Saddle Up (23 page)

“Oh?” Her brows rose inquisitively. Her gray eyes, so much like Miranda's, pierced him with her next question. “Do you eventually plan to settle down somewhere?”

“Yes… Eventually. I've drifted mainly because I haven't had a good reason to put roots down.”

“I saw your horse out in the small corral. He's quite a looker.”

Keith breathed easier at the change of topic. “Looks are about all that horse has going for him at the moment,” he replied.

“What do you mean?” Jo-Jo asked.

“He's been in captivity for over six months, and no one's been able to do anything with him yet. I was planning to work with him in my spare time.”

“Are you talking about Blue Eye?” Miranda asked, entering the kitchen.

“Yes,” he replied, relieved that the grilling was over.

“I'd love to film you working with him. Would you mind?”

“No, I don't mind.”

“Thank you,” she said. “Supper smells great, Jo-Jo. I'm starving.”

“I'm not surprised.” Jo-Jo flashed them both a mildly chastising look. “I'm sure you've both worked up
quite
an appetite.”

Miranda exited the house the next morning with a thermos in one hand and a basket in the other. She was surprised to find Keith waiting on the front porch. “Keith! You missed breakfast. I've got some coffee and biscuits if you want them. I was just heading over to the bunkhouse to bring them to you. I thought maybe you'd overslept.”

“I've been up for about two hours,” he said.

“I don't understand. Why didn't you come inside?”

He shrugged. “Wasn't real hungry, and once a day is enough to impose.”

“It's not like that!” she protested. “Jo-Jo likes feeding people. In fact, I think she lives for it. But if it really makes you uncomfortable to come over in the morning, we can always go into town later and pick up a few groceries after I take care of the horses.”

“Already done,” he said. “I fed them all and turned the geldings out so we can get started on the fence. Have you ridden out and checked for weak places?”

“Yes. Jo-Jo and I already did that. We know exactly where the bad spots are. We'll need to replace a few rotted posts and raise the perimeter fence height.”

“Do you want to ride out now to show me where those bad posts are?”

“Sure,” she replied. “That's probably the best place for us to start.”

“How many need to be replaced?” he asked.

“About a dozen,” she replied.

“The ground's probably too frozen to dig holes for wood posts, but I'm hoping I can still drive in some metal ones. Got any T-posts and a driver?”

“Yeah, in the workshop,” she said. “There's a big stack of them.”

After loading up the utility cart with T-posts and tools, they rode out together on the ATV, her arms wrapped around his waist. It was bitter with the wind, but she hardly noticed in her excitement to show him the ranch.

“Our summer grazing's on the eastern slopes.” She gestured to the nearby mountains as they pulled up to the first post that she and Jo-Jo had flagged with survey tape on their prior inspection. “We have river access on both the north and south boundaries, so we've never had to worry about water. You see how ideal this is for the horses?” Miranda gushed as she pointed out the boundaries of the place that had become her pride and joy.

“I can't argue that,” Keith said. “It's a shame she ever thought of selling it.”

“The very idea nearly broke my heart, but there's no way she could have kept running it on her own.”

“She could have leased it out for the income,” he suggested.

“She had an offer to do that but refused. She said she couldn't stand by and watch someone else run the place that had been hers for so long. She said she'd rather sell it outright, but she really didn't want to do that either. It's her home. And now it's mine too. I love it here, Keith. I feel like I was always meant to be in this place.”

“That's how I felt when I first arrived in Wyoming. Everything about it spoke to my heart.”

“But you don't feel that way now?”

He sighed. “I don't know anymore. I thought I did because I missed it so much, but when I went back, it all felt so different to me. Like I didn't belong anymore. So many things have changed… I've changed.”

“Change isn't always a bad thing,” she said. “Sometimes it hurts, but it's also what helps us to grow. I've changed a lot too, and I'm much happier for it. I've always believed that everything occurs for a reason. Just look at how we met in Nevada. All of this was meant to happen… You and I were meant to happen.” She bit her lip, realizing she'd said too much, implied too much. “I didn't mean to suggest…”

“I know what you meant,” he said. “I've had the same thoughts.”

“You have?” she said softly, watching him unload the posts.

“Yes,” he replied. “I don't believe in coincidence either. Why do think I came?”

“I don't know,” she replied, afraid to ascribe too much meaning to his words. She wondered if he'd pull back again. In the past, he'd let her get only so close before shutting her out.

He stood and pulled off a leather glove to touch her face. “Because I want to be with you, Miranda. I was about to drive all the way to California when I first called you. I've never felt this way about anyone before.”

Their eyes met. Her heart raced. She swallowed hard and whispered, “Me too. Not even close.” She laid a hand on his arm. “Please, Keith, why don't you stay?”

He shook his head with a look of regret. “I just can't. I've told you why.” He laid his bare hand on hers. It was still warm from the gloves. “Just give me some time, okay? This is new ground for me. I need to work all this out in my head.”

She returned a wistful smile. “Okay.”

For the next several hours they worked to reinforce the posts. Although it was cold enough to see their breath, Keith quickly worked up a sweat in his attempt to pound the posts into the frost-hardened ground. Panting from his exertions, he threw down the post driver with a muffled curse. “It's no good. I can't get deep enough. I'm just wasting energy and bending the posts.”

“Is there something else we could try?” Miranda asked.

“Yes. A hydraulic post driver,” he suggested. “It's the only option.” He snatched up his discarded jacket, mouth compressed. “I don't know why you couldn't have waited until spring to do this.”

“Because the situation is urgent now,” she replied. “You know that as well as I do.”

“Urgent?” He tossed the bent posts back into the trailer with a mumbled curse. “I don't think so. Look, you're not saving the world here, Miranda. Hell, you're not even really saving the mustangs. You're only sticking your finger in the dike. I would have thought you'd understood that by now.”

“Maybe I can't save the world, but at least I'm doing
something
instead of living in my own little bubble.”

His head snapped around. A scowl darkened his brow. “Is that what you think? That I live in a bubble?”

She jutted her chin. “I think you purposely hold yourself apart, just like that horse of yours, intentionally keeping everyone at a distance, when what you really need is right in front of you.”

“What makes you such an expert on what I need?”

“I can see that you aren't happy. I know what I'm saying, because I was that way too until now—unhappy, restless, unfulfilled. Maybe you don't want to admit it, but I think that's the real reason you're here. You want to feel a sense of purpose.”

“You sound just like my grandfather,” he scoffed. “He's always preaching how every living thing has a reason for being.”

“You don't agree with him?”

He shook his head with a snort. “If I did, then I'd have to accept that I'm the sole exception to the rule.”

“Just because you haven't discovered your purpose yet doesn't mean you don't have one,” she argued.

Her words seemed to strike a raw nerve. His gaze hardened. He picked up the post driver and threw it into the cart. “We're done here. Let's go.”

His tense silence all the way back to the house told her he'd withdrawn, just as she'd feared he might, but if they were going to pursue a relationship, she needed to be free to speak her mind. She hoped he'd come to realize the truth of what she'd said. Either that or he'd pack up and leave. The thought filled her with dismay. She wanted him to stay, but not if she had to walk on eggshells just to keep him happy.

* * *

Things were strained between them for the rest of the day. Keith drove alone to Butte to rent the post driver and then begged off for supper. The next morning when she rose, he was already gone with the ATV. Although disappointed and hurt, she knew he needed space. He'd implied as much the day before. She was surprised by a knock on the door later in the afternoon. Her heart hammered as she rose to answer.

“Hi,” she greeted him tentatively. Had he come to say good-bye?

He returned the greeting with a terse nod. “I reinforced half of the posts and got about a mile of wire strung.”

“Why didn't you wait for me this morning? You knew I wanted to help.”

“I didn't see much point in both of us freezing our asses off.”

“But we would have made more progress with two of us working,” she countered.

“That's doubtful,” he replied with a hint of a smile. “I know you have good intentions, but you don't have the body strength or the know-how for this kind of thing. I've been pulling fence wire since I was thirteen. I can do it faster alone.”

“What about just keeping you company?” she asked softly.

He sighed and tipped his hat back. “I needed time alone to think.”

“Oh… Did you? Think?” she prompted.

“Yes. I did. I'm not here just to give you a progress report. I came to apologize.”

“You did?” She stepped out onto the porch, shutting the door behind her. It was too cold to be without a jacket, but she wasn't about to let him off the hook now.

“I didn't mean to be so abrupt or so hard on you yesterday. You touched a nerve, or maybe a bunch of them. You have to understand that I want to make it work with you, but I don't know how. I'm not even sure that it can.”

“Why not? What makes us different from any other two people who want to be together?”

He scrubbed his face. “The short answer is that I still don't have my shit together. I've been trying really hard for months, and you've only given me reason to work at it even harder, but I'm just not there yet. I need you to be patient with me,
Aiwattsi
.” His black eyes met hers. “I don't want to let you down.”

“I don't know how you could,” she replied, hugging herself. “You came here, didn't you?”

“Yeah. I came. I swore I wouldn't have anything to do with this, but I'm beginning to think even wild horses couldn't have kept me away from you.”

He cupped her face and kissed her, softly, sweetly, with toe-curling tenderness. The kind of kiss that hinted at secrets hidden in the heart. He released her slowly. She shivered and chaffed her arms. “It's getting really cold out here. I need to go back in. Will you join us for supper tonight? Jo-Jo said she was making something especially for you.”

“She is? What is it?” he asked.

She grinned. “The Food Network did a segment on fry bread yesterday. They had several different recipes, so she decided to give Indian Tacos a try.”

He laughed. “Sounds great, but could you ask her to hold off for a bit? There's still about an hour of daylight left. I was hoping to work with the horse. Did you still want to watch?”

“Yes, I do! Just give me a minute to grab my camera and a jacket.”

A few minutes later, Miranda stood outside the corral with her video camera poised as Keith climbed over the panels and into the pen, a coiled rope in hand. He dropped softly to the ground. Fear gripped her as the horse spun to face him, neck arched, teeth bared, and ears pinned.

“Be careful, Keith!”

“I'm always careful,” he said.

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

“I'm just going to stand here quietly, looking down at the ground. I won't make a single move as long as he doesn't. If he's feeling purely defensive, he should just stand there, watching and waiting on me, but if he makes an aggressive move, I'll have to counter in the same way. As a stallion, his sole purpose in life was to procreate and to protect. His instincts taught him to fight anyone who threatened his position. It's not going to be easy to change lifelong behaviors.”

“How do you go about it?” Miranda asked.

“With time and patience.” He kept his eyes glued to the horse as he spoke. “He basically has to be reprogrammed, but I can't even begin the process until he accepts that I'm not a threat to him.” Even while he was speaking, the horse lowered his head, stretched his neck, and charged.

Miranda cried out, but Keith darted out of its path and threw the looped end of his lasso at the horse, startling him into turning away. Blue Eye circled him several times, plunging and kicking, but Keith stood his ground, using the rope to keep the animal at a safe distance.

“If I back down or retreat, he wins,” he explained. “And that's what he'll remember the next time.” After a minute or two, the horse snorted and withdrew to the far end of the pen, still watching Keith with a wary glare until Keith lowered the rope and climbed back over the panel.

“That's it? That's all you're going to do?” Miranda asked, befuddled.

“Yup. My only goal was to show him he can't intimidate me, so I'd call that one a win.”

“It looked a lot more like a draw to me,” Miranda said dryly.

“In reality, there was no winner or loser, but I achieved what I wanted. I didn't let him exert dominance. Once he backed off, I rewarded him by removing the pressure. This isn't going to be about coaxing, cooing, and trying to woo him. That kind of courtship approach already failed with this horse. The next time I go in there, we'll see who can move whom. Herding is how horses exert dominance over one another. If I win, we can move forward.”

“And if you don't?” she asked. “What if he runs through that rope of yours? What if he hurts you?”

“Then I'd have a real tough decision to make. An aggressive horse is as dangerous as a rabid dog. I won't keep an animal that I can't turn my back on.”

“Are you saying you'd euthanize him?”

He nodded. “But only as the last resort. It's still way too early to judge.”

Watching Keith with a horse was an almost magical experience. It was uncanny how well he read and understood them. “I just don't understand why you aren't doing this full-time,” she said. “You have such a talent. It seems such a waste not to use it.”