Route 66 Reunions (57 page)

“I’m sure you do.” Amanda climbed in the truck. “Thank you for being here for Kara. We appreciate your loving care of her. You and your girls.”

“You’re welcome.” Kathy stepped back and lifted her hand in farewell. “May God go with you and Kara.”

She turned and walked back to the house.

Chad didn’t speak on the drive to the farm, and Amanda decided her talk could wait until a better time. When he pulled in beside her car and stopped, he turned to her. “Would you mind staying this afternoon to make sure she’s settled in? If she recognizes the house, it might upset her.”

Amanda nodded. “I know. I wondered about that, too. If you need me, I’ll stay. I still have some closets to go through.”

“There’s plenty of time for that.” He looked out the windshield. “I thought I’d run into town and pick up some groceries. What do babies eat, anyway?”

“Maybe you should stay with her and let me go to town.” Amanda smiled at the startled look Chad turned her way.

Kara let out a squeal at the same time. He jerked and twisted to see her. “Is she all right?”

Amanda laughed. “She’s fine, just getting tired of us sitting here. She wants to get out and see where we are.”

“Oh.” Chad opened his door and slid out.

He came around to help Amanda, but she already had her door open. He held it while she jumped to the ground. She waited until he opened the back door of the cab and shook her head when he stepped back to let her tend to Kara.

“You’ll get used to her, Chad. She isn’t as fragile as you think.” She lifted the strap and pulled Kara from the seat. “In fact, she’s a sturdy little girl who’s going to wrap you around her little finger before you know what’s happened. Isn’t that right, precious?”

Kara babbled her answer and clapped her hands as Amanda settled her on her arm. Amanda laughed, losing her heart all over again to the little girl. She couldn’t resist a sweet hug and kiss on the smooth little cheek that entered her heart as balm. If any child could fill the emptiness of her arms and her heart, this one could. Only she couldn’t keep Kara. She wasn’t hers to hold for more than a few minutes at a time, and as Chad became used to his niece those minutes would fade into nothing.

Chad lifted a bag from the back. Amanda reached in and pulled the diaper bag from the backseat. She sighed. He wasn’t ready to bond yet, but he would be tonight after she went home. He’d have to. Kara might sleep through the night, but if she went to sleep early, she’d more than likely be awake just as early.

Inside the house, Chad stood in the middle of the living room floor. “I should probably put this in her room, don’t you think?”

She nodded. “Chad, are you still sleeping on the sofa in here?”

“Yeah, why?” He gave her a puzzled look.

“Because I assume you intend for Kara to sleep in her bedroom and that’s quite a distance away. Why don’t you sleep in one of the other bedrooms? The master bedroom would be closer to her, so you could hear her since it’s just across the hall.”

An emotional mix of fear and pain shadowed his eyes as he stared at her in silence. Finally he shook his head. “I can’t do that. Maybe the spare room. Don’t they have intercom-type things for babies?”

“Baby monitors? Sure. I haven’t seen one here though.”

“I’ll buy one. Where do I find them?” He looked so helpless, standing with the bag of Kara’s clothes resting on his shoulder as if he might bolt at any moment.

If she could take his pain and fear and bear them for him, she would. He had to work through the grief just as she’d had to when Jeff and Charity died. And he had to get over his fear of Kara by taking as much responsibility for her as possible. She’d help him today, but he’d have to start taking over so he could gain the confidence he needed to parent his niece. Before long he’d be going back to Rockford where he’d become a single parent, and that thought settled as a heavy weight on Amanda’s heart.

“Let me make you a list. If you’d like to grab lunch in town, I’ll fix for Kara and me here.” She laughed at the relieved look on his face and would’ve teased him about running out on her, but figured he wouldn’t appreciate her joke since that was exactly what he was doing.

After Chad left, Amanda took Kara into the kitchen and set her in the highchair with a cracker for each hand. “You chew on that while I look for something to go with it.”

The pantry revealed several boxes of macaroni and cheese. A further look into the canned goods and Amanda had tuna and peas. That should be easy to fix.

She backed out of the small space and smiled at Kara. “Hey, no one ever said I was the best cook in the land, did they?”

Kara gave her a wide smile smeared with wet cracker and squealed her agreement. She looked so adorable. Amanda laughed. “Hang in there. This shouldn’t take long.”

Fifteen minutes later, cheesy sauce joined the wet cracker on Kara’s face. As her tummy filled, her eyes drooped. Amanda cleaned her little charge and took her to the rocking chair in her bedroom. They settled into a regular rhythm while the warm, sweet weight of Chad’s child found a home in Amanda’s heart.

Within minutes Kara slept, but Amanda didn’t stop rocking. For the first time in five years, she felt almost whole. She kept a steady movement, her arms relishing the soft burden until one tear slid down her cheek. Another followed. She couldn’t do this. She stood and gently deposited the baby in her bed before slipping from the room.

Silent tears continued to fall as she hurried down the hall into the living room and curled up on the sofa. This shouldn’t be happening. She wiped the tears that wouldn’t stop and still they came. It was no use. She’d cried after Charity died until she thought she had no tears left, but now she didn’t know why she cried.

Chad and Kara were far too important to her. She’d never stopped loving Chad through all the years while her heart was broken. He hadn’t loved her enough, but she’d loved him too much. Only that wasn’t true.

Susan had stolen from both of them. She’d taken their love and left them hurt and empty. Then she’d grabbed the remains for herself, but to what end? How could she possibly be happy after what she’d done?

“Oh Susan, why’d you do such a thing?” Amanda’s whisper remained unanswered, because there was no answer that made sense. Sin had many excuses, but never a good reason.

She wept and prayed,
Lord, I don’t understand why Charity and Jessica had to die, but I trust You. I know they’re with You now and that’s wonderful. I was spared
.
Kara escaped injury. Your Word tells us all things work together for good to them that love God. I love You, Lord. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving Chad, but I don’t know why we’ve been thrown together this way. Help me to trust You completely
.

After a while Amanda dried her tears and rose from the sofa. The kitchen needed cleaning after their lunch and Chad would be getting home soon.

Only he didn’t come home when she expected. She had the kitchen spotless and had rummaged through the drawers, sorting and trying to decide what Chad might need and what should be put in storage. She taped a second box shut when she heard the crunch of tires in the drive outside. Fighting the urge to run and welcome Chad home, she stayed in the kitchen to finish her job.

The front door opened and closed. Amanda watched from the kitchen until Chad stepped into the dining room and set several plastic bags on the table. She couldn’t stay back any longer. “What did you do, buy out the stores? No wonder you were gone so long.”

She lifted a gallon of milk out of doubled bags. “Oh good. We used the last of the milk for lunch.”

“I knew it was getting low.” He turned toward the door. “I’ll get the rest.”

“There’s more?” Amanda watched him walk away without answering. She turned to the remaining bags, curious to see what he’d bought. Most of the items from her list were there as well as several canned goods and bags of frozen vegetables.

He carried in a ten-pound bag of red potatoes and another grocery bag of fresh vegetables and fruit. Amanda pulled out a cluster of bananas. “Mmm. Kara will love these.”

“Good. I was hoping they’d be soft enough for her.”

“Plenty.”

“Is she sleeping?” He looked toward the door as if expecting her to walk in.

Amanda nodded. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about waking her up. Unless you’d like to stay up half the night with her tonight.”

His eyes widened. “I don’t think so.”

When she started away, he stopped her. “Mandy, before you get her, will you promise to help us through dinner?”

She grinned. “Oh Chad. You make it sound like you’re facing torture.”

“Please?”

“All right.” She sighed, fighting the urge to offer the perfect solution. Marriage. She shook her head as she headed down the hall toward the bedrooms. Until she knew Chad’s spiritual condition, she couldn’t even think of marrying him. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” meant just that. She’d known too many who’d tried the unequal route and failed. Had Chad been a Christian before when they’d almost married? He’d gone to church with her, but she couldn’t remember talking about spiritual things. She’d been so in love, she hadn’t cared about anything except being with Chad. Now she knew two-way love wasn’t enough. Their love must be three-way with Christ in the center. For a three-fold cord is not easily broken.

Amanda carried a wide-eyed baby back to the kitchen. “Did you get that baby monitor?”

Chad looked up from the stove where he’d started browning ground beef and nodded. “Yeah, it’s in one of the bags. Why?”

Amanda lifted Kara above her head and smiled at the giggling baby. “Because this little wide-eyed girl was sitting in her bed playing with her toys. She wasn’t sleeping at all.”

When she lowered Kara, she almost bumped into Chad. He stood with his hands out to either side of Kara. She moved back. “What are you doing?”

“Just don’t drop her.”

She laughed until she noticed the white line around his lips. Her arms tightened around Kara. “Chad, it’s fine. I’m not going to drop her. She’s fine.”

He stepped back to the stove and stirred the sizzling meat. “I don’t know if I can do this, Amanda. She scares me. It’s more than her crying when I try to hold her. I’m honestly scared I’ll do something to hurt her.”

“I doubt that.” Amanda buckled Kara in her high chair. “You know why?”

“No, why?” He pulled a cookie sheet of Tater Tots from the oven and set them on the stove top.

“Because you’ll handle her with kid gloves. In fact, she’ll be craving excitement so much, she’ll probably become a terrible tomboy.”

He gave her a sharp look.

“I’m kidding, Chad. You’ll do fine.” She crossed to the stove. “What are you fixing?”

“Tater Tot casserole. Jessica showed me how to make it. This is her recipe.” He grinned, appearing relaxed for the first time since Kara appeared in the room. “You’ll like it. Even a baby with only four teeth should be able to eat it. She can, can’t she?”

“Depends on what else you put in it.”

Chad shrugged. “Not much. Cheese, mushroom soup, and milk.”

Amanda laughed. “Yes, she’ll gum it if she doesn’t have enough teeth. Don’t worry.” She pointed at the hamburger. “At least you didn’t grill steaks.”

Before she knew what was coming, Chad leaned over and left a kiss on her forehead. “Thanks, Mandy.”

He grinned at her shocked look and winked. “Next time I won’t miss.”

She didn’t want to think too much on his meaning, so she hid behind Kara’s squeal and grabbed a sippy cup for her.

A
manda patted her middle and pushed away from the table. “I didn’t know you could cook, Chad. That was good.”

He chuckled. “If you want to eat Tater Tot casserole or chili all the time, I guess I can cook. That’s about the extent of my culinary talents.”

“Hmm, does that mean you’re planning chili for tomorrow night?” Amanda took Kara from the high chair.

“Maybe. Are you staying if I do?” Chad scooted his chair back as she headed toward the door with his niece.

Amanda gave him a smile. “Something tells me you’re trying to weasel out of spending time alone with this sweet angel. We are going to visit a washcloth in the bathroom, and then I need to head home.”

Chad didn’t respond so Amanda washed Kara’s face and hands then set her with some toys on the living room carpet while she helped Chad by cleaning the dining room table.

Several minutes later, Kara crawled toward Amanda, crying when she tried to leave. She opened the door but couldn’t step outside with the heart-wrenching wails following her. “Chad, I need help here.”

He shrugged. “Maybe she’s sleepy.”

“Try picking her up. Pat her back.” Amanda fought the urge to reach for the baby. Much more and she’d be crying, too. “Turn her away from me. If you distract her, she’ll be fine. Mostly, just love her. You have to take care of her tonight, Chad. Remember what I’ve told you and you’ll be fine. If you forget something, I’m only a phone call away.”

He caught Kara just before she reached Amanda. The crying stopped, but her hands stretched toward Amanda while she said, “Manmaa.”