Rough [01] - A Bit of Rough (22 page)

Seeing nothing except paperwork and a recent picture of Dunn with a much older woman, he looked back at his boss and shook his head.

"Ah, no, sir. I don't." James bit at his lower lip then released it. "Everything is coming along as well as can be expected on the Tork project, considering we've only had it two days." His eyes widened even more. "Unless there's a problem I'm not aware of, sir."

Dunn reached out and patted James' arm comfortingly. "No, no. It's nothing like that, James. It's more of a personal matter." Dunn sat back and gave James a small smile. "The dinner party Friday night. I still haven't heard back from you about whether or not you'll be bringing a friend." Dunn's smile grew fond. "My wife is quite a stickler about proper seating and making sure couples are paired off in compatible groups. She won't give me a moment's peace until she knows if you're bringing someone."

James sucked in his bottom lip and chewed on the corner of it. He dropped his gaze and studied the knot of Dunn's tie for a moment.

"There's no shame in coming alone, James, but my sources tell me you're seeing someone." Dunn chuckled at the startled look on James' face as his head popped up to look Dunn in the eye. "And pretty heavily, too. Am I right?"

Thinking back, James remembered seeing one of the secretaries outside when Bram picked him up the other evening. Licking his dry lips, James cleared his throat and answered. "Yes, sir. I am."

"Someone special?"

James just nodded, unable to find the words to keep this conversation from going somewhere he wasn't prepared to go with his boss just yet. "Special enough to introduce to your boss and co-workers?"

Swallowing past the growing lump of fear in his throat, James nodded again. "I'd like to, yes." He shifted nervously in his chair and looked at Dunn. "But it's not that easy. At least, not for me."

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Dunn leaned forward in his chair and rested his elbows on his knees, mindless of the wrinkles and creases he was putting in the finely tailored trousers. "James. I try to keep my company a close-knit organization. There is room in it for everyone who is willing to work hard and has a high set of standards for themselves. I think you fall into that definition. You're a talented, truly gifted young architect and I know you'll do great things for the company."

"Thank you, sir."

"No thanks needed, James. It's true. More importantly, I want to get to know you on a deeper level than just employee to employer. I like to think of all my architects as an extended part of my family."

Dunn's gaze flickered to the desk and back to James' earnest, surprised face. "My wife and I were never blessed with children. A psychiatrist would probably tell you I'm making up for that by trying to adopt my staff, but I don't care. The people here are the biggest part of my life and I like them involved in it on more than a business level, if they want. It's always a matter of personal choice, James."

James thought the expression in Dunn's eyes looked like he was trying to convey a deeper meaning to James.

"I respect people, their lifestyles and their choices."

"There is someone I want to be there with me." James felt embarrassed and at a loss for words. He had no idea how Dunn felt about gays and now wasn't the time he would have picked to find out. He had enough on his mind sorting out his feelings for Bram without worrying about his job as well. James took a deep breath and turned to face Dunn.

"My choice might cause some . . . discomfort for your other guests. I don't want to create an unpleasant situation, for me, my date, or you and your wife."

"Unless you show up with the one of the other architect's wives, I doubt you could ruffle many feathers, James."

Resigned, James sighed and dropped his gaze to absently study the objects on Dunn's desk. "All the same, Mr. Dunn, it might be best if I just worked late Friday night."

Snorting an objection, Dunn rose from his chair. "Nonsense. You'll do nothing of the sort.

I'll expect you and your date at six o'clock sharp for cocktails and gossip." Patting James on the shoulder, he walked around his desk.

Taking Dunn's movement as a cue for dismissal, James stood and made to leave. "Thanks all the same, sir. I think it'd be best if we wait until next time."

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James turned, but Dunn's voice, tougher and angrier than James would have believed, stopped him in his tracks.

"Do you know what this is?"

Turning around, James shifted his gaze between Dunn's stern face and the framed photograph in his outstretched hand. It was the picture from his desk. James looked at it closer and shrugged.

"It's a photograph of you and a lovely older woman." Judging the woman to be Dunn's senior by at least twenty years, James hazarded a guess. "Your mother?"

Some of the anger drained from Dunn's expression, but it still remained stern. "That's the logical conclusion and it's what most people think."

Dunn ran his fingertips over the glass, a gentle fondness in his tone and gesture. "But they're wrong. It's a picture of me and my wife, Lenore."

"Oh." Blinking back his surprise, James blushed when Dunn chuckled at his reaction.

"Most people have a lot more to say than that. Still a beautiful woman, Lenore is twenty-three years older than I am." Dunn set the frame down. "We made a dashing couple back when I was twenty-five and just starting out in business. She was the ex-wife of one of my father's partners and a sharp businesswoman in her own right. I fell for her the moment we met. But there were a lot of taboos against marrying an older woman back then, let alone a divorcee to boot."

His eyes reflected a lot of old pain and unpleasant memories. "We met a lot of resistance to our being a couple, but we never let it stop us from loving each other. Not in thirty years."

Dunn looked James in the eye, a distinctly paternal expression on his handsome, slightly wrinkled-at-the-corners face. "You see, James, I know a little about making choices for love that don't fit the traditional mold the rest of society would like to jam us into."

Swallowing hard, James concentrated on slowing down his suddenly irregular breathing.

Silent, he stared at Dunn, trying to be sure he was hearing the acceptance and understanding he thought he was hearing.

Dunn leaned forward and lowered his voice, a note of amusement in the light tone. "Do you really think I'm not aware of the fact that if you brought a date you were serious about to the party that it would be a man?"

Blushing again, James lowered his gaze to the floor and shrugged. "I-I didn't know you knew. And I didn't know how you would feel about it." He looked back up and squared
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his shoulders. "It's not a secret. I mean, my being gay. I just don't make an issue out of it."

"I'm not going to either. I'm also not going to let it be the reason you continue to keep your distance from people here."

James head jerked up and bit his lip, staring wide-eyed at his boss.

"Yes, James, I know what you've been doing. Your co-workers have all commented on how kind, sweet natured, enormously talented and intelligent you are. They also mention how isolated and distant you keep yourself."

A smile tugged at Dunn's lips. "At least until this last week. The secretaries are all a buzz about the 'handsome hunk of muscle', as they called him, who picked you up from work twice this week."

"Oh, God." James groaned and buried his face in his hands.

Dunn chuckled and lowered his voice to a whisper, tilting his head towards the outer office that housed his secretary. "Macy made a point to mention she even saw him drop you off this morning at an ungodly hour."

Brow furrowed, Dunn glanced at the closed door. "That woman must get here before the sun comes up. No wonder she has everything done before I get here." Dunn humphed.

"Must be why I pay her so much."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Dunn. I never expected my personal life to be the subject of gossip. I-I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I know from personal experience, you can't be happy in your work if you're not happy in your life. I want happy people working for me, James."

A closeted part of James peeked out from the dark hole where he normally kept it hidden.

Once it stepped into the bright light of acceptance, it faded away. James was left with a surprising revelation in its place.

"Thank you, Mr. Dunn." James grimaced and glanced at the secretary's door. "Not the gossip part, but the understanding. Worrying about things -- my job, how people here would react in a social setting -- has been keeping me from doing something I really need to do."

He reached out and shook Dunn's hand again, this time with a lot more enthusiasm. "I hope you don't mind, but I have to leave right now. I have someone I need to ask to dinner." Turning on his heel, James hurried out the door.

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Dunn called out after him. "I'll tell Lenore to make that two by your name. Good luck, James." He chuckled to himself and picked up the picture again. "Should be quite an evening."

***

James called his lover as he left the office and insisted Bram meet him. James was already waiting for him on the front porch when Bram arrived.

Bram strode up the sidewalk outside his house, a concerned frown marring his face. He was wearing a dress shirt and slacks, a short leather coat over the open-necked shirt. His customary cowboy boots pounded a rhythmic staccato on the concrete walk.

"Jamie? What’s the problem? Are you alright?" Grabbing James by both arms, Bram swung the smaller man around and looked him over from head to toe, scrutinizing every visible inch.

A reckless expression on his face, James decided not to waste time or words. He took hold of Bram’s jacket and yanked him through the front door as soon as Bram opened it.

"I need to talk with you and I couldn’t do it out there."

"Slow down and tell me what’s going on." Confused, Bram closed the door and turned to watch James frantically pacing across the open entryway.

The younger man was mumbling to himself, gesturing in the air with his hands. When his familiar nervous habit of biting on his lower lip threatened to draw blood, Bram gently took hold of James’ shoulder as he passed in front of him and brought the pacing to a halt.

"Stop and talk to me, Jamie." Bram turned James around so they were face-to-face and bent down to look into his eyes. "You sounded like this was pretty important on the phone. I canceled two meetings to be here. Now stop trying to chew your lip off and talk to me."

Taking a deep breath, James nodded and released his abused lip. "Remember when I said I couldn’t see you this Friday night? That I had work plans?" Bram nodded and opened his mouth to answer, but James cut him off. "I lied."

Never letting go of his hold on James’ shoulders, Bram's frown deepened as James cut off his attempt at comment again.

"Not really
lied
lied, but it wasn’t the complete truth, either." Bram’s expression struggled to remain neutral in the face of James’ conflicting explanation. "It’s a dinner party. At my boss’s house, Mr. Dunn’s." James could see the confusion in Bram’s face and he tried to clarify the situation. "And I’m supposed to bring a date, which would be you," James erratically flicked a hand back and forth between them, "but I was afraid to.

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Afraid to be me in front of the people I work with. Afraid to make a commitment." James twisted his fingers into Bram’s shirtfront and held on, a panicked expression of uncertainty on his face. "Commitment to you."

"I see." The disappointment was clear in Bram’s low, discouraged tone. Bram moved to turn away, but the fingers in his shirt held on tighter, keeping him in place.

"No, no you don’t see, Bram. I didn’t either, at first, but now I do."

"What do you see, Jamie? Tell me. Because I can’t live my life lying to people, pretending not to be something I am." Bram pulled James up closer to his chest and stared down into James’ uneasy face. "Not even for you, Jamie. It’d kill off part of me and then neither one of us would be able to stand me."

"I don’t want you to change. I love the way you are. I want to be
like
you. That’s what I’m trying to tell you." James loosened his fingers from Bram’s shirt to grab hold of one of the man’s thick wrists, pulling him toward the staircase. "Come here. I need to explain a few things."

Bram allowed James to tug him along and they sat down side-by-side on the same step.

James threaded his fingers through Bram’s and rested their intertwined hands on his knees. "I need to tell you about my family." He covered the back of Bram’s hand with his other palm and tightened his grip, holding on like this was his only anchor in the rough seas he was about to navigate. The responding grip around his hand gave James enough reassurance to continue.

"I was wondering about them." Bram moved his leg close until it rubbed along side James’ thigh.

Savoring the warmth and intimate contact, James relaxed a bit. "You shouldn’t." He studied the thick, callused hand in his. His voice trembled. "You won’t like them.

They’re not like yours were. Not by a long shot."

"That bad?"

"Yeah. That bad." James took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I have three sisters, all older than me, Julie, Jane, and Jennifer. I’m three years younger than Jen."

James stared off into space, and watched the dust molecules dance in the fading afternoon light. "Dad works in a manufacturing plant, on the assembly line. Mom stays home. Both Jane and Jennifer are married. They live close to my parents. Julie’s a lawyer, still single, with a mind of her own." He gave Bram a weak smile and gnawed at his lower lip.

"You’ll like Julie. She’s the only one that’ll talk to me."

"What do you mean, Jamie? If they’re still alive, why don’t you talk?"

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"When I was a senior in college, all three of my sisters came up to visit me at my dorm, to surprise me for my birthday. My roommate was a real jerk. He thought it would be funny to unlock our door and let my sisters into our dorm room to wait for me. Except he knew I was in the room with my boyfriend. In bed. Celebrating my birthday. Janie and Jen ran from the room practically screaming. Julie left to go after them, but not before she belted my roommate."