Role of a Lifetime (15 page)

Chapter 37

He kissed her as soon as she said it.  He kissed her and she kissed him back and then their hands were all over each other.  He had half a mind to take her right there, on the frozen ground in front of her house, but he forced himself to think sensibly.

"Can we go upstairs?" he said and she nodded yes.

They went to the front door but she had left the keys in the car.  She went back to get them.  He was waiting by the front door and he hugged her from behind and kissed the back of her neck while she fumbled with the lock, finally getting it open.

They didn't make it upstairs.  As soon as the door shut behind them they were tugging at each other's clothes and Kelly slid down to the floor pulling her with him.

"I don't have,"

"I do," he interrupted her, yanking what they needed out of his pocket, "I was hoping."

She laughed and grabbed the wrapper out of his hand.  Kelly worked his pants and underwear off and she rolled the condom onto him.  Then she wriggled out of her own pants and underwear.  As she climbed on top of him he slid her shirt up and she paused while he yanked it over her head.  He reached for her bra, but changed his mind as she started putting him inside her and instead grabbed her hips with both hands.  Together they worked her down onto him until he was as deep in her as he could be.  Then he took off her bra.

He watched and touched her while she alternated between sliding up and down on him and grinding up against him.  Her eyes were closed but he watched her intently.  She cried out and then slumped down on top of him and he held her tightly, feeling her heavy breathing and waiting for it to come back to normal.

"Sorry," she said, "I couldn't wait."

"It's okay," he said, "I have to get used to coming second, remember?"

She laughed and he kissed her.  His tongue was deep in her mouth and he was trying to figure out if he should get up and move them to the couch when she started moving on top of him again.  He abandoned all thoughts of relocating and just palmed her breasts while she brought him to the brink, then paused.  Over and over she did it, gliding up and down on him slowly, then faster, then stopping and starting all over again.  When he couldn't take it anymore he grabbed her by the hips and took over, working her hard and fast, up and down on him until he exploded.

Then it was his turn to lie still and spent, breathing heavily.  He moaned a little as she carefully slid off him, then managed to slide his hands up her back and wrap his arms around her.  They stayed like that for a while and Kelly was just about to summon the strength to pick her and up and take her upstairs when she raised her head and spoke.

"Oh no," she said.

"What?"

"I left the groceries in the car."

"Do you have to get them now?"

"No."

"Good," he said and kissed her.  Then he got up and carried her upstairs.

Chapter 38

Holly went to open her e-mail with some trepidation.  She had shipped a full set of stoneware out over a week ago.  She had received a confirmation that it had arrived and, per her usual procedure, sent a follow up e-mail to her customer thanking them for the order and hoping they were happy with it.  She had not heard back yet.

"Stop," she told herself.

Mia had spent a lot of time in the last session talking about things like "all or nothing thinking" and how to stop "catastrophizing" every possible outcome of every possible thing in one's life.  Holly thought back to the advice Mia had dispensed and took her hands away from the lap top.

"What if they hate it?" she said out loud.

One of the techniques Mia had recommended was working through your stressful thoughts to the absolute final outcome.

"Then you can offer to take it back.  And you will lose the money on the shipping fees, but you can put the set back up for sale,"  Holly thought about it, the money wasn't the issue.  "What if they hate it and say it and aren't, ummm, very nice about it?"

Her thoughts took off on her own after that and even though part of her knew she was being completely irrational, and that part of her was screaming at her just as loudly as the part that was doing the irrational thinking, it didn't matter.  She had worked herself up into being absolutely terrified of opening her e-mail.  She just didn't want to risk it.  She got up from the desk and went into the bathroom.  Made herself look in the mirror.

"You," she told the Holly she saw in the mirror, "Are being an idiot."

That didn't help.  Facts, she told herself, what are the facts of the matter?

"Nobody, not once, has ever wanted to return anything you shipped them.  That has never happened.  And if it did it wouldn't be the end of the world.  And even if they weren't nice about it that wouldn't be the end of the world either.  They are in flipping Colorado for pete's sake.  You e-mail them a call tag and get the stuff back and refund it and that is the end of it.  Heck they may not have even e-mailed you back anyway," Holly stared at herself in the mirror, "God what the hell is wrong with you?" she asked and the tears started.

"Oh, good grief," she said and wiped her eyes on her sleeve and marched herself back to the computer.

Still sniffling she punched in her password and scanned the in box.  She saw it right away, the customer had responded and she opened the message defiantly, though she wasn't even sure a person could defy themselves, but that's what it felt like.

Got the set, all pieces intact (yay!) and they look even better in person than on-line.  So happy.

"See," Holly told herself.  "You are the world's biggest idiot."

She quickly typed in "Great to hear, thank you again for the order," and sent it before she could second guess it and spend a half hour obsessing over THAT.  She went back to her in-box and now she noticed that there was an e-mail from Lia. The subject was "Summer Job" and Holly opened it with nothing more than simple curiosity.

Mom, this girl on my floor, Chelsea, her aunt and uncle own a restaurant up in Maine and they need waitresses for the summer.  Rachel's going to do it and Makayla and I was wondering if I could go too.

That was it.  Which was very typical of Lia.  Not nearly enough detail for Holly to make a decision.  Holly glanced at the time, decided that Lia was most likely awake but even if she wasn't Holly didn't care.  Holly wasn't going to drive herself crazy for the next two or three days with all the unanswered questions.  This was getting resolved now.  She grabbed her phone and called Lia.

"Hi Mom."

Lia didn't sound happy but she didn't sound unhappy either.  She sounded, worried, Holly realized.

"I got your e-mail."

"Are you mad?"

Mad?  Why would Lia think she was mad?  Holly wasn't mad, was she?

"I'm not mad Lia, I'm just," Holly couldn't finish and she realized she didn't have a handle on how she felt about it, not really.

"Mad.  I knew you'd be mad."

"You caught me by surprise, that's all."

"I really want to do this Mom, Chelsea says you can make a fortune in tips and they have cabins for the staff so we would all share one."

"When would it start?"

"A couple of weekends before Memorial Day.  Chelsea says the weekends are really busy until July fourth, then they get busy all the time.  So in May and June there are less hours but then a lot in July and August."

It didn't take too long to put it together.  That was pretty much right after Lia was done with school.

"So will you come home at all?" Holly asked, "After school that is?"

"Well, just for a couple of days I think."

"I see."

Neither one of them said anything for a while.

"Mom?"

"I'm here."

"It's not that I don't want to come home, but I want, I want to do other stuff to.  And not just that."

"What do you mean?"

Lia sighed.

"What do you mean Lia?" Holly asked again.

"Well some of us, a couple of weekends ago, we went to New York."

"You did?" Holly was immediately furious that Lia hadn't asked if it was okay or even told her.

"It was amazing Mom, just amazing, I can't even explain, I just loved it."

"What's your point?" Holly said, a little harshly, then winced.

"I think, after school, I want to get a job in New York, or maybe DC, or I don't know, but somewhere like that.  I love you Mom, I love our house and it was a great place to grow up, but I don't, I don't want to sit in a barn by myself and paint and do pottery."

"I never said you had to paint and throw pots Lia," Holly said.

"I didn't mean it like that, just, I'm not you and I think, you need to know I'm don't want to come home after college, I want to go, to live, lots of places I think."

"That's a lot to decide right now Lia, can we get back to this summer?  Just this summer?"

"I want to go to Maine."

"Cause Maine is so much like New York City right?" Holly winced again at how snarky she sounded but she was losing patience.

"Because Maine's different."

Holly didn't say anything.

"I'm nineteen Mom, you can't really stop me."

The defiance in Lia's tone was like a smack in the face.

"Lia, this isn't about stopping you or controlling you or turning you into me.  I just want what's best for you."

"I know Mom, I know you do.  I don't want you sitting home worrying about me either."

"I don't sit home worrying about you."

"Of course you do, you worry about me and everything else.  EVERYTHING else."

"That's just a mom thing," Holly said and changed the subject.  "Where in Maine is this?"  Lia told her and Holly googled it on the laptop.  "Oh good grief that is way up there."

"Mom, please."

"I don't know Lia, I just don't know, can I" Holly was going to ask for a day to think about it but she didn't have a chance, Lia blew up at her.

"It's my life Mom, and you can't tell me I can't go.  I'm nineteen.  Just because you don't have a life doesn't mean you can control mine."

"Lia."

"I'm going, goodbye."

Lia hung up on her.  Holly stared at the phone.  Set it down carefully on the table.  God she missed the old clunky rotary dial phones of her childhood.  The black ones that you paid a buck a month to rent from the phone company and if it broke they would send the phone repair man out to fix it (after you called them on your neighbor's phone) and he would take the phone apart and fix it right there in your house.  Those phones a person could slam the receiver down in a very satisfying manner.

Holly picked the phone back up extra carefully and called Kelly.  She didn't expect him to answer, he had flown back to LA several weeks ago.  Once they had reconciled he had spent the better part of two months living with her but he had needed to get back to LA to start another movie.  He wasn't starring in this one so his schedule was even more sporadic, but she knew he was excited about the part.  He had told her, once, that he would love for her to come back to LA with him and she had said she'd think about it.  Then neither one of them had mentioned it again.

"Hi!" Kelly said.

"Hi," Holly said, "I didn't think I'd get you."

"I was just about to call you," he said.

"About what?" she asked.

"Well," he started and then stopped.

"What?"

"I need to ask you something, but I'm, kind of worried about it, I guess."

"Well now you have to ask me."

"I just don't want you to get mad."

"Okay, now you really have to tell me," Holly said, more curious than anything.

"Look, it's just, the premiere for "Mistakes" is coming up and I really wish you would go with me, I'm really excited about this one and I want you there."

"I," Holly started but he interrupted her.

"I know you don't want to come back to LA because it's too far away from Lia, I know that, and I don't want to put any pressure on you, but I felt like, if I didn't at least ask you once..."

"I want to come."

"What?"

"I want to come, to the premiere, to see you, I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"So when is the premiere, exactly?" Holly asked.

"Three weeks from tomorrow, I think.  Do you want to come out the day before like last time?"

"No," she said, "I want to come out as soon as possible."

Chapter 39

Kelly thought he didn't hear her right.

"What did you say?"

"I don't want to wait almost three weeks to see you, can I come out before then?"

"Of course you can, but,"

"But what?  Because you'll be working?"

"Yes, I'll be working, but this is just surprising."

Even as he said it Kelly wondered why he was questioning it.  The time he had spent living with her he had been very content.  Part of him knew it wasn't quite fair, but he had agreed to the terms up front.  He had asked her, once, when he had to go back to LA, if she would go with him.  She had said she'd think about it but then she had never brought it up again.

He even had some ideas about turning one of the spare bedrooms in his house into a studio for her, for painting, the pottery was a little bit more complicated.  He loved the idea of coming home from a day on the set and having her there waiting for him, with paint in her hair and completely surprised and somewhat confused to see him.  She tended to get so absorbed in her work she lost all sense of time.

To Kelly it seemed easy, when he was working they could live in LA, and live in her house in New Hampshire when he wasn't.  But he knew she was uncomfortable being that far away from Lia, so he was willing to live up to his end of the bargain and spend weeks, even months apart, if that's what it took.  But it was kind of frustrating.

He realized Holly still hadn't said anything.

"Holly?  You okay over there?" he asked her.  "We're heading up to Vancouver to shoot some of outdoor stuff for about a week, but after that, yeah, if you wanted to come out to LA, it would be great.  Really great."

She still didn't say anything and Kelly figured he had blown it, big time.

"Holly?"

"Lia and I had a big fight."

"When?"

"Just now.  Just before I called you."

"What about?"

"Well she wants to move to New York or DC after college."

"You mean three years from now?"

Kelly wasn't following her.  They had a fight about where Lia was going to live three years from now?  He knew Holly would be devastated if Lia didn't move back home after college, but it really wasn't that shocking, most kids didn't go back home after college, not if they had the option not to.

"Yes," Holly answered.

"Maybe you guys could wait a year or two to fight about that, just saying."

"No, she also doesn't want to come home for the summer, she wants to go with a friend of hers to work in their family's restaurant."

"In DC or New York?" 

"Maine."

"Maine?" Kelly asked, now totally confused. 

"Yes."

"Well," Kelly said slowly, "I don't get it, I filmed in Maine once.  And I've been to New York.  And DC.  Maine didn't really remind me of either.  Don't get me wrong it was nice, but I don't get it."

"Me neither."

"So are you going to let her?"

"Well, she informed me," Kelly could tell Holly was holding back tears, "that I didn't have a choice you know because she's nineteen and it's her life and blah blah blah.  Hold on."

Kelly waited and heard the distinctive sound of Holly blowing her nose.  He could tell she was upset and right then he really hated the distance between them.  At least if they were together he could hold her while she cried.  It might not make her feel better, but then at least he'd feel like he was doing something.

"Kelly?"

"Yes."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"And she said I don't have a life, that's why I want to control hers.  And then she hung up on me."

"She was just mad, I think, she didn't mean that."

"She did, and she was right, rude as hell and totally out of line, but I have, you know, everything for the past, what, seventeen years?"

"What?"

"I haven't had a life, but I want one."

"Umm, okay," Kelly said.

"I'm not making any sense am I?"

"Well I got the part about you wanting to come out to LA before the premiere.  The stuff with Lia, you know, I'd just let her sweat it out honestly.  You said she was out of line, she probably knows that, maybe she'll come around, once she cools down."

"Maybe," Holly said quietly.

"Are you going to let her go to Maine?"

"I don't know, do I have a choice?"

"Umm, yeah, you're her mom."

"What do you think?"

"I think it is going to be a lot harder work and a lot less money than she is anticipating.  And maybe that would be good for her."

"I hate, hate, hate the idea of her being so far away, if something happens."

That sent Kelly into a slight panic.  California was a hell of a lot farther away than Maine.  He did not want Holly to change her mind about coming out to stay with him.

"You don't need to assume something will happen.  Probably nothing will happen, she'll hang out with her friends, get a taste of how hard it is to actually earn a living, and odds are the worst thing that will happen is one day she'll get a bad sunburn or something."

Lia and her friends probably would do some pretty heavy partying too, Kelly decided but he had absolutely no intention of mentioning that out loud.

"Yeah but," Holly didn't finish.

"What?"

"I always assume something bad will happen."

I've noticed, Kelly thought but he just simply said, "Why?"

"I don't know, it's just how I am."

"Well I love how you are," Kelly frowned down at his empty coffee mug and got up to go over to the pot, then he noticed the time, "Oh Jesus!"

"What?"

"I'm late for work, I have to go."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I love you, I have to go, I'll call you tonight, we'll get started on the plane tickets," Kelly was spinning around the kitchen, he should have left fifteen minutes ago and now he couldn't figure out what to do first,   "I have to go, really."

"Okay, bye, I love you."

"Love you too."

"Bye."

"Bye."