Rough Terrain (Vista Falls #1) (24 page)

“No, I don’t. But will you do me a favor?”

“Sure.” Nick didn’t even have to ask what it was. “What?”

“When you go home, give your mom a hug. Tell her you love her and that you appreciate everything she’s done for you.”

That was something he should have done a long time ago. “Yeah, I can do that.”

When Sage and Wes took Nick back to Brock together, their son had done most of the talking. Wes had been uncharacteristically quiet, which made Sage nervous. She had to apologize for the way she’d gone off on him earlier, so when he walked her to her front door, she invited him in for a drink.

“I should probably get home.” Wes hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “I’m dealing with a bit of a work crisis, so—”

She grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him in for a passionate kiss. “I know you’re pissed at me, and I’m sorry.”

He flattened his palm on the door above her head, leaning in until his body was brushing hers. “I’m not mad. I guess I’m just a little hurt that you assumed I didn’t want our son around. I know I didn’t handle the situation very well—”

“Neither did I.” She sighed as she rested her hands on his chest. “But we’re new to this whole parenting thing. We’re bound to make mistakes, right? Especially with a teenager.”

Sage would never admit it, but she was nervous about having Nick with them all summer. She didn’t want to say or do anything that would hurt her relationship with him, but she knew that was inevitable unless they intended to let him do whatever the hell he wanted all summer, which was not an option.

“Yeah, I guess.”

She threaded her hands through his hair when he dropped his head. “And that’s not the only thing I’m new at, Wes. Relationships have always been hard for me. I haven’t had a lot of experience. Ever since you left…” She diverted her eyes, almost afraid to admit the truth. “Well, I haven’t really had much of an interest in anyone else.”

“What about that guy who proposed to you?”

“I never really gave that relationship the time and attention it deserved, but then neither did he. I guess that’s why it didn’t work.”

He nodded, looking lost in thought. Perhaps he was thinking about his past, about all of the women who hadn’t been able to hold his attention.

“But I do want things to work with you,” Sage whispered, brushing her lips against his. “I want that more than I’ve wanted anything in a really long time.” Except for getting to know Nick… she wanted that as much as she wanted another chance with Wes.

Mrs. Banks spotted them as she was taking her trash bins to the curb, prompting Wes to stand up straighter and take a step back from Sage.

“Evening, Mrs. Banks,” Wes said, nodding. “Nice night, isn’t it?”

Sage admired his ability to pretend they hadn’t been in the midst of a potentially life-altering conversation because it took her a lot longer to hide her frustration with a fake smile.

“It sure is.” The petite, white-haired lady who had known both of them since they were kids laughed as though she knew a joke and didn’t intend to let them in on it. “I knew this would happen when I heard you were moving back to town. I told your mama that, Wes. That this here girl was the reason you were coming back, though you were probably too bullheaded to admit it.”

Sage had always gotten along well with her opinionated but well-meaning neighbor, but tonight, she didn’t have the patience for the woman’s meddling. Not when her future with Wes was hanging in the balance.

“She was a big part of the reason,” Wes admitted with a half smile. “Though you’re right. I don’t think I even admitted it to myself at the time.”

Mrs. Banks folded her arms, shaking her head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you boys today. Back when me and Martin were courting, there was never any doubt we’d get married. It was just a question of when, not if. We didn’t waste our time pussy-footing around, waiting to see if there was someone better out there. We trusted our hearts. And I can only speak for myself, but I never regretted doing that.”

Wes glanced at Sage briefly before he said to Mrs. Banks, “You’re right. Sometimes we can take too long to figure out what’s right.”

“But it’s not too late.” She smiled, her satisfaction evident. “You’re both here now and obviously as in love as you were when you were teens. So what’s stopping you from making an honest woman of her?”

Wes chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck while Sage felt heat creeping up her neck as she grabbed Wes’s hand before fitting her key into the lock.

“If you’ll excuse us, Mrs. Banks, we were right in the middle of something. I’ll see you at the church fundraiser on Wednesday night if I don’t see you before.” She hauled Wes inside, giving him only enough time to wave at her neighbor before she slammed the door and pressed her forehead against the cool wood. “God, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe she put you on the spot like that.”

“You have to admit she made a good point.” He stroked the stubble on his chin. “I remember my dad used to say the same thing to me. ‘When you meet the right one, don’t waste time questioning it—just go for it.’”

Sage laughed, trying to hide her nervousness as she made her way around him. As much as she wanted this conversation to mean the beginning of something wonderful for them, she didn’t want to rush into anything because he felt pressured. That was the reason she wouldn’t consider marrying him years earlier—because she hadn’t wanted him to feel as though he had to marry her.

He grabbed her around the waist from behind, burying his face in her neck. “Hey, why’re you trying to get away from me? Are you getting nervous with all this talk about marriage?”

Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure he could hear it. “I’m not nervous. I’m just…” She couldn’t tell him that loving him made her more scared and vulnerable than she ever had felt, but it was true. “Trying to make sense of what you’re saying.”

“What you said on the porch about wanting this to work, did you mean it?”

“Of course I did.”

“So how do you see this working? What’s your ideal scenario?”

Was he crazy? They’d just started dating again, and he expected her to talk about marriage and babies and every other wonderful thing she’d ever fantasized about sharing with him? “Well, um, I’m too old to be wasting time with someone who doesn’t want the same things I do, so I guess it makes sense to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“Right. So let’s hear it. What do you want from me, Sage?”

She removed his arms from around her waist, needing a little breathing room to collect herself. She walked into the living room and sank into an armchair while he followed her into the room. “I want us to spend more time together, to get to know each other all over again.”

He set his hands on his hips as he stared at her intently. “You said you loved me the other night at the inn. You sure about that?”

She’d told him dozens of times since then too. How could he doubt that? “You have to ask?”

“Yeah, I do.” His response was clipped. “Because the way you’ve been acting today makes me wonder where the hell I stand with you.”

Sage panicked as she felt him slipping away again. “Loving you is the easy part.” She tucked her legs under her and took a deep breath, mentally rehearsing the words before she blurted out, “Figuring out how to keep you happy is the hard part.”

He frowned as he leaned against the doorframe, watching her. “It’s not your job to make me happy.”

She tried to hide her hurt when she asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Sage, I’ve built my life around doing the things that make me happy. I’m lucky ‘cause my job happens to be one of those things. Spending time with you and Nick and my friends and family makes me happy too.”

“But I’m just a small part of it?” She knew everything he said made sense. He had taken the time to get to know himself and build a life he loved on his terms. Just because she hadn’t done the same didn’t mean she should resent him for not
needing
her in order to be happy.

He walked slowly toward her and sat on the coffee table in front of her while his eyes met hers. “When I left here years ago, I thought I’d never be happy again. That’s when I realized I couldn’t make my happiness so dependent on another person.”

She swallowed, folding her arms. “Right. Makes sense.”

“You have to understand how broken I was before you can begin to understand how hard it was for me to pick up the pieces of my life. I know your story, how you felt after I left, because I read your book. But you don’t know my story.”

“Tell me,” Sage said, feeling her heart opening to him as she imagined the pain he’d endured with only his best friend to see him through it.

“I felt physically sick all the time, especially the days leading up to your delivery.” Resting his elbows on his knees, he curled his hands over his mouth. “I couldn’t eat or sleep. I just... cried.”

Sage took his hand, feeling his pulse on his wrist with her thumb. “You weren’t the only one.”

“I know. I thought I was losing my mind.” He shook his head. “It took a hell of a long time for me to feel normal again.”

“Me too.” If anyone understood the way he felt, she did.

“So I distracted myself, first with school, then building the business. That made me happy… sort of. At least I felt like I had a purpose.”

She nodded. “Yeah, school did that for me too. So did my writing.”

“I’d been so dependent on you to make me happy. I didn’t realize that until you weren’t in my life anymore, ‘cause without you, I was so miserable. I mean, for the longest time, it was like a physical ache that wouldn’t go away.” He gripped his chest, tugging his shirt. “It wasn’t healthy. I knew that. But I didn’t know how to make it stop. I couldn’t be with you anymore, not after everything that happened. But I didn’t know how to be without you either.”

Sage didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. He was telling her story too, and she sensed he knew it.

“Then slowly, day by day, I started to find pleasure in the things that used to make me happy: fishing, hunting, hanging out with friends, talking to family, playing sports… I started to remember what it felt like to be whole again.”

Sage wasn’t sure she’d ever felt whole, not since before she’d learned she was pregnant.

“I kept women at arm’s length because I didn’t want to build my life around another woman only to be let down again. I know that was a coward’s way out, and I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth.”

“I can understand how you felt. I did the same thing.”

“So you see, sitting here today, admitting the truth… that you
contribute
to my happiness—you and Nick both—is scary as hell. Because I’m giving you so much power.”

Sage had never considered that before, how unhealthy it was to depend on someone else to make her happy. She’d just assumed that was what everyone in a committed relationship did, but hearing Wes’s perspective made so much sense.

“If either one of you walks away from me, it would be a hell of a blow.” He took her hands and rested his forehead against her knuckles. “But I can’t make my happiness all about you, Sage. Or Nick either, for that matter. I worked long and hard to be my own man, and that’s the only reason I can tell you now that I finally believe I’m ready for you.” When she couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat, he whispered, “What about you? Can you honestly say that you’re ready for me? For us?”

She thought she was, but hearing him talk about that time after their breakup was like reopening an old wound. She remembered how weak and desperate and scared she’d felt, and she never wanted to experience that kind of pain again. She couldn’t. She didn’t know if she’d survive it this time.

“Before you answer that,” he said, obviously sensing her hesitation, “what made you decide you were ready for Nick to be a part of your life?”

She frowned, withdrawing her hands when her whole body felt as though it was trembling. “How could I not want him in my life? I love him.”

“I get that. So do I. But weren’t you scared that he might hurt you, reject you even?”

“You know I was.” She didn’t understand why he was asking that when she’d already told him meeting Nick had meant putting her heart on the line.

“Yet you still did it. You were willing to take that kind of risk. Why?”

“Why?” Her disbelief echoed in her voice. “Why? How can you ask me that? If I hadn’t taken the chance, I would have had to go on living with the pain of regret. I wasn’t going to go through that again no matter what.”

“I see.” He leaned back, resting his palms on his knees as he regarded her carefully. “And you and me, no regrets there, huh?”

“You know I have a mountain of regrets where you’re concerned.”

“Then isn’t it worth it to take the same kind of chance on me you were willing to take on Nick?”

She hadn’t thought about the similarities until he pointed them out, but now that he had, they were undeniable.

“Sage, what’s the worst thing you think could happen if you put yourself out there and told me what you really want for us?”

“I guess I’m afraid you wouldn’t want the same thing. Or maybe you’d want more than I feel capable of giving.” She pressed her fingertips into her temples as the stress of trying to sort everything out continued to mount. “I’d put too much pressure on you or the relationship or…” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m not making any sense, am I?”

“Because you’re overthinking it.” He moved to the couch, reaching for her hand and stretching her legs over his. “You’re not willing to open up, tell me what’s in your heart.” She heard the hurt in his voice when he asked, “Since when do you hold out on me? I remember a time when we could tell each other anything.”

She smiled at the memory of all their silly teenage fantasies. “We were going to buy some land overlooking the water.”

“So I could fish every day.” He chuckled. “And you were going to have a vegetable garden.”

“We were going to ride our bikes—”

“Because you thought we’d need the exercise.” His eyes darkened when his hand traveled under her shirt. “But I promised you we’d get all the exercise we needed after the lights went out.”