Sacked (The Alpha Ballers#2) (19 page)

I wouldn’t be doing anyone favors if I rushed back now and then played poorly, or got injured again. Well, in either of those cases I’d be doing Oliver Lee a favor, but knowing him he’d just act like it was all meant to happen that way.

I didn’t have anyone to talk to - everyone else at the facility was so busy preparing for the hard push at the end of the season to really pay any attention to me.

Of course I couldn’t talk to Charlotte, not about this. We couldn’t talk about anything anymore, except whether I had had enough to eat. It was sad and infuriating at the same time.

I was sorry about what had happened, but I really didn’t understand why she was bothered that my turnaround had occurred because of Oliver. It just didn’t make any sense to me - why did the reason matter if the effect was the same?

Finally I had had enough. I needed to talk to someone, and the only person I even wanted to talk to, I saw every day, multiple times a day, but she wouldn’t even look me in the eye.

Next time she came in the room, though, I laid down the law.

“We need to talk, Charlotte.”

She looked at me, wary. “Oh so now you’ve managed to find some words for me?”

“Look, I’m sorry about that, I should have found some other way to come to the same realization about you, but this is what I got, and I’m sorry about that. I really don’t think…”

She waved me off. “Is that all? Because I have work to do.” She looked at me expectantly, poised to leave the room as fast as she had come in moments before.

“Will you just give me a chance here?” I was starting to get frustrated - this had been building up for a long time and I had a lot to say, even if I didn’t have the first clue as to what was the right way to say, well, any of it.

She stopped right as she was about to leave the room and turned around. Her face was cloudy, and she looked like she was already reconsidering her changing her mind. I was on thin ice. “Let’s just say for a moment, a very short moment, mind you, that I am listening, or at least considering listening to what you have to say.” She folded her arms under her chest, and not in the sexy way that made me want to look at her boobs, which, let’s face it, I always wanted to do anyway. “Make it good, Parker.”

Ouch, the last name only this time. I knew I was really in trouble. “Gee, thanks for the consideration,” I said, just a little more sarcastically than I wanted to, and Charlotte immediately stiffened.

“I mean,” she started, looking down, “I don’t really have to stay here, you know. I could go check on some things outside. I do have other work to do besides you, you know.”

“Oliver Lee, perhaps?” Shit, shit, shit, stop, Lance, stop. Don’t dig this hole any further than you’ve already gone, put away the shovel. “Wait,” I said as I saw Charlotte reach for the door, venom in her eyes, “Charlotte, don’t go, I’m sorry for that, that was out of line.”

She hesitated, and then turned to face me one more time. “Watch yourself, Parker. See the ground?” She pointed down at the ground, and I looked, then nodded at her. “The thinnest of ice, right here,” she said, emphasizing the thinness of the proverbial ice. “Don’t get cute with me. You and cute are on probation right now.”

I nodded again sharply. “I understand, I’ll do better. Please don’t leave.” Charlotte must have believed in my true sincerity since she took a tentative step back into the room, and I swallowed hard and let myself breathe again.

It pained me to be this vulnerable around someone I cared about. I was used to being the strong guy always in charge, always ready to face whatever was coming, but this time I just couldn’t do it alone, and that scared me more than anything.

I wanted to tell all of this to Charlotte right then, but I just couldn’t figure out the right words to use. “I’m sorry, Charlotte,” I started, “you were right, but at the time I didn’t realize it. I got jealous.”

“Jealous?” She said, clearly intending for me to elaborate. She was definitely intrigued now.

“Yeah, jealous of Oliver. He’s out on the field, he’s winning all these games, there’s talk of him getting the starting job over me, and I’ve basically been stuck in this room for what feels like forever now, and…” I trailed off, leaving the last part unsaid.

Charlotte blinked. “Keep going, Parker, I’m listening. Don’t stop, you’re on a roll.”

“Oliver said some things about you, things I didn’t like. I got angry.”

Charlotte sat down on the chair she usually had next to my bed. “What things did he say about me?”

“Guy stuff, you know, stuff about how hot you were, how he wanted to get to know you better, spend more time with you, etc.”

“And that got you jealous?”

“Of course it fucking did! I don’t want fucking Oliver Lee ‘getting to know you better!’ Not while I’m around!”

“You don’t own me, Parker, you do know that, right?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Of course I know that, Charlotte, but…” I didn’t keep going.

“And if I want to ‘get to know’ Oliver Lee that’s none of your business, right?”

I didn’t say anything, looking down, and then conceding. “No,” I said quietly, “you’re right, it’s none of my business.”

She smiled. “Well, I’m glad we got that cleared up.”

“Cleared up?”

“That you don’t own me, despite what we’ve done together.” She sat up. “However, you’ll probably be happy to know that I have zero intention of getting to know Oliver Lee on any level beyond helping him out in an official capacity.” She looked around, as if seeing if anyone else was around. “And just between you and me, that’s no fun for me either.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Look, Lance,” she said, getting serious again. “I shouldn’t have been so harsh on you these last few days. I was just really bothered to find out you only broke this rule of yours because you thought Oliver Lee was somehow going to sweep me off my feet. I wanted to think I meant more to you than that.”

I sat up in bed. “You do, Charlotte, you do! Lee just made me realize what I wasn’t ready to admit, and I went about it all wrong, is all.”

“I know, and I’ve had some time to think about it too.”

“And you let me flounder around these last few days instead of talking to me about it? Come on!”

Charlotte held up her hands. “Don’t let me stop you from apologizing more, though. I kinda liked that part.”

Now it was my turn to smile. “No, no, I think I was finished.”

“But you have so much to apologize for!”

“I hate you.”

She cocked her head at me. “I give it a 6.5 out of 10, Lance Parker. I just can’t see you hating me. Loving me, maybe, but hating? Nah.”

I leaned back against the pillow. “And such a fine line between the two.”

Charlotte looked around and checked the time on the clock. “Was there anything else? I do actually have some other things to do.” I looked at her and she patted me on the arm. “Relax, Lance Parker, nothing to do with your best friend Oliver.”

“Yeah, there was something else, actually.”

“Give it to me fast, man, this isn’t a sewing circle.”

I laughed out loud. “What?” Charlotte asked.

“I’m just trying to imagine you in a sewing circle. I imagine you’d have them working at double efficiency inside of an hour.”

“I’m not that bad, am I?”

“I’m going to go ahead and stop talking now while I’m slightly ahead on this conversation.”

“Hmph. Well, if you’re quite finished then I can leave you alone to do whatever it is you do in here when I’m not brightening your day.” She paused and then must have realized what she’d said. “And if it involves anything dirty…don’t tell me about it.” Her eyes flicked downward to where my crotch was under the sheets.

“All the time, Charlotte, all the time.”

“You are the worst.”

“I know. I’m incorrigible.”

“At least you’re self aware. So many men these days aren’t.”

“Self-awareness is one of my best qualities,” I said, clasping my hands behind my head.

“And modesty is definitely not one of them,” Charlotte added quickly. “What else did you have for me?”

“This isn’t easy to say.”

She must have understood the gravity of the situation in my tone, because the smile on her face vanished. “What is it? You can tell me, of course.” She put her hand back on my arm, squeezing me reassuringly.

“I’m not sure if I should try and come back and play again this year.”

CHAPTER 16 - CHARLOTTE

“I’m not sure if I should try and come back and play again this year.”

That was the last thing I expected Lance to say. This didn’t make any sense. “You’ve clearly thought this through,” I said, stalling for time while I tried to understand what me meant. “Tell me more, walk me through it.”

Lance hesitated again. “It does no one, least of all me, good if I rush myself back and then get injured again. Maybe staying in New England isn’t for me, maybe this is Oliver’s team now, maybe I should try and find another team somewhere else that could use my services.”

The silence hung in the air for a few seconds before I broke it. “Do you really believe that?”

“I’m starting to, just a little bit. This season hasn’t been easy. It’s been torture sitting in this room or in the meetings or on the sidelines, not getting to play but seeing all the preparation the other guys are going through. I just don’t want to watch anymore.”

“So how does benching yourself for the season change that?”

“It…doesn’t, it just means there’ll be less pressure to come back and do something I shouldn’t.”

“So it’s about making things easier for you? Is that it?”

“I guess, so, yeah.” He looked at me, hopefully.

“Well, do you want my opinion on the matter?”

“Of course I do, that’s why I asked you. I don’t just bare my soul like this for fun, you know.”

I looked Lance square in the eye. “I think you’re being a fucking idiot, Lance. Grow up.”

He looked stunned, like I had reached up and punched him. And in that moment, I actually kinda wanted to. Maybe he’d get a little sense, then.

“Don’t hold back, Charlotte, tell me how you really feel.”

I stood up and started walking around the room, unable to sit still while all the thoughts raged through my head. “You can’t seriously be considering this, can you?”

Lance’s eyes followed me. “I wouldn’t have brought it up if I wasn’t seriously thinking about it.”

“Do you really think you’ll get a better shot at a starting job somewhere else? This is your home, Lance, even if you’ve only been here just over a season. This team drafted you when every other team passed on you. Multiple times!”

“I know that, but if Oliver keeps playing well…”

“Don’t give me that crap. We both know Oliver’s gotten this far on an easy stretch of the schedule. The Jets? The Cowboys? These are garbage teams, Lance, and you know it. You could have beaten these teams with your eyes blindfolded.”

“Or on one leg?”

“Oh sure, now you’re cracking jokes. This is serious business!”

“I know, I know, please keep going, I’m really enjoying watching you get so worked up over my career.”

I stopped at that, staring at him. Why was I so worked up about this? Why did I care so much about stupid Lance Parker getting back on the field this year so he could finish what he started, get a long term deal, and become the hero New England wanted him to be?

The hero I wanted him to be. Why was this so important to me?

I knew the answer to that last question, of course. It was important to me because even though I wanted to wring Lance Parker’s neck 30% of the time, the other 70% of the time I wanted to be in his arms, in bed with him, or doing whatever with him. I just wanted him to be close to me. I wanted to see that look he had for me when our eyes met across the room.

“I just think,” I said softly, coming back to the bed, “that this is where you belong, Lance. You won’t get a better shot than here. This is your team, Oliver’s just been keeping your spot for you while you recover. Don’t let your brothers down by hanging it up for the year. They need you out there.”

Lance said nothing, but I could see the strain in his eyes.

“You’re so close, Lance, you just have to go a couple more weeks and then you’ll be cleared to play.”

“I…can’t deal with this stuff, Charlotte. I’ve never been good at it. It’s the reason I shut everyone out, the reason I have that rule that’s gotten in our way.” He took my hand in his, and I ached to feel his touch more often. “In the past the only way I’ve been able to deal with bad things happening has been to shut down, focus entirely on the most important thing, and then start again, drowning everything out.”

“All I’m asking is that you focus on this one thing, then. You’ve gotten this far, just go the last few steps and you’ll be right back where you started.”

He looked at me. “You really think I can do it.”

I took the plunge. I knew we weren’t supposed to, I knew it was against the rule, but I didn’t care anymore. I jumped onto the bed and leaned over, kissing Lance Parker hard on the lips.
 

I moved my head just past his head to his ear. “I’ve never believed in anyone like I believe in you, Lance Parker. I just wish you’d believe in yourself as much as I do,” I whispered to him.

 
I kissed him again before I moved my head back. Lance looked at me with a mixture of admiration and gratitude and lust, and more than anything I wanted to take a picture of that look and save it forever.

“You’re right, Charlotte. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“We’ll forget this conversation ever happened.”

He stared at me. “I won’t, though,” he whispered.
 

And then he kissed me again, and I forgot what happened next.

That night when I finally got home and hung out with Sandy for a little bit before bed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. I knew things with Lance and I were starting to look up again, and for that I was more than grateful, but there seemed to be clouds swirling around my head that I couldn’t seem to shake.

What was going on? Why was I being so paranoid all of a sudden? Was it because I was finally allowing myself to admit that maybe, just maybe, Lance and I could have something like a future together? That maybe we wouldn’t always be sneaking around the facility to touch each other or dealing with some kind of drama surrounding either of our careers?