Rustler's Moon (16 page)

It felt so right to be in his arms. It always had. She breathed him in as if he were her first fresh air in a month.

With tears falling, she told him all about her night. How Tim told her not to go out with Reid Collins and how she hated football and how she found Polly. She even told him what Reid said about the hallway sex he had with a drunk Polly.

Slowly, her body relaxed against Lucas, but he never let go of her, not even when she repeated what Reid had texted after their date. “I didn’t even kiss him,” she admitted and then felt bad at her need to explain.

Lucas remained calm as he always did. Sometimes she swore he was far more than two years older. He had his life all planned out and the world around him was no more than a soap opera he sometimes had to walk through. She’d never seen him angry or hurt or even frustrated. He’d been tired sometimes after work and excited when he told her of his plans after college. Reason seemed to rule his emotions, and she wondered if Lucas had ever snapped.

“Aren’t you upset about Reid saying he got lucky tonight?” she asked.

Lucas wiped away her tears. “No. Anyone who knows you won’t believe it, and anyone who knows Reid knows that he lies. Remember how he pretended he saved us all the night at the old house? The whole town turned out to call him a hero, but you, me and Tim knew the truth.”

“It was sad to watch how Reid had played a trick on the entire town,” Lauren admitted. “Tim still doesn’t want to talk about that night. He not only got hurt bad, he lost Reid as his best friend. I guess it was hard to be a town hero with Tim limping beside him knowing the truth. Reid never even called to check on him. Not once.”

“It’s ancient history now.” Lucas pulled away and took her hand. “It’s also after midnight, but walk with me awhile. We’ll stay close so you can go in as soon as you get cold.”

She nodded, doubting she’d be able to sleep tonight anyway.

As they walked around the complex of dorms, he told her all the news from home and that Mr. Kirkland had him working from dawn till dark at his ranch. “Rain’s coming in hard in a few hours, so I doubted I’d be able to work tomorrow. I knew I couldn’t study at home, so I drove back, thinking we might spend the afternoon studying tomorrow. When we used to talk about you coming to Tech, I always thought I’d show you around, but you’ve been here over a month and I haven’t even started.”

Lauren breathed deep of the cold air. “That sounds wonderful.”

He tugged her into the shadows of an aging cottonwood and kissed her, slowly and gently.

For the first time, Lauren wanted more. She pressed against him, wrapped her arms tight and traded gentleness for passion. They were no longer children and she needed to feel Lucas against her.

To her surprise, he matched her need. His hands moved down her sides as he leaned her against the tree with his body. Their kiss turned wild as if they’d both been dying of thirst and a dam broke over them.

His hand brushed over her body lightly at first, then he unzipped her coat. She didn’t feel the cold. His fingers were warming her as he cupped her breasts.

She trembled with the sudden feel of him unbuttoning her blouse to get closer. This was a side of Lucas she’d never seen, a side she’d hoped was there behind all his calmness and logic.

Time slowed as her heart raced. She was growing, changing, awakening. Each touch, each taste, each feel of him was making her a little more woman...a little less girl.

She fought to catch her breath as his hands moved over her skin and his lips returned again and again to her open mouth. She could count the number of kisses they’d shared before tonight on her fingers, but none had been like this. He was showing her just how much he wanted her and she was lost in the joy and the passion of it all.

Suddenly, Lucas pulled away. For a moment he just took in deep gulps as if fighting for control. “We can’t be doing this, Lauren.”

She couldn’t speak. His words had been an order, not a request, but she feared if she protested she might just break his resolve.

The cold air rushed between them, freezing out all they’d shared.

Lucas was the oldest child, the one always taking care of his brothers and sisters. The one who took care of her. He lived by a standard. He had his life set. All he was, she admired, maybe even loved. She wasn’t sure who either of them would be if she changed him now.

The knowledge that he’d lost control, if only for a few moments, frightened her a bit at the same time it gave her an ounce of hope that she might matter more to him than even he realized.

Lauren stood perfectly still. She wouldn’t push or force more between them. She couldn’t, for both their sakes. For right now just knowing that such an attraction was there seemed enough.

Without a word, she took his hand and they walked to the nearest door. When she reached to open it, he braced his hand above her head and held it closed. Then he leaned toward her and brushed his lips over hers.

To Lauren it felt as if it was a goodbye. When it was over, he straightened an inch away and held both of her hands in his.

“Driving back tonight, I thought about something I should tell you. Now I know it has to be said.”

“Okay,” she whispered, fearing he was about to say something she wasn’t going to like.

“I’ve never told you, but my dad went to Tech. He planned to be a vet. He and my mom started dating in high school and she got pregnant with me just before he left for school. They married and tried to make it work, but even with two jobs it wasn’t easy for him to stay in school. Before his second year, Mom was pregnant again and Dad had to quit and take a full-time job.”

Lauren didn’t know what to say. Now his actions made sense. Maybe he thought he’d already ruined their lives and didn’t want to have his and Lauren’s added to the pile.

Lucas continued, “Dad says he never regretted it, but I decided I wouldn’t give up a dream of forever for now. I don’t mean the getting pregnant part. I mean the getting so involved in another person that I give up my goals. And worse, you’d give up yours, too. Some people drop off the right path and never find their way back. For as long as I can remember, I’ve sworn I’m never going to let that happen to me.”

Lauren’s heart was threatening to break her rib cage from the inside out. Lucas couldn’t be saying what she thought he was saying. She’d waited two years to make it to Tech so she could be with him. She’d kept their meetings, their conversations, their caring for each other a secret from everyone. She’d waited long enough but she could wait some more.

“I’ll wait.” She didn’t need much of his time. She’d be happy with a slice. Just some. Just a little. Just enough to keep her dream alive.

“I can’t ask you to wait. It’s not fair to you. I stood in the dark tonight waiting for you to get back and hating myself. I wasn’t here to help you with Polly. I didn’t take you to homecoming.” His laugh held no humor. “I didn’t even know it was homecoming.

“Don’t you see? If you wait, you’ll miss too much. For me to keep my dreams on track, I can’t be here every time you need me. If we started dating, I’d either be missing work and not be able to afford to come back next semester, or I’d miss studying and not have the grades. If I saw half as much of you as I want to, I’d be chipping away at my whole future, and it would crumble. I have to give me a chance before I can even think about giving us a chance.”

Lauren fought back tears. Lucas saw life as either-or and she was losing. She was being set aside for another time. He thought he could simply lock away their feelings. Love and passion had to wait. It didn’t matter now. She didn’t matter now.

“Then why did you kiss me like that, Lucas?” she whispered, not really expecting an answer.

“It won’t happen again. I swear.” He straightened and she saw the strength in him, the strength in the man he’d be one day. She feared his goals would always come before her and she realized that until this moment her only goal had been to be with him.

Not any longer.

For the first time in two and a half years, she hated Lucas. “So you’re giving me up.” It wasn’t much of a loss for Lucas, since he never bothered to come around anyway. He’d said such sweet words on the phone late at night when he was driving back from Crossroads. But apparently, they were just words to him.

She’d been building a future with his words when he’d simply been passing the time on the long drive.

He reached for her, but she pulled away. She had to think. Maybe she was taking this all wrong. The night had been endless and her nerves felt raw and sharp as if they might break the surface of her skin at any moment.

She had to think.

“We can still be friends,” he said, hammering the first nail into the coffin of their bond. “We can talk on the phone. Study together. The time isn’t right for us to be more than that, Lauren, can’t you see that? If we’re meant to be, it will happen when it is right for both of us.”

When she didn’t answer, he opened the door and they crossed through the main corridor back to the elevator. “Have you got a room you can sleep in tonight?” In the light his words were cold now, a stranger’s questions. Not a lover. Never a lover. Not even a boyfriend. Only someone she thought she knew. Only a high school girl’s dream of what might be.

It was time for her to wake up.

She remembered his question. “The girl two doors down doesn’t have a roommate. I don’t think she’ll mind if I bunk in with her.” Lauren didn’t look at him. Tears were dripping off her chin, but she would not wipe them away. She let them fall.

“Good.” He sounded relieved that he didn’t have to worry about her. “When you wake up, call me. I’ll bring coffee. We’ll clean up the glass together.” He leaned down to kiss her cheek but she stepped into the elevator before he could.

“When you’ve had some sleep, we’re going to have a talk about your promising to marry Tim.” He smiled. “Tomorrow you’ll see that what I’m suggesting is best for us both. We’ll have our time. We don’t need to rush.”

She pushed the up button. “Too late about Tim. A promise is a promise.”

Lucas frowned for a moment, “
Mi cielo
, are you all right? Do you understand?”

The door closed without her answering.

She used to love it when he called her
mi cielo
,
my sky
, even if she’d just learned that she didn’t mean as much to him as he did to her. Lucas had been her hero, her first love, and he didn’t even know it. He was also the first to break her heart.

Tim was right about one thing earlier tonight. These are supposed to be the best times of their lives. Only, if they are, why are so many lonely people walking around?

And now Lauren could add her name to the list. For the second time in her life, she felt it. That growing up all at once was happening again. She suddenly felt years older than she had this morning, and she knew there was no going back. The girl might cry herself to sleep tonight, but the woman in her would wake up tomorrow and pick up the pieces.

* * *

T
OO
SOON
,
DAWN
BLINKED
through open blinds onto her borrowed bed. Lauren slipped into an old pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, then tiptoed down the hall to her room. Mirrored glass shone in the morning light like slivers of memories that no longer fit together. Polly’s blood had dried dark, spotting the rug, smearing across blankets.

At some point last night someone must have stepped into the blood for footprints tracked over the hardwood like dance steps pasted to the floor for a song that had no rhythm.

As Lauren cleaned up the glass and the blood, her phone rang.

Lucas. The excitement at seeing his name wasn’t there today and she was too tired to wonder if it would be there tomorrow.

Lauren let it ring.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Angela

F
ACING
DOWN
D
OC
H
OLLIDAY
with her leftover cereal bowl half full of milk wasn’t easy but Angela had to set some boundaries. After all, this was her place, and the cat was only a guest, even if he obviously saw it the other way around. “You’ve got to come in at a decent hour, Doc. Every night since we’ve been here at the lake, you’re out running wild.”

At the beach house in Florida he was perfectly happy to lie out on the deck, but since they’d been in Texas, Doc was climbing trees, darting around as if he was on a hunt; and last night he’d tracked in mud.

Her parents had adopted Doc Holliday from the old lady next door when she had moved. She said he’d had his shots but wasn’t sure how old he was. Angie had always planned to take him to the vet, but at the time, with her mother ill, life seemed too full for errands and other things that had to be done.

She lowered the cereal bowl to cat level. “All right, here’s your favorite, Cheerio-flavored milk. Now, in return I want you to stay close to the cabin today and guard the place.”

Doc didn’t even bother to look up from the bowl.

Angie collected her purse, sweater and lunch. Going to work would take her mind off the possible stalker and her nervousness about going to Wilkes’s house for dinner. She had no idea what to expect at the Wagner ranch, but it was a dinner party and she planned to go dressed appropriately.

He might live in one of those shacks that had never seen paint on the boards, or he might have a big ranch house. People in this country didn’t dress to impress anyone, so she didn’t know how rich or poor he might be. A hat wasn’t considered comfortable until the band was sweat-stained, and jeans were bought looking new and worn thin after weeks of work.

Miss Bees, one of the ladies at the museum, told her folks often talk poor because only a fool brags to his neighbors. Angie liked these people. The slow way they talked, their giving nature. She loved the humor they saw in the smallest everyday events of life.

Mrs. Kirkland greeted her with an honest smile as she walked into the museum. “You’re two minutes late,” she teased. “Must have been the traffic.”