Roman's Redemption: Roman: Book II (Roman's Trilogy) (5 page)

Picture frame after picture frame in every color conceivable holding thousands of pictures. Some have captured a person aware their picture is being taken, but most are not. My eyes scan across the wall at my left holding my oldest shrine, Roman’s shrine, before my gaze settles on my newest shrine, the wall to my right dedicated to my beloved Mac and her daughter, our daughter, Ivy. When Mother and Sister come into my sanctuary, the only place I reserve for myself alone, both clucking like mother hens.

Their presence interrupts me mid-epiphany, one where I realize I’ve never had anything I could truly call my own. From the time I was seventeen years old, the only thing I ever had was a fundamental need to own the life that belongs to Roman William Payne. When my eyes settle on Mac’s wall, it dawns on me for the first time ever that Mac can be mine. Mine in a way that has nothing to do with Roman. Mine in a way that has everything to do with only her and I.

Yes, her fragile mind has become an obstacle, however what is truly worth having if it isn’t worth fighting for?

And if there is one thing I know for certain, it is Heather Mackenzie has and will always be, the only thing I will fight to the ends of the earth for…even if it is Mac herself I must fight.

“SON! Are you listening to me?!” my mother rants at me.

I chuckle while blowing out the candles lining the mantle on the wall to my left before slowly turning around.

“Mother, we both know I am not. What in the hell are you nagging on about? More importantly, what in the hell makes you think you two can just walk into my sacred place?” My eyes narrow on hers.

Folding my arms across my chest, I lean against a bookshelf facing where they are hovering over the threshold.

“Andrew. He rang earlier. His orders were short, brief, and straight to the point. Roman needs a temporary mother figure for Winter Ivy until he is able to rein in his demons. I’m to board a flight in,” She looks down at her watch, “less than two hours and remain at Payne Manor until further notice. Of course I agreed.” She nudges Lizbeth in front of her and nods, “While I was busy on the phone, Lizbeth went to check on Heather, and instead of the timid girl you and I know her to be, imagine my surprise when your sister explained this. Go on, Lizbeth, tell your brother what you told me.”

My eyes cut over to Lizbeth but hers remain at her feet. “She explained her name was Mace then carried on threatening me and spitting out half truths before demanding a suitcase with clothing, false ID as well as a non conspicuous car.”

I watch as Mother’s trembling hands attempt to pour a glass of Brandy. She spills more Brandy on the dark oak table than in the tumbler held in her shaking hands before bringing the drink to her worried mouth.

Her brows furrow, revealing creased worry lines over her troubled eyes.  Her anxious gaze lands on mine over the rim of the highball she is currently downing.

I nod, processing and accepting mother’s unfortunate and unforeseen duty and calmly adjust our strategy to allow this new plot shift Roman has introduced. “Mother, of course things proceed on my end as planned. I made it this far while you diligently bowed to Roman’s every demand and desire, and I’ll continue to do so. My plans with my soon to be wife will remain unaltered. As for you? When you get your ‘until further’ notice, you and I will then regroup. It’ll be at that time, Mother, when you will have no choice but to lay your cards on the table, and after thirty-five years of catering to the son you always wanted, you’ll be forced to finally let him see you for what you truly are. What you’ve always been and what you’ll always be. The whore who not only lied to father and son, but also carried, gave birth to, and kept his bastard brother hidden away from the world.”

“Sebastian, you know I never meant for my sins to affect you. I will do as I’ve been ordered by Roman to do, and I have no problem informing Roman of the truth when the time comes. But this woman you so gallantly strive to protect is not worth the risk. Her stressed mind has become so weak, she’s now retreating into her own thoughts and creating personalities strong enough to deal with the things she isn’t able to. Son, she’s gone damn ‘Sybil’ on us.”

I shove my weight from the bookshelf and make my way to the door, before exiting the library I tell Mother over my shoulder, “You have things to do and a flight to catch. I prefer you to leave as soon and as quietly as possible.”

After Mother’s departure, I inform Lizbeth to continue with dinner as planned. I’m uncertain of how to succeed in making Roman’s Heather, my Mac. This leaves me with no other choice than to borrow a few pages from Roman fucking Payne’s book of crazy, and I abhor myself for it. After I’ve made sure Lizbeth has delivered the dress to Mac and she’s been instructed to wear it to dinner tonight, I make my way to the master suite to shower and dress for this evenings events.

Dressed in a dark gray suit instead of my preferred jeans and V-neck t-shirt my feet falter slightly as I stride into the dining room when I notice Mac isn’t already seated at the table. My temper flares as I note she isn’t even in the dining room. She never displayed this type of behavior in Roman’s presence.

As my mind begins spinning in a web of rage and irreverence it takes every molecule of my being not to fly into a rampage when she waltzes in with defiance rolling off of her in waves dressed in faded blue jeans and an old GNR t-shirt…barefoot.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I demand, “Darlin’, just what the hell do you think you’re doin’?” As she walks past her seat at the opposite end of the table her hand shoots out and grabs the chair before dragging it to the side of the table before tucking her leg under her bottom and sitting down diagonally from me. She then leans over and pulls the place setting in front of
MY
seat until it’s in front of her.

Her eyes move from the place setting and narrow on mine, “Fucking call me ‘darlin’’ one more time, and instead of allowing you to conjure up ideas of how you would love for me to bring you to your knees, I’ll give you front row seats as I clip your balls from between your pale thighs before playing ‘pin the cock’, with yours to a dissecting board resting on your lap.” Her salacious grin rivals the same grin I have seen on Roman’s face a thousand times, “Dissecting your cock would be a fascinating task I would truly savor as I take my slow sweet time, layer by layer, vessel and vein.”

Her words leave me without an appropriate response. Mentally I flip through scenario after scenario of how Roman would react to these words coming from his Heather’s mouth.

Our dinner is served and the entire meal goes by without another word spoken. Somewhere between the main course and dessert it dawns on me that Roman’s Heather and my Mac is no longer home.

This woman, this Mace she and Lizbeth have warned me about, is who I’m left with in her place.

After she finishes her dessert, she stands and her bare feet pad across the hardwood floor. Unable to allow her recent change in character to go unexplained, I clear my throat before speaking, “Mace, exactly what lead Mac to withdrawing so far into herself that you were left in her place?”

At the large double doors leading to the main sitting area she pauses, and just like I’ve seen Roman do a thousand times, she cocks her head to the side before calmly speaking, “Mac cared for you Sebastian. Against my better judgment and hers, she did care a great deal for you. And she would have happily followed your lead in these intrinsic master plans of yours, if only you wouldn’t have fucked everything up by doing two things even Roman was smart enough to never attempt. One, you made plans to completely alter her life without even granting her the courtesy of knowing you were about to rip her world apart, uproot her from her home, and make her a prisoner all over again in a new and unknown hell. Two, and this is where I come in, you foolishly separated a mother from her child, not even permitting her the small token of saying goodbye.”

Standing from my chair, I walk around the table, but before I’m able to take three steps her hand flies into the air, “Don’t. I’ll only warn you once, motherfucker. Don’t.”

Instantly my feet stop in their tracks, and I adjust my tone before asking in a soothing voice, “Okay, so how do I get Mac back? Am I supposed to take her back to Payne Manor and keep her hidden in the cellar? Kidnap Ivy and bring her to Mac, so she can raise her daughter hidden in a home that belongs to the real monster, Roman?”

Her fucking sinister laugh has the hair on the back of my neck standing on end.

Her voice splits the air between us, “This is why I preferred Roman to you. He wasn’t a sniveling little pussy and a fucking moron. No, Sebastian, there is no fixing your lapse in judgment. I do hope it calms your fears to know that I’m not going anywhere and Mac will not be coming back, but I have a sneaky suspicion you won’t like that statement.” She turns, facing me and the look in her eyes is cold enough to cause heavy dread to settle in my queasy stomach. “I want Ivy back in my care and back under whatever roof I reside beneath. Sebastian, I want that child as soon as yesterday. Understand?”

Before I’m able to respond she’s gone and I’m left staring at the space she occupied as she used every word spoken as a weapon, decimating any future plans I have had in place for my Mac from the moment I laid eyes on her.

Chapter 6

Ivy has been under Dolores’ care for over a year and a half.

And I am no closer to reining in my demons or the frenzied need clawing constantly beneath the surface of my skin as the urgency compels me to cleanse my hands coated in
MY
Heather's blood the only way I know how...with the blood of her doppelgängers.

Who am I?

I’ve never once tried to paint myself as anything other than a man forged in Hell. I never smiled and hand fed you candy coated lies.

You know exactly who I fucking am.

You’ve known from the moment you read,
“Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Roman Payne.”

Don't glower at me! I warned you, did I not?

I fucking warned you!

I never warned myself though did I?

I don’t know who I am, or what I am…

In one sentence, if I had to say who or what I was, it would be, ‘I am a man who held everything he ever truly wanted, but was not strong enough to hold on to it, or smart enough to fight for it. My fears and self-hatred caused me to do what I’ve always done, fuck it up to hell and back, because under this façade of the man you see, I- unlike you- know exactly what lies beneath.

Since I have allowed myself to become slightly intoxicated, I believe I have the right to ask you a single question.

When you look at me, do you see any remnants of a man worthy or capable of redemption? Even though he is at fault for the demise of the woman he loves and her happiness.

Nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for Heather barging into my life, infiltrating every nook and cranny, my every fear, as well as my outlook on life. Her love was my turning page, one that’s been in the balance for as long as I remember.

I know now that she’s gone. She was truly my only savior, the only one who held the power to soothe my demons and bring solace to my sadism. It doesn’t do me any good now though, does it? Because like every other schmuck who pushes away the woman who holds their other half out of fear or stubbornness, I’m the schmuck who took it a thousand steps further.

I’m the one man that didn’t merely push my other half away, I fucking killed mine.

I would move heaven and hell to bring my mouse back, but it would be to no avail.

My gaze scans around the sitting room as my thoughts continue bombarding me, it’s somewhere in these next few moments that I realize I don’t want to remain on this earth another day, another hour, another minute without Heather.

And of course I have already come up with a fail-safe plan to cease one’s existence…well, mine. Andrew, Dolores, my parents, no one else knows about it, but I’m certain that’s the point of suicide.

I know my daughter needs a parent. I know that as her last remaining parent, I should take the responsibility of being Ivy’s father and raise her. I know that’s what the world expects me to do.