Running Northwest (44 page)

“Thomas I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry really
,
” she replied as she could already see her last paycheck already coming in the mail.

“Okay then what did you mean
?” Thomas asked
trying to control his hurt and confusion since only a month or so prior, his age was not an issue for her.

Tracie made a sort of growling noise that she did while she was trying to think when she was flustered. “Thomas” she began and paused then continuing, “Okay listen; I love being around you and with you, you’re sweet and smart, gentle, protective, good looking and probably the best kisser I have ever met. You are probably one of the most romantic men I have ever known in my life so far Tommy, and maybe ever will. You have a great son and I love watching Daniel and being around him, you are an amazing father.

Thomas shifted in his chair; he has heard the breakup speech start this way before, many times. He looked down and returned his gaze towards Tracie and said simply “and”.

“And you’re looking for the whole thing Thomas, someone to be there day in and day out I think. You want someone that wants to be there and see Daniel grow up right there with you. You have this whole structure to your life, a whole way of doing things, which is fine, and there is nothing wrong with that because that is what you and Daniel need. It is what he needs most of all I think considering everything you two have been through. Your life is all about your son and business and that’s how it should be” She said then pausing to collect her thoughts before continuing.

“But I am 22, and for as much as I care about you and have feelings for you Tommy, I need to be young. I need to do exciting things and I need to go and stay out all night drinking with friends and have fun and make stupid mistakes. That is just not something that you can do and I get that. I could not ever ask you to do those things because it is not who you are and what your life is now. For you walking up and down the beach, in the woods, drinking coffee and sitting in your office here or at the bar with Derrick is how you have fun and relax. I just want more than that, right now at least. I’m just not ready for what you’re looking for and need, I thought I was but I’m not
.
”

Thomas looked at her and did not say anything. He understood what she was saying, after talking to Derrick he knew this was her mindset lately he was not surprised hearing it from her. He did appreciate her honesty about it though.

“There are other things too, I guess but that’s the big thing Tommy,” she said then adding, “We are just looking for two different things I think and that happens. We tried and I’m glad we tried but, I just don’t think it’s something that would last a real long time,” Tracie said as a tear went down her face.

“So that’s why you have been avoiding talking to me and been so distant the last few weeks?” he asked.

“Yeah, it was. I wasn’t even sure about it at first. I thought it was just a phase, nervousness or something that I had to work through but it never went away. So I thought about
it
for a while, I just needed some time to figure things out,” She replied.

“Well I’ve known you long enough to know I can’t change your mind Tracie. But I have to ask, are you really sure this is what you want and how you want things” Thomas asked as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk.

“Yeah, I think it’s the way it has to be Tommy” Tracie replied.

Thomas was quiet for a moment then shook his head up and down a little and said, “I suppose I understand. My situation is not the easiest and the way I live my life is not easy to get used to either I guess” he said then adding, “Well for what it’s worth I’m glad we tried at least”

Tracie smiled and grabbed Thomas by the hand and said “So I am I Tommy, I really am. You really are a great guy
.
”

Thomas stood up and gave Tracie a hug, it was not exactly easy to hear but it was what it was and he knew that, he’s been here before a few times.

“So we’re good then, we can still be friends and work together?” Tracie asked.

“I think we will be fine Tracie. Daniel will be happy about this maybe, he will have his girlfriend back all to himself” Thomas said with a laugh.

However, in his mind he knew things were going to be awkward and weird for a while between the Tracie and him. Thomas learned the hard way many years ago with a girl named Jade that it is never easy to go back to normal after dating someone who had been a close friend and it not working out. Stephanie was another example of that sort of situation gone badly.

Tracie turned to walk out of the office but spun around and said, “by the way I have question I’ve wanted to ask for like three weeks now and I was reminded about it the other day
.
”

“Yeah what’s up” Thomas said as he was looking at an order form he picked up trying to get his mind off what just happened.

“That woman in the picture you keep in your room. Not Daniel’s mother but the other one, the one you were on the beach with. Who is she?” Tracie asked with an inquisitive tone.

Thomas was
quiet;
he assumed that at some point in time Tracie saw the picture of him and Stephanie since she was there often. However, she never brought it up before surprisingly enough. He thought for a moment for the best way to answer.

“Oh she’s…an old friend I suppose. Someone from my past she’s sort of the reason I came back to the Oregon Coast in the first place I guess you could say,” He answered nervously then following up with his own question, “Why, what’s up?”

“Well I noticed the picture like I said a few weeks back. I didn’t go in your room that often if ever until we started dating and didn’t pay much attention to it. Does she live out here in Oregon?” Tracie asked.

Thomas was looking down at the same paper and calmly said, “Umm no, she lives back in Michigan I assume. We sort of lost touch I guess you could say, why?”

“Well the other morning when I was working this woman came in and she was all chatty and crap about your Sinatra music, but she looked just like her. It was weird but probably just one of those random things. So I just wondered if she lived here and who she was. Not a big deal I guess she probably wasn’t even the same person if she lives in Michigan,” Tracie said.

Thomas set the paper down and got lost in thought looking at his white office wall. He was thinking about what Tracie had just told him. Between the woman on the beach, the perfume he smelled outside the coffee shop up and in Cannon Beach and now this, he did not know what was going on.

“Thomas, you okay?” She asked genuinely concerned.

He snapped back into it and said, “Sorry Hun, my mind just went somewhere else I guess. Go ahead and get out of here for the day, I can take care of stuff here. I will probably go over to The Whaleback and check on Derrick in a bit when I go to the hardware store.”

“Okay as long as you’re sure you don’t need help, I don’t mind” Tracie said.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll pay you for the day, so don’t worry about the money. I will call you later and let you know about tomorrow, okay?” he asked.

“All right, well I’ll call you later and check on you Tommy. I may stop out and see Daniel later tonight if that’s okay,” she said.

“That’s fine, I’m sure he would love to see you. Be careful out there we are supposed to get more rain I guess
,
” Thomas said.

Tracie smiled, a moment later she had grabbed her purse and coat and went out the front door, locking it as she left. Thomas would go out the back entrance that he normally would use. After she left Thomas turned the lights off for the front of the shop, sat in back in his chair and lit a cigarette; a lot of thoughts were going thru his mind. A lot just happened in the last hour and he would need some time to sort out things.

.
             
.
             
.

Up in Cannon Beach Stephanie held the door for Ann as the old lady who may have been a little intoxicated made her way out of the restaurant laughing. The rain was coming down a little harder than earlier so the two women stood underneath the overhang. Their conversation over lunch lasted over an hour and the two women talked about all the possibilities Stephanie could do. Ann looked over at Stephanie and smiled and said “damn I’m glad I met you, you’re a hell of a girl. I wish you lived out here”

Stephanie who was also a little loopy from the booze laughed and said, “I would love to live out here Ann, this town, this place and you and your friends are awesome people. I am going to miss you more than you know”

Ann smiled and reached around and hugged Stephanie and asked “so what are you going to do, Since I know everything now or at least I think I do; what are your plans?”

Stephanie was silent then said, “I don’t know, part of me wants to drive down to Tillamook to his coffee shop and see him and try to say something to him”

“But…” Ann said.

“But I still don’t know what I would say, and I don’t know if it’s the right time yet
.
”

Ann looked up at the sky and said, “The rain is letting up some, we should walk this booze off a bit before I drive. I’m sure Ben is wondering where the hell I am but I told him I was gunna have some girl time with you”

“Well I’m glad you did, so Ann what do you think I should do?” Stephanie asked as she glanced over at the old woman.

Ann was silent for change and Stephanie thought that her friend was working things over in her mind so she just kept walking. Finally, Ann said, “well the romantic in me would love to say drive your ass down there and talk to him. However, the realist in me says you might want to wait a while to talk to him. You should talk to your friend Derrick though; I think he might be able to help you if you can sweet talk him a bit”.

Stephanie’s face went slack, Derrick made her nervous. Not because she was afraid of her old friend but she knew how protective he was over Thomas. By talking to him, it could go very well or very bad, it was an option that worried her.

“I have known Thomas along time Stephanie; since he got out here to the coast. Now had I known what I know now sooner maybe we could have done something faster to push this along. Nevertheless, He is a smart and honorable man with a big heart; he and Ben talk often as does Ben and Derrick. Your lover boy and his best friend are sort of the hot shots around these parts. There are many people that know them both, and only a few have bad things to say, but you hear rumors about things about all people. However, with Thomas and you, I am willing to bet that whatever was there for him when it came to you all those years back is still there in some way. It is just locked away in a part of his heart, and he had to do that to move on with life. But that sort of thing never really goes away…ever” Ann said smiling.

What she did not tell Stephanie though was exactly how close she and Ben were to Thomas James. And that a few months after the young man moved back out to the Oregon Coast from Michigan she and Thomas had a conversation on his deck very similar to the one she and Stephanie had been having.

“There is a lot I have to think about tonight before I leave tomorrow, I wish this was easier somehow,” Stephanie said quietly as they approached Ann’s car.

“Anyone in love always wishes it would be easier Sweetie, but that’s not how love works. If love was easy we all would get it right with the first try and that is rare,” Ann said then saying as she got into her car, “hop in and I’ll give you a ride back to the cottage
.
”

Stephanie got in and they drove south through town and headed back to the cottage near the small more residential part of Cannon Beach. Once there Ben greeted them both with big hugs. He invited Stephanie in for coffee but she declined. Instead
,
choosing to go into her rented cottage, take a nap, and be alone for a while. Ann and Stephanie hugged each other goodbye and then Stephanie headed for her cottage and went inside leaving Ann and her husband outside alone.

“So how did it go my nosey little angel?” Ben asked with a big smile.

Ann looked to make sure Stephanie was inside and said “Oh well babe let’s just say there is a lot you and me should talk about.” Ann said then adding “why don’t we get some of that coffee you made and I’ll tell you about it I’m chilled to the bone, it feels like fall out here” As she headed toward her own home.

“Sounds
interesting, can I have a hint?
” Ben asked raising his eyebrows with curiosity.

“Well Darlin, it seems that our new friend Stephanie is Thomas James’s long lost love” She said with a devious smile.

“What…you mean our Thomas, Daniel
’s
dad, the one we sold the Cottage down the way to a few years back
?
”

“Mmm hmm the one and the same dear,” She replied opening their door.

Ben’s eyes got wide and he said, “Well that is interesting, by the way have you been drinking
?
”

“Just a little, baby. Now let’s get that coffee and chat” she said as the old couple walked inside and escaping the rain.

Ben smiled as he followed her inside, and in his head thinki
ng
she’s about to get involved
.