Roman Summer (23 page)

‘O—oh
—
’ she murmured, defeated but briefly
happy.

‘So—o,’ he mimicked her long-drawn word. ‘Then I take it you can bring yourself to look over the belvedere in its new dress?’ When she did not reply, he went on, ‘The house must wait for a while. Architects and decorators first. After that, I want to give time and money and all the professional skill I can command to make it a house to be proud of—and a home.’

‘
Your
home? Is that why you bought out Cesare at what even he thought was an inflated price—to keep it as entirely a private property?’

‘Partly, yes. For the rest, I rather wanted to see what a sizeable lump of capital might do for his prospects with you.’

Ruth worked that out. ‘He’d told you I had refused to marry him, but you thought that if he had more money, I might change my mind?’

‘If you had, I’d have crossed you off my visiting list for a gold-digger. But I had to find out. I mentioned, I
think,
that I always need to clear my decks?’

‘Even of other people’s affairs which don’t concern you?’

‘Ah, but this did concern me very closely.’

‘As to whether or not I married Cesare? Why should it?’

‘Suppose you guess
—
?’

But he didn’t wait for her to answer that, alighting instead to open the locked gates of the Casa and to close them again behind the car. In his seat again and moving on, he said, ‘Well? Or shall I put it another way? Why do you
think
I’ve brought you to a kind of mini-housewarming of the belvedere tonight? You. Just you. No one else?’

Ruth was aware only of the deep thudding of her heart.
‘
Perhaps for something of the same reason you
sent
Stella Parioli to vet the house for you—you want the woman’s angle on the facelift you’ve given the belvedere?’ she suggested.

There was silence.
Erle
pulled up alongside the tamarisk hedge and helped her out. ‘I never asked Parioli to look at the Casa,’ he said.

‘Well, she came, before Cesare knew who’d bought it, and depressed him immeasurably with her comments on it.’

‘
Not with my authority. I hope I have better manners than to ask one woman’s advice on the d
e
cor of a house I hope to share with another.’ He had put a hand beneath Ruth’s elbow to guide her, and at the low step to the portico he paused.

‘Some ceremony called for here? Or no,’ he answered himself, ‘that’s for a bride—the carrying across the threshold bit. It can wait.’

He unlocked the door to the first of the tiny rooms, touched a switch which lighted fat electric candles in waist-tall, floor-standing gilt sconces, casting attractive light and shadow on chair seats embroidered in gros-point; on a gilt love-seat, on twin couches, button-studded and covered in old velvet; on dark wood and a circular carpet.

His arm went round Ruth’s waist, drawing her to stand very close to him. ‘Well, suppose you try to guess now?’ he said gently
.
‘To begin with, why I wasn’t over-concerned that you should have been embarrassed
in front of Cicely tonight. I’ve been worried for you before, but not tonight. Doesn’t that say anything to you, my Ruth?’

Frightened lest she thought she knew and didn’t, she said, ‘Wh—what did you want it to say?’

He gave her a little shake. ‘Come!
I’m
asking the questions. Don’t you know that I meant it should be the last time you should suffer conscience, or have to
hedge or
li
e by omission? The last time for me too
—
Not that any of it was ever a
li
e for me. I’ve
meant
our engagement, Ruth. All along. And hoped, even before that. On my side none of it was false or without a future—the hope of being allowed to claim you; of making a home to share with you. If not here, then anywhere you would come with me.’ He turned her to face him, looking deep into her eyes. ‘Do you understand what I’m saying? Asking?’

‘If—
’ She broke off, then found words slowly. ‘If
it were anyone but you, I think you would be asking me to marry you. But you’ve always poured such scorn; said that marriage wasn’t for you; that you didn’t need it, that it would cramp your style.’

‘Ah, the wilder ravings of a bachelor about to succumb to the most maddening woman on his scene, my love!’

‘Me—maddening?’

‘Uh-huh. Maddeningly detached. Maddeningly honest. A fighter—frequently with no holds barred. And quite maddeningly lovable.’

‘I’ve only fought you when you’ve fought me
!’
Ruth disclaimed.

‘Ah, but
how
—when you did! All claws out for your defence of Cicely’s honour; for your own integrity— remember your affront over the Roscuro dress I gave you?—and even against your need of love, if not
mine
when I kissed you at Siena. That night I was frightened for you, Ruth. And despairing for myself, lest, being as hungry to be loved as you seemed, you mi
ght
be tempted to snatch—and not at me.’

‘Yet you didn’t trouble to find out where I wanted to snatch?’

‘How could I? Once your control took over again, you rejected me; said the whole thing was meaningless, that you were putting on an act.’

‘Because
you
had said you were only curious, experimenting.’

‘Oh, come
!
A guy has to have some kind of op
ening
gambit. Especially against opposition like yours.’

Shyly she looked down and away. ‘Except that there wasn’t any opposition. I was snatching at you with all I had.’

Erle
drew a long sigh. He stroked her hair, lifting a strand of it. ‘You say that now? Mean it?’ he qu
eri
e
d.

She nodded. ‘As much as I did then, though I
think
I didn’t admit it until Siena.’

‘
Nor I, until I realised I was learning what jealousy was. I’d never exp
erie
nced it before.’

‘
I’ve
known for a long time. But you dismissed it once as a mere waste of spirit,’ she reminded
him.

‘
I was whistling in the dark, denying it was on my very heels. I never did know how things stood between you and Cesare Fonte, until I asked him strai
ght
out and he told me. And who was there for you to be jealous of in particular
?
I’d
told
you my alleged harem was as innocuous and necessary to my job as—as porridge is to a Scot!’

‘I’ve been jealous of Stella Parioli, for one. And with
cause, I think.’

‘Nonsense. With almost every word I’ve spoken to you about her, I’ve shown you I’ve taken her measure.
She’s glamorous
—
’

‘As I can never be.’

‘As you don’t need to be. You’re a honey as you are. And she’s talented, and ambitious, and as single
-
minded as her profession demands. And going places, with the sky as her limit, through
my
good services to her. You don’t grudge me my star pupil, surely?’

‘
Only
your star pupil? You give her valuable presents
!
’

‘On the wrong side of your rigid line?’
Erle
laughed. ‘That was petty of me, I admit. To pay you out for scorning my present to you, I deliberately didn
’
t explain that that bit of jewellery nonsense was to mark the anniversary of Stella’s d
e
but as a professional singer—a kind of birthday present, no more. And if it had been anything less than expensive jewellery, she’d have taken a very poor view, considering all the money I make out of her.’

‘I—see.’

‘I hope you do now. But I must say I got more than a spark of malicious fun out of watching your dear disapproving face.’ He led her to one of the couches, went to pour drinks, brought one to her, and sat beside her.

She said hesitan
tl
y, ‘I don’t understand. When did
it all begin for you?’

H
e spread a hand. ‘Who knows where love begins?
It could even have been on a hockey pitch in a fog.’

‘Not for you then.’

‘Probably not. I forgot your name. But there has to have been a morning when I woke—or perhaps a night before I went to sleep—when I said to myself, “I mustn’t let this girl get away from me,” and began my campaign from there.’

Ruth laughed at him over the rim of her wineglass. ‘You didn’t let it show
!’

‘I dared not. You were so becalmed in your widowhood. You’d come to terms with it, and I felt I had to hasten slowly. But that night when I said that you and I could afford to ignore the man-woman thing, I was just one ache of desire for you.’

And you left me feeling wrapped around with your friendship—which I destroyed when I doubted you about Cicely.’

‘Yes, you were pretty obtuse about Cicely. But it didn’t do you any harm to be a little bit jealous.’

Ruth reddened. ‘I
wasn't
jealous of Cicely
!’

Erle
laughed. ‘I’d like a head-shrinker’s ruling on that!’

‘Well, perhaps I was a little envious of her,’ Ruth admitted. ‘She was able to reach you so easily and so gaily. Whereas I
—
’

He laid his free hand over hers in a tight clasp. ‘I think you, my darling girl, wouldn’t admit to jealousy of a new love because that implied a betrayal of the old—your first, your Alec. You say you were hungry at Siena. But you were guilt-ridden too, perhaps?’

B
ut Ruth shook her head. ‘No. I think I’d accepted by then what you had put into words. I knew that
loving a man as different from Alec as you wouldn’t be any real disloyalty to him. What I had of him I’ve still got and shall always keep. He’d understand that, I know.’

‘And I shan’t trespass,’ promised
Erle
. ‘You won’t be forced to comparisons, please God. And I’m going to think that he’s glad for you.’

‘I must too. Our last words to each other whenever we parted, even for a few hours, were, “Be happy,” and I am.
I
am
!’
Ruth stirred her hand within his. ‘But if you’ve loved me as you say, why didn’t you make our
engagement a real one, instead of
—
?’

‘Because you were still so aloof; because Fonte was still hovering and I was too craven to try my luck and find I’d lost. And for a more practical reason, supposing I did win, I wanted you to exp
eri
e
nce a kind of trial run—to learn just what committing yourself to me would entail.’

‘You mean
—?
’

He nodded. ‘I thought you’d know. All the differences. The social stuff. The brittle contacts. The razor edge between success and failure. Show business from behind, instead of from in front. The sporadic travelling, hither and yon. The temperamental stars, male
and female
—
Do you realise, my Ruth, that around
and about me there’ll always be Pariolis and Gancias and their like? And accepting that, can you still be very sure and content that I chose
you,
and none of them? Never even considered one of them as a wife?’

‘You said you considered no one as a wife. But I think I can.’

‘Only “
think
”? he urged.

‘No. More than that. If you want me, I can take it— all of it. Though I can’t help remembering how hurt I was that when we parted in the future and I left Rome, you wouldn’t have wanted to know where I went.’

‘But that was your decision—that I wasn’t to know.’

‘I still felt you ought to care enough for me as a friend to want to know.’

Erle
feigned a sigh. ‘The irrationality of even the dearest of women! I only agreed because if we had reached that point—of your turning me down—though I’d have cared like the devil, I’d have preferred not to know, lest I’d be tempted to come after you, only to take my punishment all over again. Cutting my losses, d’you see?’ He set aside his glass and took hers almost roughly from her. ‘What are we doing, holding inquests on the past when we’ve got a Now?’ he demanded. ‘We’re wasting good time, even if we’ve plenty of the same ahead.’