Running Away From Love (23 page)

I couldn’t form any words I just let out a small whimper as I tried to catch my breath. I could tell he was trying his best not to climax, but I knew he was reaching his peak. He was on a mission and holding out until he got what he wanted out of me.

He asked again, “Jasmine, tell me that you love me, and you don’t love him.”

I couldn’t wonder why it was so important for him to hear me say this. I mean what could he possibly gain from hearing me say it? I was still resisting though. He dropped my legs from off his shoulders. He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pinned my back up against the wall. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist as he made love to me up against the wall. He pulled my body down onto him, and I rotated my hips every time he pulled me down. It felt so good I screamed so loud I scared myself! I screamed out his name in nothing but pure ecstasy.

He said softly “Tell me, Jasmine.”

“I can’t,” I whimpered.

He pulled me down even harder saying “Tell me, Jasmine.”

I screamed out this time saying “I can’t! I won’t let you hurt me again.”

He gazed into my eyes and kissed my lips before he said “Jasmine, I will never hurt you again. I swear to you on our child who was never born I will never hurt you again. You know you still love me. Stop fighting this and just tell me you love me.”

My heart was already screaming and professing my love for him. So I closed my eyes and let my lips speak what my heart had been dying to say.

“I love you, Trey,” I said softly.

He kissed me deep and hard as he said “I love you more, baby.”

We moved from the wall back to the bed. I got on top this time. I rode him nice and slow rotating my hips. Slowly I began to speed up, bouncing up and down as it began to feel good to me. As I bounced, he pushed right back. He lifted up so we were face to face.

I placed kisses on his lips and neck as I whispered in his ear saying “I will always love you.” With one last quick twist of my hips he came hard.

I felt his whole body shake underneath me, and he began to take short breaths into my ear. He still held onto me tight like he was never trying to let me go. I finally was able to catch my breath. I was wore out. I collapsed onto his chest. Both of our bodies were covered in sweat. I rolled off of him, and cuddled up next to him resting my head on his chest. I laid still and listened to his heart beat. As I listened, I realized his heartbeat matched mine perfectly. I always believed whenever your heartbeat is in sync with someone, that person is your soulmate. I could never find the right words to explain what the connection was between Trey and I. It’s like his hands held a permanent grip on my heart, and I could never seem to break free from his hold.

We laid there silent for a while. I guess we both needed a little bit of time to take in everything that had just happened. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, and just held me. He broke the silence as he said “So what are you thinking about right now? Are you regretting what we just did? I know us ending up like this wasn’t in the plans. But I promise you that I’m not trying to make your life complicated.”

I thought about it for a minute before I decided to say anything. I said “I know none of what happened was planned. It just happened; I know that. And to answer your question no I don’t regret anything. What happened tonight we both wanted to happen. I wanted it more than you know. I guess I’m just confused as to where we go from here. I’m still technically in a relationship with someone else. Everything has kind of spiraled out of control in my life in the matter of 24 hours. I can barely keep up with it all. It’s just a lot Trey.”

He kissed me on the forehead as he said “I understand. But I feel like this is happening like this because it’s meant to be. I don’t feel like anything between us has ever been forced. You already know what I want. I made it no secret I want you, Jasmine. I want you in my life as my lady. I mean I know we have had our ups and downs in the past. But we always seem to find our way back to each other in the end. We’re meant to be together. No matter how hard we both have tried to avoid one another the love just never went away. I don’t see any reason that would stop us from being together. You know he is not the man for you just as much as I do.”

I didn’t respond. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I just slept with Trey. What if the chick was lying, and now I had slept with my ex. I closed my eyes to avoid the tears from falling.

I whispered to Trey saying “It’s crazy that I can never seem to get away from you. I promised myself that I would never be here with you ever again. I just pray that I’m not making a mistake by letting things go as far as it has.”

He wrapped his arms tighter around me, and kissed me on the head. I closed my eyes and went to sleep in his arms. I was hoping that all of this would somehow make sense in my dreams.

The next morning when I woke up, Trey was still holding onto me as he slept. I gently slipped out of his arms as I got up off the bed. I was trying my best to not wake him up. I took a quick shower and got dressed while he slept. I made sure not make a lot of noise. I did not want to wake him up. I really didn’t know what to say to him right now. My mind and emotions were all over the place. Shit I wouldn’t even know what to say even if it was crystal clear in my mind. I knew because of what happened between us last night he is probably thinking we are going to get back together. But I wasn’t sure if that is what I really wanted. I just needed some time to get my shit together. All of this in such a short amount of time is just too much for one person to process.

After I finished getting dressed I found a piece of paper to write Trey a quick note before I left out. It said “I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, but you were sleeping so peacefully and I didn’t want to wake you. Last night was amazing, Trey, and I couldn’t have asked for a more fulfilling night. I want you to know I don’t regret anything that happened between us. It’s just really hard for me to face you right now. I know you will have questions for me I don’t have the answers to right now. I just need some time by myself without you or Quincy around me. I’m sorry for running away. I just really need some time alone.”

I left the note on the pillow next to him and kissed his lips lightly before I slipped out of the door. As I walked out I felt like an asshole for running away like this. It’s like I feel suffocated when things in my life get complicated. I feel trapped when I’m forced to deal with my own conflict and hurt. I feel like in order for me to breathe I just have to get away. I know that this is really fucked up to leave after the night we shared. I didn’t know where he and I even go from here?

I just needed to take some time to get my mind right, and put some things into perspective. So I decided to take a flight back home to Buffalo. I had already planned on going back home for London’s wedding in two weeks. But after this whole situation I needed to get away sooner than that. Flashbacks of me and Trey last night kept replaying in my head. I couldn’t believe that we made love last night. That was nowhere near how that night should have gone down. I just couldn’t help myself I had to have him. How could something that felt so right in my heart feel so wrong in my head? As I was waiting on my flight to board, I called London to let her know I was coming in earlier than planned, and that I needed someone to pick me up. As I’m telling her this, she was trying her best to figure out why I was coming so early. I ignored all of her questions until she got the hint that I wasn’t going to talk about it.

I said flatly “I’m fine, London.”

She said annoyed “I’m not about to deal with your stubborn ass today.”

I laughed as I said “Thank you with your nosey ass! My flight doesn’t land until about 1pm.” She agreed to pick me up, and we said our goodbyes as we hung up.

As soon as I hung up, Q called my phone. At first I wasn’t going to answer, but I was curious to see what he had to say. So I answered clearly annoyed saying “What do you want, Quincy?” He sounded surprised that I even answered his call.

He said “Wow you answered my call finally. Listen, Jasmine where are you? All I want to do is talk to you; that’s it.”

“I really don’t see what it is that we need to talk about,” I said coldly. You wanna discuss how you smacked me? What can you possibly say that would make that any better? Or do you want to talk about the bitch you were fucking and funding who is now pregnant with your child? Both seem to be issues in our relationship right now. I don’t know what can be said that will make any of that shit better.”

He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “I never said anything that happened was right, but it would be nice if we can at least try and work it out. I don’t want things to end the way that it did. I love you, Jasmine. Can you just come home please? I know we can work this out.”

I said “No, I’m not coming back. I’ll be gone for a couple weeks. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk to you, and right now is not the time. Please just take care of my dog until I get back, Quincy.” Before he could say anything else I hung. He tried calling me back but I decided to block his number all together.

A little after I talked to Q my phone rang again. As I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Trey. I took a deep breath before I answered saying “Hello.”

“Jasmine where the hell did you go?” he asked angrily. “Why did you just leave without at least waking me up? I mean after last night I thought we were going to try to work on our relationship. What is going on?”

It hurt me to hear Trey sounding so upset. So I said “I know that I shouldn’t have left like that, and I am really sorry for disappearing like that. In all honesty I just didn’t know what to say to you after last night. All I want right now is just need some time to clear my mind, and figure out what it is that I’m doing. I feel like we just made a complicated situation ten times worse. My mind and emotions are all over the place, and I have no clue how I’m supposed to deal with all of this.”

In the background I guess he could hear the announcement of incoming and outgoing flights. So he asked “Jasmine, where are you at right now? Are you at the airport? Just come back so we can talk.”

“I’m sorry, Trey, but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I just have to get away from here for a while. I really sorry, Trey, but I have to go. I promise I will call you as soon as I get back in town. Please don’t worry about me I will be fine I promise.” Before he could respond I hung up and turned my phone off. My mind was everywhere and I couldn’t have felt more overwhelmed. I just put my headphones on, and zoned out listening to music.

             
Later that night in New York City there was a Def Jam industry party for all of the new artists on the label. Trey was required to be there being that his artist Melo was one of the new artists on the label. He really didn’t want to be there as he was still annoyed about his situation with Jasmine. The shit was beyond frustrating for him. He couldn’t understand how she could just up and walk away after that night. The way she whispered that she loved him, and the way she kissed him left no doubt that she still loved him very much. The love that she held for him was all in her touch, and he knew she felt it just like he did. But for the life of him he couldn’t understand why she kept fighting and denying it. Were her feelings for Quincy really that deep? It never even crossed his mind until now that she could love another man that much who wasn’t him. The selfish part of him refused to think that it was even possible. He replayed the whole night over and over again in his mind. He never seen her sex him with as much passion as she did. He could feel everything that she was feeling. All of her pain and love she released on him that night. But the one thing that remained the same was how she always dug her nails into his back whenever hit her spot just right. Trey never realized that there really was a difference between sex, and making love to a woman. Not that he never loved Jasmine before, but the love that he felt now consumed him. In the past he never allowed himself to really give in wholeheartedly to being in love. Right now he couldn’t see anyone else but her. Trey was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even hear Mike talking to him.

Mike said “Yo, Trey what’s you good?”

Trey replied calmly, “Yeah, I’m good. I’m just tired as hell. I had a long night.”

They made their way up to the VIP section to greet some people when Trey spotted Q at one of the tables. It took everything in him not to rush the table and knock his ass out for what he did. But he kept reminding himself that he was at a business event and needed to stay calm. As Trey and Mike were walking past Q’s table Q recognized Trey immediately. His face quickly turned into a frown. Deep down Q was insanely jealous of Trey. He knew that no matter how hard he tried to take it away Trey would always own a part of Jasmine’s heart. He knew that he came second when it came to her heart, and he never played a second in his life. Q was drunk, and his emotions were getting the best of him. So he decided to go over and start some shit. He got up and walked right up to Trey.

He said “Your name is Trey, right?” Trey ignored him at first. He was trying his hardest to keep his composure.

So he said flatly “You know who I am.”

Q asked “Have you seen my girl? She ain’t been home, and I know you are the only one that she really knows here. So I know you probably heard from her, and knows where she is at.”

Trey laughed in his face. He needed a reason to fuck him up, and he just gave him one. So he said “Why are you even asking me about Jasmine? If that’s your woman you should know where she is at not me! What I really wanna know is what the fuck did you do to her that made her leave? She wouldn’t leave and not tell you where she was going unless you did some shit to her.”

Q didn’t like the way he was talking to him. He sensed Trey’s hostility which meant he knew what happened between him and Jasmine. So he said agitated “We had a minor disagreement. She will never leave me. I know how much you wish that would happen, though. I can tell that every time you see her with me that it drives you crazy. And secretly you hope that one day she will eventually come back to you. It’s a shame that it will never happen! Jasmine is mine now!”

Trey stepped up in his face as he said “How sure are you about that? I actually happen to know that my chances are great right about now to get my woman back. You want to know why? It’s because a real man would never feel the need to put his hands on the woman that he claims to love. You shocked that I know about that shit? Your woman came running to me after you hit her in her fucking face. I knew it would be a matter of time before you messed up. The whole city knows about you and Lisa. Word is that she is pregnant with your child, too. How long did you think that you would be able to keep that shit a secret? Do you really think Jasmine will stay with you after the truth comes out about you and your future baby mother’s real relationship? I’ve never known Jasmine to play second to no other chick. If I know her like I know I do you will never be able to call her yours ever again. Face it you fucked up, and now she is with the man that she really loves. Just know that this time I won’t ever give her a reason to leave me ever again. And I will waste no time making her my wife.”

              The thought of Jasmine running right to Trey infuriated Q. Shit he didn’t even know that they even still kept in contact. As far as he knew Jasmine had no contact with any other man besides himself. Now he was beginning to question that there may be a lot more that Jasmine kept from him when it came to her relationship with Trey. He always knew in the back of his mind that Jasmine wasn’t really out of love with Trey. But his pride and ego refused to acknowledge that he wasn’t the center of her world. The fact that she went running right into his arms that quick made it even more clear to him that she still was in love with him.

Quincy stepped right into Trey’s face and he asked “Did you fuck my girl?”

Trey laughed in his face as he said “You need to ask Jasmine that!”

As soon as Trey said that, Q swung off on him aiming right for his face, but Trey ducked avoiding his hit. As soon as he rose up, he swung and hit Q right in the mouth. Q stumbled backwards, and Trey followed up with another hit to his face before he could recover. Q swung again punching Trey in his ribs taking the wind out of him. He then rushed him and they came crashing down onto a table. They wrestled on the floor with each other. Q was drunk so he couldn’t handle Trey. Trey quickly got the advantage as he was on top throwing punch after punch. All of their boys sat on the side and let them fight. But as soon as Mike saw that security was coming he broke up the fight. He pulled Trey away, and held him back trying to keep him calm. Trey yelled “If you ever put your hands on her again I will fucking kill you! You are a bitch! She is all of 125 pounds and you couldn’t restrain her?”

Q got up stumbling as he yelled back saying “If I find out you fucked my girl I swear I will murder you!”

Trey yelled back, “Well just murder me now, because it happened! You should have heard the way she screamed how much she loves me while I was inside of her! Just accept the fact that she loves me in a way she will never love you. I know it must kill you knowing that her heart belongs to another man as she lies in bed with you. Jasmine and I have history together. And no matter what you got with her right now our history can never be erased. If I didn’t fuck up before she would be the mother of my child. I bet she never told you that she was pregnant with my seed before. She is, and will always be, mine. I’m going to tell you this one more time if you ever put your hands on her again I will fucking kill you!”

After Trey said all of that, Q could only see red. He tried to rush Trey, but security grabbed him. He wanted to kill Trey after everything he just revealed. All he could think of was how she could fuck another man that fast. And to top all of this off Jasmine never once mentioned that she was ever pregnant before. Q and Jasmine talked about everything from their pasts, and to think that she hid something like that hurt him. He couldn’t figure out why Jasmine would even be keep secrets from him. Mike pushed Trey out of the VIP section, and outside of the club to avoid getting caught up. They didn’t need to get into any situations that would fuck up they business.

              As they were driving off in Mike’s Range Rover, Mike remained silent giving Trey time to calm down. After a while he finally spoke out to him saying “Alright tell me what that shit was all about? What went down between you and Jasmine?”

Trey said “Last night Jasmine showed up at my house upset and crying with her face and arm fucked up telling me how that nigga put his hands on her. They got into a fight over that Lisa chick. I guess she finally found out about the girl. She said that she had nowhere else to go, and that she just needed someone to talk, too. So we talked and I calmed her down. I told her that she could stay at my place until things calmed down. The next thing I know we were kissing, and then I’m sure you know what happened after that. I woke up this morning, and she wasn’t there. She left me a note saying she needed time to clear her head. I called her this morning, and she was at the airport. She is probably going back to Buffalo. That’s the last time that I heard from her.

“This whole situation got me all fucked up. I don’t know what else to do to prove to her that I’ve changed. I’m tired of going back and forth with her when she knows how I feel. I thought that after that night she would have no more doubts and be back with me. Now since she just up and walked out I just don’t know anymore. I guess she can’t figure out who, or what she wants. At this point I feel like I said and did all that I possibly could. I’m ready to just say fuck it, and let her go back to that nigga. That seems like where she wants to be anyway!”