Rules of the Game (23 page)
Authors: Neil Strauss
For some women, just your having the confidence to approach might be enough to make you stand out from other men. For others, your sense of humor or your particular look may distinguish you. Perhaps you remind her of her first boyfriend, have a don't-give-a-shit attitude, or possess some other quality that excites her. But sometimesâespecially with women who have a lot of optionsâyou're going to have to do something a little extra.
One of the best and most efficient ways to make an impression is to teach her something about herself.
Your task is to turn to your Day 14 Briefing, read the note about using scripted material, then study the following routine and learn to give value to those you meet instead of taking value. Remember that, as with everything you've learned, there's no power in the routine itself. Your goal is simply to make her day or night better and more interesting than it was before she met you.
Once you've memorized the routine, move on to today's field assignment.
Take Her Hand
Today you're going to add the rings routine to your growing repertoire.
Go any place where people gatherâcafé, bar, park, museum, department storeâand start a conversation using one of your new openers.
Afterward, as you learned on Day 11, pretend that you're about to leave. Then spontaneously notice the ring on her finger (or the lack thereof) and transition into the routine. Until you reach the hook point, and you're sure she's intrigued, continue to pretend as if you're about to leave at any moment.
If she's with friends, don't forget to include them in the conversation.
Her reaction to the rings routine doesn't matter. Whether she's fascinated or bored, you're doing this only to practice demonstrating value. Remember, these routines work best when performed in the spirit of curiosity and fun, not as a way to make an impression or get her to like you. As long as you're saying it and she's still standing there, you're completing the mission.
Feel free to continue the interaction if it's going well. If you don't know what to do after this routine, it's okay to politely make your exit. In the following week, you'll be given tools to continue the conversation, amplify the connection, and exchange numbers.
After you have practiced the rings routine on three separate women, your field mission for today is complete.
What's Darwin Got to Do with It?
All this may seem like a lot of work.
After all, you're an amazing, unique individual. You've got your own life and family and friends. You're going places in the world. Why should you have to bend over backward just to meet the standards of some woman you barely even know?
The answer, my friend, is evolution.
Ultimately, whether you like it or not, in our speciesâand most speciesâmen typically compete for women, and women choose men.
In your Day 14 Briefing, you'll find a book report by Stylelife coach Thomas Scott McKenzie on Matt Ridley's
The Red Queen
. Your assignment is to read the report and discover the evolutionary logic behind many of the things you've been doing this month. Keep in mind that cultural forces are at play as well in
our behaviorâthough, of course, an evolutionary biologist would say that those forces are also shaped by natural selection.
One day I turned on the television and saw an episode of
CSI: Miami
. The plot was about a group of pickup artists using material that came word-for-word from my book
The Game
. It was the top-rated show in its time slot, reaching some fifty million viewers in fifty-five countries. Nonetheless, pickup artists around the world continued to use this exact same material, and I never heard a report of a single one getting caught because of the show.
So never underestimate people's capacity to forget the exact words they hear and where they came from.
But, for argument's sake, let's imagine a worst-case scenario: You run an opener, and the woman knows it came straight from the pages of this book.
No problem.
All you need is a contingency plan. And the premise of the plan is that you now both have something in common. You've both read the same book. So just drop the opener and exclaim, “No way. You know about the book. What do you think of it? I actually decided to test it out todayâand on my first approach, I get busted!”
If the goal of the opener is to start a conversation, you're now officially in one, talking about one of the most interesting topics in the world: relationships.
There is no reason to fear any outcome you can imagine. Because if you can imagine it, you can prepare a contingency plan in case it happens.
In the bigger picture, remember that the language and wording don't matter nearly as much as the intent behind them. The shady friend opener works not because it's the shady friend opener but because it's a way to start an engaging conversation with a group of people without hitting on anyone. As long as you can always do that, you've got nothing to worry about if these techniques ever become widespread.
Knowledge won't change the fundamentals of how men and women are attracted
to each other. And attraction, as you're about to read, has operated on the same principles since the dawn of man.
With that in mind, the following routine is just one example of demonstrating value. Feel free to study or use anything else during the Challenge that serves the same purposeâwhether it be non-cheesy magic that doesn't involve cards, visualization games like the cube, personality assessment skills like handwriting analysis, or anything else that serves the end goal of being excellent.
QUICK-START GUIDE
Thumb = Poseidon, representing individuality, independence, and iconoclasm
Index = Zeus, representing dominance, power, and energy
Middle = Dionysus, representing irreverence, rebelliousness, and decadence
Ring = Aphrodite, representing love, romance, and connection
Pinky = Ares, representing conflict, assertiveness, and competitiveness
No Ring = Hermes, representing friendliness, helpfulness, and ad-venturousness
YOU:
I have to ask before I run: Why did you choose to wear that ring on that particular finger?
HER:
No particular reason.
YOU:
Interesting. Do you always wear rings on that same finger?
HER:
I guess. Most of the time.
YOU:
The reason I'm asking is because I have a friend who's a spiritual type, and she just taught me that the finger you choose to wear your rings on actually says something about your personality. I don't know if I totally believe it, but she nailed my personality pretty accurately.
If she's not wearing any rings, use this alternative: “I have to ask before I run: I notice you're not wearing any rings. Do you usually wear rings?” Then continue with the paragraph above, but say, “She just taught me that wearing
rings on certain fingers, or making the choice not to wear rings, actually says something about your personality.”
YOU:
In ancient Greek culture, each one of the mounds at the top of the palm was represented by a different god. And people back then would wear a ring on the associated finger to honor that particular god.
Now go through her different fingers one by one. If it seems like you have time, save the finger her ring is on for last to build intrigue.
YOU:
For example, the thumb represents Poseidon, the god of the sea. And he was very independent. He was the only god who didn't live on Mount Olympus. And the thumb kind of stands apart from the other fingers. So people with thumb rings are generally independent thinkers who tend to do their own thing. They don't follow trends; they like to set their own.
The index finger is represented by Zeus, the king of the gods. And it represents power and dominance. Just like when parents scold children, they always wave the index finger. So people with a ring on this finger generally have an inclination to take charge.
If she says that the finger her ring is on doesn't fit her personality, tell her that people sometimes choose those fingers because they're subconsciously working on cultivating that particular attribute or because they're attracted to people with that attribute.
YOU:
The middle finger is represented by Dionysus, the god of wine and partying. He was a very irreverent god. And he liked to free people from their inhibitions. So if you have a ring there, it means you tend to do whatever you want without depending too much on what others think. You can be an instigator sometimes. So it kind of makes sense that it's the finger people use to swear.
Your ring finger is, of course, represented by Aphrodite. She was the goddess of love, and that's supposedly why we wear wedding rings on that finger. Interestingly, it's the only finger that has a vein
that goes straight to the heart without branching off. So when someone puts a ring on that finger, they're actually making a direct connection with your heart.
If she's comfortable enough with you to allow light touching, you can hold up her hand or touch her fingers as you do this. If she's shown more interest, you can even trace the line of her vein from her finger up her arm.
