Rough & Rugged (Notorious Devils Book 3) (5 page)

We don’t speak again for the rest of the trip. Johnny fiddles with the radio and changes the station a hundred times before we’ve crossed the city limit sign. I give him quiet instructions to my apartment complex, and then when we pull up, he parks and turns the engine off.

He doesn’t say anything and neither do I. He sits and stares out the front windshield for about five minutes before he finally speaks.

“I don’t want to see you again, Hattie. Not because I don’t want you, but because I want you
too much
. I want to ruin you, destroy you, degrade you sexually, and make you fucking filthy. Then, I’ll want to come inside of you and tie you to me by getting you knocked up so that I can keep you,
forever
, as only mine—to do with as I please. I’m not good. I’ve never been good, and I’ll never be good. Now
go
, before I take you to your apartment, ruin you, and then kidnap you.”

By the time he’s finished with his speech, my breathing is heavy and my panties are damp. I want that. I want to feel like I belong to somebody, like I’m needed, and like I’m wanted. The degradation and the baby thing, I’m not so sure about, but the rest—
I want it.

“You want me?” I ask, looking over at him.

Johnny looks at me and I watch as his eyes and face soften, then he cups my cheek with his rough palm.

“Yeah, princess. Don’t matter how wrong it is, I’ve wanted you since you were sixteen,” he mutters.

“I’m not sixteen anymore,” I rasp before I climb over the seat and straddle his thighs.

It’s the boldest move I’ve ever made, and yet, he makes me want to be bold, just for him. I watch as he tilts his head back and his eyes connect with mine. He’s so rough—all strong, sharp features—but behind his eyes, there’s something burning deeper. I want to get to know the man, the man behind the hardened outside.

“You’re playing with fire, little girl. Don’t you understand, I won’t just fuck you—I’ll
ruin
you?” he asks, repeating himself yet again.

“Make me dirty, Johnny. Fuck me filthy, and then keep me,” I whisper.

He shakes his head, and then it’s as if his will completely disintegrates. He wraps one hand around the back of my head, twisting his fingers in my hair as his lips crash against mine. I moan, opening my mouth. When his tongue slides inside of me, I surrender to him. I let my body go boneless, being held up by my hair and his other hand wrapped around my back. He tastes so good as his lips, teeth, and tongue completely devour me.

I rock my hips against his hard length and moan a second time. Then I scream and jump when I hear someone bang on the car window.

I look up, horrified at the sight in front of me.

M
y brother.

My brother is standing on the other side of the door in full uniform, and he looks
pissed
.

He opens the door and I quickly scramble out and adjust my skirt to cover myself, since it rode all the way up when I straddled Johnny’s thighs.

Then, as slowly as he can possibly move, Johnny gets out of the car, one leg at a time. I watch in completely embarrassed horror as he adjusts his dick, right in front of my brother.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Andy asks, looking between us.

“Johnny gave me a ride home,” I say with a shrug, hoping Andy can’t see what has to be forming bruises on my neck from that jerk earlier.

“I know you,” Andy sneers as he looks Johnny up and down.

“Yeah. Your sister ended up at a
Devils
party, probably not a place she needs to be. I was bringing her ass home,” Johnny informs him.

“Looked like you were trying to get in her panties to me—her very
young
panties,” Andy says, embarrassing the hell out of me even more.

“Andy, I’m over eighteen, what are you even doing here?” I ask, trying to change the subject of my panties.

“Willa called, said she couldn’t find you, wanted to make sure you were home okay,” he says.

I snort and roll my eyes. Willa.
I’m so over her
and her drama. I’m over being ditched and put in bad situations.

I’m just
done
.

“I’ll text her and tell her I’m fine. Thanks for checking up on me,” I murmur.

“I’ll wait until you get inside your apartment,” Andy says, narrowing his eyes on Johnny.

“No need, I’m leaving,” Johnny says.

I watch as he quickly gets back into the driver’s seat of his car and then takes off in a roar. I had him. He was finally going to be with me, after three years of thinking about him, and my stupid brother screwed it all up. No, Willa screwed it all up.

“Happy now?” I ask Andy.

“Yeah, I am. Those guys are thugs, fucking scum, and no way do I want my baby sister hanging around them. They’re the dregs of society,” he informs me.

“Fine. You did your duty, now goodnight,” I say bitchily before I turn and start to walk up the stairs to my apartment.

“You’ll thank me one day, Hattie. One day, when you’re in your nice house with two kids and a husband that’s a mortgage broker or some shit. You’ll thank me for not letting you mess around with a piece of shit.”

I ignore him.

I ignore every word he says and I go inside of my apartment, locking my door behind me. I don’t sink down to the floor and cry like I want to. Instead, I grab my phone from its place next to my bed. I was so stupid to forget it, especially going with Willa. I text her and let her know I’m safe before I walk into my bathroom and flick the light on.

I chance looking into the mirror and I cringe when I see the red finger prints on my neck. They’re terrible, and yet I don’t feel frightened, or scared, or even upset about the events that took place. Maybe it’s all still too fresh, too new, and it hasn’t sunk in yet.

Then I think about Johnny; about how, if none of this would have happened, then I probably wouldn’t have seen him ever again.

I start my shower and think about him some more. He’s a contradiction. He wants me to stay away from him, yet he wants me too, and to debase me, whatever that means to him. The degradation he speaks of frightens me, but not enough to keep me away from him. Perhaps he’s dangerous, like Andy says he is, but I think that he’s just lost. I think that he has a void, a void that needs to be filled. I want to be that filler.

I want him to touch me with his rough hands, to own my body and make it his own.

Why? I don’t know—but I want to
belong
to him.

I finish my shower, but I don’t bother putting any clothes on or even drying my hair. I slide beneath my sheets and I close my eyes. I’m exhausted from the evening and I’m disappointed in its outcome. I’ve never slept with someone I don’t know. In fact, I’ve only been with two boys, and both I dated exclusively for a time.

Yet, I was willing to let Johnny inside of me. No, I
wanted
him to be. I’ve never wanted anything more. Maybe it would just be all hype to be with him—something I have built up in my head for three years. Maybe the reality would be lack luster. I don’t know. But I wanted to find out.

I fall asleep thinking about kissing him, about feeling his hard length against my core, wishing I could have felt his hands all over my body.

A pig.

Her brother is a fucking cop pig.

I speed away from her apartment building, even though everything inside is screaming at me to go back. I told her things, things I’d never told another person before in my life. I told her what I wanted from her. I couldn’t imagine it with anybody else, either. Now I know why Fury and Sniper fought for their women, why they claimed them the way that they did.

I want to do that with Hattie.

I’d ruin her, though. I would completely fuck her up, and she’d probably end up resenting and hating me for it later.

“
Fuck,”
I roar as I slam my hands on the steering wheel of my car.

That little girl has my nuts in a vice and she doesn’t even know it yet. I have to stay away from her, for her own good. I’ve never been any good to anybody.

A useless waste of cum
—that’s what my dad called me my entire life.

He wasn’t wrong.

I’m completely useless.

All I know how to do is fuck, fight, and run drugs and guns. I’m not smart. I never graduated high school. I don’t know how to be kind, loving, and considerate. I’d break that girl in a week if I made her mine. Fucking
ruin
her. She has some spirit, too; I saw it a bit tonight, and she’s so strong. Trying to fight that douchebag off showed her strength and willpower.

Hattie’s strong and I’d fuck all that up.

I shake my head as I speed back toward Bonners Ferry. No, I have to stay away from her. I have to stay away from her big, green eyes, her soft, light brown hair, and her chubby girl cheeks. I have to stay away from her little, perky tits that beg to be sucked and bitten. I definitely have to stay away from that hot, tight, little cunt
. And
fuck me
, I have to stay away from what I know is that tight, virgin ass of hers.

It takes everything inside of me not to turn around and test every part of her body out.

I don’t.

I won’t.

If the opportunity presents itself again, I might not be as strong.

Once I arrive back at Bonners Ferry, I see the new girl from earlier, the one that was waiting naked for me in my bedroom with Serina. She’s sitting at the bar alone, the rest of the people are either fucking or already passed out around her, and I slide up next to her. It feels all wrong, but I push that feeling aside. I need to fuck someone, and since the one I want isn’t here, this girl will have to do.

“You wanna finish what we didn’t get a chance to start?” I ask, looking down at her.

“You’re a real member, aren’t you?” she asks in a whisper as her eyes travel my cut, looking at my patches.

“Yeah. You ever fuck a Devil?” I ask with a chuckle.

“No, tonight was a bust,” she lifts her shoulder in a shrug and I wrap my hand around her wrist and pull her from her seat.

“Not yet it’s not. C’mon, babe,” I grunt as I drag her behind me and into my room.

I don’t bother asking her name as she quickly undresses once my bedroom door is locked. She’s younger than I originally thought.

Looks like life’s been rough, as it is for most of the girls that join us here.

Her hair is short and blonde, and her makeup heavy. When she’s completely naked, I bite my bottom lip at the sight of her killer body. Great naturally big tits and curvy, flared hips. I’m going to fuck her hard tonight. She can take it.

Though, she won’t know I’ll be imagining Hattie the entire time.