Rounding Third (16 page)

Rob found himself needing condoms so often he
was embarrassed to buy them locally and would have Josh stop at one of the big
chain drug stores where no one knew him.

When no one was home, or sometimes even if
someone was, they’d fool around in Rob’s room or go into the woods on the
Wardell property. A few close calls with the unexpected entries of other
Wardells often just added to the excitement. And every chance they got, they
went to Josh’s secret spot out beyond the waterfall.

As they drove home after one such evening,
Josh said, “You don’t know how hard this is on me. I spend this time with you
and I’m so happy. I can just be me and be with you and then I have to go home
and become this completely different person, watch everything I say, every move
I make. Sometimes I feel like I’m becoming schizophrenic, splitting into these
two different people who barely know each other anymore.”

“I know what you mean. Ever since the first
time you kissed me, I’ve wanted to tell Meg, my parents, everyone. I’ve wanted
to climb out my bedroom window and hang a banner saying how happy I am. But I
have to shut it all down and say nothing.”

Josh looked at Rob. “I don’t think you really
do know what it’s like. Life at your house is nothing compared to mine. If your
parents found out, they wouldn’t kill us.”

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It was a typical Monday with Rob awaiting
Josh’s nightly visit. As far as the Schlagels knew, more than half of these
visits were to Jenny, but in reality it was more like a 90-10 split in Rob’s
favor. But the evening wore on and Josh didn’t show. Rob started getting
worried, but he knew he wasn’t supposed to call Josh’s house. He had been there
a few times, but the place creeped him out and he felt on trial the whole time
he was there. He never called Josh, but never had reason to; Josh was either at
the Wardells or calling Rob.

Tuesday Josh called from a pay phone on the
way home from work and asked if he could come over. “Do you have to ask?” Rob
replied.

Once they were in Rob’s room with the door
closed, Rob asked, “Where were you yesterday?’

Josh looked away before he looked back and
answered, “Danny Taylor came over.”

    
“Why do you hang around with him?”

    
Josh hesitated. “My mother thinks we’re friends.”

    
“Are you friends?”

    
There was a longer hesitation. “No.”

    
Somehow just asking the question had changed the mood in the room and when Rob
moved in to kiss Josh, he moved away on the bed--the first time Rob had been
rejected by Josh. When Rob tried to move closer, Josh stood and walked to the
window.

    
Meg knocked and shouted through the door. “If you two are done making out in
there, dinner is ready!” she teased. Josh and Rob tensed.

    
Saturday they were to go to see Erie’s minor league team, the Sea Wolves,
play--part of Josh’s goal to hit every ballpark within a 300 mile radius--and
hang out at the beaches on Presque Isle, but Josh never showed up. Rob’s
parents asked several times what was up, but when, an hour past the appointed
time Josh still had not showed up, Rob couldn’t take their stares any longer
and went for a run.

    
He knew he wouldn’t hear from Josh Sunday morning while he was at church, but
he expected a call and explanation during the afternoon, but none came. Rob
spent the day working out and running and working in the fields trying not to
drive himself crazy.

    
He had been neglecting the fields, but he sensed his parents were so happy to
see him happy that they didn’t care. He still did his share of chores on Sunday
mornings and on the evenings when Josh was out with Jenny.

    
A few weeks earlier Meg had said to him, “Mom asked me if you were in love.”

    
Rob’s eyes burst wide. He took a moment to catch his breath before he asked,
“Why would she ask that?”

    
“She said she’s never seen you so happy.”

    
“What did you say?”

    
“I said, ‘Bobby in love? Get real.’”

    
“Thanks.”

    
“What are sisters for? And I told her that if I was hanging around with Josh as
much as you are, I’d be happy, too.”

    
Rob turned away for fear his face might give something away. “What did she say
to that?”

    
“She just laughed.”

    
Now Rob was wondering if he was falling in love with Josh. Or Josh with him. As
close as he felt to Josh, on days like this, with no phone call and no
explanation, he wondered if he knew Josh at all. He sometimes thought Josh
could look into his eyes and see right into his soul. All of his thoughts,
fears and desires. But when he looked into Josh’s eyes, he saw a luminescent
green curtain pulled down that admitted no one.

    
Monday at work, Rob was having a hard time concentrating. He hated his job. He
had hoped he might be able to do a real man’s work, loading heavy boxes of
floor tiles, but on the first day of the summer job, Mr. Trent had taken one
look at Rob’s size and gave him a metal clipboard and told him he was to check
all of the orders against the invoices as they went on the trucks. If a box was
missing, he had to tell these older men who had been there for years that they
forgot something. Every time he had to do that, he was met with a look that
told him how out of line he was thinking he could order them around. He always tried
to ask as nicely as possible, but they took it as badly as possible. 

    
He was happy to have survived another day to head home and see Josh, but again
the evening brought no phone call, no visit. He wanted to call and make sure
Josh was okay, but he didn’t want to risk having to talk to either of Josh’s
parents: his mother, who was a known terror and his father, who was still an
unknown one. Rob was tempted to ask Meg to call thinking a phone call from a
girl might sit better with Josh’s family, but he could think of no plausible
reason for asking her to check up on Josh.

    
Since they had been together, he’d never had to go this long without Josh. His
life had sucked for so long, he figured it was only a matter of time until it
returned to sucking. Josh was bound to come to his senses sooner or later and
realize he belonged with Jenny or even Danny, but not Rob. Rob found himself
doing his first middle of the night sweat session in weeks.

    
Tuesday at work was another day of having to will himself to really look at
what he was doing. He didn’t want to hear it from Trent or the ignorant
gorillas of the loading dock if he was the cause of an order mis-shipped.

Over dinner, Mr. Wardell asked the family if
any of them had been in the garage as he was leaving for work. They all denied
it and he was just about to explain why he was asking when the phone rang and,
as always, Meg answered it. “Hey, Josh,” she said, her face lighting up.

    
Rob was out of his chair and running upstairs. “I’ll take it in the sewing
room,” he yelled.

    
He picked up the phone and Meg was chattering away to Josh. “I’ve got it,” he
said into the phone. Meg kept talking, but getting monosyllabic answers from
Josh instead of his usual teasing.

    
“Hang up!” Rob barked.

    
“Geez,” Meg said, “What got into you? I’ll talk to you later, Josh.”

    
“See ya, Meg,” Josh said and she hung up.

    
There was silence.

    
Finally Rob could take it no longer and said, “Well?”

    
“I’m sorry.”

    
“Where were you?”

    
“Away. Rob, please don’t be mad at me.” Josh’s tone was pitiful. “I really
can’t talk now. I’m at a pay phone. My time is almost up.”

    
“So come over.” As angry as Rob was he still wanted an explanation and he still
wanted to see him.

    
“Not now. I’ll call you.”

    
The line went dead.

    
All the sit ups and push-ups Rob could force his body to do did nothing to
bring sleep. The next night there was no word from Josh and Rob could feel his
life slipping back into days of grief, nights of agony.

                                                           
21

The next night as Rob and his mother pulled
into the driveway, he saw the side door to the garage was open just a crack. Rob
looked at his mother. She shook her head.

    
“See where Meg is,” he said. He stood back to watch the garage door as his
mother went into the house. His mother returned a minute later. “She’s watching
TV. She hasn’t been in the garage.”

    
Rob grabbed the shovel that had been left leaning against the back porch.

    
“Should I get your dad’s gun?” she asked.

    
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Rob said. “Dad probably left it open.”

    
“Be careful,” she said as Rob walked in the door and flipped the light on.

    
There was a noise beside him and Rob turned, the shovel poised.

“Hey, Rob,” Josh said.

“Schlagel! What are you doing?”

    
“I figured you’d be home any minute so I just came in to get the basketball,”
Josh lied.

    
Rob threw down the shovel and demanded, “What the fuck?” Josh tried to smile,
but it didn’t work. Rob stuck his head out the door and said to his mother,
“It’s only Josh.”

    
She was saying something, but Rob closed the door. Rob turned to face his
friend.

    
“Sorry,” Josh said. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

    
“Where have you been?’

    
“I was away.”

    
“Where?”

    
Josh turned away. “I went to Brickman’s father’s hunting cabin with the guys.”

    
“Why?”

    
Josh still would not face him. “It’s kind of a team tradition thing. A football
thing. It was really last minute.” Rob wasn’t sure what to say. Josh filled the
gap. “Please don’t be mad at me. I really need a friend right now.” He turned
back to Rob and was crying. As angry as Rob was he wanted to rush to Josh and
hug him but the force field of pain around Josh made him want to keep his
distance even more. “I got fired. I missed the last two days of work and didn’t
call in until this afternoon. My father is going to kill me.”

    
“What did you do, drink all weekend?”

    
“No.” Josh pointed to a spot on the floor of the garage. “I’ve spent the last
two nights here. I’m afraid to go home.”

    
“Why didn’t you come to the house?”

    
“I couldn’t.”

    
The answers were making less sense. “Josh, please. Tell me what’s wrong?”

    
Josh flung himself at Rob and buried his head on the smaller boy’s shoulder.
Just seeing his friend in such agony reduced Rob to tears as well and he held
Josh until his breathing returned to something close to normal.

    
“Tell me what’s going on,” Rob pleaded.

    
“I can’t.”

    
“You can tell me anything.”

    
“No, I can’t.”

    
“I have to go,” Josh choked.

    
“Where?”

    
“Home. Every day I stay away will just make it worse.”

    
“Where’s your car?”

    
“I left it in the cemetery.”

    
“Do you want a ride?”

    
“No, I need to run.” Josh looked at Rob. “Now you have me trying to run my
problems away, too.”

    
“If things are too bad, you know you can always come back.”

    
Josh turned to leave then turned back. “Thank you. Good-bye, Rob.”

    
Before Rob could respond, Josh was gone, and Rob had the horrible feeling that
he might have seen Josh for the last time.

    
Rob got no sleep once again and, come morning, his chest and abdominal muscles pained
him as much as the ache in his head.

                       
*                     
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*
   

    
The next few days at work were worse than usual and Rob did mess up a couple of
tile orders, but with no sleep and his mind only on Josh, it was impossible to
focus on trivialities like which customer got Navajo Sunset and who got Arizona
Sand.

    
When the phone rang Sunday afternoon, Rob lunged at it ahead of Meg. A somewhat
familiar voice said, “Is Rob there?”

    
“Speaking.”

    
“Rob, it’s Mat. Mathias Schlagel. Josh’s...”

    
“Yes, Mat. How are you? How is Josh?”