Ruthless (11 page)

"She's fine," said Johnny, filling in for him. "She's a fully-certified norm."

"So what's der problem?"

"Do you know where babies come from?"

"We have had this conversation."

"No, I mean, the eggs. The human eggs."

The Gronk popped its head up between them expectantly.

"I like eggs," it squealed.

"Sit down," chorused Johnny and Wulf. The Gronk slunk back into the back seat.

Johnny snatched the binoculars from Wulf and looked through them himself. Nigel still waited at the bridge, repeating a nervous circuit of half a dozen paces to the left, and then half a dozen paces to the right.

"Here's the thing," said Johnny. "Ruthie was okay. We're humans. A human female's ovaries-"

"This is getting complicated," said Wulf.

"Okay. Think of it like this." Johnny handed the binoculars back. Wulf eagerly grabbed them and continued the watch on Nigel.

"Ruthie was born with all her eggs inside her."

"Er... okay," said Wulf.

"And the strontium rain got to her. She's okay, but her baby-"

"Her baby is der mutant."

Over the noise of the stereo there was a swift cough, as Nigel cleared his throat in a mildly annoyed fashion.

"Her baby won't live long enough to be a mutant," said Johnny.

"Oh dear, that bad."

"That bad."

"Poor Ruthie."

"But there are clinics that can help it on Mars."

"There are? But how?"

"Well, in Lowell there's a gene-splicing unit that uses varanumic toroids to-"

"Simply."

"They can save the baby's life, before it's even born."

"Which is why we have to go to Mars."

"Yes."

"And why Ruthie can't wake up."

"Yes."

"Because if she wakes up before Mars, she will be dropping der baby."

"That's right." But Wulf had stopped listening. Instead, he was following something else through the binoculars. A buxom blond human had just walked past Nigel and onto the bridge. Wulf thumbed the zoom button and kept focussed on her.

"Sif's jubblies," he whispered appreciatively.

"What is it?" pressed Johnny.

"A taste of home," sighed Wulf, zooming in as far as possible at an ample pair of buttocks under hotpants that left nothing to the imagination.

"Like two turtles kissing in a sack," he pondered. Something pink blocked his view and Wulf frowned, thumbing the autofocus button. He was treated to a wholly unwanted close-up of a wet finger probing indelicately inside a fleshy nostril. He nudged the zoom back a fraction.

"Uh-oh," breathed Wulf.

"What?"

"Squid. Squid's on der bridge."

"Sneck it," Johnny leaned into the dashboard microphone. "Heads up, Nigel, we've got company."

In the distance, Nigel looked up directly at their car. "Where?" he asked, his voice suddenly filling the vehicle.

"Don't look round," said Johnny. "Just don't. Whatever you do, don't look round."

"What is it?"

"Dammit," said Johnny, flinging open his door and jumping from the car. Left with nothing but the bulk of Wulf Sternhammer in it, the super-sensitive repulsor field over-compensated, lurching heavily towards the passenger side. The Gronk rolled with a surprised squeal and fell through the open window onto the asphalt.

"What are we doing?" yelled the Gronk as it scurried after him.

"We are causing a diversion," said Johnny.

As Johnny ran down the street towards the bridge, Wulf chuckled to himself and peered back through the binoculars.

Suddenly, the light changed. There was a shadow over Wulf's line of sight. Instinctively he grabbed for the Happy Stick that wasn't there, expecting to see someone leaning in through his window, but he was alone in the car. The shadow came from somewhere much higher up. Wulf looked out of his window and saw something very large in the sky.

"Well," he said to himself. "That is very nice indeed."

Back on the bridge, Squid hopped momentarily on one foot, creating a slight squelching noise. He snuck a sidelong glance at Nigel Less at the other end of the bridge. There was a beep in his earpiece and he made a show of coughing up an impressive amount of phlegm, all the better to bring his wrist mic to his mouth and answer.

"What's up?" he said.

"There is still no movement," announced an imperious Betelgeusian voice. "Even eyes of such perspicacity as mine are rendered pointless when there is nothing to see."

"Right," said Squid, making a mental note to look up perspicacity.

"But see for yourself," continued the voice. "There is, however, the sight of Nigel Less on the bridge."

"Yeah, Blarg, I see it." Squid did indeed, although the bridge was suddenly in shadow. Probably a big raincloud or something. To a lot of tourists on the bridge, that would be bad news, but Squid loved it when it rained.

"And he does, does he not, appear to be waiting for something?"

"Yeah."

"So you may thank me now for the intelligence I bestowed."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Squid, which was his answer whenever he felt small. Sneck it, all Blarg did was loiter and snoop. It wasn't bounty hunter territory really.

Squid sniffed. Actually, now that he thought about it, it was exactly the kind of thing that bounty hunters did. It just wasn't the sort of thing that Squid did. He saw himself as more of an ideas man; like an executive. Or a facilitator, really. But Blarg had done well. He had been right to hitch his wagon to Blarg's. He could see how this partnership thing worked for people. But he wasn't sure he could take Blarg's superior attitude much longer.

"Your tone displeases me," added Blarg. "Reform, or I shall be tempted to demand a greater share of the proceeds."

But Squid wasn't listening. He was staring at the sky in surprise. A huge flying saucer had blocked out the sun.

Hovering less than a mile above Squid's exact position was a giant disc of black metal festooned with gun emplacements, force generators and warp coils. Even from that distance, its repulsor fields managed to press Squid's hairs closer to his head, and caused the balloon seller's wares to dip in the air. It hung in the sky, its bow dipped slightly towards the ground, like a squat metal tiger ready to spring. Along the side in letters a hundred feet high was a single word:
Mannerheim
.

"What," said Squid, "the sneck is that?"

"Never seen a warship before?" said someone at his side, tapping him on the shoulder. Squid was just about ready to tell the guy to sneck off but couldn't take his eyes off the ship.

"I'm talking to you," said Johnny.

"Alpha!" yelped Squid, looking extremely startled. "Look, we're under attack."

Johnny stood next to Squid and stared up at the sky with him. "From the Baltic Union Navy? I doubt it," he said, almost to himself.

"Look at me," the Gronk squealed. They both ignored it.

"It's... it's not an invasion, is it?" stammered Squid.

"No," said Johnny. "It's an escort ship for the convoy leaving for Mars tomorrow. It's there to scare off pirates."

"Oh," said Squid. "It's... Well, it certainly scares
me
." He laughed nervously and Johnny joined in. Squid was so relieved that Alpha wasn't hitting him that he laughed some more.

"Look at me," the Gronk said again. Again, it was ignored.

Johnny chuckled, pointing at Squid playfully with a wrinkled nose. It looked faintly unnerving with the white eyes going on as well, but Squid liked it. It made him look like one of the guys. Squid pointed up at the
Mannerheim
and mimed being very afraid. Johnny laughed some more. Squid was pleased. No hard feelings, then. That Alpha was a loose cannon, Squid thought to himself. One moment threatening to beat him up, the next, laughing at his gags. Suddenly, Johnny reached over and pulled something out of Squid's ear.

"What's this?" said Johnny brightly, like he was talking to an energetic puppy.

"Oh, that, er..." Squid wrung his hands nervously at the sight of his earpiece.

"You listening to the radio, Squid? Is that what you're doing?" said Johnny earnestly. He made as if to put it into his own ear, then saw the slime on it and decided not to.

"Can I have that back?" said Squid. He thought Johnny was ready to be friends, and now this.

"Look at me!" shouted the Gronk. "I'm a diversion."

Squid finally caught a glimpse of the Gronk behind Johnny, which was frantically waving all four of its arms. Both Alpha and his furry sidekick seemed to have lost it.

"Who's on the other end of this, then?" asked Johnny. "Is it your new pal, Blarg?"

"Er..." Squid tried to think of an excuse. Then he decided to sneck with it, he was perfectly entitled to team up with another agent if he wanted. Alpha had his Viking friend and the annoying, dancing, furry thing.

"Yeah," said Squid. "It's Blarg, and he probably wants you to give it back, so..." he held out his hand insistently, and Johnny began to drop the earpiece into Squid's palm, only to snatch it back again before it was in his grasp.

"Gotcha," said Johnny, a cheery smile on his face.

"Give it back," shouted Squid, angry now.

Behind Johnny, the Gronk continued to do some bizarre kind of alien hand-jive, humming its own little tune. A small crowd of children had gathered to watch, pointing. They seemed to find the Gronk's antics much more interesting than the arrival of the
Mannerheim
overhead.

A nondescript new hover-car peeled away from the upper lane and settled at ground level by their side. Both the passenger doors sprung open at once, wafting the smell of valet-service perfume over both Johnny and Squid.

"Johnny," shouted the Viking driver. "Time to go."

The Gronk looked once at Wulf, back at Squid, and then bolted for the car to the sound of disappointed groans from its growing infant audience.

"There's my ride," said Johnny. "Gotta run." He dropped the earpiece back into Squid's hand and jumped into the car which kicked away from the kerb without even closing its doors. Squid irritably shoved the receiver back into his ear to catch Blarg's latest musings.

"... snecking idiot. He's got the call. What the sneck is wrong with you?" yelled the Betelgeusian's voice, devoid of his usual declamatory verbosity. Squid spun to face the payphones again, just in time to see Nigel Less hanging up.

"Oh sneck," he breathed to himself. "Blarg," he yelled into his wrist mic, all pretence of stealth gone. "Blarg. They're getting away."

Blarg's own car screamed over to the bridge, hovering in the overhead lane above an ice cream van.

"Outta my way!" yelled Squid, pushing his way through a crowd of kids, and using the ledge in the vendor's window to clamber up onto the roof of the van. He grabbed at the open door on Blarg's vehicle, and Blarg floored it.

Even above the noise of the rapids, Squid's screams of fear could be heard as Blarg accelerated down the main street. Squid dangled limply from the passenger side window as the car sped off in search of the other Strontium Dogs.

"Left," yelled Squid. "They turned left."

Blarg nodded a curt acknowledgement and slammed off one of the side repulsors, causing the car to pinwheel on one side.

"No!" shouted Squid after he'd got his breath back. "The other left."

Blarg pulled the same manoeuvre again in the other direction, plastering Squid against the side of the car, and then almost flinging him into the path of an oncoming tanker. Squid hung on for dear life as Blarg stepped on the pedals and charged after their target.

"Have we lost him?" asked Wulf, taking just one more of several impromptu corners. Johnny looked back through the rear window over the tangled jumble of arms and legs that were Nigel and the Gronk. Just to be sure, he stared with alpha sight. Still nothing. They had successfully evaded Blarg's car and had eluded the Squid. They were safe for the moment.

"In here. In here," said Johnny, pointing at a multi-storey car park.

"You are sure?"

"Just do it!"

Wulf took the entrance with his customarily cavalier attention to speed bumps. The car bucked as a series of floor-mounted repulsors played havoc with its own fields. The Gronk curled into a ball and stopped making any noise at all.

"Nige. Do we have a location?" yelled Johnny.

The car park entrance was a two-lane spiral tube, lazily winding up the side of the building. Signs at regular intervals informed new arrivals that ten kilometres an hour was an acceptable speed of approach. Wulf took it so fast that the car was virtually flat against the outer wall.

"Yeah," said Nigel. "They gave me a warehouse number. East side of the spaceport. Twenty hundred hours."

"That gives us plenty of time," said Wulf.

"Not with Squid on our tail," said Johnny. "Wulf! You're dumping me and Nige at the top of this tube."

"Whatever you say."

"Switch the windows to black and head out of town."

"Why?" The car leapt from the top of the entrance tube and into an area full of shoppers' vehicles. The repulsor fields began crackling frantically as Wulf veered too close.

"Here, here." said Johnny.

Wulf slammed on the brakes, throwing them all forward. The car was finally at rest, a strange whine from the right-side field generator implying that it had seen a little too much action for one day.

"Out, Nigel!" Johnny and Nigel clambered from the car, while Wulf stared in confusion. "Get the money!" Johnny ordered, and Nigel ran around to the boot. It was locked.

"Wulf! Pop the snecking boot!" yelled Johnny. "We don't have all day!"

A mother pushing a trolley with a child-seat clapped her hands over her infant son's ears, glaring at the car full of bounty hunters. Wulf reached forward and pulled the lever that activated the boot.

"That's my money," he said sourly. "I do want it back."

"Okay," said Johnny. "Just keep Squid off our tails."

"I understand."

Wulf liked turning. It was great fun in a repulsor car. He rammed the two main levers in opposite directions, spinning until the car was facing the other way. Johnny waved half-heartedly at the surprised-looking Gronk flattened against one of the windows. Then Wulf gunned the engine and the car was heading back down the entrance tube.