Running with Scissors (28 page)

with you or with Connor, and all either of you can do is say

you’re sorry and that it won’t happen again when I know

damn well that you’re only sorry you got caught, and yes it

will happen again. How many times does this band have to

play second fiddle to stupid personal shit before you all either grow up or break up? Did you think about any—”

218

“What do you think I did? Sat down with a list of pros

and cons?” He shook his head. “You know how this shit

goes, Kris.”

“No. No, I do not. I know what it’s like to be attracted to

someone I can’t have or shouldn’t have, but I also know how

to be a fucking adult and show some goddamned restraint.”

She threw up her hands. “Somehow that concept seems to be

lost on every male in this band aside from Richie.”

“Yes, I know. I get it.” He glared at her. “Look, I get it. I

fucked up. If you want to kick me out, just kick me out.”

“Kick you out?” She snorted. “Oh. Honey. I’m not letting

you off that easy. Not this time.”

He widened his eyes. “What?”

Kristy stepped closer, folding her arms and glaring at

him. “Here’s the thing, Jude. If Running with Scissors can’t

function as a band because of you and A.J., you’re not going

anywhere.” She shrugged tightly. “You’ll just have to be quick

about learning the drum parts.”

“The—” His stomach dropped. “A.J.’s the drummer.”

“For now, yes.” She lifted her chin and tightened her jaw.

“But if I have to get rid of one of you, I’m keeping the superior musician. Which, unfortunately for all of us, happens to

be you.”

Jude’s stomach dropped into his feet. “You’ll kick
him
out and keep me?”

“What else can I do, Jude?”

“But
I’m
the one who—”

“You’re the one who fucks up without thinking about

how it will affect those around you. I’m doing something you

can’t seem to grasp, which is putting the needs of the band

ahead of everything else. If you can’t fix this shit, and this

group can’t function as a team, then I’ll rearrange the band.”219

He cleared his throat. “Don’t kick him out. He doesn’t . . .

he doesn’t deserve that.”

“But the rest of us deserve your bullshit?” She shook her

head. “I don’t think so. Those are your choices, Jude. You

know as well as I do that this band can’t deal with another

relationship between bandmates. It’s too much of a sore

spot. So, you can put yourself first and leave me no choice

but to kick A.J. out, or you can get your shit together and

demonstrate for once that you care about the band. The

whole
band.”

“I get it. I do. But aside from leaving, what exactly do you

want me to do?”

“Don’t you
dare
leave.” She stabbed her finger at him

again. “I brought you back because we needed you. And you

know what? I probably could have found another bassist,

but I had a feeling that a year and a half was enough time

for you to grow up and get your head out of your ass. I know

you, Jude, and I didn’t doubt for a second that wherever you

went after you left, you were fucking miserable. And I was

right, wasn’t I?”

He nodded sheepishly.

“You’re damn right I was.” She narrowed her eyes. “So

now I would suggest you fix this shit. You guys are performing

tomorrow night, and so help me, if
anyone
isn’t there, or if I see
any
of this on that stage, even during sound check, there will be a revised roster before any of you get back to that bus.

Got it?”

Jude cringed, not just at the thought of Kristy’s wrath,

but of how hellish that show was going to be. And how much

A.J.’s career was now in his hands, hanging by a thread while

Kristy asked the impossible of him. “I can’t—”

“Whatever you have to do, do it,” she said. “I mean it,

though—don’t you dare walk away this time, Jude. That’s how

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you handle everything, and if you do it this time, I guarantee

you there are no second chances left. You made this bed, so

fucking lie in it. Fix the shit with your band. But if you walk out that door, and you leave Running with Scissors in the

shambles you left it in before, there will be hell to pay like you wouldn’t believe. Am I clear?”

“You are, but I . . .” He swallowed.

She folded her arms tighter. “But you, what?”

He exhaled. “Kristy, I know I screwed up, but I don’t

know how to fix this one.”

“You don’t?”

“No. I don’t.”

She lifted her chin and looked him right in the eye. “Then

I would suggest you figure it out. But I don’t want to hear

anything else about it tonight, or I’m going to be in jail for

strangling a fucking bassist.”

His throat tightened as if her hands were already

around it.

“We’ll deal with this tomorrow. For now, I would suggest

you and A.J. stay the fuck away from each other.” She stabbed

a finger at him. “And so help me, if I hear so much as a mattress squeak, I promise the two of you will be playing in shithole

no-name bars for the rest of your fucking lives. Am I clear?”

He nodded.

“Go get a motel room. I’ll tell A.J. to do the same.

Tomorrow . . .” She cursed and waved a hand. “We’ll deal

with it.”

“Okay. Will do.”

“Damn right you will. Now get the fuck out of here.”

221

beying a text from Kristy, A.J. stayed in a motel a few

oblocks from the venue. She’d said there’d be a meeting

on the bus the next day, so with his stomach in knots, he

returned in the morning around the time everyone was

usually waking up.

But there was no one around. The tour bus that was always

full of people and activity was empty and silent. He took a

seat. He texted Kristy but didn’t get a response. While he

waited—for a text, for someone to show up, for anything—

he didn’t even let himself tap his fingers or his foot because

the echo threatened to drive him crazy.

The door opened. He braced himself, not sure who it was

and definitely not sure who he hoped it would be.

He turned his head just as Jude came up the stairwell. Too

many feelings twisted in his stomach.
God, I’m glad to see you.

No, you’re the last person I want to see. Why are you all the way
over there? Please, Jude . . . go
.

Jude looked around. “Where is everyone?”

“I don’t know. I just got here.” A.J. pressed back against his

seat, stretching his stiff muscles. “Kristy said we’re all going to hash it out today, but she didn’t say where or when.”

222

“Well, maybe while we have the chance, we should get

ourselves on the same page.”

A.J. swallowed. “Okay. Yeah. We can, uh, we can do that.”

Jude gazed down at him. “How are you holding up?”

He shrugged, his shoulders tighter than they usually were

even after a long, grueling show. Beyond that, he was just

tired. Numb, in a weird way. “I don’t know. You?”

“About the same.” Jude gnawed his lip. “Listen, um . . . we

shouldn’t keep doing this.”

Somewhere beneath that layer of numb exhaustion, Jude’s

admission probably hit him someplace painful. Or brought

some panic almost close enough to the surface for him to feel

it. But the only thing A.J. really felt was more weight on his

shoulders. He sighed. “We probably shouldn’t have started

doing it in the first place.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Maybe . . .” A.J. chewed his lip. “Maybe there’s some way

we can reason with the group.”

“No. Not a chance.” Jude shook his head. “Not after

Connor and me, and not after Connor and Wyatt.”

That bit in beneath A.J.’s skin. He arched an eyebrow.

“Seems like the common denominator there is Connor, not

us.”
Not
me.

“True. But he’s still part of the band. And so are we.” Jude

shifted uncomfortably. “I’d . . . kind of like to keep it that way.”

A.J. didn’t know what to say to that. His heart sped up.

No. There has to be another option. We can . . . I mean, the
band has to understand that . . . Jude . . .

Exhaling, Jude folded and unfolded and refolded his

arms. “Look, we agreed in the beginning not to let this

interfere with the band.”

A.J. nodded. “I guess I didn’t think it would be this hard

to let it go if it came to this.”

223

Nothing registered on Jude’s face. Nothing at al . After

a moment, he broke eye contact. “This is probably the only

thing we can do. I mean, the sex is great, but it is it really

worth losing all of this?” He gestured at their surroundings.

The luxury tour bus. The instruments. The empty seats around

them as they hashed this out alone.

You really want me to answer that, Jude?

He swallowed. “You tell me.”

Jude met his gaze but only for a second.

A.J. gritted his teeth. “You had no problem with me

risking my place in the band by getting in Connor’s face.”

“I don’t think this really compares. Do you?”

“Kind of seems like the only difference is whether it’s
my

career or
our
careers on the line.”

This time, Jude held his gaze. “That’s not what’s going on

here.”A.J. lifted his chin and narrowed his eyes. “Well, since you seem to know what this is versus what that was, what do you

want to do?”

“It’s not about what either of us wants.” Jude looked at him

again. “It’s about whether I can afford to take
any
risks right now. This band is all I have, A.J. Up until recently, I didn’t

even have that much. If I piss away this opportunity, the only

thing waiting for me is the guest room in my parents’ house

and a whole lot of job applications for places that probably

won’t give me the time of day.” He swallowed. “If I fuck up

with the band, I’m done. I have
nothing
.”

A.J. gritted his teeth. “Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, if you don’t piss it away, they’ll probably kick me

out so you can play the drums again anyway, so basically, I’m

just sitting here waiting for you to make up your goddamn

224

mind about the band and about me, assuming you can spare a

thought for me since I think your priorities are pretty fucking clear right now.”

Jude put up his hands. “You know what? I think we’re

done. And I need a fucking smoke.”

“Need some air?” A.J. ground out.

Jude glared at him. “So I’m like Connor now?”

“I don’t know.” A.J. folded his arms. “In this case, I think I

have more in common with Connor, since I’m the one getting

dumped by you.”

Jude winced, and A.J.’s gut tightened. That was too far.

Way too far.

“Jude, I’m—”

“Forget it.” Jude took a step toward the stairwell. “I’ll . . .

I’ll see you at sound check.”

A.J. stood, ready to beg him to stay and finish talking this

thing over, but before he could get the words out, the door

slammed behind Jude, leaving A.J. alone on the otherwise

empty bus.

He dropped back into his chair.

Well, the last twelve hours or so had been some of the

fucking best of his career. A pissing match with Connor. A

reassuring but ill-timed kiss. A sleepless night alone. A look at Jude’s real priorities.

That last one shouldn’t have been a surprise. He supposed

it wasn’t. After al , he’d known from the start that he and Jude were just fuck buddies. No matter how much time they’d

spent together in between recording sessions, no matter

how many times they’d just lain there beneath the covers and

talked in between making out, they were fuck buddies and

nothing more.

225

Hearing Jude confirm it, though . . . that hurt more than

he’d expected. Maybe because it had seemed to come so close

on the heels of that tender moment just before Connor had

caught them last night. And then A.J. had hit Jude below the

belt, and . . . Fuck. This really was a goddamned disaster.

More and more, he was beginning to understand what

had driven Wyatt from the group. His volatile on-again-off-

again boyfriend had only been the tip of the iceberg. Working

and traveling in close confines with a bunch of artistic types, there was bound to be some friction, and he didn’t want to be

one of those divas who stormed out when things got heated.

And he understood why this band meant so much to Jude.

Why it meant so much to the whole group. No one made it in

this business without putting their career ahead of everyone

and everything else.

But there was something to be said for not being in the

same room, the same bus, and on the same stage, day in

and day out, with the person who’d put their career ahead

of you—even if you’d known all along that was how things

would play out.

What did you expect, A.J.?

He sighed, rubbing both hands over his face.

Ideally, they’d put this behind them and keep working

together as professionals. If Connor and Jude were any

indication, though, it wasn’t that easy. Granted, those two had a much longer and more painful history. Still, the glares and

teeth-gnashing between them didn’t instill much confidence