Rogue for a Night (12 page)

Rage’s teeth had begun to hurt from clenching his jaw so tightly. “Because I’m so utterly beneath her?”

Stone glared at him. “No. I couldn’t judge the world you come from. I lived there, too, for many years.”

Rage stared at his friend in disbelief. Surely Stone could not be so naïve as his statement implied. “You weren’t from my world. You visited there, but you could have gone home any time you liked. Jesus, Stone, you combed your hair, curbed your language and everyone wanted to invite you to every party again.”

His friend pursed his lips. “That isn’t true. I had to change on a far deeper level to have even the smallest type of acceptance. Even now, there are many who won’t even speak to me and who cut my wife because of who I am and what I did. And
I
have a family of influence.”

Rage flinched. “Unlike me.”

Stone didn’t respond, but the flicker in his stare told Rage that was exactly what he meant.

“Lucinda is a genteel lady. She comes from a very important family and has never faced the kind of censure that might come if you had feelings for her and she returned them. She might not be happy-”

“In a secondhand life with me,” Rage said softly. He had heard enough. “Yes. I know you are correct, my friend. I’m not about to ruin anything for you or for your family. I know my place. I always have.”

Stone opened his mouth, but Rage lifted a hand to silence him. “Go back to the house, Stone. I think I’ll walk a while.”

He turned on his heel and walked away from his friend, away from the house that was just over the hill in the distance. He felt Stone watching him as he moved. He even heard his best friend say his name.

But he didn’t turn back.

Chapter Ten

     Lucinda paced the length of the parlor, pausing each time she was about to turn as she listened for Ronan’s footfalls. It had been nearly two hours since the picnic, which had been such a lovely idea, had broken up. Nicholas had returned just a quarter of an hour after she and Jane arrived home… but Ronan…

     Well, he was still gone. And she wanted to speak to
him
about what had happened, not Jane, not her brother-in-law.

     In the hallway, she heard the front door close and rushed out into the foyer. She caught her breath as she saw Ronan standing in the open space. His face was hard. So hard that she saw a glimpse of what he must have been like as a jaded boy, as a rage-filled boxer who took his pain to the boxing ring and spent it with his fists.

     That hardness on his face made tears come to her eyes and the desire to speak to him, comfort him, was stronger than ever.

     “Ronan,” she said softly.

     He froze and slowly his stare came to her face. “What are you doing?”

     She flinched at the icy tone. “Waiting for you.”

     He laughed, but there was no humor or lightness in his tone. “That is a waste of your time, my lady.”

     She swallowed at his reversion to the proper address. “I want to talk to you.”

     He shook his head. “Not now.”

     She stared at him and realized that there was only now. It was clear by his expression that if she waited until some undefined “later” that he would push her away for once and for all. He would be lost to her. And she wasn’t prepared for that. Not without at least discussing it.

     “Please,” she said, taking a few steps toward him and reaching for him. She settled her hand on his arm. The muscles contracted beneath her palm and his jaw tightened even further. “Please, I’m asking you to come to the parlor with me and talk to me. Nothing else.”

     “Very well,” he said, then pulled his arm away and motioned to the parlor she had come from. “Lead the way.”

     Lucinda hesitated. Part of her wanted to take his arm and force him to escort her, but there was something so… fragile about his acquiescence that she feared she would lose it, and him, if she pushed. So she turned and walked into the room, feeling his stare on her with every step.

     Inside the parlor, he walked past her and directly to the window where he stared out across the lawn with a flat, emotionless expression on his face. Lucinda glanced behind her to be certain no one had seen them enter the room together, then gently closed the door to give them some privacy.

     The sound of the door shutting had Ronan stiffening, though he didn’t turn away from his view.

     Lucinda stared at him, waiting for him to look at her. To say something,
anything
to her, even just her name. But he stayed where he was.

     So it was to be left to her.

     “Ronan,” she said softly.

     His shoulders tensed and finally he turned toward her and looked at her evenly.

     “I’m sorry about what happened today,” she said and moved toward him a few steps. “I feel as though I hurt you and I never wanted to do such a thing.”

     His brow arched. “You didn’t hurt me.”

     She blushed at the dismissive words. “Oh. Good.”

     Another long silence parted them, stretching out like a cavern she couldn’t dare cross. Except she did, pushing even closer to him. His eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t back away.

     “Ronan, you may say I didn’t hurt you, but clearly you are upset or angry. I want to talk to you about this. Please, don’t push me away.”

     Those words were the first that showed any visible affect on him. His expression softened slightly and he looked at her face for the first time. “Lucinda,” he whispered and her eyes fluttered shut when he said her name instead of addressing her formally. “Look at me.”

     She opened her eyes and did as he had asked. He reached for her, touching her upper arms gently. “You should let me push you away. To protect you.”

     Her lips parted. “You don’t mean that,” she breathed when she managed to find her voice.

     He stared at her for a long time and then released her arms and backed away. Terror sluiced through her, fear of loss, fear of never feeling again the way she felt when she was with him. Out of instinct, she caught his hands before he could escape her reach. He sucked in a breath at the touch of her skin and she took the opportunity. She lifted to her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his.

     He was tense beneath her lips for a fraction of a second, but then his arms came around her, his mouth slanted and parted. She tasted his desire, his need and her body grew heavy and wet with anticipation of joining her body with his. And perhaps
that
was the only way she could bring back the man who smiled more easily, who looked at her with eyes filled with warmth. The man who had trusted her with his secrets and his past, even though she knew that trust wasn’t easily given.

     He moved as if he was planning to pull away, but Lucinda clung to him, desperate to tell him with her body what she couldn’t fully say with words, and what she feared he did not wish to hear even if she found those elusive words and the bravery to say them.

     She tugged at his buttons, freeing them until her fingers found the warmth of his skin instead of cotton and linen. He growled low in his chest, a sound of possession and pleasure and made her body tingle. It also emboldened her. He might try to resist, but she could force his hand with her body, with her touch. She slid her hand lower, down his stomach and found him hard and ready when her hand closed around the thrust of his erection.

     “Lucinda,” he gasped, his mouth jerking from hers.

     “Shhh,” she soothed as she fumbled with his trousers. She parted the buttons and freed him into her palm. He was hot and smooth and she wanted him inside of her. Somehow, some way. She wanted to weaken him with pleasure the way he had done to her so many times since they’d begun this affair.

     She kissed his throat, then dragged her mouth downward, tasting his skin as she dipped lower. He had pleasured her with his mouth numerous times and now she wanted to do the same to him. She dropped to her knees and stroked her hand over him once, twice.

     His back arched and he hissed out a breath. A breath that turned to a low grunt when she darted out her tongue to lick just the tip of his erection.

     “Lucinda-” he began again, but she didn’t respond with words.

     Instead she took him into her mouth.

     “Christ,” he cried out and his hands came into her hair as she began to slowly glide him in and out of her mouth, sucking and tasting, swirling her tongue around him.

     The feeling of him in her mouth, hard and at her mercy made her feel powerful, womanly, ripe and passionate. Her troubles and worries faded, replaced by focus on Ronan his pleasure.

     “Lucinda-” This time his voice was a gasp. “I can’t wait-”

     She knew what he meant, but she didn’t want to stop. She wanted to bring him to that ultimate pleasure, to feel him lose control inside her for once in their time together. Such an idea was foreign to her, but not unpleasant.

     She continued to suck him, stroking his shaft with her fist as she swirled her tongue around him.

     His release came with a guttural cry and then the hot splash of his seed filled her mouth. She swallowed and was surprised that the salty flavor did not bother her, in fact she liked the power she derived from it and the pleasure she had given even more.

     She pulled away from him and looked up his body with a tiny wicked smile. But it fell the moment she saw his face. Though he was panting from his release, he did not look happy. He caught her elbows and pulled her to her feet, but then he immediately released her and turned away.

     “Why did you do that?” he asked as he closed his trousers and buttoned his shirt.

     Lucinda stared at his tense back. “Because I wanted you. And I wanted to show you that I do care for you. That I-”

     He spun toward her and lifted his hand. “Stop,” he snapped. “Don’t say it. Don’t.”

     She closed her mouth and stepped back.

     He shook his head. “We can’t do this anymore. I never should have…”

     He stopped and turned away again. Lucinda sucked in a breath. “You shouldn’t have made love to me? You shouldn’t have touched me or told me you wanted me? I’m glad you did. I don’t know why-”

     “You don’t know why?” he asked in disbelief. “Damn it, Lucinda, that should be obvious. We are not the same kind of people. We never were. This was an affair, one I thought would help you. But it was nothing more and it never could be.”

     Lucinda blinked as all those words settled into her mind. An affair, nothing more. And worse, one he thought would
help
her. As if he pitied her, as so many other people in her life did.

     “You can’t mean that,” she whispered.

     He faced her squarely and she saw no emotion or warmth in his face or his eyes. “I mean every word.”

     She blinked. Now the hurt was washing over her. The anger followed closely behind.

     With as much dignity as she could muster, she straightened her shoulders and stepped away from him. “Well, thank you for that honesty. And thank you, apparently, for taking pity on me and gifting me with your-your-”

     She waved in the general direction of his body. She knew what his member was called, but she had never used such a frank, vulgar word before. But then, that proved exactly what Ronan said.

     “Your cock,” she finished and wished she didn’t blush when she said it. “Goodbye.”

Without waiting for his response,  she turned on her heel and exited the room. She didn’t see anything around her as she staggered up the stairs, down the hallway and found her room somehow. She slammed the door behind her and locked it, then she sank to her knees and began to sob as she hadn’t allowed herself to do in at least a year.

It was in that moment that she recognized what a loss she had just suffered. Perhaps not of a death as when Anthony had been snatched from her. But a loss of love nonetheless. She loved Ronan Riley… but he had made it more than clear that he did not feel the same. Nor would he ever.

So she would have her cry and then she had to find a way to pick up the pieces. But not here. Not with him.

~~~

Lucinda drew a deep breath before she stepped out on the drive and watched her driver pull her carriage around. Behind her Nicholas and Jane joined her and she felt their eyes on her. Felt their pity and their worry and their questions.

She drew a deep breath before she faced them.

“Thank you again for this opportunity to join you here,” she said. Her voice cracked and she swallowed hard before she continued. “I’m sorry to be such a rude guest and depart before the appointed time.”

“Are you certain we cannot convince you to stay?” Nicholas asked softly, his sharp eyes never leaving her face.

“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I miss my girls.”

Which was true, but not why she was leaving.

Jane slipped her hand into her husband’s arm and smiled at Lucinda gently. “We would be happy to have them join us if we could change your mind. Marianne and Hugh could be here with them in just a few days.”

Lucinda shut her eyes. The girls would love to see their uncle and aunt, she knew that to be true. But she couldn’t pretend not to care about Ronan. They would see, Jane and Nicholas would see. Her humiliation would know no bounds at that point. And neither would her heartbreak.

The last of the bags were loaded and the footman took his place beside the door to allow her access when she was ready.

“You are too kind,” she managed past dry lips. “But I must decline. My life in London awaits. But I’ll see you both there in just a short time.”

Nicholas nodded. “Yes, we’ll be back in just a week.”

“Good.”

She breathed a sigh of relief that the attempt at convincing her to stay seemed to have passed and she hadn’t burst into tears or confessed her feelings for Ronan. Now she just had to get into the vehicle with her dignity intact and then she could cry all the way to the first inn she would stay in for the night if she desired.

Jane stepped forward and her arms came around Lucinda for a tight hug. Lucinda clung to her friend, blinking at those tears she did not want to shed and whispered, “Thank you.”