Rumors and Promises (40 page)

This was the time for a visit with Elisha. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to discuss some of our situation with someone older and wiser.”
Perhaps Elder Whitworth can help me find my way.

“It will no doubt take the wisdom of Solomon, Reverend.” Sophie stiffened. “You act as though you care about my daughter, but what will become of her if I go home?”

Ian heard the fear in her shaky voice. “I don’t know, but I saw a grandmother who wanted to see her granddaughter, someone knitting little garments for the babies born in a home for unwed mothers. Perhaps your mother has changed.”

“She will do whatever Father wants.” Shaking her head, Sophie scooted farther away from Ian.

“You’ve let the root of bitterness take hold. I’m here to help and protect you now. And the Lord is with us.” Ian waited.

Silence met his plea.
Indeed, I hope Elisha can impart wisdom such as Solomon’s.

“She’s an heiress on the run from her parents? Hmm.” Elisha shook his head.

“Not only that, but she was once part of a music ministry. Their talents had been quite in demand at one time, but not much has been heard about them since, well, probably since before Sophie left home.” Ian paused. “I’m telling you all of this in confidence, Elisha because I need your advice.” Ian told him about the providential meeting with Olivia Bidershem without revealing her identity.

Elisha took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Have a seat then, Reverend. What can I do for you?”

Ian seated himself on the top front porch step. “I’m wondering if I made a mistake.”

“Hmm, how so?”

He thought he might as well get to the point. “Sophie didn’t trust me enough to tell me all this before, for one. And, quite frankly, she needs to forgive her parents.” Ian removed his hat and fussed with the brim. “The fact that she’s not orphaned changes things. I want to do things decently. I think that I should have her father’s consent for her hand. It’s only right her parents should witness it all. They should be able to see their granddaughter. I don’t think we should proceed with an engagement until all of that happens.”

“I see.”

In the following silence, Ian felt like a child in front of his father. He half expected to find that his legs had shortened and his voice changed to an octave higher. He wanted to ask Elisha why he didn’t automatically agree, but the judgment spoken in the quietness pressed its hand hard upon him. “What do I do?”

The overalls he wore accentuated Elisha’s down-to-earth demeanor. The knees were smudged with dirt from his hard work. “Ian,” he said affectionately, instead of the more formal “Reverend.” “You’re not much older than my own boys. I’d be proud to have a son like you, but you need to be honest with yourself … and with me.” He mopped his forehead again. “Something tells me you’ve been on a mission to fix something, but I’ve never quite figured out why or what it was.”

Ian had appreciated the elder’s discernment as long as he’d known him, but he wasn’t usually the subject. The older man sat with bushy eyebrows knit together in scrutiny of him.

Annie. Tell him about her.
Ian hung his head. Had he thought he could erase his secret by doing good works? He hadn’t been completely honest with Sophie, either.

“I sense something is haunting you, son.”

Ian drew in a ragged breath. He went from feeling about eight years old to eighty. His shoulders slouched. “A couple of years back,
at my last place of ministry in Flint, there was a young woman who needed help. Her name was Annie. No one really understood her. She needed protection.” He rubbed his temple and thought of her when she was alive, traipsing through the back door of the church in her baggy brown dress with a pale face, unkempt hair, and anxious expression. “And I didn’t give it to her. Oh, the Ladies’ Aid Society saw to it that she had clean clothing and an occasional meal, but she needed someplace safe to stay. They were afraid of her. She seemed different.

“I had no place to put her. Being seen with her alone would be considered improper, but I saw the bruises. I should have insisted that someone take her in. I mean, shouldn’t the bruises on her arm be enough proof for them that she was mistreated whenever her uncle was home?” Ian couldn’t sit any longer. He stood and paced.

“Take your time, son.” Elisha’s gaze followed him.

“She tried to let me know how desperate she was; that she didn’t know what to do. She offered to help out in the kitchen to pay for her keep, but that wasn’t the issue. It wouldn’t have been proper for her to be in the house with my housekeeper, Mrs. Jones, away sick.

“I could have found someone to stay with us to make things look on the level, but I was worried about finishing my sermon, Elisha—a sermon about sacrifice and loving others at any cost. I thought I was too busy doing what was important. No, I couldn’t even be bothered to sleep in the shed that night.” Ian stopped, gripping the porch railing with one hand and hanging his head. “I patted her shoulder, sending her away and saying I would pray for her. I told her she should come back the next day. The housekeeper would be there and we’d have tea.”

“I sent her away with an excuse, and that’s the last time I saw her … alive … before she drowned herself in the Flint River. At least, we assumed she threw herself into the river.” The slanting rays of the setting sun cast its orange glow across the landscape.
Sandhill cranes flew overhead, their eerie cry sounding accusatory to Ian. “I’m sure she would have, rather than go on in a world missing justice and love.”
When I could have been an example of charity and mercy
. The lump in his throat caused difficulty in swallowing.

Ian rubbed his fingers across his forehead, not wanting to look Elisha in the eye with his next revelation. “After they found Annie’s body, they realized she was with child. I was responsible for not one, but two deaths.” The power of a deep sadness and anger gripped Ian. Was the guttural sob which escaped really his? The cry of a coward?

Elisha stood, placing his hand on Ian’s shoulder, much as his father would have done before he died. “Ian, I’ve never known a kinder man than you. You can’t blame yourself for her actions. We don’t always understand why things happen the way they do.”

“How much better I could have honored God if I had just taken care of people instead of trying to impress everyone with a well-written sermon. The sermons that really count are written by our actions.” Ian’s breath hitched with emotion.

“That’s true.” Elisha held both of Ian’s shoulders until he looked up. “Unfortunately, those actions can be done by fallible people.

“You didn’t have the power to stop their deaths if it was their time to pass on, son. Well, it explains your all-fired hurry to start that ministry to fallen women and their illegitimate children.” The older man let go and slapped him on the back. “Not that we shouldn’t be taking care of them. Our town is a healthy haven, and their presence won’t change that … no matter what Gertrude says.”

They walked side by side and sat back on the porch. “Have you taken your burden to the Lord, Ian?”

“Many times.” Ian shook his head.

“Then the time has come to leave it there.”

“But there’s also my problem with Sophie.”

“Well, that’s just it. You need to tell her your past, what you thought you had to hide. Put it behind you. Confide in her and forgive her for not confiding in you. You can be an example of forgiveness. And when she’s ready to forgive her parents, maybe you’ll both feel more ready for marriage.”

“And just like that admit what a hypocrite I’ve been, hiding my secrets?” Ian’s jaw tightened. His confounded pride was getting in the way again. Wasn’t that what had gotten him into this pickle to begin with? Worrying about what people thought of him, a man of the cloth? He pressed his lips together, angry and disappointed with himself.

Elisha let go of a dry chuckle. “Not like I’ve never been a hypocrite. We all have our moments we wish we could do over. You’re not alone in this fallen world.” The early evening breeze stirred the humid air, which hung as oppressively as the momentary silence between them.

“I see, you think because you’re a pastor you’re supposed to be perfect?” Elisha scratched behind his ear as a fly buzzed between them. “Last time I read my Bible, Jesus was the only one who could claim that.”

Just what did Ian really have to fear? If Sophie really loved him as he hoped, she wouldn’t judge him unworthy. He stared out toward the road. Maybe he was really scared she would be so disgusted with him that she wouldn’t want to marry him anymore. His heart tightened with the grief of such a thought. If he couldn’t walk the road of life’s journey with Sophie, he didn’t want to walk it with anyone else. Sure, his life had seemed full enough with Maggie, Philip, and his parish to watch over, but having Sophie and Caira show up changed things. He now knew he’d be incomplete without them.

“You think that gal of yours wouldn’t understand after what she’s been through? Her eyes nearly glow when she watches you
in the pulpit. I’ve never seen such devotion since my own wife fell in love with me.” Elisha gave Ian a hearty pat on the back. “Let me tell you, Ian. If you plan on marrying Sophie, well, there’s not much room for pride between two people who have to share their lives and bring up a family together.”

What did he have to lose by swallowing his pride? If the congregation wouldn’t back them up, so be it. The Lord would find another place for him. Ian released a long sigh as a lump grew in his throat again. “I’m ashamed I let my own self-importance get in the way of God’s work in me.”

“No shame, son, Jesus took that on the cross. You give Him your sin and shame, let yourself receive His grace and forgiveness completely now.” Elisha’s voice grew quieter. “I’d like to pray for you before you leave.”

Ian nodded while he swiped at the hot tears that poured down his face. He listened to the simple, heartfelt prayer that the elder offered up. “Father, we thank you for your grace and mercy … strengthen your loyal servant, Ian. Enable him to receive it all. Help him to follow the path you’ve set out for him, bearing witness to the truth of your covenants. Help him to trust you more each day, knowing how much you love and forgive him …”

The shame and guilt Ian had battled and needlessly carried the last two years rolled off his back as he silently claimed the words of truth for himself. For the first time since Annie’s suicide, he felt free from the bondage of the past.

Ian had hurried to saddle his horse before going out to the Whitworth farm, rather than drag a whole buggy along. When he’d decided to visit Elisha, he was anxious to talk to the wise elder. However, as he set his foot in the stirrup and slung his other
leg over the saddle to return home, he wasn’t as anxious to speak with Sophie.

On the one hand, his burdens had been lifted when he sought forgiveness. On the other hand, saying he would talk to Sophie sounded good, but what were the actual words he should use to tell her of his past failings? He had to admit complete honesty would be best, but not an easy way to reveal his story.

Ian pulled on the reins and Brownie halted. Across the lake, deer nibbled on the grass as a family of them gathered at dusk. A seagull swooped down and grabbed a crayfish from the shallows. The bird scudded across the surface and flew to the bank, where it landed.

Life went on, didn’t it? Even when heartbreak took its toll and the people they loved had died. Nothing could bring his parents back. Perhaps that’s why he wanted Sophie not to give up on hers. The days and nights would pass quickly into years. Olivia Bidershem had already missed the first two and a half years of her granddaughter’s life. Caira missed out too. She just hadn’t realized it yet.