Run (10 page)

I took a deep breath. What was the worst that could happen? My life felt like it was already as bad as it could get.

Shifty pulled a finger through the powder and offered it to Renee. She eagerly sucked and licked the powder from his finger. She smiled at me and offered me the same service—Shifty’s finger. I swallowed down in disgust, not exactly thrilled with the idea of sucking a drug off some strange guy’s finger. I pushed the revulsion to the back of my mind long enough to do the same Renee had done. I sat back, a bitter taste invading my tongue. It wasn’t long before I began to feel more relaxed than ever before—like sailing away on a cloud of nothing. I leaned back against the sofa, savoring the tranquility while everyone around me seemed to be talking all at once.

Mason leaned against me, his body heavier than before. He rested his head on my shoulder. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I couldn’t tell if Renee’s laughter was getting louder or if it was in my head. I also didn’t understand why I was suddenly obsessed with the ceiling and seemed to see every little detail. 

Shifty seemed to suddenly materialize in front of me. He smiled, watching me like I was some science experiment. I didn’t know if he was as close as he seemed, but I didn’t have the strength to swat him away.

“What are you doing?” I asked him, hoping I hadn’t said that as loud as it sounded.

“I’m watching you. Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked.

I nodded, enjoying the newfound awareness of my head as it moved up and down. “What about you?” I asked as I rested my head on the arm of the couch. I swatted at what I thought were bugs—or maybe it was lint.

I ran my hand across my forehead trying to ease the weird sensations from my head—like time stood still. Why had I been stupid enough to go along with this crap?

“I’m more of a quick guy,” he grinned. “I like the fast shit. Meth is my best friend most days.”

I closed my eyes. And suddenly someone was pulling me back into a sitting position. I opened my eyes looking for Mason. He was up and moving again. He looked at me with a confused expression. Everything was turning and spinning all around me and, once again, the darkness was upon me.

I could hear the beating of my heart like a tiny mad man was banging away on a drum.  A crazed man just banged and banged and…

“Kendall,” Mason shouted, shaking me back to reality. He slapped my face. I pushed him away from me and sat up. Shifty sat across from us, even he looked worried.

Renee crawled across Mason’s lap. I tried looking at her but my eyes weren’t cooperating with me. I watched her run her hands through Mason’s hair like she was petting an animal. He didn’t seem bothered by it. He was only focused on me and getting me to wake up and act right.

“Dude, here,” Trent said, as he shoved a pipe in Mason’s face. Mason dropped me back against the couch and took a hit of whatever was in the pipe.

“Kendall is pretty hot, dude,” someone said. My heart sped up and I kept my eyes closed, willing for it all to end.

“She’s beautiful, but I must say I’ve always had a thing for redheads,” someone else said. That ignited a round of laughter.

“Been there,” someone else said.

I woke up shaking uncontrollably. The room was dark. I had no idea how much time had passed, but it seemed like hours. I felt like myself again—for the most part. I was very groggy and feeling sick.

I stood up on shaky legs and fell into the wall. I fumbled for something to hold onto as I made my way through Renee’s dark apartment. I grabbed the first doorknob hoping it was a bathroom. I knew I was going to be sick and I didn’t want to puke all over Renee’s nice things.

“Mason?” I called out. “Renee?” No answer.

I pushed opened the door.

“Oh, whoa!” Renee squealed and covered her chest with her hands. Mason was behind her in an intimate position. He kissed her shoulder and kept moving…not a care in the world.

“Where is the bathroom?” I demanded. “I think I’m going to be sick.” My stomach churned even more at the realization that Mason was having sex with Renee.

Shifty appeared in the hallway. Renee shot him an annoyed expression and he shut the door, leaving Mason and Renee to finish what they’d started.

“Kendall, are you ok?” Shifty asked. He tilted his head to the side. He was so messed up he could barely hold his eyes open. He walked me down the hall and opened the door to the bathroom. He turned on the light and offered me entrance. “Are you feeling sick?”

I nodded. I wondered how long it had taken for him to become addicted to using drugs. I wondered why everything I did seemed like such an epic fail.

“I suck at life,” I told him, kneeling before the toilet. He stood watching me from the doorway.

“Did you ever think life just sucks?” he asked.

I scrunched my nose. He was as loony as a toon.

“That makes no sense. Do you know what I’ve been through?” I asked.

Shifty studied me closely. “No I don’t. But you can tell me if you want, I’m a good listener.” He came into the bathroom. I waited for the puke, but nothing came. It was an awful feeling.

“I come from a very messed up family. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve seen,” I said, letting out a sigh.

“Like?” Shifty pressed, taking a seat on the floor by the bathtub. He twisted a lighter through his fingers listening to me talk.

“Let’s just say a lot of bad things. Things I could be put away for…for a very long time.” I slid my hand across the floor and met up with the cool tiles, enjoying the coolness against my cheek.

“I’m only telling you this because you do drugs. Your life has to be pretty screwed up too, right?” I asked, letting out a hiccup.

Shifty laughed at me.

“Let’s get some air. Sometimes coming down can make you feel crazy,” he said, helping me back up. I threw my arm around his shoulder and let him carry me.

“Mason is in there with Renee. I almost thought I loved him.” I rested my head against Shifty’s chest as he carried me out to the balcony.

I gasped as the cool air hit my skin. It was chilly for July.

I let go of him as soon as my back hit the soft cushion of the lounge chair. I stared up at the black sky.

“Mason’s not himself right now. Don’t hold it against him,” Shifty assured me, lighting up a cigarette.

I nodded, maybe he was right. Who was I to judge?

My insides felt like Jell-O. My skin was itchy and I wanted to puke.

“You’re a pretty girl,” he said, watching me from the railing. He took a drag from his cigarette and blew out a huge cloud of smoke.

“Thanks,” I said, accepting his compliment. He moved closer. My eyes were heavy and hardly able to focus anymore. The air was making me sleepy. Shifty crawled up the chair, his body hovering over mine. I tried to keep my eyes open but it was so hard. I wondered what he could possibly want with me. I was half dead.

“It’s a nice night,” he said, pushing my hair away from my eyes. I turned away and rested my head in my palm.

“Kendall,” Shifty said softly, bringing me out of a sleep.

“What?” I grumbled. Shifty shook me awake, pulling my shirt up, he moved my arms and started dragging my pants down my body until they were resting beside me on the chair.

My mind was aware of what was happening. I knew it wasn’t right, but I physically couldn’t do anything about it.

His lips were on my face, grazing my cheek, my neck, and my lips. Every minute or so he’d say my name to gauge how conscious I was.

Feeling neither angry nor frightened, I pressed my knees together. It was all I could do to keep him off me.

“Hey, Kendall,” Renee called, from inside the house.

Shifty jumped and started to dress me. “Shh,” he said, shushing me as he did his best to throw my shirt back over my head.

“Oh, hell no.” Renee exclaimed. “Shifty get away from her. What are you doing?”

“Is she out here passed out?” Mason laughed coming out of the apartment. I opened my eyes as soon as I heard Mason’s voice. As soon as he saw what was going on, his expression changed. Rage filled his eyes, and he jumped over the patio chairs, grabbing hold of Shifty’s t-shirt.

“I-I wasn’t doing anything,” Shifty stammered. Mason shoved Shifty toward the edge of the balcony. Renee screamed as Mason nearly shoved Shifty over the balcony, both of them close to falling over.

I did my best to get to my feet trying to stop Mason from doing something he’d regret later.

“I swear I didn’t do anything. I just took her clothes off,” Shifty said, his hand holding onto Mason’s for dear life. Mason wasn’t budging.

“You must not value your life too much, trying to take advantage of a girl like that,” he said.

“Mason, stop right now. You’re going to kill him. Put him down before your drop him off my balcony!” Renee screamed. She clutched her chest in a panic to end the standoff.

I pulled at my clothes pulling it together in a hurry to stop Mason myself. I knew I was the only one who could.

“Do you think I care, Renee?” Mason asked, he released one hand from Shifty’s shirt sending him farther over the railing. Shifty screamed and begged for his life. He curled his legs around the metal of the railing holding on for dear life.

“Kendall, did he touch you?” Renee asked me.

Mason was ready to drop Shifty to his death. I could see it in his eyes.

“No. He didn’t do anything to me. Mason just set him back down. God, Mason, we’re all messed up.” I pulled at my hair in frustration.

Renee and I waited. The thought of Shifty’s broken body at the bottom of Renee’s apartment scared me to death. That was the
last
thing we needed.

Mason grabbed ahold of Shifty’s shirt and pulled him to his feet and away from the railing.

“She just saved your ass,” Mason told him. Mason walked over to me, I slapped him in his head at how stupid he was.

“You had no right to do that. I can take care of myself,” I snapped.

Renee agreed with me and slapped Mason on the other side of his head herself. He was confused by our reactions.

“He was trying to have sex with you. And you’re okay with that?” he scolded.

“It’s not
anyone’s
fault. Just drop it,” I retorted. “You’re no better than Shifty, Mason. Don’t think I didn’t see you
.”
Shifty hurried past us—probably to change his underwear after a scare like that.

“You two can sleep here for the night for obvious reasons. But Mason, you’re a psycho,” she said, giving him one final look.

Mason shook his head and sighed. “I’m the psycho…” he scoffed.

I shrugged my shoulders. “That we are.”

When I thought back on my childhood, I knew it was the furthest thing from having a childhood—I had no favorite toys or tv shows, no trips to the local Dairy Queen for an ice cream cone, and I’ve never been to a zoo.

I had no grandparents that kept me on the weekends or even for just a day. I had two uncles. Uncle Ronnie aka ”Snake,” was in his mid-twenties and he’d spent the majority of his youth in jail. Uncle Ronnie was a stunningly handsome man with blond hair and light blue eyes.

Then there was Uncle Piper—yes, that was his name. He was a truck driver with the rage of a rabid bull. He was finally taken down in a violent standoff with the police. Road rage won out in the end for Uncle Piper. He was serving twenty years in prison in South Carolina.

A small part of me liked Uncle Piper. He always gave me attention and talked to me; he seemed interested in knowing about me.  It was during his visits that I learned Uncle Piper loved hot rods. His dream was to own every one he drooled over in those car magazines he always bought.

He was tall as an oak tree and strong. I had never seen--nor have I since then--muscles like his. I’ve often compared my awkward movements to those of Uncle Piper. He had green eyes and the darkest set of eyelashes. Uncle Piper was the oldest and he had graying, sandy blond hair.

He had enormous hands that made me feel so tiny in comparison and he always wore black boots—always. I sometimes wished he were my dad. On one of his visits, he told my mother she was the most awful person he’d ever met. I found a sick satisfaction in that—someone had finally told her the truth. 

Uncle Ronnie had one son, Benny, born to an Asian woman he’d met in Vegas. She moved in with him and moved out again just as fast. Benny was around my age. I met him once, but never saw him again.

Uncle Piper had two daughters: Tiger Jade and Maxton. They were beautiful, fair-skinned girls with a sprinkle of freckles across their cheeks.

Maxton and Tiger came around some when I was younger. They took me out for ice cream a couple times. Yeah, they were good people.

Aunt Wanda was the only one in the family who never wanted kids. She’d had too many abortions to count as well as several miscarriages. She wasn’t the motherly type anyway.

Remembering where I came from reminded me where I was.  As I sat on the edge of the bed watching Mason, I wondered if
he
was the one person I could count on. Maybe he was everything that was good and right. Maybe he was what it felt like to feel wanted and needed. To feel relied on.

I wasn’t sure I knew what love was, but maybe it was whatever I wanted it to be.

“Renee’s a nice girl. She seems nice anyway,” I offered, with a shrug.

Mason pulled his shirt over his head and shook his hair back in place. He stared at me, obviously not understanding what I meant.

“I don’t know. I never pegged her for a druggie though,” Mason said.

“She’s really pretty, too,” I said. I watched him carefully, gauging his reaction. Nothing.

“She’s okay. I don’t like short hair on girls.” He shrugged.

I nervously chewed on my thumbnail.  It was hard to come out and ask what I wanted to know.

“Do you think you’ll see her again while we are here?” I looked at the floor, embarrassed. My heart was racing as I waited for his answer.

“Uh, I don’t think she’s interested in seeing me after I almost killed Shifty,” Mason chuckled at the thought of it.

“What if she wanted to see you again?” I carefully worked my shoes on my feet. I took extra long tying them. I knew Mason was staring at me as if I were crazy for asking so many dumb questions. He knew me, and when I asked a lot of questions, I wasn’t to be ignored.

“You’re mad at me for sleeping with her,” he said, in more a statement than a question. He sat down on the bed next to me and rubbed his forehead.

“I didn’t say that, I just…” I trailed off out of words.

“Kendall, I’m an idiot. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I didn’t know what I was doing.” Mason sighed and looked over at me. I looked away and fiddled with my shoelace.

“It’s hard to figure these things out. I can’t do anything when you won’t let me in.” Silence.

“Was it the same as when we have sex?” I asked. I tugged at my hair. I couldn’t look away from him as he stumbled for the right words.

“I don’t know, Kendall. I was high.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, even if I weren’t high, it would have been
some
stupid girl.” He seemed cagey, almost agitated. I knew I’d put him on the spot.

“Okay, Mason,” I said. But it wasn’t okay at all. I wanted to know more. I wanted to hear more. I wanted to know everything he was thinking.

We made our way outside. The hallway was empty. The bright lights severely contrasted my mood. Mason pulled the door shut and shoved the key card in his front pocket.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to ask me, Kendall,” he said. I crossed my arms as we made it down the hallway. My skin felt itchy the day after my encounter with those nasty drugs.

“I don’t know either. I guess I just wanted an answer,” I snapped the rubber band on my wrist--the pain a distraction from my aching mind.

“An answer to what? Maybe if I knew the question I could answer.”

Payton opened her hotel room door as we passed by. Her hair was wet. She looked straight at Mason. I could see it in her eye she had something important to say.

“What?” Mason asked, his bad attitude apparent.

“I need a favor from you,” she said, calmly. I thought it odd she even acknowledged me with a glance. Most of the time she acted like I didn’t exist.

Payton motioned us into her room and shut the door before she said anything more. Mason plopped down on her bed—I remained standing. I didn’t want to tread on Payton’s personal space. We waited patiently to hear what she wanted from us.

When Payton finally spoke, she said, “There’s this man who has something for me. I just need you to pick it up,” she said.

I bit my tongue. Why did it have to be Mason? Why did she want him taking off for who knows what? Payton had barely stepped a toe out of her room since we’d gotten to Virginia.

Mason stretched, his arms rising above his head. He seemed to be pondering what Payton had just said. Payton lit a cigarette and leaned against the dresser. Most of the time, Payton relied on her looks and wit to get what she wanted. I wasn’t too sure her charms worked on Mason.

“What’s wrong with you going?” Mason asked, staring her down.

“You and Kendall are always out and about. I thought it wasn’t a big deal,” she said, still calm. She flicked her ashes into a cup and blew out a large cloud of smoke.

“Kendall, you don’t mind, do you?” she asked me, searching my face expectantly. Something about her request didn’t feel right. I wanted to tell Mason to forget it, but I didn’t.

“No, I don’t care. We were just going to get something to eat,” I said, quickly looking away.

Mason stood up and took the cigarette from her. He held it in one hand raking his other hand through his hair. Payton seemed to back off a bit.

Mason took a long drag on the cigarette; the red ember ate away at it.

“Write down the address, Mom. I’d hate to think it’s anything other than what you’re saying it is,” Mason said, smoke escaping as he spoke.

Payton turned away and grabbed the brush off the dresser and began brushing her hair. I watched her expression in the mirror to see if I detected anything out of the ordinary. Ordinary for Payton was nervousness and agitation.

She spun back around.

“Do it, don’t do it, I don’t give a shit. Is that what you want me to say, Mason?” she asked. She stopped brushing her hair and glared at him. I stared at him as well, not sure what would come next.

Mason just glared back as he took another drag of her cigarette.

“What’s with this bullshit defiance, whatever you want to call it,” she snapped.

“I’m a grown man. You’re lucky I’ve hung around this long,” he tossed back. He remained calm as he talked back to her.

“You’re grown, huh?” she asked, laughing. The laugh wasn’t the result of her amusement, it was because she was pissed.

“Yep,” he said, popping the p louder than usual.

Seconds later Payton whipped her hairbrush at him. Mason blocked it with his forearm, sending it to the floor.

I flinched at Payton’s sudden movement. She wasn’t backing down.

She balled her fist going after Mason. Mason grabbed her and shoved her, and she fell backward onto her bed. His body hovered over her, his breathing ragged and unsteady from anger.

He still held the cigarette between his fingers as he grabbed ahold of Payton’s shirt.

I stopped myself from getting in the middle.

“That’s the last time you’re going to do that to me!” Mason yelled. He shoved her as soon as she tried to sit up. Payton was outraged. She grabbed a hold of his shirt, a million insults flying from her lips.

Mason pried her hands off him.

“You’re as worthless as your father!” She screamed at him.

Mason was immediately angered when he heard the words he never wanted to hear from anyone. He stepped back, putting some distance between him and his so-called mother and flicked the cigarette at her. He grabbed the next thing he saw, ripping the lamp’s cord from the wall.

“Mason!” I screamed, as I watched him raise the lamp above his head. Payton raised her hands in defense as he threw it at her. He didn’t stick around. He was out the door seconds later.

I gave Payton a quick glance to make sure she was okay, then stepped over the lamp and ran for the door. 

“That’s it!” Payton screamed from the bed, scrambling to get her bearings.

“I hope it is, bitch!” he screamed from the hallway, startling a woman walking past us. I looked away, embarrassed, and scared that someone would call the cops.

“Mason, calm down, someone is going to call the law,” I warned him, grabbing his arm. His body was rigid with anger, like a wild dog ready to attack.

“Let them. I don’t give a shit!” He pulled away from me and stomped down the hallway.

“I want you to give a shit, Mason.” I yelled at him, trying to catch up with him. My nerves could not handle much more.

“You and the world, Kendall,” he said. When the elevator door opened, I stepped inside and leaned against the wall staring at Mason. I wanted to smack him for his outburst. It wasn’t that Payton didn’t deserve it, because she did. But this wasn’t the time or place for their fight. I wished he’d just given in and done her dirty work for her.

The elevator came to a stop. He sighed and took my hand. “Let’s go eat. I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

I kept quiet, a million thoughts running through my mind as we headed downtown. My head and body ached and I had to push myself to keep moving.  I felt worse with each passing minute.

“Mason, I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like crap,” I said, clutching my stomach. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. The people behind us moved around but not before glancing back to see what was going on. Mason took my arm and pulled me toward him.

“What do you think it is?” he asked, rubbing my back gently trying to make me feel better.

“That crap,” I muttered. I stood up straight and forced myself to walk.

We headed into the diner—the same one Renee worked at. Mason held onto me as we waited to be seated.

“Hola,” Renee said, coming to us. She had a smirk on her face as she took the two of us in. She looked fine. You’d never have guessed she’d partied the night away. Must be she’d grown accustomed to the drugs and could handle herself. I couldn’t.

“Hey,” Mason and I said in unison. We followed her to a back booth. Renee looked confused when she saw Mason’s hands on me—confused, but not upset.

“What can I get you to drink?” she asked, shooting us a warm smile. I admired how fresh she looked, makeup and all. I’m sure I looked like death warmed over.

“Two cokes,” Mason said, grabbing a menu. “That should help with what ails you.” He shot me a look.

I nodded and grabbed my own menu, not sure that food was the best idea for me at the moment. 

“Just some French fries and the coke,” I told her.

“I think Renee is weirded out by you,” Mason pointed out after Renee left to fill our order.

“Why would you think that?” I challenged, thinking the same thing myself.

“I know girls. And I can tell when they are weirded out by other girls,” he said. “They get especially weird after they’ve had sex with someone.”

I laughed out loud at Mason’s theory on women.

“That’s funny because I’ve slept with you for years and it hasn’t affected me at all.” I grinned, amused by him even in my sickness.

“Believe me I know it hasn’t.” Everything fell silent. Mason was obviously bothered. He jumped out of his side of the booth and climbed in across from me.

“Mason, what are you doing?” I asked. He took my hand, but I pulled away looking around to see who might be watching.