Ruin Me (39 page)

“You don’t have to be attached to our hips,” I say. “I just want you to be there in case this whole thing goes south.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not going to go south, Piper…”

“And don’t tell me that a week away from Shawn Monty doesn’t sound a little tempting,” I add. She takes a quick breath and I know she’s considering the idea. “He still calls you a few times a week, doesn’t he?”

“He stopped for a little bit,” she says. “But now that school is over, I think he’s realized that he won’t be able to
accidentally
run into me on campus anymore. I woke up with four texts from him this morning.”

“See?” I nudge her ribs. “
‘Sorry, I’m on a train with no cell reception’
is a
really
great excuse for not calling someone back.”

She sighs. “You don’t think Kai will mind?”

“Of course not,” I say. “Kai loves you. And hey — you play your cards right and I might conveniently
disappear
and let you borrow him for an hour or two.”

Mandy laughs. “I wasn’t serious about that.”

“I know,” I smile back with a quick wink. “But stranger things have happened…”

Her eyes go narrow and she stares at me through her long eyelashes. “Fine,” she says. “I’ll go with you, but for moral support only.”

“And to get away from Shawn.”

“And to get away from Shawn,” she repeats, nodding her head.

I wrap my arms around her. “Thank you, lady.”

She embraces me and runs her fingers through my hair. “And as your official, elected, moral support counselor, I say there’s one thing that needs to happen first.”

“What?” I ask.

She pulls away and sets her hand on mine. “Take the test, Piper.”

I knew she’d say it before the words left her mouth.

Take the test, Piper.

School is over. I worked hard and earned my degree. I thought I already took the last test I’d ever take — but maybe I haven’t. Maybe pissing on a plastic stick isn’t a test at all. The real test will be what comes after.

I shouldn’t be this nervous anyway.

Tests are only difficult when you don’t know the answers to the questions.

I already know the answer to this question.

***

“Piper, answer me.”

I look up from my shoes, but I let my long hair shield the sides of my red face. Strangers pass by around us in the airport lobby. I avoid their eyes. I know, logically, that they all have their own thoughts in their heads and that they don’t have the time nor the desire to be preoccupied with me, but I still feel like I’m being watched. Phantom spiders crawl up my arms and legs. I can’t stand still. I can’t think straight.

I just can’t.

“Piper…”

“Don’t go, Mom.”

My mother sighs and lowers her bag to the floor. “I have to go,” she says. “You know that.”

I shake my head. “No, you don’t. You can stay here, you don’t have to leave. Don’t let him do this—”

She reaches out and grabs my shoulders. “You listen to me,” she says. “This isn’t about him. This is about me.”

“And what about me?” I whimper.

“Piper…” she smiles, “you’re going to be just fine.”

“I don’t feel fine.”

“But you will, someday.” She pauses to glance around the lobby, then leans in closer. “Piper, no one’s perfect.”

I scoff. “So I’ve heard.”

“Especially me. The choices I’ve made… Someday, you may have a daughter of your own and I’m hoping that you never have to make the same decisions as I have.”

I shake my head, fighting tears. “I hate this…”

“Piper.” She holds me still and stares into my eyes. “Don’t cry. Don’t let anyone see your weaknesses. Ever. Not even me.” I break down. She pulls me in and I bury my face in her sweater. “I love you, Piper. None of this is your fault.”

I take a deep breath. An angry heat rises in my chest. She’s right. This isn’t my fault. This isn’t her fault, either. There’s only one person responsible for all of this. He’s getting everything he wants while everyone else suffers.

I pull back and wipe the tears off my face. “I love you, too, Mom,” I say.

She smiles at me. “Here…” She pulls her necklace off her head and slips it over mine. “Take this.”

I grab the silver pendant on my chest and feel the raised printed words with my thumb.

Live to Dream.

“I’m coming back for it,” she says. “Keep it safe.”

I nod. “I will.”

She squeezes my shoulders one last time.

“I’m coming back for you, too.”

Chapter 38

Kai

“I haven’t felt this awful in weeks.”

Shawn’s voice fills my ears as I step into my room. My fingers grip the towel around my naked waist for extra security as I walk across the floor with wet toes. “Shawn…” I begin, “what have I told you about lying on my bed?”

He looks up at me from my pillow. “Oh, yeah…” He kicks his shoes off and they topple to the floor.
“No shoes.”

“Thank you.” I pull the top drawer of my dresser open in search of new underwear. “Why do you feel awful?” I ask.

“Mandy.”

I flinch. “Oh?” I ask, keeping my eyes fixed on my sock drawer. “What about her?”

He sighs and sits up onto his elbows. “I texted her a bunch last night, but she never replied.”

“So?”

“So…”
Shawn repeats. “Mandy
always
replies. Even when we used to fight, she never let a text go unanswered.”

I nod, thinking it over. “Oh, wow…” I turn around to look at him. “You’re right. I never realized that before.”

“See?” He stares at the phone in his hands. “She must have been with some other guy last night.”

Fuck.

“You don’t know that…” I mutter as Mandy’s moans of pleasure echo softly in my head. I perk my ears and listen very carefully to the tone of his reply, praying that I don’t hear some hidden meaning inside of it.

“Yes, I do.” He grabs a pillow and hugs it against his chest. “She’s moved on, man…”

Relief and guilt butt heads inside of me. Thankfully, I hear nothing in his voice that indicates he knows where she was or who she was with. “Well…” I grab a pair of shorts off the dresser and pull them on before letting the towel drop. “It’s been almost two months since you broke up. Maybe you should think of moving on, too.”

“You think I haven’t tried?”

“I think you think you’ve tried.”

“Easy for you to say,” he mutters. “You’re Kai
fucking
Casablancas. You could have any girl you wanted, whenever you wanted her. It doesn’t come that easy to scrubs like me.”

“You’re not a scrub, Shawn,” I chuckle.

“Would
you
fuck me?”

I sigh, ignoring the ridiculous question. “You’re going to be fine. With or without Mandy.” I scoop the wet towel off the floor and toss it into the hamper in the corner. “And think about it, do you really want to be in a relationship without someone that doesn’t want to be in one with you?”

He sits up. “Have you talked to her about this?” he asks.

“No,” I answer quickly, “but it’s pretty clear in her actions. She’s broken up with you a dozen times in the last few years.”

“But that was just…
our thing
, you know?” His hands ball into fists. “I thought we’d get to that place together where no matter how much we fought, we’d always love each other —” he points at me, “— just like you and Piper.”

I shake my head. “That’s nothing like me and Piper.”

“That’s
exactly
like you and Piper,” he argues. “You two fight and bicker constantly, but you always end the night in each other’s beds. It’s a given, like you don’t even question it.”

“Well…” I take a breath. “Not lately.”

“Yeah,” he scoffs, “because couples on the fritz
always
go on romantic vacations together.” He kicks his foot and taps it against the open suitcase lying at the end of my bed.

I turn away and pull out a few clean shirts from the next drawer down. “They do sometimes,” I mutter.

“Uh-oh…”

I glance back at him as he leans forward with expectant eyes. “I don’t want to get into it right now,” I say.

“Don’t you dare break up with her, man—”

“I’m not breaking up with—”

“You and Piper are my goal. If you two can’t make it, then I’m fucked—”

“You’re not fucked—”

He throws himself back to lie against the pillow with his hands over his eyes. “This is the worst news ever…”

“Shawn, chill out,” I say. “Like I said, I’m not breaking up with Piper. Why would I plan out this trip just to ditch her at the end of it?”

He stares up at the white ceiling. “Isn’t that what she did to you?”

I cringe. “Not
exactly
.” I push the memories aside. “I planned this trip to give us a break. We’ve been so busy lately with school and other things that we haven’t had time to just
be
, you know what I mean?”

“Nope.”

I sigh. “Spending time together has felt like work instead of play. It doesn’t feel natural anymore. We need a reset and what better way to get one than to go back to where it all began?”

He props himself up. “And you’re not scared of it reminding her why she ran off in the first place and her abandoning you again?” he asks.

I turn around, my thoughts on fire. “Well, I am
now.
”

Shawn pulls himself off the bed. “If anyone is in need of a vacation, it’s
me
.”

I grab the stack of shirts and carry them over to the suitcase. The sadness in his voice burns at me, even more than it usually does. I’ve never felt like such an asshole before in my life. Last night will surely haunt me for the rest of my days. “You’re going to be fine, Shawn. Just relax.” I turn back to the dresser to find him blocking my path.

“Take me with you,” he says.

“What?”

“I won’t bother you guys, I swear,” he begs. “I just need to get out of here for a little while.”

“Then go to Vegas for the weekend or something.”

“It’s not far away enough. I’ll still be able to sense her.”

I step back.
“Sense
her?”

He nods. “Mandy fogs everything up, man. I can even detect her scent in the air
right now
.”

I clear my throat and move around him, wondering if I should take a second shower. “Well, that’s not creepy or anything,” I joke.

“
Please
, Kai. I need this.”

“No, Shawn.”

He sighs and I feel even worse than before. “Fine,” he says. “I’ll just mope around here until you two get back all happy and shit.” He steps away, his feet dragging across the carpet.

Dammit…

“Wait,” I say. He turns around slowly. “You can come.”

His smile stretches wide across his lips. “Really?”

“Yes—” I hold up a hand. “But you can’t tag along everywhere. I have plans with Piper, plans that you can’t be around for.”

“Understood,” he says. “I’ll make myself busy and scarce. You’ll barely ever see me. And Piper won’t mind, she loves me.”

“Well…” I pause, quickly deciding against telling the truth about that. “Yeah, okay.”

Shawn does a little dance. “Fucking sweet — I’ve always wanted to go to Europe again!”

I look at his happy face and a little bit of my guilt melts away. “Get packed fast,” I tell him. “I’m meeting Piper at the airport in an hour.”

“Roger that.” He bolts and rushes across the hall to his room.

Piper’s gonna kill me…