Rough, Raw and Ready (8 page)

“Neither one of those is an option now.” Trevor angled his head and impulsively kissed Edgard’s rough palm before stepping back. But he’d forgotten Edgard’s sheer strength as the man halted his retreat.

“You don’t remember how good we were together? Our pricks rubbing together as we rolled on the bed until we exploded? You don’t remember how wet and eager my mouth felt sucking every drop of spunk from your cock? You don’t think about how deep I reamed that tight asshole of yours as you bucked and begged me for more?”

Flashes of their past encounters made it impossible for Trevor to move away.

“The bondage games, your ass, cock, and balls spread for my taking. Jacking each other off in the silence of the horse trailer because we couldn’t wait another second to be together. That burning need for a fuck or a suck or a handjob from a man who knows exactly how you like it—is any of that ringing a bell? Or is it making you hard as a fencepost, Trev? Because I remember how hot you burned when I talked dirty as I was fucking you.”

“Stop.”

“You don’t want me to stop, you stupid, stubborn bastard.” Edgard snarled and devoured Trevor’s mouth in another possessive, bruising kiss.

Before Trevor could break free from the temptation, a distressed gasp somewhere to the left speeded up the process. Trevor shoved Edgard away. He spun so fast he lost his balance. But the damage had been done.

Chassie stood in the shadows in absolute shock.

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Not happening. Not happening. Not happening.

Her body, her will, her consciousness appeared to be floating in another dimension, as this one shifted and twisted into the surreal. She couldn’t believe her eyes.

Not happening. Not happening. Not happening.

She had not witnessed her husband in the arms of another man. She had not seen him kissing another man like he was everything in his world. She had not heard the details of how they’d been together, what they’d been together. She had not imagined how badly they wanted to be together now.

Not happening. Not happening. Not happening.

The mantra she’d used during her childhood to vanquish nightmares wasn’t working this time.

It was happening and she’d been a party to it all. From the corner of the chute where she’d been an unwilling voyeur in the details of her husband’s past life. She’d watched Edgard approach and accuse. She’d heard the angry longing and denial in Trevor’s words and posture. She’d observed the mating ritual—the banter, the fight, the manifestation of desire resulting in pure physical passion.

Chassie couldn’t process it. Not even when Trevor said, “Chassie, baby, let me explain.”

She couldn’t speak. Not even when she wanted to scream.

But when Trevor started toward her, she found the will to move. And so she did. She turned and ran.

“No! Chassie, wait! Don’t go.”

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Tears blurred her vision. Instead of running into the barn, she raced for the open field beyond the fence. Before she’d reached the gate and her freedom, two strong arms banded her upper body, lifting her off the ground.

Her flight instinct fled and her fight instinct was in full gear. She kicked and thrashed and when she had enough air in her lungs, she began to holler. “Don’t you touch me!”

Trevor flinched.

“I mean it. Let me go! Let go of me right now, you cheating goddamn bastard!”

“Chass. Calm down.”

“
Calm down
? Fuck that and fuck you.” Chassie jerked her body sideways.

“I don’t want to hurt you, so stop fightin’ me.”

“Stop touching me when I said to get your goddamn hands off me.”

“You really don’t want that, sweetheart.”

A frustrated scream tore from her throat. “Yes I do. Let me go right fucking now.”

“No.”

“You’re a lying son of a bitch and I want you to let…me…go!” she shrieked, hating the way he’d immobilized her. Chassie drummed her bootheels into his shins, trying to bruise his body as badly as he’d bruised her heart. She’d twisted so violently against his iron hold that her hair had come loose from her ponytail and swirled around her head. A few strands stuck to her tear-stained face.

“Fuck, that hurts, you little hellcat.”

“Good!” Anger renewed her determination to inflict pain on him. As she screamed and cried and kicked she knew she was completely out of control. But fighting back was her only option. Her mind and body relived the absolute desolation she’d felt upon seeing the man she loved with another, seeing the longing and apparently long-denied need as Trevor had kissed Edgard like he was everything Trevor had ever wanted, everything he’d ever needed, and she was just a second-rate substitute.

“Chassie. Please. Stop. I’m beggin’ you, baby, seein’ you like this is breakin’ me into a million fuckin’ pieces and I…” He paused. “Please. I need you to understand.”

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The raw pain in his voice gave her pause. She quit struggling. After a minute or so, Trevor sighed and gentled his hold, even as it seemed to strengthen him.

Neither one said a word.

Her rapid exhalations stirred her hair. Her blood pulsed angrily and her skin actually hurt. Her eyes smarted from hot tears. Her skull pounded like she’d taken a 2X4 to the head. But that was nothing, nothing compared to the ache spreading inside her, leaving her both heavy-limbed and strangely hollow.

“Thank you,” Trevor whispered against her crown.

“Let me go.”

“If I do will you talk to me? Give me a chance to explain?”

Chassie managed a pitiful laugh. “What’s to explain? You married me when you were in love with someone else.”

“Baby, it’s not what you think.”

“I don’t have to think. I know what I saw.”

The silence was broken by Edgard’s approach. Trevor’s whole body tensed.

But Chassie wasn’t about to back down. She wasn’t in the wrong. She blew the hair out of her eyes and met Edgard’s baleful stare dead on.

Edgard said, “I’m sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“It did happen and if you want him so goddamn bad, you can have him. I’m done with him. For good.”

Rather than snap off a nasty comment, Edgard did the unexpected: he cupped Chassie’s face in his hands and wiped her tears. “You don’t mean that, Chassie. You’re angry. You should be. But you need to listen to Trevor.”

“I’ve heard enough.”

“No, you haven’t heard the important part.”

“And what part would that be, Edgard?”

“The part that concerns you.”

Her scathing comeback dried up.

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“Don’t throw away everything because of a stupid mistake. Or your pride.” Edgard smoothed his cold thumbs over her hot cheeks. “Nothin’ happened between Trev and me besides some angry words and some frustrated kisses.”

“You wanted something to happen.”

Edgard nodded. “But it didn’t.”

Chassie searched his eyes for a sign of regret or smugness but all she saw was pain.

“Talk to him, Chassie. Don’t walk away.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” she half-whispered.

“Because if you do, you’ll give me exactly what I want.”

“Which is what?”

“Him.”

Without waiting for Trevor to dispute the statement, Edgard hefted the saddle on his shoulder and disappeared into the barn.

And without asking, Trevor released her.

It took every ounce of Chassie’s nerve not to crumple into a pile and weep. She started toward the house, not caring if Trevor followed, even when she knew he would.

Her fingers fumbled as she removed her boots, coat and gloves, numb in body, soul and spirit.

In the kitchen she went straight for the liquor cabinet. After downing two shots of whiskey and nursing a third, she faced her husband.

A ghostly pallor replaced Trevor’s usual rosy glow. He snagged the decanter, swigging the alcohol directly from the bottle. One. Two. Three solid mouthfuls.

A million questions tumbled in Chassie’s head but one pushed front and center. “Are you gay?”

“No.”

“Did I not just see you in a lip lock with your former male ropin’ partner?”

“Yes. Before you ask, I ain’t bi either. It’s just…” He gestured helplessly. “It’s just Edgard.”

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Chassie couldn’t look at him, his mouth swollen from Edgard’s kisses, his cheeks reddened from razor stubble, the agony burning in his eyes. She needed to remain in control and keep the gut-wrenching emotions in check. She spun back to the window, but focused on the amber liquid in her shot glass.

“Don’t tune me out, Chass. Please.”

“I’m not. I’m just tryin’ to figure out a way to ask if you ever had sex with Dag.”

He sucked in a harsh, surprised breath. “God, no.”

Once again Chassie had that overwhelming sense of betrayal. “Does everybody suspect the truth about you and Edgard? Am I a laughingstock in the whole rodeo community? Everyone knew you took pity on poor Chassie West and married her because she was naïve and no one else wanted her?”

“No, baby, it ain’t like that. Not at all.” Trevor made a rough sound, a cross between a frustrated sigh and a snort. “You know how goddamned hard it is to keep a secret in that community. So if there’d have been rumors about me’n Ed, you’d’ve heard ’em.”

True. There’d been whispers about Dag’s sexual preferences for years, but she’d suspected her brother’s proclivities before she’d heard the gossip. “How long were you and Edgard…?”

“For two and a half years.”

“And during that time no one suspected?”

“Why would they? Edgard and I were together because we were travelin’ and ropin’

partners. And it wasn’t like all of a sudden I stopped chasin’ women. There were always plenty of women around.”

“That’s just another great visual I needed.”

“You knew a lot stuff about me before we got married.”

“Not this.”

“You think I wanna talk about this, Chass? You think I wanna relive all that past shit with my wife? You can’t believe I get off hurtin’ you. And I know this big mess is hurtin’

you bad.” She heard the slosh of alcohol as Trevor tipped the bottle and drank again. His www.samhainpublishing.com 63

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voice was whiskey rough. “Hurtin’ you, when I love you so goddamn much is killin’

me.”

That much wasn’t a lie. Which was probably why this situation tore her guts out.

Even now she didn’t doubt Trevor’s feelings for her. From the moment they’d slipped on their wedding rings and repeated their vows, Chassie hadn’t worried he’d cheat on her with another woman.

The idea of him cheating on her with another man had never crossed her mind.

Trevor interrupted her thoughts by saying, “I take that back. One person did know.”

“Who?”

“Colby. Only because he was our other travelin’ partner and he ah…came in at a bad time one night. He didn’t understand, but me’n him have been friends forever. Colby is of the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ mindset and Channing found out when she followed the circuit with us. Then Colby got injured and Ed went back to Brazil.”

A burst of anger ripped through Chassie. Her cousin Colby hadn’t warned her about marrying a man who was in love with another man? “Why did Edgard go back to Brazil?”

“Problems with his ranch down there. Problems with me because I couldn’t give him what he wanted.”

“Which was?”

“A monogamous relationship. I couldn’t be…” Trevor paced behind her. “Edgard is the only man I’d ever felt like that about and it freaked me out. Christ. I didn’t want to want him that way, but I did. Even after we started havin’ sex, I never quit bein’ with women. It wasn’t because I was in denial of bein’ gay or bi or any such shit. Edgard knew I wouldn’t give them up and he didn’t ask me to. That wasn’t fair to him. Hell, even if women had stopped appealin’ to me and I woulda been free to be only with him, I still wouldn’t have done it.”

“Why not?”

“I woulda lost everything. I know them kinda relationships are acceptable in a big city, but we both know that ain’t so out here.”

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Chassie thought of her brother and the years he’d fought to hide what he was. That struggle led Dag to douse his bitterness with alcohol, causing him to make bad decisions and the combination had eventually killed him. “Was your time with Edgard just some kind of man-lust experiment?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then who am I supposed to ask, huh?” The smartass response tumbled out before she could stop it.

“I deserved that.” Clothing shifted. Liquor slopped against the bottle. “All I know, all I’ve ever known, all I ever wanted to be was a Wyoming rancher. Yeah, I chased the gold buckle due to family pressure, with my pa bein’ world champ and all. I fooled myself tryin’ to buy his pride by followin’ in his footsteps. Truth was, I hid on the circuit. I didn’t wanna go home and ranch with him because the thought of spendin’ every day of the rest of my life at my pa’s beck and call was the worst kinda punishment. Can you imagine how cruel my family—and everyone in the community—would’ve treated me if they’d known how I felt about Edgard?”

She froze. “How did you feel about him?”

“Chassie—”

“Did you love him?”
Do you still love him?

“C’mere.” Trevor urged Chassie to face him. “It’s been three and a half years since I’ve seen or talked to Edgard, Chassie. I’m in love with you. You’re my wife. You’re everything I ever wanted. You’re the one I chose.”

“How can I believe that you didn’t settle for me because you didn’t have the balls to choose Edgard? Now he’s here. You’ve broken with your family. This could be your chance to finally be with him. You don’t have to settle for your second choice.”

Trevor trapped Chassie’s face in his hands. “Listen to me. You weren’t sloppy seconds or the goddamned consolation prize. From the moment we met, you were it for me, you understand? I fell madly, crazily in love with you. Just you.”