Rodeo Bride (2 page)

“I’m not those men.” His last words may have been uttered a bit too loudly. Toby made a small, unhappy whimpering sound.

Faster than light, quieter than the dawn, Colleen was across the room. She reached down and gently stroked the baby’s arm. “Shh, you’re safe, sweetheart,” she whispered. “I’m here. No one will hurt you.”

Almost instantly, the baby calmed. He pulled one fist up to his mouth and began to suck his thumb. He slept, his long lashes fluttering back down over those pale, pretty cheeks. Colleen gazed down at the baby with what looked like true affection. Had any of his nannies ever looked like that when he was growing up? Dillon wondered. No, some of them had been decent, but not even close to being that involved. He hadn’t expected them to, hadn’t even known it was possible. Still, this was…nice, even though her attachment to the baby was clearly going to be a problem.

Colleen looked up into Dillon’s eyes, that naked pain evident again. Dillon wanted to look away. He forced himself not to.

She stood straight and tall, proudly defying him while she still could. For an Amazon she didn’t look even slightly out of place in this room full of small things. He noted the stuffed animals in a sun-yellow crate, the changing table with diapers and lotions, the piles of baby clothes on top of a child-sized dresser, the toys and books. A night-light shaped like a lamb. Now, he remembered that he’d passed a stroller on the way in, a bright blue playpen in the living room. Where had all these things come from?

As if she’d read his mind, she moved toward him. “We need to talk,” she said.

“My thoughts exactly.”

“We have about thirty minutes before Toby wakes up in earnest. He’s like clockwork and then he’ll want to be fed.” She ushered Dillon toward the living room, where she perched on a chair that had a lot more years on it than anything in the nursery. Dillon sat down on a tired old sofa.

With the playpen taking up a lot of the space, the room seemed small, tight, not quite big enough for two adults. Dillon looked at Colleen, and now, without the foil of Toby to concentrate on, she looked nervous, rubbing her palms over her jeans.

Dillon’s gaze followed her hands down her legs. He ordered himself to think of the business at hand, not what Colleen Applegate’s long legs looked like when they weren’t encased in denim. There were important issues to deal with here. “Did Lisa give you money to take care of Toby?”

“Why would you think that?”

“Babies cost money. They take time.”

“I haven’t even had any contact with her since the day she dropped him here. He was only a week old. She didn’t want him. I didn’t even think of asking for payment. He was a baby with no one to love him.”

“But you’ve obviously spent a fair amount of money. You’ll be compensated.”

She glared at him. “I don’t want it. That would be like selling him.” Those strong, sturdy hands were opening and closing now.

“All right. I won’t insult you by offering again. Just tell me this. Why you? I’d never even heard of you before. Lisa never spoke of you. Were you good friends?”

Colleen shook her head, those messy curls brushing her cheeks. “We grew up in the same town and we went to school together, but no, we weren’t friends at all. As for why, she seemed frantic, trapped and, well, this is a small town and everyone here knows me. It’s no secret that I’ve always wanted children, but…”

“But you don’t have any.”

“No. I don’t.” It was clear that there was more to this part of the story than she was saying, but Dillon had no right to ask more. She had given him a valid answer.

“Lisa said that she couldn’t be a mother to Toby,” Colleen continued, “and she didn’t say much more. She didn’t stay long, and she seemed worried at what your reaction was going to be, as if she wanted to be gone before you got here.”

“Which is why you have a number of questions of your own,” he said.

“Partly, yes.”

“Those questions you were asking earlier…you think I abused my wife or that I would once I knew that she had cheated on me?”

“I don’t know you. I know there are men who can be abusive, with or without a reason. And even when abuse doesn’t involve hitting it can be brutal and harmful.” Something about the tone of her voice, the way she looked away when all along she’d been facing him head-on, led Dillon to believe that Colleen had had personal experience of such
men. Something shifted inside him. Anger at his own kind filled him.

“I’m not a perfect man, Colleen, but I’ve never intentionally harmed a woman or a child, and I wouldn’t.”

She studied him as if trying to read his mind to see if he spoke the truth. Her eyes were dark and unhappy but she sucked in her lip, blinked and gave a hard nod. “Okay,” she whispered. “I mean, I don’t have a choice do I, but…”

Suddenly she leaned forward and opened a drawer on the end table next to the chair. She pulled out a sheaf of papers. Pages and pages of papers.

“These are things you need to know. Routines. Details on what went on during his first few months. His preferences, his quirks, his fears. Medical things. He was jaundiced when Lisa brought him here, and until recently, he was colicky, but if I wrapped him up tight in a blanket and rocked with him, eventually he would go to sleep. He takes a nap in the morning and one in the afternoon and…who will do all these things?” she asked suddenly. Then just as quickly she shook her head. “Forget I asked that. You’re a wealthy man. You’ll hire some…some nurse or something.”

Someone who doesn’t love him yet,
she meant to say. Dillon was sure of that.

Gently, he took the stack of papers from Colleen. There were all kinds of notes. A description of Toby’s first smile, his first laugh, which was just last week. His feeding schedule. More.

“You’re right. I’m a wealthy man. I can hire a nurse.” Just the way his parents had. A whole series of nurses and nannies who had come and gone. He didn’t want that for his child.

“You could teach me what to do.” The words just popped right out of nowhere. Dillon had no clue why he’d even said the words, but…

“I could take care of him,” he added.

As if she wasn’t even thinking, Colleen suddenly reached across and touched his hand. “That’s incredibly sweet.”

Dillon wanted to laugh. Sort of. “Have you looked at me, Colleen? No one on earth, least of all the people in my business or the men under my command, have ever called me sweet.”

“I know.” She looked down at where her hand lay on his, as if she regretted the move but didn’t know how to take it back. “I didn’t mean it quite the way it sounded. What I meant was, you don’t have a clue what you’re saying. Despite all your accomplishments, taking care of a baby is different from anything on earth you’ve ever done.”

“I suspect that it is. So show me, Colleen.”

“Now?”

“I’ve been away from my business for a long time. There are people I trust in charge, and they won’t mind waiting for me a little longer. I have time for you to teach me.”

Colleen worked hard at controlling her breathing. Dillon Farraday’s hand was warm and strong and very masculine beneath her own. Not that she had any business noticing. Quickly, she pulled away. “I don’t feel comfortable having a man in my house.”

Strange man.
She should have said strange man. But she had meant what she said. She didn’t want
any
man here. This whole house was her haven, her shelter, her barrier.

“You have other buildings. I could rent one.”

For the first time she allowed herself to smile. “Some of them have animals in them, some have tools. You aren’t exactly the type to bunk with the hired hands I employ.”

“Don’t judge a man by his looks, Colleen.”

No, she never did. Looks could deceive. “I won’t.”

“Good. Then you’ll let me stay here a few days? You’ll train me in the basics so I can be a good father to Toby?”

“What will you do when you go back to Chicago? You’ll still need someone.”

“What do you do when you have to work around the ranch?”

“I bundle him up and take him with me or I find people I trust implicitly to help.”

“Then I’ll do that. Colleen?”

She looked straight into those ice-blue eyes and her heart began to pound fast. He was the most gorgeous, intimidating man she’d ever met. Not in the usual sense of the word. It wasn’t that she thought he’d physically harm her, but something far different. He was the kind of man who could hurt her emotionally, and she was pretty sure that it wasn’t just because he would take Toby. The smartest thing to do would be to run, to say no, and yet…

“You’ll give me warning before you take him away?” she asked, trying to adjust to the sudden shift in plans.

She should be jumping at this, latching on to it. Dillon wanted to learn how to be a good father. That was a good thing, the best thing for Toby, and she would at least have a bit more time with the baby.

And with the man.

Colleen shoved that thought away. She hoped her face wasn’t flaming. In the past,
her
past, well, a woman like her could easily look pathetic when she was attracted to a man, especially a man who was totally out of bounds.

“Will you let me stay?” he repeated. “Will you tutor me until I’ve got everything down pat and until Toby and I feel comfortable together?”

“You know I can’t say no to that.”

He smiled at her, and heat rushed through her. “Then say yes, Colleen.”

She didn’t even remember saying the word. She felt faint and sick and nervous, as if her body was not her own. But she
must have said yes, because Dillon had gone outside and he was pulling a suitcase from his car.

A man was going to be staying with her here at the Applegate Ranch. She wondered what he would say when he discovered that all her employees were women.

M
AYBE
he should have stayed inside and read all that paperwork that Colleen had for him to pore over, but the enormity of what he was doing had finally hit, and Dillon needed a few minutes to regroup, so he stood on the porch leaning on the crooked railing as he looked out across the land. He’d spent a lifetime learning to control his emotions. Those lessons had served him well in business, and this past year with all that had happened, the merits of guarding his reactions had hit even harder.

But Colleen Applegate’s passionate loyalty to his son had been unexpected. It had caught him off guard, which was most likely why he had made that uncharacteristically impetuous declaration that he wanted her to give him parenting lessons. He was already regretting that decision and yet, she was right. He didn’t know a damn thing about caring for a baby and he wasn’t about to let just anyone take over that task.

He swore beneath his breath. “What a mess.”

The door opened behind him and when he turned to look at Colleen the expression on her face told him that she had, most likely, heard his last comment. Her chin was raised in defiance, and a trace of guilt slipped through Dillon. None of this, after all, was her fault.

“I apologize for the way that sounded.”

All the defiance slipped away from her. “I doubt this was what you had anticipated when you thought about having children.”

“I hadn’t actually thought about it too much.”

She studied him. “You didn’t want a child?”

It hadn’t been that so much. “I felt…unqualified. Still do. But he’s here, and just because I hadn’t anticipated him doesn’t mean I don’t want him. He’s never going to feel as if his birth was a mistake, so don’t even think that I’m heading down that path. I’m taking this job seriously.”

“Job?”

“Dad.”

Colleen gave a curt nod. “Okay, Dad. Let’s get you settled. Then we’ll get right to the father lessons.”

Dillon saw now that she had a bundle of quilts in her arms. He reached out and started to take them from her but she shook her head.

“I can carry a few blankets,” she said.

“I’m sure you can. You run a ranch. You tend to my son. You have employees. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I’m not a guest and I’m sure having me living here is an imposition that wasn’t remotely in your plans for this week. If you won’t let me compensate you for Toby’s care, at least let me pull my weight.”
Take back some of the control you’ve lost these past months,
he told himself. He’d grown up having no input into his parents’ decision to farm him out to disinterested keepers. As a child, his quest for affection had only resulted in a roller-coaster ride of brief bouts of interest followed by long periods of apathy from both his parents and the people they hired to keep him fed, occupied and out of their way.

So, when he’d grown up, he’d turned to something ever dependable: logic and control. The precise environment of engineering never failed him. The reliability of being able to predict
and control outcomes, and the measured skills involved in running a company and commanding troops, had been a perfect fit…until the events of the last year had blindsided him.

That time was over. He was not a man given to highs and lows and he’d made a mistake choosing someone as volatile as Lisa. Somehow, he’d missed who and what she was, just as the soldier walking ahead of him hadn’t seen that land mine that had taken his life and injured Dillon. But, from now on, Dillon was putting the lid back on his emotions and regaining control of his life in even the most basic ways. He tugged on the quilts.

To his surprise, Colleen didn’t let go. “This visit wasn’t in your plans, either, I’m sure. And just so you know, so that there won’t be too many surprises, ranch life’s difficult,” she countered. To her credit, she didn’t glance at his leg, though he knew that was at least part of what she was referring to.

Dillon had a feeling that Colleen was one of those surprises. Was the woman really worrying about the welfare of the man who’d come to take the baby she clearly coveted?

“I’ll let you know if it gets to be too much.”

A small smile lifted her lips. “Somehow I doubt you would admit any such thing. You’re an infuriatingly determined man, Mr. Farraday, but all right.” She turned over the quilts.

He smiled slightly at her tone, but he didn’t apologize. “Just Dillon will do. If you’ll show me where I’m staying while I’m here, I’ll get settled so that we can get right down to that crash course in fatherhood.”

She hesitated. And hesitated some more. “The bunkhouse is occupied.”

“And you don’t feel comfortable having a man in your house,” he remembered.

She looked uneasy. “I know that seems silly when I’m an independent woman who’s been running a ranch for years, but—”

Dillon raised one hand to silence her. “You don’t have to apologize or explain anything to me, Colleen. It doesn’t sound silly. You’re careful. That’s good.” Although he could tell from her expression that her concerns went deeper than simply being careful. Not his business. Nothing he needed to know about.

“Still, you’re here to learn about taking care of Toby. You’ll want to be near when he wakes up in the middle of the night. I have an enclosed back porch, and at this time of year you won’t need heat. You won’t have to worry about anyone intruding on you there. There’s a door separating it from the house and a sleeper sofa that’s…I’m sorry, I can’t lie. It’s
almost
comfortable.”

Dillon wanted to smile, but she was clearly a bit embarrassed at her refusal to let him all the way inside her house. “I’ve been a soldier, Colleen. I’ve slept in the mud from time to time, and I’m used to less than comfortable circumstances, so I’m sure I’ll be fine sleeping on the porch.”

“Is he really staying?” a voice rang out. Dillon turned to see a big iron-haired woman making her way across the grass toward the house. “Gretchen said you called and told her that he was, but I didn’t believe her. It’s been a long time since we had a fine-looking man visiting the Applegate,” the woman told Dillon.

Dillon glanced from a suddenly pink-faced Colleen to the older woman. Colleen raised her chin and drew herself up.

“Millie, this is Dillon Farraday. He’s—”

“Toby’s father,” the woman said. “Yes, I know.”

“Millie is my right-hand woman,” Colleen explained.

“She means that I cook, I clean, I mend and I take care of Toby when she has other duties to tend to,” the woman said. She shoved out one large hand. “I can handle all the jobs that a man can handle, too, but…I miss having a man about the place. It’s been a long time since I heard a deep voice around here.”

Dillon shook her strong, weathered hand. “I thought Colleen said that she had other workers. Ranch hands. I assumed—”

Colleen sighed. “Millie, go get them. They must be in from their chores by now, anyway.”

Without another word, Millie whipped out a cell phone, punched a few keys and just said, “Yes, now.”

Immediately, Dillon heard female voices in the distance. He looked up to see two twentysomething women exit a building that had to be the bunkhouse. They headed toward the house.

“Wow, Mil, he’s gorgeous. In a kind of rugged way,” Dillon heard coming through the phone before Colleen reached over, plucked the phone from Millie and clicked it shut.

“I could have done that much,” Colleen told her right-hand woman.

Millie shrugged. “Made more sense than running all the way back to the bunkhouse.”

“Dillon might have needed some time to prepare himself,” Colleen said. She stepped in front of him as if to protect him when the duo drew closer. He countered and moved to her side.

“Gretchen and Julie, this is Mr. Farraday,” Colleen said. “He’ll be with us for at least a few days. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t bite, so show him what he needs to know if he asks. All right?”

“Of course. Will he be eating with us?” one of them asked.

“I normally eat in the bunkhouse,” Colleen explained to Dillon. “It’s just easier for Millie if we’re all in one place, and the bunkhouse kitchen is newer and roomier. But for now,” she said, turning toward the women, “I think Dillon might prefer it at the house with Toby. They’re just getting to know each other.”

Disappointment registered on at least one of the faces. Then the girls smiled and waved goodbye as they went back to the bunkhouse.

“I’ll bring the food over soon,” Millie said as she followed the girls.

Silence set in.

“I suppose you’re wondering why I have only women working here.”

He was. “I suppose you have your reasons and that they’re none of my business. If you think I’m going to offer criticism, you’re dead wrong. Some of the best soldiers I ever met were women and there are a number of fine female engineers working for my engineering firm. Besides, even though I don’t know anything about ranching, your ranch looks as if it’s in pretty good shape.” In fact, the ranch looked significantly better than the house. Clearly, she was pumping her profits back into the business.

“Gretchen and Julie are young, they’re strong, they’re knowledgeable and they need this ranch to succeed as much as I do, so they put their all into it,” Colleen said. “This is their home. They belong here.”

And he didn’t, Dillon knew. He and his shiny expensive car didn’t belong here, but this was where he was going to begin again.

“Thank you for letting me stay and I’ll tell the women thank-you when I see them again. I’ve already disrupted their routines by having you switch the meal. We don’t have to do that.”

She studied him carefully with those dark, serious eyes. “No, I think we do. Toby needs to get used to you being the one he focuses on. It will be easier for him if there aren’t too many other distracting faces around at mealtimes. Not that he really eats meals exactly, but I make sure he’s with us at the table. Being together at mealtime is important to a family.”

He wouldn’t know about that. His family had not been anything like a real family. “Is this my first lesson?” he asked with a smile.

He had clearly caught her by surprise with that question, and Colleen’s cheeks pinked up again. Some women looked less attractive when they were flustered, but not this woman. When she took a long, deep breath, drew herself up to her full, impressive height and opened her mouth slightly as if choosing her words carefully, there was something utterly fascinating about her. As if she was concentrating all of her being into choosing those words. A sliver of heat slipped through Dillon…which wouldn’t do at all.

Colleen shook her head, her curls brushing her shoulders. “I’m afraid I get carried away sometimes. The girls—the women, I mean—have been working here a couple of years, and since Julie is only twenty and Gretchen is twenty-three, a full five years younger than me, I guess I’ve gotten too used to doing that prim schoolteacher thing. Bad habit. I didn’t mean to lecture, so no, that wasn’t your first lesson.”

Prim schoolteacher? Dillon couldn’t help thinking that with Colleen’s generous curves,
prim
was the last word that came to mind.

A strange, small sound suddenly filled the air. Automatically Colleen and Dillon both glanced down at her baby monitor.

It was the first time Dillon had heard his child’s voice. “He’s crying,” Dillon said with wonder.

“Yes. And
that’s
going to be your first lesson.” Colleen held the door open. “You’re going to hold your son,” she said as Dillon brushed past her. The combination of her low, husky voice and the prospect of finally meeting his child face-to-face nearly made Dillon’s knees buckle.

He’d faced disasters in his life, business barons and scenes in battle he’d prefer to forget. He had been suited to what he’d face in business and in battle. He had been trained and at least partially prepared for them. Nothing, he thought, had prepared
him for the responsibility of molding a life that was so young and fragile.

He really was going to be dependent on Colleen, this woman he found far too intriguing. Bad move. He didn’t do intriguing anymore, so somehow he had to learn all she could teach him as quickly as possible. Once he and Toby were on their own, they could sort everything else out and forget that this woman had ever been a part of their lives.

Everything about Dillon was too big, Colleen thought as she led him back to Toby’s room. He was tall, his shoulders were broad, his hands were big with long fingers, his legs were long and well-muscled. Even with the limp, he seemed powerful and strong and she felt small. She never, ever felt small. That had been her mother, her charming, petite, pretty and utterly helpless mother, who had not passed along her genes to gawky, awkward, big-boned Colleen.

All of her life she’d wanted to be small. And now? Now, with Dillon behind her, dwarfing her, she just felt vulnerable. More awkward and self-conscious than ever. As if she’d just now realized that she was a woman. And all because Dillon, with that warrior’s body of his, was most definitely a man.

“This way,” she said, feeling instantly stupid.

Dillon chuckled, and Colleen felt her neck growing warm. “You’re right. I guess I didn’t need to direct you. You’ve been in here before,” she conceded.

“And then there’s the crying,” he said dryly.

She couldn’t help herself then. She laughed, too. “Your son does have a good set of lungs.”

“Does he…does he cry often?”

She stopped, turned, and nearly ended up right against Dillon. Close, too close to that muscled chest. Colleen tipped her head up. She
never
tipped her head up to a man. She
never got that close. “Babies cry.” Her voice came out in a whisper, slightly harsh. She cleared her throat. “Toby probably cries less than most. He’s a happy baby.”

“I wasn’t criticizing.” Intense blue eyes stared into her own. She struggled for breath. “I just didn’t know. I wouldn’t even know what was normal for a baby. No experience.”

Somehow she managed to nod, her head feeling oddly wobbly on her body. She needed to back away, to quit staring into those mesmerizing eyes. She was making a fool of herself. That was so not acceptable.