RUIN (The RUIN Series Book 1) (2 page)

"You can stay here as long as you want." Alexa reaches to hand me a trio of soft, white towels. "You can use these to have a shower now, and then you'll always find some in the cabinet in your bathroom."

I'm grateful for the hospitality, but more than that I welcome the literal and figurative embrace she's given me since I walked through her door fifteen minutes ago. She wasn't expecting me. Her face was a twisted mix of joy and confusion when I stepped off the elevator and into her arms. Alexa Jackson is one of my closest friends. She knows my heart. She understands the sacrifices I made when I left New York three months ago to go back to Boston.

"Where's Noah?" I ask, not necessarily out of curiosity, as much as greed. I want her all to myself for the day. It's Tuesday, which means she'd normally be at school, teaching her young students about history and science, but it's spring break so her time is mine.

Her face softens. "He's got a few shoots today and then he's meeting his father for a late lunch."

I sigh in relief. Alexa's fiancé is an in demand photographer. Although his core business is now centered on children and infants, he does an occasional spread in a magazine. He's talented, accomplished and very eccentric. My time with him has been limited up to this point but now that I've taken over their guest room, I'll be seeing a lot more of him.

"Do you want to talk about Parker?" The effortless ease with which she says his name tears through me. I haven't been able to utter his name since he walked out of our apartment. I've avoided every image or reminder of him.

I lower myself to the edge of the queen sized bed I'll be calling my refuge until I can sort through my life. "There's not much to talk about."

She settles next to me, her hand reaching for mine. She cradles it gently in her lap. "Is it over?"

I hear the words clearly. I don't react. I just stare at her hand and the large diamond ring that is catching the natural sunlight streaming through the window. She's going to plan her wedding soon. She'll marry the man of her dreams and her life will start on its course towards a happily-ever-after that she rightly deserves. I deserve it too though and now I have to confess that my prince charming pulled the rug out from under me without any warning.

"Did you have a fight?" She presses.

I can't blame her for wanting to know. The last time we spoke was barely more than a week ago when I told her of my plans to visit New York with Parker in tow. I wanted to hold his hand in Central Park and feel his lips brush against mine while we soaked in the view atop the Empire State Building. I wanted his body to give me pleasure in a bed in a decadent hotel on the Upper West Side. I wanted to experience life with him.

I squeeze her hand slightly drawing strength from the familiar touch. "Parker left me." The words float off my tongue and into the stillness of the mid-morning air. "He left me, Alexa."

Her eyes dart to my face and I watch as they race over my features. "No, Kayla. He wouldn’t do that."

"He did," I bite back in a tone that speaks of the pain. It's the same overwhelming pain that I've been carrying within me for the past week. "He's gone."

"What happened?"

I draw in a quick breath hoping that it will offer some inspiration. "I don't know. He just said he wasn't happy."

"He wasn’t happy with you?"

I nod. I'd replayed Parker's words over and over in my mind since he told me he wanted to find himself and his own happiness. The words were a poorly crafted excuse for him to start fresh without me.  They stung just as much as if he would have told me he stopped loving me.

"He begged you to come back to him a few months ago."  She holds my hand tighter, squeezing it more. "You left everything here to go be with him."

"I know." I swallow hard. "He told me he couldn't live without me."

Those were the exact words that Parker had muttered through the phone when he'd called me just a few months ago while I was just settling into my life in Manhattan. We'd broken up time and time again after meeting in high school. My heart always knew that we'd find our way back to one another and when he finally called that wintery evening to profess his unwavering devotion, I had packed up everything to be with him. Now, only twelve short weeks later, he was gone and I was back in New York.

"Maybe he was just panicked because he loves you so much."

They're words meant to placate women with broken hearts. The idea behind them is romantic and charming and conjures up an image of a man so overwrought with the knowledge that his heart belongs to a certain woman that he can't bear it. It's not a notion that is seated in any kind of reality. Parker didn't leave me because he loves me. He left me because he's a worthless piece of shit and is too immature to be honest about his feelings.

"It's over, Lex." I pull my hand from hers. "I'm going to put it behind me."

The skepticism floating over her expression isn't masked at all. "You can't just shut off your feelings like that."

She's right. I can't. I can decide to push them aside while I rebuild my life. That needs to be my sole focus right now. If I give in to the overwhelming pain I feel over Parker pushing my life into freefall mode, I'll be paralyzed. I'll hide within myself and I won't move forward. I'm not about to give him that much control over me.

"I need to find a job and a place." A change of subject never hurt anyone. In my case, it may actually dull the pain of talking about Parker.

"You know what they say about break ups, right?" She tilts her head to the side as she pulls a hand through her long blond hair.

"Oh, God." I can't help but chuckle. "Just tell me."

"They say…" she begins before pulling her arm around my shoulder. "They say that you need to date again right away to forget the old love."

"Date?" I shake my head. There's no way in hell I'm dating anytime soon.

"Or fuck," she says with a giggle. "You should find a guy to sleep with. It needs to be someone really hot. If you do that you'll forget about Parker like that." She pulls her fingers together in a snap.

I should tell her. I should tell her about Ben but I stop myself before the words reach my tongue.  I want Ben to my secret. I want to hold on to the feeling of being wanted in such a primitive way. I want to hold it close. I want the memory to be mine and only mine.

"I'm surprised to see you back so soon," Vivian, my former boss, and hopefully soon-to-be present boss, tilts her glasses onto the bridge of her nose as she stares at me.

Hear that noise? That's the sound of me swallowing my pride. Vivian was the one who told me that giving up a promising career, as an account executive at Rainer & Winslow, for a man was a mistake. Good on Vivian for having the foresight to see that my boyfriend was a loser. Not so good on me for not listening to her mini lecture about how he wouldn’t sacrifice as much for me.  Now, I'm back with my tail between my legs begging for my old position back.

"Things didn't work out in Boston," I say through a thin smile.

She pulls her glasses off completely now. Why do I feel like this is about to get serious? "We've already filled your position, Kayla."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"I'm not surprised." I am surprised. Vivian isn't the most organized woman on this planet. I'm mildly shocked that she had the wherewithal to screen prospective applicants, interview them and then fill the position. When I worked for her, I was amazed most days when she tore her attention away from the movies she typically had streaming on her computer to give me a task to do.

Her eyes dart to her laptop screen and I wonder briefly if an episode of her favorite detective drama is pulling her attention away. "I need an assistant."

I push myself closer to the edge of the chair I'm sitting in. I need that. I'll take that. I don't care what it pays or what the responsibilities are. "I'd make a great assistant," I say a little too exuberantly.

"You know what?" Her gaze settles back on me. "I think you're right."

My shoulders sway forward. "I'd appreciate the chance to show you what a great asset I can be."

Her face softens as a small smile pulls at the corner of her lips. "You've already done that, Kayla."

I don’t want to sound too eager but she's handing me a golden ticket out of Alexa and Noah's guest room. I've only been there five days but I already feel like a third wheel. "When can I start?"

She tips her head back a touch as she pulls her glasses back on. "Monday will be fine. I can pay you the same as what you were getting when you left but the workload will be more."

I know it will be. I'm suddenly aware that it's very likely that I'll not only be shouldering whatever she throws my way but a lot of her work too. Normally, I'd balk at the added responsibility but it's exactly what I need right now. "I'm ready to take on anything."

Her expression shifts slightly as she leans back. "I'm going to hold you to that."

I don’t question what she means. I don’t care right now. All I know is that this is the first step in getting my life and future back.

***

"Do you think you'll live alone or will you get a roommate?" Alexa's eyes scan the pint sized kitchen of the walk up we're currently touring in Murray Hill.

"If I live here, I can do it alone." I try not to say the words with as much distaste as I feel. This is nothing like the last place I called home in Manhattan. Back then Alexa was my roommate before she moved in with Noah. Once she left, I found another girl to share the expenses with right away. After I'd bolted back to Boston, my room was quickly handed over to the next person with a rent check in hand.

She picks up a dated rug that is thrown on the hardwood floors. "I like that it's furnished."

I do too. It's not my ideal neighborhood. The décor looks like it came right out of the eighties, but it's comfortable and safe. "I think I should take it."

"Do you need me to help you with the damage deposit or first month's rent?"

It's a question born out of our friendship, not her desire to get me out of her place. "I can handle it."

"You're sure?" she asks through a smile. "I want to help if I can."

I reach for her shoulders, pulling her into a warm embrace. "You've helped me a lot the past two weeks."

"You've lost weight." Her eyes rake over my thin frame. "You're skinnier now than you were when you got here."

I am. I haven't had an appetite. Food, sleep and a quiet mind have been in short supply. Even though Alexa has cooked delicious meals for me the past few weeks I haven't been able to stomach the taste. I'm not sick. Physically, there's nothing wrong with me. I finally feel as though I'm being lifted out of the fog of emotions that I experienced after my break up with Parker. I can see the future now, even if it means moving into this apartment that is three subway stops away from her place.

"We'll go out to celebrate your new place with Noah tonight." She claps her hands together. "I can fix you up with someone from work if you want to make it a double date."

I visibly wince at the words. "I'm not into teachers," I tease.

"This one is hot. His name is Doug. You'll like him."

I study her face. There's a hopeful glint in her eyes. She wants this for me. She wants to push me into my future with full force. "What does he look like?" It's shallow but it's important. The last thing I want is to be with a man who physically resembles Parker in any way.

The question doesn't rattle her at all. "He's about average height I guess. He's got blonde hair, and blue eyes." Her hand darts to her chin. "He has a beard and he's ripped."

"How would you know if he's ripped?" I tap my foot against the faded throw rug. "You're making that up."

She pats me on my elbow. "I'm not." She grins. "He wears tight t-shirts sometimes. All I can say is wow."

"Wow?" I parrot back.

"Wow," she repeats, her brows jumping up.

"I don't know, Lex." The knot that is overtaking my stomach is reason enough for me to derail this plan. "It's really soon."

"It's a dinner." She pushes my hair back over my shoulders. "One dinner. It's not like you're marrying the guy."

"I'll do it," I whisper. "I guess I'll do it."

Doug gestures towards Noah with a nod of his chin. "What's with his face?"

Any desire that may have been edging its way to the surface is lost with that one question. "What do you mean?" I whisper the question. "What are you talking about?"

I know exactly what he means. Noah Foster was stabbed years ago and now the ever-present reminder of that juts down the length of his face. I've grown so accustomed to it that I don't even register it anymore when I look at him. It doesn't define him in any way but brash, thoughtless comments like the ones that Doug just made tear through Noah still. I've seen it happen in the past.

"Something is wrong with his face."

Something is wrong with your sense of decency, jerk.

"It's a scar," I point out the obvious.

"How did he get that?"

Alexa turns her attention away from Noah to lock eyes with me. She's sitting next to Doug. There's absolutely no way she hasn't tuned in to the current conversation Doug is straining to have with me.

"Do you like being a teacher?" I pull the question out of the back of my mind because I don’t want to make a scene. Axel NY is one of the most expensive restaurants in Manhattan. It's a place where you wear your Sunday best and put on a brilliant smile.

"It's alright." He reaches for his water glass. His arm brushes against mine and I feel absolutely nothing from the touch.

"Doug received the teacher of the month award in January," Alexa chimes in. "It's kind of a big deal."

"Congratulations," I offer because it's expected. This is a mistake. I wish I were back in my bed at Alexa's apartment. I knew it was too soon to venture into the dating world again. I was happy just sitting back watching that world pass me by.

"Sure, thanks." His eyes scan the room before they settle on me.

"Kayla just got a new job." Alexa is bound and determined to push this date over a cliff. Is it not obvious by the way I'm avoiding eye contact with him that I'm not having the time of my life here?

"Do you have a sister?" His fingers glide over mine.

I pull my hand back so abruptly that my wine glass teeters precariously for a second before I reach to balance it. "Why?"

Noah clears his throat looking for someone's attention. I'll happily give him mine. I look up and our eyes lock. He cocks a brow before a wide grin overtakes his handsome face. "Kayla has a brother."

I'm surprised that he knows that much about me. Our conversations have always involved Alexa. "Damn," Doug's fist hits the table lightly. "I have a friend who is looking for a girl just like you. I thought if you had a sister we could all hang out."

If I had a sister I'd hide her in a closet until the perfect man came into her life. Dating sucks.

"Sorry," I shrug scanning the room in hopes I'll find the waiter so I can order something strong enough to get me through the dessert course.

"I have a sister," Alexa offers because she's always the extra helpful one. "She's married though."

"What about you, Noah?" Doug's eyes blaze a path across Noah's face. "Do you have a sister?"

"I don't." He taps his finger on the edge of the table. "I have a brother."

"He has a twin brother." Alexa turns sharply to stare at him. "A fraternal twin brother I've never met."

He tilts his head towards her before scooping her hand in his. "We're not close."

"I'm still waiting for you to explain that to me." Her voice cracks.

"We'll talk about it later." Noah's deep voice carries softly over the table. "Now is not the time."

Her head bows towards her lap. I watch her shoulders quiver. I want to reach to comfort her but Doug is in the way. She's told me about Noah's brother. I've heard the story about how he offered the information with a caveat about how they haven't spoken to one another in years. He's not a part of Noah's life. Alexa's love for Noah runs deep. She wants to understand every facet of who he is, including the brother that he'd rather forget.

"Alexa?" I whisper her name in her direction.

"I'm fine." The words don't match her body language at all. She's gripping the linen napkin that was beside her plate in her hands, wringing it recklessly. "Will he come to our wedding? It's only three months away now. You should fix things with him before then."

Noah shakes his head slightly as a muted curse word leaves his lips. "I'm not having this conversation here, Alexa."

"I'm not having it unless it's here. We have to send out the invitations soon." Her head juts up. Her expression is stoic and determined. I've seen that look before. Alexa is out for answers and Noah is going to have to give them to her.

"Maybe we should go." I reach to grab Doug's hand and instantly regret it. It speaks of my desire to be alone with him. I don't want that. As much as I want to chase away Parker's memory, Doug isn't going to help me do that. I'm not attracted to him at all.

He's on his feet in an instant. "We can go to my place."

Um, no. No, we cannot.

"Stay." Noah's hand flies over the table. "Don’t take off."

I look to Alexa for confirmation of his words. She's frustrated. I can see it when her eyes meet mine.

"I think we should go," I whisper as I follow Doug's lead and pull myself to my feet, teetering slightly in the nude heels I paired with the navy dress I have on.

I stare at Alexa seeing gratitude there. She's taken so much pride in the openness within her relationship with Noah.  The knowledge that he has a brother that she's never met pains her because soon his twin will be her family too.

"We'll see you at home later?" Noah nods towards me, the words filled with a trace of warmth.

I look at Doug and his overly eager grin. Fuck. I have to walk out of this restaurant with him and keep myself occupied for a few hours before I can go back to Alexa and Noah's place. They need time alone. It's only three days until I move into my own apartment but right now that feels like an endless eternity. "I'll be there."

"This way, my lady." Doug pulls my arm through his. "I'm going to give you an evening you'll never forget."

Great. This evening has officially gone from bad to hell.