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“There is nothing you can do for me. I just want you to help her,” Mason told Mark.

“To do that, Mason, you would have to let Kendall go. Does that sound like something you’re willing to do?” Mark caught my attention for a brief second. I wasn’t sure if he was confused by my calm behavior.

Mason’s body began to shake. He was crying I was sure of it. And I wanted to hug him so badly. I wanted to turn around and tell him we were going to be okay. That we could get through this. We always got through everything.

“I’m willing to do that. I’ve never been more willing to do anything in my entire life,” he said. He squeezed me tightly.

I squeezed his arm, entrusting the feel of his skin against mine to my memory.

I just wanted to remember what he felt like if it was years before we saw each other again.  I didn’t know what was to come.

“Mason, I love you,” I said over and over again. He slowly let me go, the warmth and feel of him disappeared and now I stood there alone. I turned around and looked into his eyes. His eyes glistened with tears that streamed down his handsome face. 

He smiled at me, taking in short, shaky breaths trying to keep himself in check as he fell apart right in front of me.

I grabbed ahold of his face and kissed him. I didn’t care what anyone thought. 

“I don’t know why you’re doing this. And I hate you for it.” I wiped at his tears, pressing my forehead against his.

He cupped the back of my head, sobbing uncontrollably.

“I’m not leaving you. I will be right outside. Okay?” I clutched the back of his neck keeping him close. I didn’t want to let him go. I was afraid to let him go.

“I know why I am doing this.” He kissed my forehead, stroking my hair. I started to cry. “Because you deserve it, because I love you. Because I’d never know what to do without you, and I’d rather never find out.” He kissed me again.

I touched his hair, pushing it away from his eyes. He was frightened, deep down I could see the fear. No matter how brave he wanted to look, I knew he was afraid.

“Kendall, please go back to Joy-Ann. Don’t hang around,” he told me.

I shook my head no.

“Remember what I said, Mason?” I knew he did. We talked about it every time we saw each other, every new beginning, every new adventure throughout the years. “We can get through anything. And I’ll never let you down. I’m not going to break that promise. It’s me and you…like always.”

Mason shook his head pulling away from me. He pushed me toward the door no longer caught up in the emotions.

“Kendall get out of here!” he yelled at me. I winced at his angry tone, but walked through the door.

“I’m not leaving,” I shouted back.

An officer grabbed me as soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk and took me behind a car.

“I’m not leaving,” I told him.

“Just stay where you are then,” the officer grumbled, going back to the job at hand.

“He’s not a bad guy,” I told him.

But it only fell on deaf ears.

I watched Mason as he stood completely still, listening to Mark. He was beyond distraught—it was written all over his face. I tried to remain calm as I watched them try to convince him to give up.

Nothing else mattered as I watched Mason. I pleaded to the heavens that Mason made it out of that bank and into the cop car. I never wanted something so bad in my life. I could have never imagined that the best thing to happen to Mason would be for him to be arrested. But, right now, I believed it was.

We soon became the talk of the town. People from all over Gusby gathered in front of every store and house as far as the eye could see to watch.

I didn’t want Mason to be that guy—another Leon of Gusby. I didn’t want him to be classified as some low life—the guy who’d be talked about for years to come. He was so much more than any of them would ever know.

He was everything to me. He was my heart.

Mark moved closer to the doors and everything fell quiet. The atmosphere grew tense as the officers watched Mark try a new approach.

“I think this is one nut about to crack,” one young cop said to his buddy.

The other one chuckled. “This beats waiting around for the regular drunk calls over at The Shed.”

I held my breath watching Mason hold onto his gun for dear life. Mark inched closer and closer to Mason. He was still except for his eyes darting around nervously as Mark got closer to him. I looked at his arm—the one that always held me at night while I slept.

“Come on buddy, don’t do anything stupid,” the officer next to me said, steadying his aim.

“Or maybe he should. This is the most action I’ve seen my whole career,” the other guy said. He didn’t care that I was only feet away.

Please Mason don’t move,
I begged.

I held my breath. I felt so numb and so out of control.

“Kendall,” Mom yelled from somewhere behind me in the crowd. I spun on my heels in slow motion as if in a dream. My hair sailed along in the air, whipping against my face with the sudden turn.

I found her in the crowd. She was jumping up and down to see over the people gathered there.

The sound of gunshots filled the air. Everyone dropped to the ground in an instant. My own body slammed against the asphalt. All I could see was black as the side of my face hugged the pavement.

I screamed as more shots went off above my head. I plugged my ears with my fingers to block out the sound.

I wasn’t sure how long I was on the ground. I just knew my mom was next to me yelling at the police, telling them I was her daughter. She frantically patted my body checking for any gunshot wounds.

“I’m okay. Where’s Mason?” I asked, grabbing her by the arm. She pulled me to my feet. I couldn’t make sense of anything that was happening around me. I wondered why the police were no longer there standing behind their car doors.

Momma pulled me toward the street.

I fought back, digging in my heels to stop her from making me leave.

“Kendall, honey, he’s been shot. Let’s go back to the house. We can call the hospital to check on him,” she pleaded with me. Somehow my feet started moving.

I heard the words. That Mason had been shot, but it didn’t make sense. I didn’t understand.

Why would anyone want to shoot Mason?

“I need to see him,” I screamed, suddenly frantic and afraid her words were real. I got free from her grip and ran back to the bank. I passed the ambulance and paramedics as they ran toward the bank with medical equipment.

I got past the cops and made it to the window before anyone could stop me.

I slammed into the glass, my palms pressed against it as I peered in.

“Those are his feet,” I cried out. I couldn’t see his face. But I knew those were his shoes.

One of the paramedics shifted just enough that I could see his face.

I screamed, banging on the glass. 

I shouted Mason’s name, begging him to get up. I was inside before I could be stopped. I
needed
to see him.

“Mason!” I dropped to my knees beside him. He was bloody and still. 

“Is he okay?” I asked the paramedic. Her expression was grim.

“Kendall, we have to go,” my mom said. She had been allowed to go inside to get me. “We can go to the hospital and wait there. They want you to talk to an officer; he will meet us at the hospital.”

My mom steered me through the crowd of bystanders. I didn’t fight—I had no fight left in me—and I got into her car. I just wanted to know what was happening to Mason and that he was going to be okay.

Why were hospitals so white?

Was the designer of hospitals anti-color?

Was it supposed to make us feel more comfortable?

These thoughts were on rewind in my brain as I sat in the waiting room with my mom. I rested my head against my palm, trying to find a comfortable position in the hard chairs.

The hospital staff was nice enough to give me a blanket to keep me warm as I waited.

The only thing that I knew was that Mason was still in surgery.

So we waited…

I kept my eyes shut to avoid conversation with anyone. Of course, the only thing anyone wanted to talk about was the gun battle that took place at the bank. Everyone had their own version of what happened at the bank. Lots of speculation and gossip filled the air and no matter what I did, I couldn’t completely drown out the talk.

They were saying Mason fired first. I didn’t want to believe that. I couldn’t believe Mason would ever shoot anyone. But a nagging thought kept running through my mind that he’d done it on purpose—that he wanted to get shot. That thought made me sick to my stomach.

“Do you even think they will tell us anything when they’re done?” I finally asked.

My mom closed the magazine she was looking at when I sat up. Her expression was somber.

“His mom is in jail. They have to tell someone,” she said softly.

I thought she must be right. I stood up and walked a few feet to the water fountain. Mason was tough. I just wanted him to be okay.

I wanted another chance to look into his eyes, to hear his voice, to feel his kiss.

I replayed his smile in my mind over and over again. I didn’t want to forget a single thing about him.

The cool water hit my lips. I didn’t drink it. I just let it pass over my lips for something to do—something besides waiting and worrying.

“Kendall,” a tall man said. I straightened up and wiped the corner of my mouth with my hand. He flashed his badge and quickly shoved it in his shirt pocket.

“Yes?” I asked, hoping to hear news about Mason. Maybe he knew something.

“Could I speak with you for a moment? I’d like to ask you a few questions,” he said.

I stared at him.

He was maybe thirty, well groomed, and taller than most. I wondered how much sympathy a guy like him would have for Mason—or me.

“Sure,” I said, following him down the hall to the vending machines.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, shoving some coins into the machine. I watched his hands shaking as he pressed the buttons.

“No, I’m not hungry,” I said. There’s no way I could put anything in my stomach at the moment.

He nodded with understanding and moved on. “Tell me a little about Mason.”

“What do you want to know?” I asked. “He’s a great guy. He would never harm anyone. Is he okay?”

“I think I am going about this all wrong. My name is John Rhodes.” He wiped his hand against his khakis and offered his hand. “Please bear with me, this is all new to me,” he said. He rested his soda on the ground.

“Hi, John,” I said letting out a sigh. Somehow it made me feel better knowing he was nervous.

“As of right now they only told me Mason is still in surgery. There was a lot of damage.” He left it at that. I just wanted to know if he was still alive.

“But he’s not dead?” I asked.

“He is not dead. I haven’t heard that.” He shook his head.

He picked up his soda and cracked it open.

“What’s going to happen to him?” I asked. I knew if Mason made it out okay he still wasn’t going to be free.

“I can’t really say either way. We have a lot of people looking into things. Mason committed a crime. And that can’t be ignored. But we also understand there are extenuating circumstances—that he’s been through a lot over the years,” he said.

He raked a hand through his short brown hair.

“Mason and I never had a choice. He was forced to go along with everything that’s happened all these years. He’s a good guy. He’s the most caring person I know. He would never hurt anyone,” I said. I wiped my tears away.

“Those two woman, Wanda and Payton, they’re the ones responsible for ruining his life. They’re the ones who should be shot, not Mason,” I interjected.

“Look, I know you’re young and I’ve learned a little about your past. I feel for you, I really do. But Mason is a bit older than you and he’s made some bad choices. Choices you may not even be aware of. If he pulls through this, he’s looking at some major legal obstacles. I’m not going to lie to you, Kendall, it’s hard to say if there’s a judge out there willing to forgive someone like him,” he explained.

It was true. People were going to judge him. He wouldn’t get any kind of sympathy or credit for trying to save me.

“I won’t keep you too much longer. I just wanted to know if you ever witnessed Mason committing any crimes.” He pulled out a notepad.

I really couldn’t believe this man’s stupidity. As if I would confess to all of our sins. All the things we did because we saw no other options.

“No, I didn’t. The only thing Mason did was try to break free from Payton. He wanted better for us. That’s all he ever talked about,” I said.

He nodded, jotting something down on his paper. “I will let you get back now. Thank you,” he said.

I turned to leave and stopped in my tracks. “Who will they notify of his condition when he gets out of surgery?” I asked.

He tipped his head to the side letting out a sigh. “He has no emergency contacts other than his mother who is currently in a correctional facility.”

“What good is that to him? I’m the closest person to him. I want to be informed,” I said. “His mother doesn’t deserve to know anything about Mason. Please, if you could do anything for Mason, don’t call her or his father,” I begged.

John hesitated and about the time I’d lost hope of getting any help from him, he nodded. “Let me see what I can do.”

I walked back to my seat. “I hope she rots in hell,” I said angrily. I plopped down next to my mom. She dropped her magazine in her lap.

“Wanda or Payton?” she asked amused.

“Well, both. But Payton. He’s in there fighting for his life all because of her. He wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for that awful woman.” I sighed, closing my eyes, praying for Mason to pull through.

“Neither would you, Kendall.” She took my hand. “You have to have faith that things will turn out all right.”

I laughed. “I tried to have faith my whole life and it never got me anywhere. I don’t know if I believe that.”

She stroked the top of my hand with her fingertips trying to comfort me.

“I don’t know what to do. Mason screwed everything up. Did he do it on purpose so he wouldn’t be around to suffer the consequences?” I clutched my stomach, sick at the thought of it.

“Kendall, don’t talk like that. After all you guys have gone through, you have to hope for the best. Mason cared about you very much. He did this because he thought he was out of options,” she added.

“He was always thinking about me. I think he wanted to die,” I declared.

Two men and a woman walked out from behind the hospital doors. The taller one pulled off his gloves. He was covered in what I assumed was Mason’s blood. He looked almost irritated as he scanned the waiting room.

His eyes settled on me and my heart fluttered to life in my chest. I got up knowing he was there for Mason. My mom stayed back and let me have my space.

“Kendall, I take it?” he asked. “I’ve been informed of the situation with Mason’s mother. I normally wouldn’t tell anyone but a family member about a patient’s condition. But I’m going to look past that rule this one time.” He takes a quick pause and looks at me. “We did all that we could for him. But I have to tell you he did not make it.”

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat. Adrenaline rushed through my body as I waited for him to say something more, like that I was hearing him wrong, that he was mistaken.

“You can go see him if you like,” he said. He pushed the door open letting me through.

Momma was quickly at my side. We followed the nurse down the hallway. Nothing was on my mind but getting there to see Mason.

“Are you okay?” Mom asked.

The nurse came to a stop at the end of the hall. She waited patiently for me to go inside.

“I really don’t know,” I said, scared of what he would look like.

She took my hand and walked with me through the door.

I forced myself to look at Mason.

And my heart crumbled into a million tiny pieces.

“So this is what he gets for having such a terrible life?” I asked, as the tears escaped. “I never imagined this is what he would look like dead.”

Momma touched my arm trying to comfort me. I moved closer, bringing my hand down on the table. He was exactly the way he always looked—eyes closed, hair a mess—as if he were sleeping.

My heart crashed in my chest. I was sure my heart would stop beating. I tried to hold it together. He was gone. My Mason was gone. I didn’t want to believe it. I just wanted him to wake up and look at me and say something Mason-like.

The flood of memories rushed through my mind. I thought back on the day I saw him for the first time after so many months and how he nearly crushed me in his arms. He had been so happy to see me. I had immediately felt safe again in his arms—no matter how much time I was away from him.

I thought about the moment I realized I loved him. I smiled at the moments he stood up to Wanda for me. Or how he always teased me. But no matter what he did, he did it for me. Me first—him second.

Now here he was laying in front of me, no longer able to hold up his end of our deal. The promises we made meant nothing now. I would no longer hear him tell me he loved me. There would be no more soft touches or smiles when he pressed his lips against my cheek or whispered in my ear.

“We tried everything we could but there was just too much damage,” the nurse explained. I wiped my eyes nodding my head in understanding.

“I’ll let you have a moment alone,” Mom said from the doorway.

The nurse tried to object.

Mom stepped forward, her finger shooting out in front of her. “You listen here, this is my daughter and she needs to say goodbye. I don’t care what you or anyone thinks. Mason deserves a goodbye! He was a great kid! And Kendall will get her goodbye so help me!” Mom’s voice broke. She pushed her hair from her eyes, wiping her own tears with the back of her hand. The nurse quickly left.

“Take all the time you need, Kendall.” Mom shut the door leaving me alone with Mason.

I ran a hand through my hair. The tears flowed quicker now. I lifted Mason’s hand.

He was still warm.

“I don’t even know what I’m going to do without you.” I sobbed, squeezing his hand. I stared at him. “And it scares me to my core to even think about a life without you.” I ran a hand through his hair. I just wanted him back. I tried to smooth his hair, make him look like the Mason I remembered.

“I wish you could tell me what to do, Mason. I didn’t see this coming. I wish you’d have told me. I wish you weren’t so stubborn and always thinking about saving me. We could have saved each other.” I dropped my head sobbing. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t leave him all alone. He was going to be alone.

It was the most horrifying thing that ever happened to me.
Nothing
compared to losing Mason. I would have lived the rest of my life with Aunt Wanda if it meant I’d still have Mason.

But now, because of him I didn’t have to. I lifted my head, and stood up.

“You saved me when I couldn’t save myself. I wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for you.” I leaned down and kissed his forehead. I touched his cheek, lingering for a few seconds more.

Taking him in for the very last time.

“I love you, Mason.” I blew him a kiss. My hands trembled as I grabbed the door knob. “Goodbye, Mason.”

I bolted from the room and into my mom’s waiting arms. She held me tight, but it couldn’t compare to a hug from Mason.

“Kendall, I am so very sorry,” she said, smoothing my hair. She let me cry.

I was unable to speak. I was all out of words. But I was full of pain and in absolute misery as I walked away from the one person who had ever made me feel whole.

We’d seen so much together. He taught me how to love when I fell in love with him.

Sometimes, the only choice you have in life is to move forward. I knew that was the only choice I had left.

I realized how very lucky I was to have survived everything I’d been through.

I was lucky to have made it out alive.

Yeah, I was bruised and a bit broken. I was screwed up and I would probably never be okay again. But, I was still Kendall. And I was sure I could make it through anything now. And no matter if I liked it or not I would keep making it because I knew that was what Mason wanted.