Running Away With You (Running #3) (46 page)

Judge Carmichael asks to see the pre-sentencing report and asks if either the defense or the prosecution would like to offer any last-minute changes.  Both signify acceptance of its contents.  The judge speaks briefly with an officer of the court, signs the report, and hands it off.

Now the case moves into the next phase.  The judge asks the prosecution if there is anyone who would like to make a victim’s impact statement before sentencing.  The prosecutor turns and looks at Gavin, and then proceeds to tell the judge that none of the victims wish to make a statement at this time.

Now we move directly into sentencing.  “I see here that a plea agreement has been made and agreed to by both sides.  According to the terms of the plea bargain, Corporal Donovan has agreed to a lesser charge of arson in the fourth degree, and in exchange will be serving the maximum penalty of eighteen months to be served in Trenton Psychiatric Hospital to receive treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by his overseas service.  Upon release, Corporal Donovan will be on probation for minimum of three years, during which time he will report to the probation department, find gainful employment, and repay the victims in the amount of two hundred thousand dollars.”

Why didn’t I know anything about a plea agreement?  I wasn’t informed and I certainly wasn’t asked for my input.  But what is done is done, and I can’t change it.  At least I know I can close this very painful chapter of my life and move on.

Just like that, the entire thing is over.  The judge leaves first, and then everyone else begins chatting and filing out of the courtroom.  Gavin and Evan are talking and shaking hands, and both seem pleased with the results today.  I’m not sure how I feel.  I suppose indifferent would be an appropriate description.

Auggie helps me with my coat again, and when I turn around, I’m face to face with Evan.  “Juliette, can we talk?” he asks, his face stern and harsh.

I look to Auggie to see what I should say.  “I’ll be right here, Jepetto,” he promises, urging me forward.

“Okay,” is all I can manage to respond.

“Listen carefully. I don’t have a lot of time, but there are a few things here that need to be said.  I have another hearing in forty-five minutes in family court.  You look like crap.  Your friends are all worried about you.  You need to take better care of yourself.  Why haven’t you been to see Dr. Falkowski?” he asks.

“What difference does it make?” I ask him.  “And besides, what do you care what I do?”

He glares at me, his lips pursed together and eyes unblinking.  If looks could kill, I’d be six feet under. “Do you think I don’t care?  Do you think I stopped loving you and worrying about you every fucking minute of the day, Juliette?”

“I don’t understand,” I tell him.  “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you’re not the only one hurting here.  You haven’t called, not even once to check on Maddy.  I call Auggie every goddamn day just to see how you’re doing.  Every frigging time the doorbell rings, I jump up to see if it’s you.  Have you given up on me?  Have you given up on us?”

“You broke up with me.  You kicked me out of the house.  You cancelled our wedding. What am I supposed to do, Evan?”

He looks down at me, his expression vacant for a split second, and then he frowns.  He leans down and whispers in my ear, “You’re supposed to fight.”  Evan turns and walks away, leaving me speechless and dumbstruck. 

He’s right, of course.  I can’t continue to live like this, and I haven’t made a single attempt to fix this situation. 

I
wait in Dr. Falkowski’s office for his first appointment early in the morning.  When he comes down the stairs and sees me in his waiting room, he smiles kindly at me.  His office is charming and welcoming, warmed by a small fire burning in the fireplace.  I take a seat in one of his leather chairs and take a deep breath to calm my frayed nerves.  I’ve got a long story to tell, and mine does not have a happy ending.

Dr. Falkowski does not interrupt me as I weave together the story of how and why I arrived here today.  He’s very patient and understanding as I recount the details, occasionally veering off onto loosely connected tangents.  I find the telling of what happened is the easy part.  It’s explaining the whys for each that I struggle with.  Things that I thought I knew and believed at the time now seem absurd and ridiculous in hindsight.

“You’ve painted quite a picture, Juliette.  Let me begin by telling you that I wish you had come to me sooner.  Much sooner, in fact.  If you had, I suspect things would be very different right now.  But neither you nor I can change the past, and you’re here now.  So let me ask you this. What were you most afraid of?  Why did you fight so hard to maintain control and insulate Evan from everything that was unfolding?  Were you protecting him, or were you, in fact, protecting yourself?”

“Both, I think,” I reluctantly admit.  “Evan was single for a long time, and the possibility of him preferring to live an unattached life free of complications was always in the back of my mind.  I was terrified about what might happen if he ever found out about any of it.  I was afraid I would lose him forever.”

“Well, he knows now,” the good doctor points out. 

“Yes, he does.”

The thing I feared most, I created.  And I learned something in the process.  You cannot hide from the truth, you cannot sweep it under the carpet, and you cannot wish it away.  It will come out.  The only control anyone has over the truth is the manner in which it is revealed.  And that is where I failed.

“So what do I do now?” I ask Dr. Falkowski.  “Do I pick up the pieces and move on, or do I fight to get my life back?  And how would I even start?”

“Ask yourself two key questions, Juliette.  First, do you truly harbor feelings for Evan, or are you just afraid of being alone?  You must be absolutely certain you’re doing this for the right reasons.”

Without hesitation, I answer.  “I love him.”

“Good.  Now, let me ask you this.  Was your past relationship with him healthy?  It’s much easier to remember all the wonderful parts of your relationship and forget about the bad.  I need you to make an honest assessment of your experiences together.  Was your life better with him or without him?”

Hmm.  That one’s a bit harder to answer.  My life with Evan was more complicated, that’s for sure.  We’ve each had our share of tragedies.  And it seems that each was brought on, although not intentionally, by the other.  But my life was fuller, happier, and more meaningful than I ever dreamed possible.  “Better,” I tell him, “much better.”

“That’s good to hear, but remember, the key to reconciliation is having two people willing to work hard at putting the relationship back together. If you have one person willing to work hard and the other not really having his or her heart in it, then reconciliation will never be successful. For reconciliation to be successful, both parties have to not just forgive, but trust. Most often, rebuilding a broken relationship damaged by betrayal or distrust can be a real challenge. However, rebuilding is not impossible.”

“Can you tell me where Evan’s heart is?  Do I even have a chance with him?” I hold my breath while I wait for his response. 

“Ah, Juliette, you know I can’t discuss anything that happens in Evan’s sessions.  You’re going to have to answer that question for yourself.  Is it worth moving forward even if you’re unsure of your chances of success?”

“Definitely.  I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t at least try.”

“Then it would seem that we have the beginning of a plan for moving forward.  Our time for today is up, but I’d like to see you again.  Before I do, I’d like you to try something.  I want you to do something kind and thoughtful for Evan without any hopes or expectations attached.  This small act should be for his benefit alone, and your only compensation will be the knowledge of what you’ve done.”

I leave his office after making an appointment to come again in two day’s time.  I have a lot to think about.

What are some things that make Evan happy?  My head is swimming with ideas, but none of them seem a grandiose enough gesture.  Sending him flowers would be lame.  I’ve baked him all kinds of special treats in the past and he’s always enjoyed them, but that would be taking the easy way out.  I consider writing him a love letter, but that’s too self-serving.  I don’t have the money to buy an expensive gift, so it has to be something completely different.

Then it hits me – the two things that mean the most to Evan are sports and family.  And I think I have just the way to bring them both together for him in the most special and unexpected way.  But in order to pull it off, I’m going to need help – and lots of it.  I just hope that the very same people I need to help me right now have not completely written me off.

My first call is to Adam.  He’s my wildcard.  The entire plan hinges not only on his willingness to help me (or even take my phone call), but also on his networking expertise.  For my plan to work, Adam has got to come through for me.

It’s still well before lunchtime when I call Adam’s cell phone, and I’m relieved when he answers.  “Sparky, I need your help.”

“Jette, the last time you started a sentence like that, we both got ourselves into hot water.  Sorry, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to get in the middle of another one of your ridiculous antics.”  He’s adamant, and I can’t say I blame him one tiny bit.

“You don’t have to say a word. Just listen, and if you think it’s a good idea, you can either help me or hook me up with someone who can.”  As I begin to recount my plan for a special surprise treat for Evan, a wave of excitement and enthusiasm washes over me that I haven’t felt in a long time.  I begin to feel alive again.  “And Evan doesn’t even have to know it was me who arranged it all.  Don’t you think he needs this right now?”

There’s a moment of silence on the phone while Adam considers my plea.  Finally he answers with two simple words. “I’m in.”

We go over the details, and Adam seems to think he can pull it off.  Now it’s time to contact my second accomplice, and I’m terrified she will want nothing to do with me.  Evan is very close to his sister, and I’m not at all sure she’ll be willing or able to see past the fact that I caused Evan pain and anguish.

She answers the phone and surprises me with her greeting. “Juliette, I’m so glad you finally called.  I was worried I’d never hear from you again.”

“Hi, Callie.  I guess Evan’s filled you in on everything.  I’m actually a little surprised you’d even take my call after all that’s happened.”

“I’ll always take your call, no matter what happens between you and my baby brother.  And just for the record, he’s not always right, you know.  He’s got an ego as big as the Empire State Building and he’s not used to getting it bruised.  He’ll come around, you’ll see.”  Her voice is calm and reassuring.  It’s exactly what I need to hear.

“Well, I have a lot of work to do if that’s ever going to happen.  That’s why I’m calling.  I want to do something special for Evan and I was wondering if you could help me.”

Quick as a flash, she jumps right in. “I’ll do it.”

I can’t help but smile and laugh a little.  “I haven’t even told you what it is yet.”

“It doesn’t matter.  Count me in.  What do I have to do?”

I spell out my plans for the surprise, and Callie loves it.  “Oh, Juliette, I think it’s perfect.  It’s exactly what he needs to take his mind off all this crap the two of you have to deal with right now.  Let me make a quick call to make sure he’s not busy, and I’ll call you right back.”

By noon I not only have a plan, but a team of co-conspirators to pull it off.  There are so many people who love and care for Evan who are helping me to pull it off, very little of the credit will actually come back to me.  It’s beyond perfect; it’s heartwarming.  I just wish I could be there to see the look on his face when it all takes place.

At four o’clock, Auggie comes home and stops dead in his tracks when he sees me.  “Holy macaroni, Batman.  Is that lasagna I smell?”

I wipe my hands on my apron and give Auggie a big, warm hug.  “It is.  I’ve had a very busy day today and I’m hungry.  I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mind?  I haven’t seen you eat, much less cook anything, in days!  What happened at therapy this morning?  Did you get electric shock treatment or just a big ol’ bottle of Prozac?”

“Neither, actually.  But thanks for the never-ending confidence you have in me and my ability to get my shit together.”  I grab a dishtowel and snap it, making him jump back to avoid the sting.

“Oh, Jepetto, I do believe in you.  It’s just that I also believe in getting help when you’re in over your head, and from where I’m standing, you’ve been swimming in the deep end for a long time now.”  Auggie walks over to the pot of sauce I have simmering on the stove and samples it.

“Well, I’ve learned my lesson.  In fact, you’d be very proud of me.  Dr. Falkowski gave me a homework assignment and the first thing I did was to call Adam and Callie and ask them to help.”  I pour myself a glass of Cabernet and pull up a stool at the kitchen island. 

“Homework, huh?”  Auggie pours himself a glass and joins me.  “Spill.  And don’t leave out any of the juicy deets.”