Sacrifice (18 page)

I stopped and glanced back at her. “And?”

Amber shrugged. “Your Lilitu powers. I mean, are you sure you can control them?”

“Yes.” I felt a hot rush of anger flooding my cheeks, and knew I must be blushing crimson. I gripped the banister tightly in one hand.

Amber studied me shrewdly, tilting her head to one side. “Really? I mean, you’re
sure
sure?”

“I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Lucas,” I said. But even as the words passed my lips I hesitated. Memories of all the times I had already—if inadvertently—hurt him poured through my mind.

“Wow.” Amber read my expression again. “You really do care about him. It must be awful for you, knowing you’re the one thing in the world that poses the biggest threat to his life.”

A fist of lead clutched tightly around my heart. This was not a conversation I wanted to have with Amber. Not now. Not ever. “You know where the front door is,” I hissed. “You can let yourself out.”

I turned and hurried up the staircase, pausing in the hallway outside to get a grip on my emotions before anyone saw the open rage on my face. I listened closely, but didn’t hear Amber heading up the stairs behind me. I let my shoulders sag for a moment, then shook my head.
Stop it!
A voice in my head shouted.
You might have to train with her, but you don’t have to let her mess with your head.

I took a deep breath and straightened. Let Amber try to screw with me, like she had all through middle school. I was a different person now—a stronger person. Standing in that narrow hallway, I made a silent promise to myself; Amber would never see me that vulnerable again.

Every day that week, Amber showed up after school, ready to train. She mastered the basic punches quickly, and Hale had started her on simple combinations by the end of the week. Each day, while Amber practiced her sparring techniques, I practiced concealing my feelings. She’d make little off-hand digs at me when Hale wasn’t paying attention, but after that first session, I didn’t show her even a crack in my facade.

It was harder to brush her words off as I lay down to sleep, though. The things she implied about my relationship with Lucas—and how selfish it was of me to continue hanging out with him—burrowed deep into my subconscious. On more than one occasion, her words kept me from visiting Lucas in his dreams. While I longed for his comforting presence, I didn’t want the doubts she’d instilled in me to taint any of the dreams I shared with Lucas. Until I got control of my own fears, I decided to spend my dreams alone.

At the beginning of practice on Friday, Amber slid into a straddle splits. She glanced at Hale, who was holding a pair of wooden practice daggers in his hands.

“So when do I meet the other spotters?”

Hale looked up, her question snapping him out of his thoughts. “Hmm? Oh. They’ve been checking in on us.”

I eyed Hale, unsettled. “What do you mean? They’re watching us train?”

“One or two of them watch from the top of the stairs for a couple of minutes most days.” He glanced at me, surprised. “You haven’t noticed them?”

I shook my head. Hale frowned. “Well. They’re very interested in Amber’s progress.” He gave Amber a confident smile. “And they’re very encouraged to see you holding your own against—” But Hale didn’t finish the thought.

“Against a Lilitu?” I felt a rush of goose bumps over my skin. Why keep their observation secret, unless they were also gauging how well I fought? Preparing against the day we might find ourselves on opposite sides?

Hale shrugged, trying to put me at ease. “I wouldn’t take it personally.”

I glanced at him, but his words did nothing to sooth my fears.

Hale clapped his hands. “Okay. Let’s get started. I’ve got a new combo for you today, Amber.” While Hale drilled Amber on a new combination of punches, I glanced up the stairs, suddenly feeling unseen eyes on me. How had they watched us without my ever sensing their presence?

“Okay, Braedyn. Ready to defend yourself?” Hale gestured for me to face Amber. I settled into my stance, but my mind wandered up the stairs, trying to sense whether or not we had intruders.

Amber attacked. I blocked the first two punches, but the third connected with startling force into my left side. I staggered backwards, winded. Amber’s face barely reflected surprise. She simply stopped moving and watched me as Hale ran forward. Her expression was bland, but I saw the faintest glimmer of triumph in her eyes.

“That one looked like it stung. You need a minute?” He tried to meet my eyes, but I avoided his gaze.

I shook my head, forcing myself to straighten. “Just let myself get distracted.”

“It’s okay if you need to grab a seat.” Hale eyed me, concerned. “I can run through another combo with Amber for a few minutes.”

“I’m fine.” My voice came out sharper than I’d intended. Hale shrugged, stepping back.

Amber faced me again, letting the smallest of smiles play across her lips. “Lots of people underestimate me. Once.”

“You got lucky,” I said, forcing myself to sound bored. “I wouldn’t let it go to your head.”

“Alright, ladies. Let’s take it from the top.” Hale stepped back, but I could tell by the way he kept his eyes fastened to us that he could sense the animosity sparking between Amber and me. It was a grueling session. Amber was—though it pains me to admit it—getting kind of good at this stuff.

After our session, Hale turned to praise Amber on her progress. I left, eager to put as much distance between Amber and myself as I could. Lucas looked up from his place at the dining room table and smiled at me.

“I’m going to study at home,” I mumbled. Lucas glanced at the basement behind me. I knew he sensed something had happened at practice, but I was too desperate to leave Amber behind to stop and explain. We’d catch up later at dinner.

I hurried through the Guard’s lawn and up to my front porch. Dad was inside, listening to the news on the radio and cleaning his daggers.

“How was practice today?” He looked up from the gleaming dagger he was polishing.

“Fine.” I stalked past him and into the kitchen. I pulled the fridge open and rummaged for a snack, bypassing carrot sticks in favor of something salty.

Karayan entered the kitchen. “You’re home early. Rough training session?”

“Not now.” I glared at her and pulled a stick of cheese out of the fridge.

Karayan studied me. “Let me guess. Situation Amber’s getting a little messy?”

“I know the Guard needs her, but—” I shrugged, unwilling to finish the thought.

“It would feel
so good
to push her off the top of a tall building,” Karayan finished wistfully.

I smiled grimly, taking a bite of the cheese. “Something like that.”

I heard the front door open and Karayan turned, smoothing a hand through her hair quickly.

“Are you looking for Braedyn?” Dad looked up from his work at the dining table.

“No, Karayan, actually.” It was Hale.

“They’re both in the kitchen,” Dad said, jerking his head toward us.

Hale walked through the dining room and into view. He nodded when he saw me. “How’s the side? Still tender?”

Karayan’s eyes widened. “Oh, man. You let her
hit
you? No wonder you’re in such a pissy mood.”

I glared at Karayan. Hale bit back a smile. I pointed the remainder of my cheese at him. “I saw that.”

“Sorry,” Hale shook his head ruefully, “but it was a good reminder to keep your guard up.”

I let out a disgusted breath and leaned against the counter to finish my cheese in peace.

Hale turned to Karayan. “Are we still on for tonight?”

“I’m up for it if you are,” said Karayan.

“I’ll tell Gretchen.” Hale gave Karayan a small smile. “Pick you up at eight?”

“Actually,” Karayan glanced at me. “Braedyn, why don’t you join us tonight. It is a Friday night, and that’ll give Gretchen some time to rest and hang out with Lucas.” Karayan’s eyes held mine, full of an unvoiced plea.

Hale looked at me, surprised. “Would you be up for that, Braedyn?”

“How do you know we don’t have plans?” Dad asked from the dining room behind Hale.

“Do we have plans?” I asked back.

Dad sighed. “I guess not.”

“Sure.” I gave Karayan a smile of understanding.

“Okay, then. I’ll pick you both up at eight.” Hale gave us another quick smile and left, walking back out the front door.

Karayan caught my hand and gave it a small squeeze. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“Sure.” I smiled back, warmed. Maybe this meant Karayan was taking my warning to heart, that she wanted someone around who could keep an eye on her and Hale, help her manage her attraction to him.

“I don’t want anyone else suspecting us.” Karayan turned and skipped out of the kitchen, anticipation gleaming in her eyes.

I felt my smile drain away. I wasn’t helping Karayan fight her feelings for Hale. I was helping her keep them secret from the rest of the Guard.

That night, all my attention was focused on Hale and Karayan. A parade of Lilitu could burst out of the Seal but—unless they stopped to chat with the lovebirds—odds were slim that I’d even see them. It wasn’t a conscious choice. I tried to force myself to zone in on the Seal. But every sound that travelled up from Hale and Karayan’s station set my ears straining, my skin tingling.

For the first part of the night, they shared separate posts. But after the Guard’s first rounds, Hale sent me up to the balcony and he and Karayan took the center position together again.

Which gave me the perfect position to eavesdrop. Even if I hadn’t intended to—and believe me, that was not the case—I would have had a hard time
not
listening to their conversation. The acoustics of the mission bounced sound from where they were standing straight up into my balcony perch.

At first, they kept the conversation light, and I felt my muscles unknotting as some of my anxiety slipped away.

But then I heard Karayan sigh. “You just don’t seem like the other Guardsmen. How in the world did you get mixed up in all of this?”

There was a long pause. I found myself leaning closer as it dawned on me, I didn’t know much about Hale’s past, either. Hale finally cleared his throat. “My wife, actually,” he said.

“You were married?” Karayan couldn’t hide her surprise.

“Briefly. She was—well, she was everything.” Hale’s voice took on a far-away quality that sent a shiver across my back.

“What happened?” Karayan’s voice dropped to a husky whisper, as though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.

“One night she—” Hale fell silent for a long moment. “She walked in and found a Lilitu—with me. She interrupted things before—” Hale’s voice grew softer. “She saved me. Maybe even saved my life. But the Lilitu was furious. It—it killed her. Opened her carotid artery with its claws, then fled. She died in my arms.”

I stared down at them, stricken.

“Hale,” Karayan breathed. The empathy in her voice was genuine, powerful.

Hale glanced down at his hands. I heard him take a long, shaky breath. “The cop who came to the scene took my statement. I—stupidly—told him everything. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to consider how insane my story sounded. All I wanted was for them to catch the demon who’d taken Sarah—” Hale shook his head. “If it had been any other officer on duty that night, I’d have ended up in a psych ward or worse—on death row. But this cop, his brother was in the Guard. He knew enough about what I’d just seen that he believed me. He made a call, and an hour later I met my first Guardsman.” Hale let out a long breath. “That’s the long and the short of it.”

“There are no happy stories here, are there?” Karayan’s voice sounded soft after Hale’s harsh confession.

“No happy beginnings.” Hale turned his attention back to the Seal. “But I’m not ready to give up hope for a happy ending.”

Karayan looked at him sharply, but Hale didn’t take his eyes off the Seal.

It was a long shift. When our relief showed up an hour before the dawn, I was more than ready to leave the cold stone mission behind. Hale drove us home, and I dozed in the back seat of his truck. When we got home, I stumbled past Dad and up the stairs, thinking only of my bed and the sleep that awaited me.