Rugged (17 page)

The emotional tension of the last few months seemed to dissipate as the crisp mountain air surrounded her. The gurgling creek, now swollen to a torrent from the melting snow, sounded like an orchestra playing a welcoming tune. She inhaled a deep breath, filling her lungs with the earthy scent. Until now, she hadn’t realized how much she disliked the smog and traffic noise in the city.

“Rachel?”

Her heart seemed to stop, and then it leaped into a frantic gallop.

“Rachel?” the deep voice called her name again.

“Jed?” She looked around but couldn’t see him. “Where are you?”

A man dressed in sturdy canvas overalls, wearing a helmet and carrying a chain saw in one hand, came crashing through the trees. “Rachel?”

“Hello, Jed,” she said softly. A million emotions soared inside her. During the flight, she’d imagined their reunion, how she’d fling herself into his arms. He’d capture her in a fierce hug. Confessions of everlasting love would flow from their lips. They would kiss and kiss and kiss, and tumble into bed, and somehow the future would slip neatly into place.

Now she realized that life could never be that simple.

She stared at the man standing in front of her. The man she’d left behind, because he had ordered her to go away. The suffering he’d put her through in the past four months had left a tiny kernel of resentment inside her. Like the pea under the dozen mattresses of the princess who couldn’t sleep because she felt a niggling discomfort, her stubborn anger might always stand between them, unless she found the generosity of spirit to fully forgive him.

Unless she could trust him never to reject her again.

“I thought I’d come up and see how you’re doing,” she said, a little stiffly.

Jed lowered the silent chainsaw to the ground. He peeled away the thick protective gloves, took off the helmet and stuffed the gloves inside. His face looked gaunt and lean, but somehow he’d gained a polish. An aura of inner confidence. There were external changes too. Despite being flattened by the helmet, his thick black hair settled into neat layers, and his skin glowed with signs of better care.

“How long can you stay?” he asked.

The joy Rachel had heard in his voice when he first called out her name seemed to have faded. He spoke carefully. Like a man in a business meeting who didn’t know the hidden agendas of everyone else and uttered each word with caution.

“I took a week off from work,” she replied.

His eyes searched hers. “Will you stay the entire week?”

She gave him a slow nod.

His rigid stance eased. “Thank you,” he said. He cradled the helmet in both hands. Rachel got the impression that he was using it as a prop, to steady his nerves, like a smoker uses cigarettes.

“You’re busy,” she said. “I’ll wander along up to the house.”

“I’ll finish for the day.” Jed wedged the helmet beneath one arm and bent to pick up the chainsaw with the other. “I’ll show you around. There are some changes.”

It’s all going wrong
, Rachel thought as she followed him up the improved road.
We’re like two strangers making small talk.

A big earth-moving machine, a yellow metal monster, stood by the cabin.

“Melvin and Philippe are extending the building,” Jed said. “They’re going to live here permanently. They like the art scene in Jackson. A gallery is going to exhibit Philippe’s photographs of the homeless in New York.”

“Where is the extension going to go?” she asked.

Jed looked uncomfortable. “On the left,” he said. “I sold them a strip land.”

“But you never sell any land.” Rachel came to a halt. She stared at him.

“I made an exception.” He fidgeted with the helmet. “I thought, if you came back, it would be nice for you to have some friends around, and if you didn’t, I’d be able to get news of you from Melvin and Philippe.”

The words settled somewhere beneath her breastbone, where they radiated heat, like rays from the sun, attacking the frozen lump of resentment that lingered inside her.

“They’re not really my friends,” she said. “I only know them through Hank.”

“They’re nice guys,” Jed replied, and resumed walking up the trail.

“You know that they’re…?”

His mouth tightened. “I might be unworldly, but I’m not stupid. Of course I know they’re gay. Doesn’t bother me.” He glanced at her. “Better, in fact. I don’t have to worry about them falling in love with you.”

Rachel couldn’t think of a response. She waited in silence while Jed put the chainsaw and helmet away in the storage shed at the rear of the barn. He undid the zipper on the overalls, tugged his arms out of the sleeves, and shoved the top of the garment to bunch around his waist. The clingy cotton undershirt he wore beneath molded against the ridges of his muscles.

“You’ve gotten bigger around the shoulders.” Rachel studied him, intrigued by the subtle difference. Memories filled her senses, memories of his naked body against hers, his arms holding her close as they slept, sharing their warmth, giving each other comfort and solace during the night.

“The
Rugged
people hired me a personal trainer.” Jed made an irritated sound. “He comes over once a month. He’s got me doing exercises, as if I’m not tired enough at the end of the day. Now I’ve got to pump iron four times a week. I’ve also had my hair styled.”

“I’d never have thought…” Her comment trailed away.

Jed waited, but when she didn’t continue, he didn’t probe. He headed toward the house. Rachel followed, unsure of what to do, what to say. Tension simmered between them, like a storm brewing. Nothing was as she’d expected. Somehow, she’d assumed that Jed would be as she’d left him, bitter and withdrawn and a little broken up inside.

She should have understood that the
Rugged
business would have changed him. Or maybe it wasn’t the modeling. Rachel studied the proud set of his shoulders as she walked up the path behind him, recalling how she’d longed for him to make compromises, meet her halfway. It seemed that he was doing more. He was turning his world upside down to fit in with hers.

Unease filled her as she climbed up the front steps, just like six months ago.

Her boots were dirty and she took them off in the vestibule. Jed was slower removing his. She went inside first. An impatient clip of hooves and the jingling of a bell greeted her. A small cage, like a child’s playpen, stood in the corner of the living room. Inside, Georgia was butting her stubby horns against the bars, fighting to break free.

“What on earth…?” Rachel asked.

Jed caught up with her. “Georgia got sick after you left. I took her inside to look after her. By the time she recovered, she was used to being indoors, so I let her stay. I fixed up the pen to keep her from chewing up the furniture.”

“You let a goat live in the house?”

“I remembered how hard you fought to save the orphan calf. I wanted to fight as hard for Georgia.” He moved to stand in front of her, blocking her way. “I’m learning to fight for the things I want. Consider yourself warned.”

Their gazes locked. Rachel couldn’t have looked away, even if she had wanted to. A sense of disorientation seized her, a physical wave of weakness that a century ago would probably have been called a swoon.

Abruptly, as if tearing himself away, Jed spun around and crossed the room, now empty of the timber soldiers. He opened the door to the den. “I’ve had telephone lines connected to the house, and I’m installing high speed Internet access and a wireless network. Ambrose’s company is covering the cost. It’s how he’s paying me for lending the sculptures for the exhibition.”

Rachel walked over and peeked past him into the room. It had been fitted with a custom built work station in pale wood, and a range of filing cabinets. A shiny new laptop stood on the desk. A printer and a scanner occupied the shelves.

“You could work from here,” Jed said in a low voice. “Hank tells me that your busy season is January to April. For the rest of the year, you could live here, and keep in touch with the office by email and telephone.”

She flicked him a surprised glance. “Have you been talking to Hank?”

“He gives me financial advice.” Jed gestured around the room. “He set up the deal with
Rugged
that’s paying for all this. They didn’t pay me a fee. Instead, I licensed them the rights to use my image. I get a royalty from every bottle of cologne. They’ve sold a lot of bottles.”

“I never thought you’d agree to become one of the
fashion people.
”

“It’s not so bad.” Jed lifted a hand and touched his fingertips to her cascading curls. “You told me not to contact you. As I didn’t want to go against your wishes, I needed another way to reach out to you. I did the
Rugged
campaign on the condition that I could put a message to you on the advertisements.”

“The last time we spoke, you ordered me to leave.” The words tumbled out, a little belligerent and full of hurt.

Regret flickered across Jed’s face. “I was out of my mind with the fear of losing you. I couldn’t bear to simply wait for it to happen. The only way I knew was to tackle the situation head on.” His arm fell to his side and he stood before her, like a knight waiting for a blow from an enemy sword. “Will you forgive me?”

“You told me that you liked your life just the way it is.”

“I lied.”

“You said that you didn’t want your life disrupted.”

“My life is empty without you. I want you to disrupt it. Permanently.” A muscle tugged at the edge of his jaw. “I’ll do anything to make it work. Even sell the ranch.”

“Sell the ranch,” she said, aghast.

“My greatest dream is to see you pregnant with my child, to raise a new generation to take over, but if you want a different life, I’ll adapt.”

She scoffed at the idea. “You’ll never adapt to living anywhere but here.”

“I’ll try.” His eyes searched hers. “I might end up like an uprooted tree, brittle and hollow inside, but that would matter less than losing you. Stay with me, Rachel. Marry me or not, whatever you want. We’ll live here or in California. Wherever you want. No disruption is too big, if it allows you to be part of my life.”

“Do you really mean it?” she asked. “No doubts, no fears? Are you willing to take the chance that we’ll fight, and it’s not going to be easy?”

“I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll never do anything to risk losing you again. You can be sure of that.”

“Oh, Jed.” She took a step toward him. His arms closed around her, holding her in a fierce hug. Their bodies pressed together so tightly that she could feel the pounding of his heart. His muscles still carried the heat from the physical labors of the day, and curiosity rose inside her about the intriguing changes in his appearance. She stroked her hands along his back, up to his shoulders, exploring the steely contours.

“I need a bath,” Jed murmured against her lips.

“No time,” she replied, tugging at his overalls.

“Yes,” he told her. “I want to be clean when we make a baby.”

* * * *

“Every night, I’ve dreamt of this,” Jed said. “I wanted to recreate the day I found you in the bath, so I could touch you the way I didn’t dare to touch you then.”

Rachel lay back in the big tub, too caught up in physical sensations to reply. Jed straddled her, on his knees, leaning over her, the hair on his chest in whorls from the water. His hands cupped her breasts, the thumbs drawing slow circles over her soap-slick skin.

“Do you like this?” he asked.

“Hmmm…”

“And this?” he lowered his head, took one rosy tip into his mouth.

“Hmmm…”

He bit, gently at first, then increasing the pressure until she touched his head in warning. Instantly, he eased off, moved to the other breast, and knew exactly when to stop.

Learning. Watching. Paying attention. Always aware of her reactions.

He straightened on his knees and curled his hand over her hip. “Turn over.”

A little hesitant, Rachel obeyed. Jed was too big to fit comfortably in the bath with her, and for a while they struggled. Alarm fluttered inside her when she could no longer see him. It was only now that she fully understood how little trust she possessed. Even the small act of turning her back made her edgy at the loss of control.