Authors: Leah Banicki
He bent and folded himself into a seated position next to me. “You doing alright?” He handed me a warm
travel mug. I took a satisfying sip.
“Mmm, coffee, just how I like it creamy and sweet.” I said and sipped. “I am great. Got a text from
Anthony this morning.” I took another sip. I could hear the tiniest gasp from Zee and spoke quickly again to calm
his fears. “Don’t worry Zee, I have repeatedly told him to never talk to me again. I told him again today that I am
in a relationship. He has nothing I want anymore. It was never real, ever.” I gave Zee a look and saw the look of
fear still in his eyes, a look I never saw in Tony’s, Zee saw me as the prize.
“I love you Zee.” I said before thinking.
His face got serious for a second, I could not tell what he was thinking. I decided to keep talking.
Maybe I
could ruin this thing completely.
“I know it’s soon and we have only just started dating officially but I wanted you to know.” I was talking
fast again.
Is this when he stops returning my phone calls… or asks me to leave?
He reached out and took a hold of my chin. I could feel my emotions rising up. Still not knowing what he
would say. Something like…Thanks kid you are kinda cute but you move too fast for me. Or you sure do fall in
love quickly…
“Stop thinking so much and kiss me Hannah.” His concerned face suddenly turned into a smallest bit of a
grin, right before he kissed me.
“I love you too Hannah.” He said between kisses.
Morning fireworks starting my day.
This was now my
favorite holiday.
* * * * *
My parents arrived for the 4
th
of July festivities, as well as a few of Jackson’s brothers. Iggy and Henry
Zyskowski were indeed a little taller than Jackson and a few years older too. The brotherly rough housing started
immediately on their arrival. Ruby took over the mothering role when they wanted to wrestle with Jackson.
“Boys, I swear, he has metal screws in his leg, knock it off!” Her yelling made me laugh, it just bubbled out
of me. This family was just so much fun.
They all jumped in the pool and started to roughhouse some more, I thought their logic leaned toward the
water being a safer area to body slam little brother Zee.
My parents enjoyed the camaraderie shared and Ruby and my mom were becoming fast friends. It was
altogether a fabulous time. Ruby’s fried chicken did a disappearing act with so many grown men around and my
mom’s chocolate cake was declared a masterpiece. Everyone watched the fireworks that night over the lake with a
smile. It was a perfect holiday.
* * * * *
Two days later I was sitting in my favorite red chair reading Zee’s newest book. His characters from the
last book were working well together and I saw the romance sparking some more. I was right about my suspicions.
When he started this series he was in a place to find love. I was so glad that he had found it. There was nothing
like being in the right place at the right time. This was how I felt, so lucky and giddy.
I saw Zee outside on his riding lawn mower. The heat index was over a hundred so I got the bright idea to
take him some iced tea. Seeing him in his element with his shirt off and all sweaty reminded me of the heat issue I
had with Tony on the show. I got nervous seeing him looking so fit and attractive. I wondered if I was good enough
for him. I gave him the tea and kept quiet for a while. He thanked me as he stopped and then he leaned in for a
kiss. I kissed him back affectionately and hoped he knew how attractive I found him. I needed to tell him but had
no idea how. I decided to push away the negative voices in my head and just enjoyed the day. The clouds cleared
out of my head soon enough as I was back in the air conditioning and I distracted myself again with Jackson’s
writing.
I could not cure all my issues at once. Hopefully I had more time with Jackson before he deemed me a cold
fish. I hoped I could figure out how to express desire to someone before I lost out again.
* * * * *
The next day we battled the crowds and headed to St Joe, to the pier. The kids wanted to play in Lake
Michigan so Zee and I took a walk on the pier. I went back and forth from walking in my crocs to slipping them off
when rocks and sand found their way into my shoes, the cement in certain places was hot and burned the soles of
our feet, but the pebbles were quite persistent at climbing into the crocs and biting at my tender feet too. Jackson
laughed at my big floppy hat and enormous sunglasses I wore to disguise myself.
“I am pretty sure the Paparazzi don’t care anymore but I would rather be safe than sorry. I don’t want
them pestering your family too.” I said when he laughed for the third time. I punched him playfully in the stomach.
“I will stop laughing,” Jackson stated then added, “or at least, try. You do look a bit silly.”
“Thanks Zee, I know you will do your utmost.” I said dryly. I watched the people ahead of us on the pier
casually strolling; also a few groups of teenagers were hanging out and flirting. A few guys fished off the side of the
cement pier.
“I wonder if they actually catch anything when the crowds are this big.” I looked below and saw some large
fish swimming amongst the large rocks. The water was rather peaceful on the lake today and I could see a few
calm places.
“My guess is yes, but who knows. I would like to think these guys know what they are doing. But maybe
they just show up and hope for the best.” Jackson’s hand in mine felt good. We both gasped as a teenage boy took
a running leap off the side of the pier and did a cannonball ahead of us. We both peered over the side to make
sure he didn’t land on one of the rocky areas. He was gliding through the water and enjoying the cheers from
some pretty girls, he was obviously trying to impress.
“You want me to jump in Hannah?” Jackson asked and flexed his muscles like a preening youth.
“No, you impress me enough. I nearly swooned earlier today when you started chopping wood for the
fire. There is something about a man chopping wood that just does a girl in.” I said blushing a deep red. Sharing my
secret was fun but I was not good at flirting, this was my attempt to practice.
“Note to self, chop wood every time Hannah comes over.” He said and gave my hand a squeeze.
The walk on the pier worked well for my flirting practice. I trusted Jackson to stick with me for now. He
seemed to be enjoying the attention.
* * * * *
On Sunday, Jackson and I went to church with my parents and then had dinner with them at the lodge.
Ruby and Carl were out shopping with the kids and we all noticed how quiet it was. Little Kyle was a force of
nature and could be loud. Tina had a few girlfriends over to the lodge for overnights and the giggling and shrieking
near the pool had been a constant when they were around. It was a joyful noise, we all agreed. It sounded like
summer.
“So Jackson, I notice you seem pretty smitten with my girl.” My Dad gave Jackson a pointed look,
expecting a reply. I was pretty sure my face was turning purple but I remained mute, stunned and speechless.
“Yes, smitten is a mild word for it.” He smiled at me and I could tell he noticed my blush.
“Well, I need to make sure that you like her for her and not just because she was on TV. I know you are a
celebrity in your own right but I cannot feel she is safe until I hear from you that you are in this relationship for the
right reasons.” My Dad looked a little nauseous, I was not sure why he was grilling Jackson but I trusted my Dad to
be sensible, I would let it go on for now. I looked at Jackson to see how he was handling it. His face was calm but
slightly serious.
“Well, Mr. Parker, Mrs. Parker,” He nodded at my mother too, making me feel good that he was including
her. “I know what you guys went through before. Watching a young man court your daughter under false
pretenses.”
I saw my mother wiped away a tear, my dad nodded. Jackson continued, “I feel like Hannah and I have
moved forward from friendship into this relationship naturally, as our feelings dictated the pace. There is no
schedule to keep or agenda on my part but to get to know Hannah and let her get to know me. My prayers are to
find a Christian woman someday who shares my faith and will be my faithful companion. If we both pray and feel
that we are meant to be together than I believe God will bless this relationship we have and my dreams of that
union will come true. If at some point, we come to that place in this relationship that it just isn’t a blessed union
for the both of us then I think we are both sensible enough to communicate that. I am falling in love with your
daughter, and she has told me that she has the same feelings. I know my intentions are honorable and I believe
hers are too. I cannot promise anything outside that but I know for now I am here, by her side no matter what. I
will never intentionally hurt your daughter.” Jackson took a drink of water after his speech. His hand was shaking a
little. I grabbed it and gave it a squeeze after he had put the glass of water down.
He looked me in the eye and I mouthed the words ‘I love you’. He gave me a wink.
“Thank You Jackson. I think we both know that, but have so many self-doubts as parents, after seeing what
we thought was a sincere young man wanting to propose to my daughter and then to watch him publicly break her
heart, was more difficult than we care to admit. I know we both trust you and will give you the chance to grow in
your relationship.”
My mother’s bravery was touching. I knew how much this process had taken out of her. My own anxiety a
testament to how a fragile heart could not handle much strife. I was so proud of my mom.
“Well, I would love to take a dip in the pool before I expire in the sun.” I said to diffuse some stress I had
built up in my chest.
I was ready for the TV-show to never be an issue again.
Maybe by this time next year, I hope, I hope
. I told
myself.
“I will gladly join you.” My mother said. We went up to my temporary room and changed into our suits.
We climbed in the cool water and let the men bond for a while. My mom spent the next hour telling me all about
her garden with promises to give me a tour of the blooms next time I came over. I was so glad to indulge her and
let her tell me all about it.
The end of the vacation was a bummer but I had a full week of unpacking and plans to keep away the aftervacation-doldrums. I spent my first day back with Chrissy. She helped me unpack and together we decided what
to keep and what to give to Goodwill. She invaded my clothes and gladly helped me clear out a few unneeded
dresses I kept from the show. I held back the green velvet dress I wore in Scotland for my own purposes. I did
remember that Jackson made a few comments about it.
Perhaps I could wear it on a date and create a new and better
memory
. A dress like that needed not go to waste though it might be a little tighter than it was on the show.
“Are you keeping the green dress for anything special or just for the memory?” Chrissy asked. The way
she asked was a sign to me that we were doing better. Since her attitude had been so great lately I felt like I could
share.
“Well, it actually is a good memory. It was such an amazing life moment, to feel like a princess. Lately I can
start separating the memories of the show from my feelings about Anthony. Now when I think about this dress, I
think about the bracelet Jackson got me to match the dress, and also about the charming people and the castle. I
cannot throw out everything about the show because that would diminish other things about it too.” I saw Chrissy
smile at the mention of Jackson. I went to my jewelry box that I had already unpacked and showed her the green
bracelet. She smiled over the story as I told her how I messed up and kissed him before I was ready.
“I am so glad you found somebody Hannah. I have prayed so much for your happiness. Especially after I
was such a fool and…” Tears sprang to her eyes and I gave her a quick hug to show her a little understanding.
“Oh hush dear, no more apologies. I know you care.” Chrissy hugged me back hard and let a few more
tears fall, probably a bit grateful for the forgiveness.
I grabbed us both a cold beverage and we went back to the boxes. I enjoyed her company and she helped
me over the next two days as she stayed and we made amends for our mistakes. The healing of the relationship
did wonders for both of us. I sent her back to my parents with promises to let her stay with me again soon.
Perhaps after my next photography trip to Florida.
“Love you Hannah, my sister.” Chrissy hugged me before leaving.
“Love you too Chrissy, Sissy.” I said back and returned the feelings. I prayed about this visit with Chrissy,
but was blown away at how God had helped us work things out better than I thought it could ever be again.
Forgiveness was divine indeed.
* * * * *
At dinner a few nights later I got another surprise from my parents. They had been called by the network
and told that the show would be on. My dad was the one to break the news to me.
“After dinner Soulmate has a special on.” My Dad said with a straight face. He didn’t want to tell me, I
could see that. I tried not to groan but failed.
“What is it now?” I said in a grumble.
“I was told it was an interview with Anthony. I figured we could record it and watch it together if you
need some support.” My Dad added with a squeeze of a shoulder for good measure.
We ate dinner, my family tried to keep it light and cheery. I reminded myself a million times during the
meal to keep calm, peaceful, and not let the show ruin my mood.
With a fun game of cards and a few laughs to calm me down, we settled in the living room to watch the
show when it was time. I was determined to keep my anxiety down. I saw the intro for Soulmate and Randall was
sitting on the famous grilling couch. I took a few deep breaths.
“Tonight on our program we will talk to Anthony Capriccio about his relationships with his fiancée
Desiree, and also his feelings about the woman that got away, Hannah Parker.” I sat with my mom and held my
face in my hands. I groaned aloud twice before I let my Dad hit the play button again.
“Why do we have to bring all this up again?” I asked my mother, not really expecting an answer.
“I am not sure sweetie, just thought you should see it. That way when he calls again, and I think he will,
you will at least know what he wants.” She said wisely. Sometimes I was tired of being wise, I kind of wanted to
overreact and give the TV show a piece of my mind. STOP STIRRING THE POT!