ROMANCING HER PROTECTOR (15 page)

need around the clock care. After the paralysis, there’s usually a three-to-five year survival

rate.”

Matty pulled Alex closer, tears staining his own eyes. “And what about her

pregnancy?” he asked the good doctor.

Clive didn’t miss a beat. Alex had already taken care of that after Matty had shunned

her. Now this would be her perfect excuse. “Had to be terminated immediately,” he said, his

knowledge of ALS almost as general as Matty’s, but he soldiered on. “At least that was what

the experts had recommended. She couldn’t afford to put that kind of stress on her already

stressed muscles.”

Matty understood. He understood that this was so far beyond his wildest imagination

of a tragedy, that he could do nothing more than hold onto Alex. The woman he’d known and

loved for over a decade. Poor Alex. His dear Alex.

***

She looked at the nurse again.

“This has got to be some mistake,” she said. She had been feeling weak and dizzy, but

nothing she gave much thought to. Besides, she had come to get her resupply of birth control

pills, and nothing more. This was supposed to be a family planning visit, nothing more.

“Pregnant?” she said for what the nurse had recorded was the fourth time.

“Yes, Shanita, according to the test, you’re pregnant.”

“But . . .” But what, she had to ask herself. Yes, she was taking birth control, but

even she had to admit she missed some days. Especially when Matty was out of town for

those extended periods.

“Is the situation that dire for you?” the nurse asked her. She was a tall, chubby lady

with fat cheeks and long, straggly blonde hair.

“No, not dire exactly,” Shay thought. It wasn’t exactly dire. Because she knew what

Matty would do. He would want to marry her immediately, he was that kind of man. But

what was worrying her, what she couldn’t conceal, was her anxiety about it all and if she was

ready for marriage, for a baby, at this young age. She loved Matty, but she didn’t think she

was ready for all of this.

She hopped off of the gurney, grabbed her book bag, and left. Matty would be coming

over tonight, as had been the case every night since she moved into the condo, and they’d talk

about it then. And at the end of that conversation they would either both be thrilled, or

miserable with the news. At this rate, Shay thought, as she hurried for her last class of the

day, she had no idea how even she was going to ultimately view this unexpected, shocking,

life-altering bit of news.

***

after her worse fears had just been confirmed. She was, in essence, dying, and it was sure to

be a slow, painful, agonizing death.

The silence in her home made it all feel even more wrenching. She cried most of the

evening and when he put her to bed, she continued to sob. So he got in bed with her, pulled

her to him, and just held her as tightly, as sweetly as he could. Alex had a lot of bravado, but

her bark was far worse than her bite. She had no-one in this world. No family, no real

friends, just male admirers who used her and abused her for that gorgeous, now deftly ill body

of hers. Matty really was all she had, and they both knew it. That was why he held her. That

was why he refused to entertain any other thought, except caring for Alex. This was no longer

about him, no longer about what he wanted, what he needed. Until her dying day, he had

already decided, it would be all about her. What Alex wanted. What Alex needed. Alex.

His cell phone rang again. But he didn’t even bother to look at the caller ID. He just

held onto Alex, as she began to cry anew, as the horrors of what she was to face began to

overtake her, he believed, and shook her to her core.

“It’s all right,” he kept telling her, over and over, as she cried. He wanted to tell her

that it was going to be all right, that everything would be all right, but even he couldn’t be that

unrealistic.

***

“This is Driscoll. Please leave a message.” She didn’t. She’d already left two others. She

hung up the phone.

Where was he
, she wondered, and why wouldn’t he phone? He’d stood her up before,

promising to come and get her but something would come up that delayed him. But this was

the first time, since she moved into the condo, that he didn’t phone to tell her he was delayed.

It was already going on eleven. When midnight rolled around, and she was still waiting up for

him, she knew this was bordering on ridiculous.

She refrigerated dinner, turned off all the lights, and went to bed. If he came, he came.

If he didn’t, he didn’t. But she wasn’t losing any more sleep wondering about it, either.

The next morning, Shay stepped out of the shower in her master bathroom already

feeling fatigued. The nurse told her to expect it, but it still felt unnerving. When she dried

herself off and re-entered the bedroom, ready to dress for class, she was surprised to see

Matty, fully clothed in his suit and tie, lying, on his back, across the bed.

“Matty!” she said, surprised and thrilled to see him. She dropped the towel, ran and

jumped on top of him. He put his arms around her.

“Oh, Matty, I miss you!” she said, remembering that lonely night she had just endured.

“Where were you?”

The anguish in Matty’s eyes scared her. He held her, but there was no passion there.

“Put on some clothes,” he said, hitting her lightly on her bare butt. “I’ve got to talk to you.”

She got up as he began to rise, and watched as he walked out of her bedroom. What in

the world, she wondered, had happened? Did he find out about her pregnancy, and was going

to deny that the baby was his? Had she been that wrong about him? She dressed quickly,

anxious to hear this conversation.

Matty was seated on the living room sofa by the time she had dressed, with book bag in

tow, and made her way up front. Alex was taking the day off today, and he had promised to

do the same, but he knew he had to do this first, something he had been dreading doing all

night. And when Shay walked in, looking so young and vulnerable, his heart dropped. How in

the world was he going to live without her?

Shay saw that anguish still in his face when she walked in, and that look, that tortured,

agonizing look, caused her to grow faint, too.

“What is it, Matty?” she asked him, knowing that it was far more urgent than she had at

first determined. Her biggest fear was that he would be upset with her for slipping up on her

birth control, but this was something different. Something very different.

Matty just sat there. Now Shay was really worried. She walked over and sat next to

him. “What is it?”

Matty looked at her. His heart pounded. “Oh, God,” he said, the anguish now in his

voice.

“Matty, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

Matty shook his head. “We can’t. . . I can’t . . . Something’s happened, sweetheart,

that makes you and me not possible.”

Shay didn’t quite understand what he meant. “What’s happened?” she decided to ask

him.

He didn’t know how to put it. “You know Alex Graham?”

“Dr. Graham, of course I do.”

Matty exhaled. He knew he had to get on with it. “She and I . . .she was my long-term

relationship, Shay.”

Shay didn’t like where this was going. “She was the person you broke up with just

before we met?”

“That’s right.”

“And now what? You’ve gone back to her?”

Matty ran his hand repeatedly across his forehead. “It’s not that simple.” He looked at

Shay. “She’s sick. She just received some very bad news and she deafly ill, Shay.”

“Ill?” she asked. “She looked fine when I saw her that night at the clinic.”

“She’s been diagnosed with ALS, Shay. With Lou Gehrig’s disease.”

Shay’s heart dropped. “Oh my God. Are you sure, I mean, could there be some

mistake?”

Matty shook his head. “No, I met with her physician yesterday. She’s been seen by

the best, by specialists at Johns Hopkins. There’s no mistake.”

“But that’s a terrible disease, Matty. That means she’ll need around-the-clock care.”

Matty nodded. “I know.”

It was only then that it hit Shay. And she understood. She stood to her feet and

walked away from him to the other side of the room. She now understood. “You’re going to

give it to her,” she finally said. “Aren’t you? You’re going to care for her yourself, aren’t

you, Matty? That’s why you said we can’t be together, isn’t it?”

“It’s not . . .” Then he nodded his head. “Yes,” he said.

“But we still can be together, can’t we? You can hire somebody---”

He shook his head, looking Shay dead in the eyes. “No, Shay. I can’t. She and I

discussed this. What she wants is for us to get married. What she wants is to not die alone,

Shay.”

Shay covered her mouth. The pain was too great. “But, Matty . . ., what about us?”

Matty stared at her. It was even harder than he had prepared for it to be. He

swallowed hard. “There can be no us, Shanita. Not anymore.” Then he added. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you are sorry,” she lashed out. “Real sorry.”

Then the reality hit her, that she more than likely would never see Matty again, and she

broke down. She covered her mouth as the tears came. Matty hurried to her, and pulled her

into his arms, tears now in his eyes. They stood there, holding onto each other, both well

aware that this very well may be their last moments together.

The pain was too much for Shay. She pushed him away. “Please leave,” she said,

tears flowing freely.

“Shay--”

“If you ever cared anything about me, anything at all, Matty, please leave.”

Matty didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to leave her like this. But there was really no

other way. He wasn’t leaving Alex at this time in her life, he couldn’t. His only prayer was

that Shay would be all right. He somehow knew that she would, but the pain of it, of seeing

her this way, was wrenching.

He left. For her sake, he left.

When he did, Shay fell to her knees.

TEN

Sixteen Years Later

Shay had to lay on another round of horn blows before that son of hers finally came out of

the house. It was a nice house, a four-bedroom Cape Cod in the heart of one of Philadelphia’s

oldest and best suburbs, and Shay worked her butt off to maintain it. But the little care that

sixteen-year-old son of hers gave to it made her often wonder if all of her hard work, all of the

hustle and bustle of corporate life she had to endure, was worth it. She was doing it for him,

after all, so that he could have the kind of childhood she never had. But he seemed so

uninterested in anything but the streets, and some gangster they called Burma.

Like this morning, Shay thought, as her sixteen-year-old trounced across the lawn,

pounding the rows of carefully planted border grass as if that hefty lawn maintenance bill she

coughed up every week meant nothing to him. He had his IPod earphones in his ear, his book

bag slung over his narrow shoulder, a bagel in his mouth, and in running was forced to hold up

his oversized jeans with his only free hand. He was a mess.

But a handsome mess, as all of those silly girls that phoned her home constantly would

attest. Tall, muscular, light-walnut complexion with strikingly gorgeous grayish-green eyes,

long hair he wore in twists or braids. This morning, it was twists.

“Don’t even try it, DeAndre,” Shay said as soon as he opened the door of her SUV and

slung his book bag inside. He rolled his eyes, but pulled up his jeans before he got into her

vehicle.

She backed out of the drive, started the short ride to his high school, and attempted to

hold a conversation with her son. But he was his usual non-responsive self. It wasn’t until she

had to make him turn off his IPod, did he pay her any attention.

“You have got to pull up that grade in Chemistry, Dre, or that teacher said you aren’t

going to pass.”

“Ah, that broad doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

“Don’t call her that.”

“But for real, though, Ma, she just be flappin’ at the mouth. I ain’t gon’ flunk nothin’

and she knows it.”

“Very nice, Dre. Very nice English.
Ain’t gon’ flunk
. Why do you do that? Why do

you talk as if you don’t know correct English?”

“To fit in, why you think?”

Shay almost smiled. Her son was sometimes so brutally honest it caught her off guard.