Authors: Michelle Bellon
As he drew nearer the black and blue markings on her face and around her throat must have grabbed his attention. His expression shifted from nonchalant to
confusion to anger and h
e rushed forward.
“What the hell happened?”
Shyla put up a hand.
“I’m fine, I’m fine.”
Shawn grabbed Brennan’s jacket collar.
“You asshole,” he said, “d
id you do this to her? I’ll kill you.”
“I’m jus
t trying to help her,
”
Brennan responded, calm.
“Shawn, let g
o of him,” Shyla shouted, her throat constricted,
“Shawn, what are you doing here?”
Shawn slowly released Brennan and gave her a sideways glance.
“I was waiting for you. I just wanted to
…I was afraid that you’d gone through with
…I wasn’t sure.”
“It’s over, Shawn.
It’s over.
Does Hal know you’re here?
”
“No. I mean, I mentioned that I’d drop by and check on you. But he doesn’
t
know that you ignored Eli’s orders
.”
“Tell him you saw me and I’m fine. Don’t tell him I saw Victor. I’ll tell him myself Monday.”
“This is crazy, Shyla. If he hurt you, I’ll go out there and arrest him myself.”
“Why? So he can pay off another judge. No thanks, Shawn. Look, I don’t have what it takes to stand out here and explain myself. I’m tired. It
’
s over.
”
She turned and walked away, suddenly so tired she feared she would fall over right there in the parking lot. When she heard their footsteps, she kept walking but held up her hand in the a
ir.
“Don’t follow me,” she said, “g
o home, b
oth of you. I just want to be left alone.
”
I
n the safety of her apartment, alone in the quiet, she sank onto the living room floor. The idea of a drink was no longer appealing. The concept of waking up the next day and reporting in to work as she’d said she would was not a thought that seemed viable. Everything seemed too monumental of a task in her current state. The fatigue was the only thing that seemed real. She just wanted to close her eyes and go to sleep for a very, very long time.
W
hen she closed them, her eyes
began to sting. They burned as her tired heart burned. Tears of her failures, her sins,
and her ugliness
poured forth. For once
,
she didn’t fight it off or push the emotion aside. She dove into its depths. Sobs, powerful and alive
,
wracke
d her body. She opened up to it
s torrential downpour.
THIRTY-THREE
“Hey. Hey. What are you doing still in bed?” Carmen asked
, shaking Shyla’s shoulder, “i
t’s two in the afternoon. Wake up
,
lazy butt.”
“I’m not slee
ping,”
Shyla groaned, pulling the covers over her head, “
I’m just refusing to get out of bed. Now go away and leave me alone.”
“But I have to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk. It’s Sunday. I just
want to pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist. Now if you don’t mind, you can show yourself out the door.
How did you get in anyway?”
“The door was unlocked. I walked in. Yo
u should really lock your doors,
”
Carmen said before t
he
expressi
on on her face suddenly shifted,
“
Oh my god! What happened to your neck? Are you okay?”
“Yes. No. I’m fine. Damn it, Carmen, why are you always in my face with a million questions?”
Carmen was oblivious to Shyla’s attitude.
“It looks like you were choked. Did someone attack you? Should I call 911?”
With a roll of her eyes Shyla tossed the covers aside and rolled out of bed.
“No,” she said,
“and f
or god’s sake, don’t call anyone. I told you, I’m fine. I just have to pee.”
She stomped into the bathroom and closed the door. The bruising around her throat did look nasty. The blue and purple was now bordered with a yellowish tint as healing began.
She flushed the toilet and washed her hands then marched
out in only a long t-shirt and underwear and slid back into the warmth of her bed.
Carmen reached down and picked up an empty tequila bottle off the floor.
“Did you drink this whole thing?”
“
Not all at once. Why are you still here?
”
“Jeez, Shyla, you have bruises all over. What happened to you? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me.”
Shyla sighed and sat up against the headboard.
“
Fine,” she said,
“y
ou wann
a know what happened?
I’ll tell you. I’m a cop. Not a secretary. A cop. I moved here to work on a case. That case went completely sideways and now I’m off the case. Meanwhile, I got tangled up with some crooked p
eople and got beat the hell up. I shouldn’t even be telling you this. But you aren’t going to let up until I do, so what the hell. I’m leaving town next week anyway.”
Panic seized Carmen’s young features. She plopped on the side of the bed.
“You’re moving?”
Shyla averted her gaze.
“But you can’t le
ave,” Carmen continued,
“
I don
’t care if you are really a cop!
You can’t leave. Who cares about the case? You can do other cop stuff here. You don’t have to move.”
“I have to get out of this town,”
Shyla sighed, “
I failed here. Twice
,
now
. I have bad mojo here.
”
“I want you arou
nd. Please don’t give up, Shyla,” Carmen pleaded, “p
lease don’t leave. You still have to teach me kung fu.”
The look on Carmen’s face was
burdensome.
“Yo
u said you needed to talk to me,” Shyla said,
“w
hat did you want to talk about?”
“Um, oh, yeah,
” Carmen said, blinking,
“my mom
wanted to inv
ite you over for dinner later this week
. I think you freaked her out the other day and she just wants to show you that she’s a good person.”
“Invite me for dinner?” Shyla laughed,
“That’s the last thing I expected.”
“Come on. You could just come for a
while. My mom never invites anyone over. Maybe this will change…I don’t know…maybe things will be different now.”
Shyla shook her head.
“I don’t know. I’ve got a lot going on.
I need to get my life back on track.”
“Well, you don’t have to make up your mind right now. Just think about it.”
It was a lot to ask, but Shyla couldn’t refuse her.
“Okay, I’
ll think about it.
What’cha got in the bag there?
”
Carmen looked down at the bag she had hanging from her left hand as if surprised it was there.
“Oh. Yeah. I brou
ght you some doughnuts.”
Shyl
a cocked an eyebrow.
“Doughnuts?
You brought me doughnuts in the middle of the afternoon?”
“Yep. They’re my favorite; the powdery ones with raspberry filling. I’ve been thinking about them all day so on the way over, I stopped by the mini-mart and grabbed a box. I thought you might like one.”
“Did you pay for them?”
Carmen looked insulted.
“Of course I paid for them. Jeez.”
Shyla held up her hands.
“Okay, okay, just asking. You know, I just happen to love a good doughnut.
Hand over the bag and go get us some milk.”
With a gleaming grin, Carmen rushed out of the bedroom. Shyla felt a small smile creep on her face. What was it about this girl that made her so soft? As of an hour ago, her mind was made up that she would resign
first thing Monday morning. She would face the music
, pack up and start a new life somewhere she’d never been before.
Now
,
she was already promising a thirteen year old girl that she’d think about sticking around. She bit into the soft, powdery doughnut as Carmen returned with two full mason jars of milk.
THIRTY-FOUR
“Shawn.”
“Yeah, this is Shawn. Is that you
,
Shyla?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Hey, listen. Can you give me a ride to work this morning? My car won’t start.”
“Yea
h, of course. Hey, are you okay?
I dropped by your place on Saturday, but there was no answer. I’ve been worried.”
“I just needed some time, Shawn. But I’m okay, now. So how long before you get here?
I want to stop at the espresso stand.”
“Uh, sure, give me ten minutes. I was just about to walk out the door anyway.”
Shyla
hung up and finished cleaning up the kitchen. Up since four-thirty, she’d been cleaning up the a
partment. Over the course of the past few weeks, she’d neglected her place
and it showed
.
After Carmen left, she’d slept off the booze. When she woke up around five, she had wanted a drink. But she refused to give in to the craving. Not only did she not want to leave the apartment, she wanted to be sober for the night. She’d avoided reality for far too long. It was time to think clearly and make a decision about her future.
The instinct to run away from all of it was strong. But that’s what she
had always done
. She’d shirked away from her dad all her life, but didn’t fight him off until that one d
ay when she finally snapped. She
and her mother never really acknowledged what was going on, even though it was a big, sore thumb in their lives at every moment. Even after the incident, she tucked away all the shame and dove into her books. When she graduated
,
she moved away and buried her sorrow with work. She kept partners at a distance with sharp sarcasm and she couldn’t remember having ever made any close friends.
Running away
and burying her head in the sand was what she was really good at.
Now
,
she had to decide if that was how she was going to handle this situation.
Distraught and agitated, she finally drifted off to sleep around midnight. Just over four hours later, she woke up
,
surprisingly alert and clear headed. Suddenly she knew what she would do. It wasn’t even a question anymore. It just was.