk back, placating
but still thoroughly confused. “Okay, okay. But if you’re gay, then why... why
did you date me? Why did we...?”

“Why’d I fuck you?” April snapped. “I
don’t know.” She sighed. “Because it was easier, I guess.”

“Easier than what?”

“Admitting who I am.” April glanced
away and sighed again. “And I wondered if maybe I was bi. I mean, I liked you.”

“Gee, thanks.”

April flicked her gaze back at him.
“God, I knew this was a mistake. You’re a nice guy, but you’re still a
guy
.”

Lowell’s confusion had rapidly
settled into cold anger, and April hadn’t been helping it any. “What’s that
supposed to mean?”

April grinned humorlessly. “That
you’re still a dick.”

Since then, Lowell hadn’t actively
pursued any girls. He felt burned on relationships, though he wouldn’t have
minded the sex. He had hooked up with a girl at one of the parties after the
Hammer Game, but when he’d called her the next day, she’d told him she had a
boyfriend already.

“I’m sorry,” she had said. “I was
really wasted. I probably shouldn’t have done that. Thanks for using a condom.”

Lowell hadn’t known how to respond
(“You’re welcome”?) so he hung up on her.

Kelly restored his faith in girls.
Kelly was sweet and very cute and amazingly smart. Sort of intimidatingly
smart, in fact, when it came to math and science. She’d won science prizes in
high school. Lowell had done well in math, but he didn’t share her interest in
it, and none of the science classes he’d taken in high school had clicked. He
could do well by studying, but his passion was always out on the football
field.

He tried to explain this to Kelly
when he told her about his problem figuring out a major. Kelly’s response was
an exasperated, “But football’s just a
game
!” but she’d looked adorable
saying it. Kelly made him feel warm and happy and comfortable, and when they’d
been dating for a few weeks, he took her out to meet a bunch of the guys:
Erick, Kryzinski, Dale, Babcock, and Lee.

They met up at a pizza place close
to campus and squeezed into a booth. Babcock and Dale rather obviously
maneuvered themselves to flank Kelly on one side of the booth, and Erick, Lee,
and Kryzinski took the other side. Lowell was left to pull up a chair on the
end.

Lowell introduced her with, “Kelly
didn’t know Crocker had a football team. I’m serious! She didn’t even know.”

Kelly looked mortified, which was
adorable.

Babcock smiled smoothly at her and
said, “And what drew you to our Lowell, pretty lady? Because it clearly wasn’t
his tact.”

“Oh, you know...” Kelly said,
smiling and embarrassed.

It went well after that. Erick
asked what she was studying and they talked about classes. Kryzinski had been
to Santa Barbara and they talked about that. Lowell and Lee were following a
basketball game on the TV over the bar, and during a lull, Lowell heard Dale
ask Kelly quietly, “Did you know he was dropping you into the middle of a bunch
of his teammates tonight?”

“Um, no.”

“Ah, yeah, I was afraid of that.
Well, you just gotta work on him a bit. I think he’ll clean up nicely.”

Kelly giggled, and Lowell shot Dale
a nasty look, which Dale didn’t notice. Afterwards, Lowell and Kelly walked
back to campus alone, and Lowell asked, “Did I screw up? Was tonight awful?”

They were holding hands and Kelly’s
fingers tightened around his. “No. I was curious about your friends, and I got
to meet them. They’re nice. The one in the middle... Is his name Lee? Turns out
we were in the same English lit class in first quarter. It was a huge class, we
didn’t know each other.”

They walked for a bit before Lowell
said, “I guess...we don’t have a lot in common.”

“We don’t have football in common,
that’s all,” Kelly said. She looked at him. “Lowell. It’s college. It’s all
about meeting new people and stepping out of our comfort zones.”

That made Lowell feel better,
though later he realized she had also meant that
he
was out of
her
comfort
zone.

-----

Dale was amused that he found out
about Menacker’s girlfriend from Erick. One afternoon Erick stopped by Dale’s
room and said, “Lowell’s got a girlfriend. I just saw them at the coffee house
together.” The way he said it, it was as if he were announcing that Menacker
had a tumor and Erick had just seen the biopsy results.

“It happens,” Dale said. “They grow
up, go to college. Next thing you know they’re married with children.” He gave
Erick a soulful look. “Our little boy has become a man.”

Erick lightly cuffed him on the
ear. “No, it’s just...” He sat down on Dale’s bed. “He never said anything. He
didn’t tell us.”

Dale saved the file he was working
on and sat back from the desk. Lowell not parading his girlfriend around like a
new car for the guys to admire only made Lowell rise in Dale’s estimation, but
he supposed he had a different take on the situation than everybody else.

“Maybe it’s not that serious,” Dale
said. “Or, you know. Maybe it’s none of our business.”

“Maybe. I can see not telling all
the guys, but. We’re his friends,” Erick said petulantly.

Dale squinted at him. “You gonna be
this much of a mother hen to all the guys on the team?”

Erick winced. “Do I sound that...matronly?”

“Just a tad.” Dale held up two
fingers in a pinch.

Erick sighed. “Seriously? I think
it’s ‘cause I’m envious. I’ve gone out on two dates since I got here. Two! And
one of those was with this clingy girl Benton was trying to pawn off on
somebody else.”

“I guess the cling wrap didn’t
stick.”

“No, it did not. She only went out
with me so I could tell her how great Josh Benton is.”

And knowing Erick West, he probably
had, too, Dale thought to himself. He leaned back in his chair. “Were you a
high school Casanova or something?” Erick didn’t strike him as that type of
guy, somehow.

Erick frowned. “What? No, nothing
like that. But I had girlfriends, y’know. Off and on.” He sounded cagey, and
Dale dropped it. Maybe Erick thought he was grossing Dale out talking about
girlfriends. Dale didn’t actually care about Erick’s love life beyond hearing
that two dates in five months was devastatingly pathetic; Dale hadn’t had any
dates. Hadn’t, come to think of it, ever been out on a real date. Not one that
didn’t end in the back of a car.

Not finding a lot of sympathy from
Dale, if Erick had any complaints about someone else’s love life, he wisely kept
them to himself. Dale flirted with a vicious idea of telling Menacker that
Erick was upset because Menacker had snuck out and gotten a girl without asking
permission first, but before he could do any damage, Menacker invited a bunch
of the guys out to meet the girlfriend.

At first Dale imagined it would be
a ghastly couples’ night (except for Erick) and was going to beg off, but
Babcock was dating too many girls to bring one, Kryzinski’s girlfriend lived in
LA, and Lee had just broken up with someone. So he went along with the group,
as curious as everyone else to meet her.

His immediate thought on seeing her
was
poor girl
. What was she getting herself into, and what was Lowell
thinking, tossing her to the wolves like this? But his teammates were remarkably
well behaved if oblivious to how bored she was by them. Dale spent the better
part of the night fascinated by how she was the opposite of Lowell: tiny, cute,
quiet, and completely uninterested in football. She was, to be honest, kind of
a geek. But a Crocker geek, one with lots of social skills.

Perhaps it was meeting Lowell’s
girlfriend, Dale thought later, that prodded him into trying to find his own
romantic life. He eyed the guys in his classes more closely, looking for any
mutual sparks, but no luck. He hung out at the coffee shop, watching over his
laptop for someone to strike up a conversation with. He kept running into
teammates or, once, a rare Crocker football fan who recognized him and wanted
to talk about the Rockridge game.

One afternoon he was studying at
the student union. It wasn’t the best place to study, but the library was
packed and he couldn’t concentrate back at the dorm.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Dale gave assent without looking
up. A moment later, when he glanced around, he noticed that there were plenty
of empty seats at their table. He looked over at the guy who’d taken a seat
next to the one directly in front of Dale. Black hair, dark tan complexion,
stunning cheekbones. He was typing away in his MacBook Pro but looked up to
meet Dale’s gaze and he had gorgeous blue-grey eyes. He smiled, and his smile
had a warmth to it. All things considered, Dale thought he was being cruised.
But he had to proceed cautiously.