Sacred Burial Grounds (An FBI Romance Thriller (book 2)) (7 page)

“
We need to, Ethan?” She was worried. Already, he seemed rattled, and that didn’t bode well for what was coming.

“Yeah baby. I need to talk to you before we start this assignment
.” Ethan Blackhawk led her into their bedroom. They had bought the house at eleven Light Lamp Lane for a few reasons. One was the name, it made them both laugh the minute they heard the street name. Next was the sheer size of everything. Since growing up with very little as a child, Blackhawk wanted to assure that his children, if they ever had any were provided for completely. The back yard was a decent size for kids to run wild. The nearest house was the one directly behind them. Immediately, for privacy they had a large fence installed. The house had five bedrooms, and the master was enormous. Both knew the minute they walked into it, they were home.

“Ethan, I have to say that you're worrying me. If you can’t do this, I’ll do it alone.
I’m not afraid of facing down the Natives.”

“Not going to happen, Lyzee. I’m going with you, but I just need to tell you a few things first
. I need to get them out in the open and off my chest, before we head into the fray.”

“Okay.
” She jumped up on the bed and watched her husband as he started to dress. Elizabeth knew he was going through the motions to keep distracted. Anytime he had to talk about his life before the FBI he became agitated. The vibe in the room was tense, and Elizabeth could feel him reverting back to the man he was before she steamrolled into his life.

“My life before the FBI was vastly
different.”

“I’m aware
, Ethan. You’ve told me some of it. Your mom dying, your dad bailing, and the foster homes you had to live in when you were out of control.”

“You know how they say some foster homes are horrible places?”

Elizabeth watched him button his black dress shirt and tuck it into his black dress pants, keeping his back to her the entire time. “Yes,” she hoped they weren’t hell for him.

“They made reservation life look great.”

Elizabeth didn’t know what to say to him. Growing up as a child she had a really good life. Even after her mother died, her father still gave her normalcy and a big house with safety. There was no doubt in her mind that he picked the home they had bought together for kids. Ethan Blackhawk was trying to erase the possibility of his past in the next generation. It was too big for just the two of them. The more she learned about her husband’s past, the more she found he lacked that feeling of security growing up. Maybe it was why she was so fiercely protective of him now. The cracks in his heart from being abandoned and alone were hidden from the world, but evident to her.

“Growing up on
the Rez is hard. Reservations amount to nothing more than poverty stricken tenements. They’re run down and horrible places to have kids and try to survive. Going back there is a reminder of it to me.”

When Ethan Blackhawk turned
, his dark eyes had gone darker, the emotion filling them and threatening to spill over.

“I’m not proud of the life I had then, and I’ll be honest with you. I’d prefer you to not see it. It never brought me anything but shame.
I don’t want my wife going there.”

Elizabeth’s heart ached for the man i
n front of her. Crossing to him she took his face in her hands and kissed him softly, and she shared all the love in her heart. When she broke away, she saw his eyes filled with tears. “It doesn’t make me see you any differently, Ethan Blackhawk.”

“I don’t want you to see where I came from, and…” he had to pause
as he struggled to get the words out.

“Judge you?”

He nodded unable to speak. Blackhawk was on the precipice, and he was filled with the memory of what his life had been like, the daily struggle to just survive.

“I love you, Ethan. Where you came from doesn’t matter to me
in the least. I only care that we’re together now and that we’re making our own way together through life as partners.”

It was time to confess the worst of it all. “I made a lot of bad choices with the opposite sex when I was there, Elizabeth.”
It just hung between them both. “More than I’m proud of.”

“What are you saying, Ethan?” The fear threatened to bubble up and over flow at his words. Now she had to wonder if there was a woman still on the reservation that he had feelings for
, and he didn’t want her to find out.

“I’m sure many of the women I had relationships with are still there, and I don’t want to drag you through all this, Lyzee.”

Elizabeth felt such an intense jealousy that any woman was even part of his life before her. “Did you love them, Ethan, and still do? Is that why you don’t want me there?”

“No.” There was no hesitation in his answer
, but simply worry for what she’d find there.

“It’s a good thing, Ethan. If they come near my husband I’m going to beat the hell out of them
.” Elizabeth kept a straight face, despite the intense jealousy still swamping her heart.

Blackhawk laughed. The woman he married always was able to pull him out of
melancholy. She was his miracle and always would be. He wasn’t sure if she realized just how her love had saved him, giving him a second chance he probably didn’t deserve. Elizabeth Blackhawk was his redemption.

“I do believe this is what Gabe was talking about,” he whispered into her hair, holding onto her
and breathing in the familiarity of her scent. It offered him peace and calm when he felt nothing but disarray and complete chaos. 

“I do believe, Cowboy
, that Gabe specifically said to play nice. Not once did he say
‘don’t beat down any ex-girlfriends that try to get with your husband again’
. Next time he should specify more clearly if that was his meaning.”

Bl
ackhawk laughed more and took her hand in his. “I love you, Elizabeth. Please don’t hold what you find out there against me,” he said softly, genuinely worried.

“Ethan, our pasts don’t make us.” All she could hope was it didn’t break the man she loved. “You need to know that. There is nothing we’re going to run into that’s going to make me lose respect for you.”

“I know and you can keep saying it, but deep down, it lives in me, and it scares me shitless. How can I go on if you stop seeing the man I’ve worked so hard to become? No one’s opinion of me ever mattered before you.”

“That
’s never going to happen, Ethan,” she answered truthfully. Elizabeth moved to stand behind him and did something incomprehensible to her. She took the leather tie from his hand, pulling his hair back into the ponytail he wore at the nape of his neck. He was forever tying it back, almost trying to hide the obvious heritage he found shameful. Today she would show him how she felt with one simple act. Forever Elizabeth would stand with him and support the man he created in the present. After all, she was in love with both sides to Ethan Blackhawk. Together they’d face his fears as one.

The very intimate act of her fingers running through his hair and tying it back, forced the love he felt for her to well up in his body. She was forever tearing down the walls he built to hide, and
now she was helping him hold those walls against the past that threatened to crumble on top of him. He’d never love anyone more than he loved her right in this moment.

“I think we’re ready now, Director Special Agent Ethan Blackhawk,” she whispered
, as she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his back. It was just another sign of support for the love of her life. Today they’d be indestructible no matter what reared its ugly head.

“As long as I have you, Director Special Agent Elizabeth Blackhawk, I’ll be ready.”

Elizabeth hoped that was true, and he actually believed it and wasn’t just trying to convince her. There was no doubt in her mind she’d weather the storm, but would he? That was the question they’d have to answer together.

The ride into FBI West was a quiet one. Elizabeth already could tell he was starting to pull away from her again, and back into the shell he used to protect himself. At one time he used the FBI badge as a shield to keep people clueless to the man beneath, but she managed to crack through his walls. He dressed to look like an FBI agent, he behaved above the law when it came to his job, and he was a company man to the core. Ethan Blackhawk had created a carefully constructed
façade to hide his roots. Not once in the five months since leaving Salem had she ever regretted it, but now suddenly there was this little niggling fear beating against her heart. This might have been a bad idea after all. Yeah, they would have had challenges in Salem, like the bias and bigotry, but at least she could keep his heart protected there. Part of her hated to do it, but she was aware of what would shake him up and make him refocus.

“Are we going to survive this decision to take on FBI West?” she asked, catching him off guard.

“What?” Blackhawk lifted his sunglasses, placing them on the top of his head, genuinely surprised at her words. They seemingly came out of nowhere.

“I’m talking about us, Ethan. Are we going to still be married and happy when this is all over, or was coming here the end of us?”

Blackhawk felt a panic building in him. There was no way he could imagine not being married to Elizabeth. It never occurred to him they wouldn’t be, but it obviously had to her.

“Lyzee, I don’t plan on not being married to you. I’m sticking despite what you see today.
I just need you to forgive me if I’m irrational or acting like an idiot. Coming home has me shaken up pretty bad. I’m afraid of what it’ll do to me.” It took everything to tell her those words. He had kept them locked deep inside as his secret fears.

“No matter what, Ethan?” she asked, looking out the window at the other cars they passed. “Beca
use already you’re pulling away from me. I can feel it. We haven’t even started this assignment, and I feel you rebuilding that wall between us to protect yourself,” her voice shook. “You’re pushing me out.”

“Baby,” he started to speak
and then stopped. He wasn’t aware he was doing it, or maybe he was and that was just utter bullshit. His wife was always astute, and he knew better than to try and pull it over on her.

“I don’t want to lose you, Ethan. Promise me that you
won’t let the past ruin our future together.”

Blackhawk pulled into the parking garage, entering their reserved spot. They had two side by side and most of the time one wasn’t even used. The
y carpooled daily, just to be close to one another more. When he put it in park he touched her cheek, making her look at him. “I’ll be okay, Lyzee. It’s just this feeling deep in my gut that going back is a very bad idea.”

“Because I might see your past, or your past might see me?” It hurt to even think that
there was the slightest possibly he was embarrassed by her. Granted she wasn’t all spiffy and shiny like he was daily and maybe she should try and dress and act more like an FBI agent.

His heart stopped. Did he really give her the impression he wasn’t proud of his wife? The anger he felt was directed at himself.  “I’m not afraid of them see
ing my wife. She’s amazing, she’s beautiful, and most importantly she’s bad ass even without her cowboy hat,” he said, making her laugh.

“I love you, Ethan,” she leaned forward, kissing him and meaning it. If she could
, she’d keep his heart safe from whatever was coming. Elizabeth made the promise to remain calm and understanding no matter what they faced today.

Blackhawk felt better a
lready. “We better get in there; the chief of police will be here soon and waiting for us.”

Elizabeth walked with her husband to the elevators, holding his hand. She didn’t care if their staff saw her bein
g affectionate with her husband. There’d be no doubt that they were a unified front. Once the elevator doors closed, she wrapped her arms around his body and whispered in his ear, “Can I interest you in dinner tonight, Mr. Blackhawk? Then finish the night up with some making out on the couch, or hammock in the back yard?”

“Hell yeah to the making out part, Mrs. Blackhawk, but are you offering to cook me dinner?”
That would be a first.

“No way, that’s your job.
I do breakfast and you do dinner. You have to keep your hands busy, or you forget that we need to eat daily.” Elizabeth wiggled her eyebrows as she alluded to how he always found sex a better dinner option.

Blackhawk laughed,
as the tightness began to fall away. Maybe it would all be alright. “Good thing you’re the boss, or I wouldn’t know what to do with myself,” he teased back.

Suddenly she remembered
. “Ethan, we forgot the personnel folders. Crap! I need them for the conference call.”

“I’ll go back and get them, baby” he said, staying in the elevator. “I’ll meet you in your office. Try and
play nice with the chief of reservation police, and for the love of God, no cowboy and Indian references,” he patted her on the ass, laughing as she left the elevator. He flashed back to that first day in Salem. As charming as he found it, someone who was steeped in the Native tradition may not find it nearly as funny.