Ruby Parker Hits the Small Time (17 page)

“Claire!” I said, laughing despite myself. I sat up in my chair and looked at myself in the mirror. It didn't really look like me or Angel. They'd put gold highlights through my hair and just enough makeup to make me look, well, kind of pretty. With some carefully applied color on my cheeks, a light lip gloss, and black/brown mascara, I looked nice. It was the sort of thing I'd never be able to do to myself in a million years.

But then I remembered I was sticking up for Brett. “Brett's always been really good to me.”

Claire brandished some hairspray at me.

“You still believe that?” she said. “Even after Brett demanded that you be fired from the show or she was leaving?”

“Look, no matter what you think of her—” Claire's words caught up with my ears and my jaw dropped. “Wait …what?” I exclaimed. I couldn't believe what I had just heard.

Claire looked at me with disbelief. “You honestly didn't know, did you? You poor kid.” She leaned back against the dressing table. “God only knows how you don't—it was all over the set! Everyone can see that Brett hasn't got it anymore. She drinks all the time and swans around like she owns the place. The public doesn't care about her. Everyone knows she's jealous of all the young talent. She heard that Liz and Trudy wanted to build your part and she couldn't stand it. She told them it was
her
or
you
. I heard they did discuss giving in to her because, after all, it was Brett who was the star in the beginning. But then she pushed her luck too far with Liz, and Liz put her in her place. She looks likes a pussycat, Liz does, but she's got a tiger lurking in there too. So, anyway—they chose you.”

My mind was racing, piecing together conversations I'd overheard or had with Brett: the night I'd talked to her on the phone, and Claire's reaction when she took the credit for keeping me on the show.
Was it true?

“But it can't be true,” I said. “Because I'm still here and so is Brett. She hasn't gone.”

Claire nodded and glanced at the door to check if anyone was listening. Then she lowered her voice. “Because when they told her they had no intention of firing you, she realized she couldn't win. She knew she'd never get another job after this—not at her age. So she just stayed on and carried on acting like a witch.” Claire paused. “Did you really not know any of that, Ruby?”

I stared at her and shook my head. “Well, I had a few other things on my mind,” I said. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe Brett had said all of those things about me behind my back and then had pretended that me staying was all because of her. And yet, now that Claire said it, it did all seem to fit. It seemed that I had done exactly what some of the show's viewers do. I'd mixed Brett up with Angel's mum. I was so used to being exactly like Angel that I just assumed everyone else was like their characters too.

I thanked Claire. As I walked out of the makeup room and started to make my way onto the set, my mind was racing and I felt a wave of heat sweeping across me. I felt angry, and yet, I felt free.

But it wasn't only Brett who suddenly looked like a fake. Suddenly all the house fronts and doors that led into nothing—that I used to love—looked shabby and wobbly. Even the smell seemed fake. Even I did.

If I had become so much like Angel—if Angel was really only me with a different name—then maybe I wasn't an actress at all. Maybe I was a fake too. After all, Danny made me realize that I didn't have to try to
be
her. I just
was
her. I used to be dumpy, plain Angel/Ruby and now I was still fairly dumpy, nice-hair Angel/Ruby.

I was a fraud just like Brett.

The set was already lit when I arrived; everyone was in place. I looked around and instead of seeing the moonlit garden where Angel was supposed to have her first kiss, I only saw the huge arc lights, the painted backdrop, and the hydrangea. Up until this moment, I'd really believed in this kiss: This kiss was
my
kiss. But now I saw it exactly for what it was. A fake kiss, in a wobbly set, next to a half-dead hydrangea. The kiss wouldn't be happening to
me
at all.

“Oh, Ruby, glad I caught you. Do you have a sec?” I looked up. Maria, the show's publicist, was standing at my shoulder, holding a clipboard. “I was talking to
Girls' World
magazine about you and telling them about all the letters you get and they've asked you to guest as a columnist for the magazine. What do you think? I think it would be fabulous. It would raise your profile as an actress rather than just as Angel.”

“Um, yeah, whatever,” I answered. One of the technicians came through the patio doors that Caspian would walk out of, and they wobbled slightly. There was a bustle by the door and Liz and Justin arrived, deep in conversation.

Liz came over and put her arm around me. “Are you ready, Ruby?” she asked me kindly.

I smiled at her. “Of course I am, Liz. It's just another scene.”

She patted me on the shoulder and turned to speak to the crew. “OK, are we ready?” she shouted. “Everyone on their marks, please.” I waited for my heart to skip as Justin walked over to me, but it didn't. It didn't even tremble.

“Sorry about the other day, babe,” Justin whispered in my ear. “I was with my girlfriend, and I just totally forgot about it. Good old Dan the Man showed up, though, didn't he?”

I nodded silently and went to my mark by the hydrangea. I should have been heartbroken at that moment. I should have been disgusted because Justin
had
forgotten me after all. Danny had only made up all that stuff about something important coming up so I wouldn't be hurt. But I didn't feel anything. Somehow, since I found out about Brett, I'd lost the ability to feel anything about anyone. I was in shock. I suddenly knew that when Justin walked through those fake patio doors and came over to kiss me, I
would
have to act after all. I would have to act my socks off to make it look like I was in love with him. Because really and truly, I wasn't in love with him. Not me, Ruby Parker. I was just in love with the daydream version of him. To have him as a boyfriend in real life—now,
that
would be a nightmare.

“OK, take one!” somebody shouted.

“Angel?” Caspian said. “Don't stay out here on your own. Come inside—it's almost time for the cake.”

“Cut!” A round of applause rippled across the set. Liz came out of the shadows and rushed up to both of us. She kissed Justin and then hugged me.

“That was wonderful, just wonderful …and on the first take! Perfection. You both played that just right, and as for you, Ruby …” Liz squeezed me again until her jewelry jangled. “Well, you were amazing. Sometimes I don't think we deserve a talent like yours. You were so convincing. You just caught Angel's feeling exactly.”

Justin smiled and winked at me. “You never know, Liz,” he said with a swagger. “Maybe Ruby didn't have to
act
like she was in love with me.”

Everyone laughed and, as I felt my face flush bright red, I caught Danny's eye. He was standing behind one of the cameras, almost in shadow. He looked at me for a long moment, then turned around abruptly and left.

And the strangest thing was that all the butterflies and trembles and heart thumping that
didn't
happen when I kissed Justin happened just then when Danny looked at me. It was like a rock band had started a concert in my chest. I was sure anyone who looked at me right then would know the truth.

I had fallen for Danny Harvey by mistake.

“Um, Liz?” I broke into Justin and Liz's conversation. “Is it all right if I pop out for five minutes before the next scene? I need some air.”

Liz patted me on the shoulder. “Off you go, Ruby.

Justin and I need to sort out his motivation for the party scene anyway.”

I walked off the set quickly, stopping only to pick up my bag as I went. At last I got out onto the lot. Despite its being a baking-hot day, the air still felt cool on my cheeks. I sat on the steps that go up to the auction house door that leads nowhere, pulled my phone out of my bag and called Nydia. She answered immediately.

“So how did it go?” she asked by way of a hello.

“How did what go?” I asked her. My brain was still in shock.

“Your kiss, idiot! With Justin!”

I blinked in the bright sunlight and rubbed my hand across my forehead.

“Oh, well, you know …it was nothing, really. We said our lines and then he kissed me. It was like he just put his lips on mine. And nothing.”

There was a short silence at the other end of the line.

“Nothing?” Nydia asked, clearly disappointed.

“Nope,” I told her. “Everything has turned upside down, Nydia. All of a sudden! It's like …I don't know. I think I've been so focused on keeping everything the same and trying to stop my life from changing that I hadn't realized I've changed too.”

I looked around me. No one was there, so I could talk.

“Do you mean your highlights?” Nydia asked me seriously.

“No! I mean
me
,” I told her. “Look, I haven't really got it all straight in my own head yet, but the thing is, I found out today that it was Brett who wanted me off the show …”

“Brett Summers!”
Nydia screeched. “But she's your mentor!”

“That's what I thought,” I said. “And it was a shock because I thought I could trust Brett. I thought she really did care about me. Now I realize it all was fake. And then I thought, I've been doing this for so long—I've been Angel for so long and she's been me—that we've just blurred into one. Like when she had a crush on Caspian, and I had a crush on Justin. Maybe I only thought I fancied him because she did. It's like I don't know where I finish and she begins. And that's not acting. Do you know what I mean?”

“No,” Nydia said, confused. I couldn't blame her; I wasn't sure
I
knew exactly what I meant.

“Well, anyway,” I continued, “then today came the big scene, the all-important moment in my life—in Angel's life—and suddenly I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if I kissed Justin or a plank of wood. And, funnily enough, I don't think there would have been much difference.” Nydia laughed uncertainly. “But …I had to
act
as if it was the most wonderful moment of my life. I had to
act
it, Nydia, and I did. And I was pretty good too.” I remembered how I felt when Liz had praised me. “I got this amazing buzz from it. I can't remember the last time I had that.”

“You're sure that it wasn't Justin's hot lips?” Nydia teased me.

“Yes,” I told her, “because something else happened too.”

“What
else
can happen to you?” Nydia exclaimed.

“Don't tell me you've been abducted by aliens and are calling me from Mars.”

“Even stranger,” I said. “I think I fancy Danny Harvey! I mean, I
know
I fancy Danny Harvey. It's like, he's really sweet when you get to know him. He's funny and kind and he's got this sort of slow smile and really intense eyes and I looked at him today and I got butterflies.”

“Danny Harvey?” Nydia sounded confused. “I mean, I know he came to rescue you from the pizza place, but up until then he's always been grumpy, self-centered, Mr. Too-Cool-for-School Danny Harvey.”

“I know!” I said. “But he's not like that at all, really, just like Anne-Marie wasn't actually evil. It makes me wonder if I really know anyone …”

“You know me,” Nydia said glumly. “No exciting surprises here.”

“Well, good,” I said. “Because you're the best person in the world and I don't want that to change. Anyway, it's all pointless. I go from fancying one person who doesn't like me to fancying another person who doesn't like me in five seconds flat. How sad is that?” I watched an ant disappear into a crack in the paving and wished I could follow it.

“How do you know he doesn't fancy you?” Nydia asked blithely. “Come to think of it, he's always looking at you at school.”

“He is not!” I said. “Is he? And anyway, I know because he just gave me this look today and it was
total
loathing. So back to square one on the crush front.”

“Oh, Rube,” Nydia said. “Never mind, mate. At least you've still got your part in the show.”

“Hmmm,”
I said.

“Hmmm?”
Nydia said. “What does
hmmm
mean?”

“Ruby, two minutes!” one of the runners shouted at me, and I waved back.

“I've got to go, Nydia,” I said. “I'll call you when I get back tonight, OK?”

We said our good-byes. Waiting just a second longer before I went back to work, I closed my eyes and turned my face into the warmth of the sun.

When I opened them, Danny was standing there! And he was smiling, which was pretty unusual for Danny. Then I realized: He must have heard me talking to Nydia!

“Oh no,” I groaned. “How much did you hear?”

He sat down beside me.“Well, most of it, I think,” he said with a rueful grin. “I'm sorry; it's sort of hard not to listen in when you hear your name.”

I dropped my head into my hands. I knew from experience that was true.

“Oh, God,” I said. “Let's just forget about it, OK? Pretend it never happened?”

Danny laughed.

“You know, you were brilliant in that scene with Justin,” he said.

I forced myself to look up at him.

“Yeah?” I asked. At least he wasn't laughing outright in my face. I was right about him being sweet.

“Yeah, you really had me convinced. I thought you didn't have to act at all.”

I shrugged. “I didn't think I was going to. I thought, ‘Oh, no, this is my first kiss! It's got to be perfect or else my whole life is going to go wrong from this moment on.' But I was wrong. It wasn't even
my
first kiss.”