Sacred Surrender (8 page)

Tessa glanced from Rowan to the spot of his attention, then a smile drifted across her face.  So, this was the cause of the trance she found her brother in.  He hadn’t even stood and hugged her, which happened never in her life. 

“What’s her name?”  Tessa’s voice brought him out of his daze. 

Rowan stood, making his way up the steps leading to the front door.  He was not about to engage in a conversation about Madison with his sister. 

“Well, seems like I need to introduce myself to the new neighbor, since you are going to be rude about it.” 

It took Rowan a total of two long strides to reach Tessa, grab her around the waist, turning them both back to his home.  He handed her off like a rag doll to Cade then walked back to the top stair.  He knew she was ready to give him a piece of her mind, but he really didn’t give two shits what she thought at the moment. 

“Baby, I don’t think you want to mess with him right now,” Cade whispered in her ear. 

Glaring up at him, “Well, I’ll be damned if he thinks he’s getting away with that.” 

“Tess, seriously, let it go,” Rowan gritted out. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“Look, I’ve tried to talk with her, she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, so drop it.” 

“Well, what’s wrong with her?” 

Rowan just glared at her.  That was Tessa, always ready to place the blame on someone other than him.  He didn’t have a clue as to why Madison kept brushing him off, so he didn’t have an answer to that question.  Maybe, if he hadn’t kissed her last night things would be different.  Maybe, if he hadn’t made an ass of himself on the beach earlier he’d be helping her unload her car, making plans for a romantic dinner.  But, no, he was sitting here dwelling on what could have been, before what could have been even started. 

When are you ever going to learn, Rowan, women in your life just spells trouble? 

Rowan felt Tessa and Cade close behind him as he passed through the living room to the open kitchen.  He loved the layout of his home; it had been one of the reasons he bought the thing when he started making decent money out of medical school.  The openness made the small rooms seem so much bigger.  He’d remodeled each room to fit his tastes with the kitchen being his favorite.  When he bought the place, the cabinets were a stark white, the countertops covered in Formica, and the flooring yellow linoleum.  He started fresh by gutting the entire kitchen.  He was amazed to see what a new coat of paint could do to a room.  Sort of a brown coated his walls now, the clerk at the paint store called the color wicker.  It went quite well with the oak cabinets he installed himself.  He had tile laid down, and black granite countertops installed before he replaced all the appliances with stainless steel ones.  Everything sat perfectly, just the way he liked it. 

“Do either of you want something to drink?”  He asked as he opened the refrigerator, pulling out a gallon of orange juice. 

Both Tessa and Cade just shook their heads as they kept their eyes glued to him as if they were waiting for him to break down.  Rowan just wanted them out.  He loved them both, but he wanted to be alone to wallow in his pity.  He knew it wasn’t very becoming, but he wanted it all the same.  When they both took a seat at the oak kitchen table, he knew he’d be entertaining them for a while. 

Before Rowan could get another word out, the doorbell rang.  The old saying saved by bell had a whole new meaning for him.  He didn’t want to have a confrontation with Tessa about how he needed to get out and blah, blah, blah.  She’d been driving him batty the last few months about going out to The Launchpad, where he and Cade would frequent before the two of them started dating, but honestly, he had no desire to.  Walking to the front door, he realized how pathetic he’d become.  At what point in his life had he decided to become such an asshat?  He really let Erin work him over and unless he wanted to be miserable his whole life, he needed to pull his head out of his ass.  Maybe, he would go hang out sometime this week.  He was on vacation and didn’t have any responsibilities, so what the hell.  The nurses from the hospital usually hung out there after work.  Maybe, he would just get lucky and bring one back home.  He needed to relieve the tension that had built up since leaving Madison’s last night along with the added tension from this morning which only made matters worse. 

Rowan stopped dead in his tracks when instead of the bell ringing again there was a knock at the door.  Only one person he knew ever knocked.  And that was a person he really had no desire to see, ever again.  He breathed in a cleansing breath, prepared himself for the worst, and opened the door.  Erin stood before him looking as beautiful as always, at least on the exterior.  He knew what lay inside her was a heart as black as a moonless night.  He hadn’t seen her since the day of their wedding, or at least the wedding that should have been. 

“Erin?”  He said without any emotion. 

“Hi Rowan.” 

“Is there a reason you are here?”  Rowan asked with as much bitterness in his voice as he could.  He shook his head in disbelief.  The bitch really had the nerve to show up at his door. 

“I needed to drop off your things.  I finally got around to unpacking the rest of my boxes. I came across a few items of yours that ended up in one of them.”  

Erin handed him a small red shoe box.  She came all the way over to his place to give him a box that weighed the equivalent of a tea bag?  Rowan walked out of the house out onto the porch.  Allowing Erin and Tessa to be in the same room only spelled disaster.  He was not about to put his sister through that.  He could give a rat’s ass about how Erin felt.  Closing the door, he walked around her, being sure to not even touch her in the slightest bit. 

“Thanks for bringing over my things.  You really didn’t need to.  Apparently, they aren’t things I was missing too much.” 

“It’s not a problem.  I was actually hoping we could talk, though.” 

“I have nothing to talk to you about, Erin.”  

“I wanted to apologize, Rowan, for what happened between us.” 

“It’s really pointless, don’t you think.?” She’d already broken his heart and honestly he was ready to move on. 

“Can’t you find it in your heart to forgive me and give us a chance?” 

Rowan rubbed at the back of his neck, standing in disbelief at the words that had just come from Erin.  She had a lot of nerve to stand before him, asking to give them a chance.  She was the one that stepped over the line; she was the one that thought only of herself not giving a second thought to how her actions would affect him. 

“I have forgiven you, Erin, for myself, not for you.  And when I placed that engagement ring on your finger we had a chance.” 

Everything within in him wanted to pick her up and throw her ass off his porch, but he’d never touch a woman in a violent way, not even his sister when they were kids.  She’d already changed so much of the person he was; he wouldn’t let her push him to that.  She’d already taken so much from him and he wouldn’t give her any more. 

“You can’t tell me you still don’t love me, Rowan, I know you do,” she said as if he didn’t have a choice in the matter. 

“Erin, if I had to choose between hell and you, I’d gladly take hell any day of the week.  The woman I fell in love with doesn’t exist any longer.” 

Rowan turned from her when he saw that the real Erin was about to show her ugly face.  He glanced over towards Madison’s place.  He couldn’t help himself; he was drawn to her, even though she was nowhere to be found.  He would much rather be in her presence than the woman standing on his porch.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t and probably had ruined his chances with Madison.  Rowan was caught up in his thoughts about Madison when he felt Erin’s heated glare boring into the back of his head.  He turned quickly to face her. 

“What?”  He asked irritated that she was still standing there. 

“It’s just like you, Rowan, to not pay attention to someone who is talking to you.  Jesus, I don’t know why I came over here.  I don’t know why I even try with you.” 

“I don’t know why you try either Erin, I have no desire at all to be with you, or to have you in my life.  You made your choice of where our relationship would end up when you tried to get Cade into our bed.  Deal with it, just like I’ve had to do.” 

“Damn it, you are the most frustrating man,” she huffed as she walked down the stairs to her car. 

“So I’ve heard,” he mumbled as he turned to go back inside. 

Cade and Tessa were walking out of the house as Erin slid into her car, hurriedly driving off.  Tessa gave Rowan a look that would’ve raised the dead, but he quickly raised his hand to stop any remarks she may have for him. Shaking his head, he waited for them to descend the stairs.  Their stay was much shorter than he expected.  He’d be a liar if he said he was disappointed that they were leaving so soon.  He loved them both, but he was happy for the peace and quiet that awaited him.  After finally saying their goodbyes, with him reminding Tessa not to get on the death machine known as a motorcycle he watched them drive off. Rowan went inside to make himself an early dinner. 

Chapter 6

Every morning the past week, Rowan took his run at the same time as when he’d bumped into Madison on the beach last week in hopes of seeing her again.  He’d not had any luck the entire week.  As a matter of fact, he’d not even seen her the times he’d gone to sit on the porch or to run errands.  He was in and out throughout the day, but no sign of her.  It seemed almost as if she were trying to avoid him.  Hell, maybe she was.  The way he made an ass of himself with her, he wouldn’t blame her one bit. 

Madison shuffled her feet down the hall from her bedroom to the kitchen.  She had just this weekend before she started work.  She had worked her tail off to get her house in order so she could enjoy the next couple days just relaxing.  Really, she killed two birds with one stone by doing so.  Her house was exactly the way she wanted it and her mind had stayed off of Rowan.  Well, at least it had stayed off of him for the most part.  A couple days she had gotten up early to go for a run, but stopped when she saw him jogging towards the beach.  She had no desire to share the beach or a run with him.  Damn, but the man could make her body ache just by looking at him.  Too many times, she found herself licking her lips, wishing she could lick every inch of his succulent body.  His broad shoulders perfect for anchoring herself as she wrapped her legs around his waist, his chest and abs adorned with muscled ridges that descended below the waist of his shorts and that wisp of hair below his navel that beckoned her.  

 She shook her head to clear her mind once she realized she was standing in the very center of the kitchen, unmoving except for the quivering between her thighs.  She needed coffee and, damn it, she was going for a run this morning no matter the consequences of seeing him.  Her body needed to release the tension that had been building the last week.  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone so long between runs.  After gulping down a cup of her favorite coffee, she dressed quickly.  Maybe if she hurried she’d miss Rowan altogether.  With her iPod attached to her arm and keys in hand, she headed out the door.  Turning to place the key in the lock to secure the door, she saw the white folded notebook paper taped to the wood.  MADISON was scribbled in perfect print.  As she read her name, she felt goosebumps spring up all over her body.  These weren’t the kind of goosebumps she gets when she’s cold, but the kind she got from excitement streaming through her body.  She felt them from the tips of her toes to the top of her head; her scalp tingled with the sensation of fingers massaging her as visions of Rowan engulfed her mind.  Her heart stuttered as she read his words.