Rough & Rowdy (Notorious Devils #1) (23 page)

I press my lips together tightly before I open my big fat mouth.

“You know she had a boy, then?” I ask. His hand snakes out, taking mine in his grasp.

“Know a lot more than anyone else. Know sometimes you gotta shovel shit when life gets hard. Ain’t gonna hold dick over her head for what she done the past two and a half years. My son’s been a fuckin’ moron with this girl. Should have claimed her, given her protection and money, at least made sure the club would take care of her. Fuck, I woulda gone above his ass and done it myself if I could at the time,” he mutters. I gasp.

“Please, I-I don’t want to meet like this,” I whisper as tears form in my eyes. He gives me a look of pity and squeezes my hand before he lets it fall.

“Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, darlin’. You come across that Kentlee girl in town, you pass the message, yeah?” he asks. I nod without speaking before I turn and run behind the bar. I need a minute—
I need a fucking year
to process everything he’s said to me.

All I know is his road name is MadDog and he’s Pierce’s father—and he knows exactly who I am.

Later that night, after I send Tammy home, I take a shower and crawl into bed.

I let my evening replay in my mind.

I didn’t see MadDog do anything unseemly. He behaved himself completely. He drank and he smoked, but he observed. He observed the men around him, the shows on stage with the strippers, and then the ones with the men and the strippers or club whores. He didn’t touch anybody, and his dick stayed firmly in his pants.

I don’t know if it was for my benefit, or if he just doesn’t do that shit out in public like the other guys. I grin to myself. I have a feeling it was just for my benefit. Pierce would undoubtedly participate in a full evening of free flowing pussy if he was single and had the chance.

Fury

I call my father.

I don’t call him often, but I try to check in.

“You’re a fuck up,” he mumbles into the phone before I can even tell him hello.

“Hey, Pops,” I grumble. He sighs.

“Laid eyes on her, son, and you’re a fuckin’ fuck up if I ever knew one,” he barks.

I want to flinch, but I don’t—not where anybody can catch me.

“On who?” I ask, even though I know exactly who he means.

“Went to Idaho to check shit out about a month ago. The whole charter went. Wanted to make sure Drifter was keeping shit in line. Met the girl. Gorgeous, though I wouldn’t expect you to sink yourself bare inside anyone that wasn’t. She’s sweet, too—innocent, shy, so I get it. One thing she ain’t that you said she was—
is weak
. She’d make a fine Old Lady,” he informs me.

It makes my defenses go up.

“You don’t know her,” I bark into the phone, pissed and fucking angry.

I’m not mad at him. Not really. I’m fucking jealous. He laid eyes on my woman, on Kentlee, and I haven’t seen her in over two and a half years.

“Don’t need to know her, son. I saw her with my own eyes. She’s strong as fuck. You don’t claim her the fuckin’ minute you pass those walls, I’ll give her my protection and bring my grandson to California with her,” he warns. I feel my blood pump, really pump through my veins as rage quickly follows.

“You won’t do a damn thing, old man,” I growl so the guards don’t overhear my anger.

“Get your shit together, or that’s exactly what I’ll do,” he informs me before he gives me a low fucking blow. “I’ll give her my protection, my patch, and my bed, Pierce. Don’t test me. Get your fuckin’ act together.,” he says.

Then the old fuck hangs up on me.

My father is not only threatening to take them out of Idaho, he’s also threatening to take her as his woman. His Old Lady. It makes my head spin and my stomach ache to think about Kentlee being in any man’s bed other than mine. I won’t let him do a fuckin’ thing.

I wonder though, does that mean that it’s obvious she’s over me? Have I fucked up past the point of being able to make it up to her? Will she accept me back? Maybe she wants another man, maybe that’s what this is about? Maybe she wants my fuckin’ dad?

I try to push everything from my mind.

I thank whatever god is up there that it’s time for leisure. I make my way toward the gym and I work out until dinner. I eat and shit and go to bed, all while eyes are on me. I’m so sick of guards fuckin’ watching me. I can’t breathe without someone’s eyes plastered on me.

I close my eyes when I’m in my cot and grind my teeth.

My own fucking father is threatening me, and I know the bastard will come through, too. It isn’t an idle threat, it’s a goddamned promise. He’ll do it. He’ll come in and take them from me if I don’t step up.

After spending two and a half years in here, away from her and away from my child, I’m not sure I deserve them when I get out.

Maybe I should let my father swoop in and take them away.

They’d be better off
without
me at this point.

I’m a
worthless
fuck.

I don’t
deserve
them.

But I
want
them.

Fuck that. I’m not letting anybody take my family from me. She’s mine. Her cunt’s mine and her heart’s mine. Everybody else can pack sand. I’ll slit the throat of any man that tries to take them away, father or not.

My father is the second man to tell me that Kentlee is strong. Sniper has been saying it this entire time, but he has a soft spot for her—always has.

Is she strong enough for me?

For this life?

I open my eyes and stare into the darkness.

For the first time, I hope that she
is
strong enough.

God knows I’m not going to be easy to put up with after I get out. I’m probably going to break her.

No matter what Sniper and my Pops say, I don’t trust that she can handle me, handle the life, and handle the role of Old Lady.

Fuck, I think I want her to be strong enough.

For the first time in my life, I’m hoping that Sniper and my Pops are right—that she’s Old Lady material—because fuck me, I think I might want to publicly claim her, stamp her, and brand her as
mine
.

If for no other reason than another man knows she’s fuckin‘ mine. Since they’re all so fuckin‘ hot to try and take her from me.

Kentlee

T
oday is the day.

Pierce is being released.

There’s a huge party and Bates is insisting that Bear and I be there. I’m not sure that it’s appropriate, though. I don’t know the emotions Pierce will have at seeing his son for the first time, and I don’t want him to be embarrassed or angry.

“LeeLee,” Bates sighs.

“No, Bates. He’ll need a few days to decompress. You guys do your party thing. Besides, I have to work tonight,” I say. He narrows his eyes on me.

“You don’t. You weren’t scheduled,” he says wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into his side. I smile as I rest my head on his chest.

“Candy is down with the flu. She called me an hour ago. She feels horrible, but I heard her puking her guts out. It’s Friday night, it’s going to be busy, and you need a waitress. Pierce will be happy to spend the evening with his brothers. I don’t want to throw too much at him at once,” I explain. Bates growls.

“You are being a chicken shit,” he announces giving me a little shake. I nod in agreement. “He’ll be happy to see you LeeLee, trust me. He’ll
want
to see you. Don’t hide away the way he’s been doing all this time.”

I am such a chicken shit. I’ve had this image of Pierce in my head for three long years. This image that he’ll see me and fall to his knees with such joy and jubilation at the sight of me in front of him. It’s all complete fanasty.

Then, there is the image I have of his complete rejection. Of him taking one look at me and being disgusted with me. I’m not the same twenty-three year-old girl I was the day he left. I’m twenty-six. I’ve had a baby and I’ve had countless sleepless nights. I’ve worked my ass off and I’m fucking exhausted.

I had hope that he wanted me, that he loved me. I held onto that hope for so fucking long, but what if he doesn’t want me. If a man wants you, he’ll do anything to have you, to keep you, to make sure you and everybody else in the world knows you’re his. Pierce has done none of this, in fact he’s pretended I don’t exist.

I’m too confused to see him. Too confused with my own wants and desires, with my own feelings. I honestly thought that this day wouldn’t come. That I would just forever live in limbo. Now that it’s here, I need more time. For me. For my head. To figure out exactly where my head is at.

So I tell Bates a little of what I’m thinking, but not everything. He thinks I’m so fucking
strong
. He doesn’t realize how weak I really am.

“I am a total chicken shit. I can admit it. He hasn’t wanted anything to do with me for three years, Bates. Do you blame me for being scared? I’m petrified. What if he really doesn’t want me? What if I’m standing there waiting for him to hold me and confess his love for me, and he doesn’t even remember me?” I ramble.

Do I even love him? Truly? We had weeks together that resulted in Bear. Maybe all of this is just me having misplaced feelings because he’s the father of my baby. I don’t want to look at him and feel nothing; I don’t want what happened between Bates and me to happen to Pierce and me. I don’t want to kiss him and feel no desire for him. I want to keep that time we had together wrapped up in a perfect little memory, never to be destroyed, forever to feel like perfection.

Bates holds his hand up to shut me up.

“He ain’t gonna forget you, babe. Trust me on that.”

“It’s better this way. He can party with the boys and then come around when he’s ready. Bear and I are a package, and we’re an intimidating package at that,” I say.

I should demand he comes home immediately, and I should kick his stupid ass. But my insecurities are too high. I’m too scared and nervous and all around—
weak
.

“I don’t know how to convince you LeeLee, I don’t know what else I can tell you other than I know he wants you, and he wants to see you. You guys have some serious shit to work though. I love you Lee, I really do, but this is so far over my head, I don’t know how to help you.” Bates stomps off, muttering to himself just as Tammy walks through the door.

“He got a problem?” she asks, watching him storm off to his bike.

“Pierce gets out of prison today. Bates thinks I should be waiting at the clubhouse for him with Bear. I don’t want to overwhelm him, and Candy called in sick, so I need to work anyway. Bates doesn’t agree,” I explain before I shrug. Tammy nods.

“You must be terrified,” she says softly. My eyes meet hers.

“I am. It’s truth time. Does he want us, or do we continue not to exist to him? If he ignores us now, it’s not because he’s in prison and doesn’t want to put us through all that crap, like he claimed—it’s because he really just doesn’t want us,” I confess. Tammy wraps me in her arms.

“If he doesn’t want you, then he’s a fucking fool,” she whispers into my hair. I shake a little with laughter. I have never heard Tammy curse, ever.

“If he doesn’t want us, then we move on. Three years is a long time to wait for someone, but for him I’d wait forever if I had to.
Jesus, I’m such a mess, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore
,” I say, giving her a watery smile and she cups my cheek.

“Because you are a girl who falls in love and she’s forever in love. I understand it. I’m the same kind of girl. I got lucky. My husband fell in love and it stuck with him, too. I hope that your Pierce is the same,” she whispers.

I don't miss the doubt shining behind her eyes. She can see the heartbreak writing on the wall, and it makes my heart ache with self-pity.

I thank Tammy for watching Bear on such short notice, and she brushes me off. I’m glad I have to work tonight. Hopefully it will keep my mind off of Pierce, off of what he’s doing down at that clubhouse.

I know Kitty is still there. She graces me with her presence every single time they close down the strip club and have a club party.

I close my eyes in the parking lot of the Devils Club and I try to calm down. I try not to picture him fucking some nameless, faceless, club whore while I’m working my ass off. I try not to picture him at all, because if I do, I’ll lose my shit completely.

I walk inside and begin to set up for the evening. Friday nights are always crazy here, and tonight promises to be the exact same. I watch quietly as strippers begin to file in, followed by the bartenders.

A few moments later, the doors open and we are officially open for business. I hope that it is one of those insane nights where I forget to take a break because we’re so swamped, that way I won’t be able to think about Pierce and
what
or
who
he’s doing.

Fury

Freedom.

Fuck
.

Finally
.

I grin when I see Sniper, Dirty Johnny, Drifter, and some recruit waiting outside of the gates of hell for me. There’s a truck with my bike on the back and I grin as the recruit walks it down a ramp. My fuckin’ bike.
Finally
.