Rug Burns (Reviving Haven Book 2) (15 page)

After the film was finally complete, we decided to escape for a while.
Blood Vestige
wasn’t releasing for five months. We chose to take advantage of that by leaving the Hollywood lifestyle behind. We spent several months vacationing on some remote islands in Bali. We also went to England so he could finally introduce me to his mother and close friends. Even though his movie would premiere in London during the next few weeks, he knew he’d be too busy to spend quality time with his mom. I was happy finally meeting her and some of his childhood acquaintances. At least there would be a few familiar faces at the opening besides Latch and Haven.

When we finally returned to Los Angeles, we only had a few days until the film’s launch. The premiere was back in London. Haven and Latch were flying in and meeting us, so we’d get to spend a few days with them. Keenan had talked Latch into doing all the pre-publicity events for the movie while we were absent. They needed to catch up on what occurred in the time we were gone. To be honest, if it hadn’t been for the fact I needed my BFF, I would have bowed out. I hated the way the press interrogated us, but it came packaged with Keenan.

The movie was a huge success for both him and Latch. The franchise could go on for years as long as Latch kept designing updated versions of the game. Opening night was a barrage of flashbulbs and endless questions. The fans loved Keenan. Me—not so much. It wasn’t personal. They just wanted him to be single and obtainable. Even Haven and Latch felt pity for us. Our lives were now public domain and spread across every news outlet. It was only a matter of time before our most intimate details were exposed.

“Don’t worry about this, Weezie. Welcome to my world. Remember when Latch and I were first together, those people would never let me alone. Every jerk-off with a camera was stalking me. All of this will pass. Pretty soon, you’ll be yesterday’s news,” Haven said as she sipped her tea.

We had snuck away from the boys as well as photographers to have some much-needed girl talk in the hotel cafe. “As long as Keenan is famous, we’ll always be open season. They’ll never leave us alone.”

Haven put down her cup. “Then give him a reason to give it up.”

I stared at her in shock, not believing the bombshell she just dropped. “Give it up? Are you fucking serious? It’s his first film and he loves doing it. Ask him to give it up? You’re insane.”

She touched my hand as she spoke. “Weezie, he would give it up for you in a heartbeat. Latch walked away from everything.”

“Bullshit. He just fucking moved his crap to another country.”

“No, that’s not true. He left most of his old life behind. Yeah, he took the business, but everything else he gave up—for Logan and me. Keenan loves you. I mean down to his soul loves you. He would do it for you.”

“Oh my God, I would walk away before I ever asked him to give up his dream.”

“You’re an idiot, Weezie. I swear you are smart, but there are times you’re so damn dense. Being a movie star isn’t what he wants. He wants you. He covets what Latch and I have. Before you spout all kinds of bullshit, I’ve eavesdropped. I’ve heard many conversations between them on Skype. Being an actor, that’s just a way to pass time until he wears you down.”

I pushed my coffee cup away and combed my hair back with my fingers. “He’s never going to
wear me down
. I don’t want your life. No offense.” I stopped abruptly because I wondered if she knew Keenan was sterile. “I’m too old for family drama. I don’t want it. Never have. You know me. Do I look like fucking Susie Homemaker?”

“So your plan is to live with him permanently?”

“Why not? That piece of fucking paper would ruin everything we have.”

“I think he’ll want more eventually.”

This was my worst fear coming to fruition. It had always been concealed where I didn’t have to think about it and could ignore it. Pretend he would never bring it up. But now, after almost five years, it was his mindset, and at some point, it was going to surface.

Haven knew too much. She appeared excessively giddy. If I were smart, I’d pry it out of her, but I didn’t want to know. I feigned ignorance. He would never understand I was doing him a favor. This was for his own good. I would ruin everything for him. I couldn’t possibly give him what he wanted. Not for the rest of his life. I’d wreck his career. I was unable to love him.

Haven pulled out a tube of lipstick and began applying it. “Anyway, enough of this topic. You’re coming for Latch’s big 3-0, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I assume Keenan has already RSVP’d for both of us?”

She nodded with a smile. “Yup, he did. I hope you can take the time off. Everyone’s coming. It should be fun, although he’s been kind of pissy about turning thirty… poor baby.” She chuckled. “So I guess we should get back upstairs and finish packing. Your flight leaves in a few hours, right?”

“Three fifteen I think,” I replied as I put money on the table. “And I can get the time off. I’m only working one or two days a week now. Keenan has too many appearances, and since we’ve been traveling, I’ve had to put my business on the back burner. But on the plus side, I’m seeing a lot of the world.”

“And with one of the hottest men in the universe too.”

I snorted. “Yes, there is that benefit too.”

We both went upstairs. Latch had already called ahead to get his jet refueled and ready. They didn’t like being away from Logan that long. We said our good-byes, and I assured her I would see her soon.

“So did you and Haven have a nice talk?”

I perused Keenan with my eyes. God, he really was mouthwatering. “Yeah, it was educational,” I responded as I continued to pack.

“Limo will be here in an hour. We’ll have a thirty-minute drive before we get to the airport,” he murmured into my ear.

My sex went on high alert as I pressed back into his hard shaft. He was as insatiable as I was. I’d never given a puff chore in a limo, so today would be lucky for both of us.

The
anticipation was killing me. Every morning I woke up with a sense of dread. I felt like I was waiting for the anvil to fall. I’d always known this day was coming. The moment when what we had wasn’t enough and he would want more. Now that I knew he was actually considering us being eternal partners, as in together forever, I had to set a plan in motion.

Keenan did the next few appearances by himself. He wanted me to go with him. We argued about it every time. If I kept leaving town after our five-month hiatus, my business would suffer—irreparable damage. I realized I didn’t need the income, but I had my reputation to think of. And frankly, I appreciated the alone time.

I no longer liked the way I felt. I needed to prepare myself to be single. It was my fault. I should have never taken our affair this far. But he always made a compelling argument. As much as I cared for him and enjoyed our sexual chemistry, there would come a day when it would be me who would want more… when he wouldn’t be enough. I was never meant to be shackled to one man. It had never been what I wanted. But Keenan had changed that. Not in the beginning. His conditions were palatable. Even then his total acceptance of what I wanted and who I was kept me from what felt natural. He made it feel wrong to be with someone else. And even though the changes plagued me continually, I’d still said yes when he wanted us to live together.

I’d always thought of myself as strong and resilient. I had felt fulfilled in the past. I’d been accomplished in business as well as my personal life. I never yearned for anything more. I was content with my life. Until I met him. Hell. It was only supposed to be one night of sexual debauchery, but somehow he kept coming back. Somehow, Keenan Stone had managed to occupy my heart. I’d never love him, but I cared for him more than I ever thought possible.

In a month, we’d be flying to Scotland. It was Latch’s birthday, and Haven had planned a big celebration. Latch’s mother, Fiona, would also be attending. Because she now had a grandson, she’d changed. She was no longer the intolerable cruel bitch from the gala. I’d heard she and Logan were inseparable.

Keenan had been gone for two weeks this time, doing his press tour. They’d already begun prepping for the next movie. He seemed exhausted at the idea. Haven’s words haunted me—that being a movie star wasn’t his real dream. He’d never made me question that. He hadn’t confided in me. And I wouldn’t be the one to squash his vision.

I dressed accordingly, since he’d made reservations for us. In the years we had been together, he’d never taken me to
Ilessa
, a very private and secluded restaurant set on a high cliff above the ocean. Haven had spoken about it. That had been were Latch had taken her for their first date. I remembered it well and the little black dress of mine she’d borrowed to wear. I found an equally sexy deep-violet dress in my closet and paired it with silver heels. I rarely wore my hair up, but tonight I clipped it into a messy bun.

Keenan showed up an hour later.

“You look beautiful,” he said as he tossed his jacket on the sofa. “Let me shower and change. Reservation is at eight. The car will be here at seven thirty.”

My eyes flashed with surprise “You hired a car?”

“I thought we might want to drink some wine or champagne. The establishment is known for their rare vintages,” he answered as he took the stairs two at a time.

He made me chuckle. I padded behind him as he disrobed at every other step. I picked up his jacket, tie, and then his shirt. I stopped at the bedroom where he’d dropped his pants and taken off his briefs. If I’d stayed there, a very naked Keenan would have entertained me. I could hear him singing as he showered. He sounded happy.

He came downstairs thirty minutes later combing his damp hair. He had on a charcoal suit with a pale-gray shirt and a dark-blue tie. The car arrived just as he was fastening his cufflinks. We appeared awful fancy for a dinner out.

Haven hadn’t exaggerated. The restaurant was stunning. I could hardly catch my breath as I witnessed the view from our balcony. Keenan had secured a private area for us to dine. The scent of rich foods and ocean salt permeated the air. Soft music played in the background as a waiter took our drink order. He ordered a Napa Valley bottle of wine for us. I knew my wines, and that particular bottle was close to five hundred dollars.

What the hell was going on? It wasn’t my birthday; we skipped those. I hoped this was about the second movie.

The waiter returned and poured us both a glass of wine, then left. Keenan traced his finger around the rim. Then he stood, taking the glass with him. He walked over to edge of the balcony where he could look down and watch the ocean crash onto the shore. I grabbed my wine and strolled over to join him.

“What is it, Kee? You seem anxious.” I touched his arm as he held his glass.

He seemed lost in thought as he stared out into the sea. “I guess I’m preoccupied and nervous. I never want to lose you, but I’m at my wit’s end.”

Wait. What? He’s scaring me.
Maybe he’d been sensing my restlessness. Maybe he was walking away. “What’s going on? Tell me, because now you’re freaking me out.”

His rich blue eyes turned toward me, soulful and gentle but filled with purpose. “I need more. I want more, Weezie. I’m tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sick of this pseudo relationship.”

The hand holding my wine glass began to shake. I felt that empty hole in my stomach begin to stir as it opened up to swallow me. “I… I don’t understand,” I stammered. I took my eyes away from his because I knew the day of reckoning was here. This actually isn’t what I’d expected. Maybe I should have been glad he had finally given up and recognized he and I couldn’t continue.

He set his glass on the stone edge of the lookout point as I began to walk back to my chair. I needed to be sitting for our next exchange of words.

“Stop. Right. There.” His voice had an authoritative tone that I’d never heard before.

I spun around abruptly just in time to see him fumbling in his pants pocket. He stared at me intensely as he produced a box.

Fuck. No.
My entire body began to shake and I had to place my glass down. I suddenly felt cold and flushed at the same time. Yes, every little girl dreams of this moment. Dreams. For me, it was a nightmare.

I watched as if in slow motion while Keenan fell to one knee. I almost wanted to laugh because it felt like a reality show moment. And I glanced around to see if we weren’t indeed being filmed. I lifted my eyes to his, wondering if maybe he’d crouched on one knee due to injury. I mean, he wasn’t getting any younger, and doing some of his own stunts might have taken a toll on that gorgeous body. After all, it had been a while since he hit the gym. Then he popped open the lid of the box. I saw light so bright it was almost blinding.

I sighed. The man had bought me a diamond the size of his cock. I pondered what that equaled in carat weight.

I moved a little closer, as if I were hypnotized by the excessive size and beauty of the ring. I revered, in order, cocks, shoes, clothes, and jewelry. And because this man loved and knew me, he purchased a diamond parallel to the magnitude of his shaft. I was currently trying to relieve the pressure in my brain by amusing myself. I was sure he was uncomfortable as hell being on one knee for two minutes. After all, it was concrete. Maybe he’d have more compassion for me the next time I sucked his dick. “I want to marry you,” he said, his voice dripping with sincerity and tenderness.

“Stop. Don’t say it. I so do not want to hear the M-word. What has gotten into you, Kee? Jesus.” I backed away from him and the glare of brightness reflected by the ring, thinking,
Do not walk toward the light
.

He stood and dusted himself off. I heard the ring box snap closed. Loudly.

“This isn’t what I want anymore. I want to have a life with you.”

“What the hell, Kee? We do have a life. I’ve given you more. Five fucking years. I moved in with you, and now what? You want to ruin it all by us getting married? Are you insane?” I spit out, following it with a huge gulp of my expensive wine. “It’s a piece of paper. That’s all. It’s a contract that basically says you own me.”

“I do own you,” he roared.

I was taken aback. Keenan rarely raised his voice and never like this. He was livid.

“Not all of me,” I mumbled.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the chair. “Let’s go. I’ve lost my appetite.”

I drank the last of my wine, wishing I could snake the bottle and sneak it out. He had my hand gripped tightly as he led me to the car. The ride home was silent. His anger rolled off him in waves. I’d pushed him too far. But I couldn’t marry him. He’d known that. I had no idea what put the thought of marriage into his head.

Fucking Latch.

Fucking Haven.

Did we really have to be a matched set of goddamn bookends? Now I wished I’d been privy to all those Skype sessions. My bestie had to know how this would end. She could have warned me. But then again, I was grasping at straws. Haven should have given me a heads-up. I trusted her.

Keenan marched into the house ahead of me. I kicked off my heels and padded to the kitchen. I grabbed a bag of chips and poured myself a glass of wine, keeping the bottle nearby. For what tonight held, I needed more than just one glass.

Keenan returned dressed in only his pants. In between crunching the chips and sipping my wine, I was licking my lips. Seeing him exposed made my body hum. Even a blowjob wasn’t going to get me out of this. I could tell he was on edge, and I might not be able to pull him back.

He sat on the other sofa across from me. “I’m tired, Weezie. You exhaust me. I don’t—or rather, I
won’t
do this anymore.”

I set my wineglass on the coffee table. “What’s changed? We have everything. Why do you need more?”

His face softened as he surveyed me. “This,” he said, pointing to everything in the room. “It’s not enough. I have to believe there’s more than just this. I have put up with a lot, Weezie. I’m not sure you could find another man to be so tolerant. I’m sick of not knowing if we truly have a future. If what we are right now is all we’ll ever be. I don’t want to do it anymore, and the fact is if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with me, I really don’t see the point in us continuing.”

I gulped as a myriad of emotions hit me all at once. That anvil of impending doom had crashed into me, leaving me a quaking mess inside. “You’re leaving me?” I asked in a tiny voice.

He shook his head. “I love you. You know that, but if you don’t know by now whether or not you want to commit, then explain to me how I’m supposed to live with that. Jesus, you have to give me something, some kind of hope. I want us be husband and wife. I want to grow old with you.”

“Okay, just wait another five years and you’ll have your wish,” I quipped, attempting a little bit of humor. In five years, I would be fifty.

Keenan came over and sat next to me. Close enough I could smell his cologne. Close enough I could sense his pain and heartache. I had hurt him. If I cared about him at all, I’d walk away. He’d find someone else and finally have the life he deserved. The kind of man he was, he merited a better woman. Someone who would love him and care for him. He wanted to marry me, in spite of our age difference, the fact we’d never have children, and the reality that, as a couple, we were dysfunctional. But the truth was he wasn’t. I was.

He’d given me five years of pleasurable contentment. Yes, we had our issues, mainly mine, but he’d always been accommodating. I could just marry him. I mean, it was only a piece of paper. A document that clearly meant ownership. A contract that signified one hundred percent monogamy—forever.

That binding document meant I would never be with another man ever again. No matter how sexually cavalier I was, I would never cheat. It was one of the many reasons I didn’t want to get married. I would never break that vow, even if I wanted to. And I would end up miserable, and eventually, that misery would trickle down to Keenan. I’d honored his wishes and stopped seeing other men when we began to live together. But I’d never been genuinely honest with myself about what I really wanted. I didn’t want to hurt him, and my worst fear was the publicity would make him a laughing stock.

“I never said no. I need time to think about it,” I whispered.
What? Why did I just say that?
I was giving him hope. I was a despicable person.