RockMeTonight (11 page)

My mother rarely spoke about their relationship so my ears
perked up. “I know he never told you he was a shifter, but then how did you
figure out where I got it from?

This was odd. Once I began shifting during puberty, my
mother had told me that it was a genetic trait. That I got it from my father’s
side of the family. She had looked for his family members to find out more
about him, but it had been so many years since my father’s death and they had
moved away. We tried a few times to find them but then gave up.

“It was only after you began changing that I started to put
things together. When we got engaged, he said he had to tell me something about
himself. Something that we needed to discuss before we had children and it may
make me change my mind. But he died before he told me. As I went through the
stages of grieving, one part of me was so mad at him for keeping whatever it
was away from me.”

“Oh, Mom, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.”

“But then I found out I was pregnant with you and I was
overjoyed a part of him was back with me again. It was as if it was his last
gift to me, keeping our love eternal.”

“That’s so sweet. Thank you for saying that.”

“Of course, dear. When you were born, I was so happy to have
you in my life and so sad that he missed out on meeting his beautiful,
wonderful baby girl. While raising you, I forgot about whatever secret it was
that he was going to tell me. It wasn’t until the first time you changed that
it came back to me. It all began to make sense. His mysterious overnight trips.
In the back of my mind, I had to wonder if there was someone else. But then I
started investigating.”

“What did you do?”

“I went through his boxes in the attic and found his daily
planner, which included a lunar calendar. Each time he noted a trip, it was on
the same night as a full moon.”

“Oh.”

“So where do you think I’m going at with you?”

I shifted on my sofa while I compared what happened with my
parents to the situation with Nico and me. I understood why my father would
delay telling Mom his secret. I also saw how hurt she was that he didn’t tell
her. He kept something huge from her, something she deserved to know.

“You’re telling me I should be honest with Nico?”

“Yes, exactly. I’m glad my message got through. So are you
going to do it?”

“Umm, that’s another problem. I ended it.”

“Oh, Lily. Why?”

“He’s a smoking-hot, super-smart, kind, funny rock star. He
could find someone normal in a heartbeat. Why would he deal with someone like
me when he could have anybody?”

“Because you are a smoking-hot, super-smart, kind, funny
woman. And when it’s right, it’s right. In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t
been with anyone the way I was with your father.”

“And if he did tell you he was a shifter, how would you have
reacted?”

She was quiet. “I don’t know. I probably would have been
shocked at first. Find it hard to believe. But it would have been better coming
from him than finding out the hard way years later when my daughter was
suddenly in the form of a mountain lion.”

“Would you have stayed with him?”

“Of course.”

“You say that now, but what about back then?”

“It’s impossible to say what I would have done, but I think
eventually I would have come to accept it. I loved him.”

What to do? What to do?
“I think it’s too late for
us.”

“When it comes to love, it’s never too late.”

“Tell you what, Mom. If I’m going to take a chance and tell
him, you need to start taking chances as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe it’s time you give someone else a shot, you know? My
father’s been gone a long time. Just because you’re giving your heart to
someone else doesn’t mean you’d love him any less.”

“I’m too old to start a new relationship.”

“Didn’t you just tell me, ‘When it comes to love, it’s never
too late’?”

“Now you’re taking my words out of context and using them
against me.”

“If the shoe fits…”

“I don’t know if I can trust someone again. It hurt so much
when I lost your father.”

“And yet you’re telling me to put myself out there, Mom?”

“It’s different for me. You have your whole life ahead of
you. I’m older and set in my ways.”

“I’m not saying you should go and marry the next guy you
meet. I’m saying be open to a relationship. Don’t shut the door before it even
opens.”

“I’ll think about it, Lily.” Then she chuckled, “You know
what’s funny? Haven’t I been saying the same thing to you for years?”

Nico

I was in a shitty mood all week. Not only did it suck
getting over Lily, but my body ached from the punches it took at the show. I
wasn’t as young as I used to be.

By Wednesday I was feeling semi-decent again. Forget Lily.
I’d make a new start. Perhaps I should just be a womanizer the way most people
thought I was anyway. I would avoid the ache that had settled deep within my
chest. Even I knew that was a halfhearted attempt at dealing with my pain. It
wasn’t me. I knew I couldn’t pretend to be something I wasn’t.

When Lily called on Thursday, everything changed. The way my
pulse raced just hearing her voice signaled that I wasn’t over her yet. Not by
a long shot.

“Can we talk?” she asked.

“About what?”

“About my—secret. What you want to know about.”

So many thoughts raced through my head I didn’t know what to
think.

“You want to tell me?”

“Yes.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“Because you’re right. I don’t trust anyone with my secret.
But if there’s anyone I should trust, it should be you.”

This revelation did nothing to slow my heartbeat.

“Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me.”

“The problem is I can’t really tell you without showing
you.”

“O-kaaaay. So show me.”

“I can’t yet.”

“You’re starting to lose me.”

“I—uh—can you come away with me on Monday night? You’d have
to take the day off Tuesday though.”

Although a voice in the back of my head said I was setting
myself up for heartache, my curiosity and compelling need to see her again
quickly shut it up.

“Where are we going?”

“The White Mountains.”

Furrowing my eyebrow, I asked, “What do you want to show me
up there?”

“Please—just say you’ll come.”

“I will.”

“Bring layers. And comfortable shoes. We’ll need them for
walking.”

Where the heck was she bringing me? And why?

“What about this weekend? Why don’t we go away then?”

“I can’t show you until Monday.”

“Well, why don’t we hang out? See a movie or something?”

“Don’t you have a show?”

“Yeah, but I’d find time to see you.”

She was so quiet that I thought she might have hung up. Then
she said, “I think it’s best if we wait. This is going to be difficult for me
enough as it is. ”

Monday could not come fast enough. I spent the weekend
thinking, thinking, thinking. Even during a show, I was distracted. What could
she possibly want to show me up there? How did it hold the key to her secret?
I’d never thought so much about a woman before. My head was ready to explode.

Then Monday finally arrived, but we were both working, which
made it the longest Monday ever. When she picked me up in her Prius after work,
I had to remind myself to breathe. She was wearing a pair of nicely fitting
jeans that emphasized her delicious curves. Her fleece pullover almost matched
the chestnut of her hair, emphasizing the golden highlights.

Had it only been a week since I last saw her? Touched her?
It seemed like months had gone by.

“You look well,” she said, eying my black Old Navy cargo
pants and fitted black Under Armor shirt. “Like a ninja.” She winked.

“If we’re off to uncover secrets, I thought I should look
stealthy.”

When she laughed, I found it musical. To hear her happy was
finer than any of the songs I had ever written. I thought about what a great
time we had last Friday and then how it all fell apart Saturday morning. Her
laughter turning to distress. I hated being the cause of any of her anguish.

So play it cool, I told myself. Don’t push her to tell you
anything too soon.

During the two-plus-hour drive, we stuck to lighter topics.
Work, the band, what we’d been up to all week. I told her about the brawl in
New York City.

“That’s crazy,” she said, looking at me with concern. “Are
you okay?”

Seeing the way she looked at me, I knew she cared about me.
No matter what she said or how much distance she put between us, I knew how she
really felt.

But would it change anything?

After we checked into a hotel and had dinner at a famed
Italian restaurant in town, I said, “I hope I can have you for dessert
tonight.”

Her face, which had been relaxed for most of the day
suddenly tensed up.

She shook her head. “I’m afraid not tonight. We need to go
outside.”

“Where?”

“Into the trails. Deep into the mountains.”

“At night? Why?”

“That’s where I can show you my—secret.”

“Are we going hunting for a treasure? You’re a pirate and
you hid your stash deep in the woods?”

“Sorry, no treasure.”

“Are you plotting to take me out there to kill me or
something?” I joked. “Hide my remains so nobody finds me ever again?”

“You might find that a more plausible explanation than what
I’m about to tell you,” she said with a straight face.

I stopped joking then and there. Whatever she was going to
tell me was probably quite serious.

We each had a light backpack with water and snacks and a
flashlight. She put a small pocketknife in my bag.

“What’s that for?”

She shrugged. “Just in case you need it for anything.” She
checked my bag to make sure I had what I needed.

“How long are we going to be gone for?”

“Depends. Bring your hotel key.”

“O-kay,” I said, confused. “Why?”

“Because you’ll be going back to the hotel without me.”

“What, Lily? Why? Where are you going to go?”

She looked up at the darkening sky. “Come on, let’s start
walking. The moon will be coming up soon.”

“You’re starting to freak me out, Lil.”

“It’s okay. I’ll explain everything as we walk. Keep an eye
on our surroundings, we want to stay on this trail.”

We walked deep into the woods, away from the hotel, people
and any signs of civilization. Even though it was night, I still saw signs of
spring coming in the forest. Tiny buds appeared on the tree branches, giving me
hope that winter might finally be ending.

“Holy shit, look at the stars!” I said. “You can’t see
anything like this back home.”

“No, no you can’t. And it’s going to be a full moon
tonight.”

“Even better.”

Her face turned to a downcast expression. Then she took a
deep breath, exhaled and stopped walking. “Are you ready to hear this, Nico?”

“I’ve been waiting to hear this for so long it’s killing me.
Put me out of my misery, please.”

“Here’s the deal. I’m not exactly human.”

That
was not any of the explanations I had concocted.
“What do you mean by that? You’re an alien or something?”

“No. I’m human. But then—I’m not.”

“You’ve already lost me, Lily.”

“I know. It’s not something I know how to explain because
I’ve never done it before. Here goes. I’m human. But I’m not
just
human
because I’m something else.”

“What are you talking about? This doesn’t make sense. What
are you exactly?” What else could she possibly be?

“A shifter.”

“A shifter?”

“Yes.”

“As in that paranormal stuff you only see in the movies?”

“Yes.”

What the hell was she saying? This was insane. “Listen,
Lily. If this is a weird way of testing me or trying to get rid of me, I wish
you’d be straight about it. This is mad.”

“I know it’s insane, but it’s not some game I’m playing. And
I’m not insane. I change each month during the full moon.”

“Like a werewolf? No, I don’t believe in that.”

“No, not a werewolf.”

“What then?”

She hesitated. “An animal.”

“What type of animal?” I answered patiently.

“A mountain lion.”

Now I knew she was messing with me. “Very funny. Wow, you
sounded so sincere you almost had me going there. A mountain lion. That’s when
I knew you were joking.”

“I knew you’d think this, but it’s not some joke. I know I
wouldn’t believe it if the tables were turned and you were telling me that you
were a shifter. But it’s true. There are shifters out there. I’m one of many, I
believe. And the form I take is a mountain lion.”

“How can I believe something like this? Can you show me?”

“That’s why I brought you here. To show you. I can’t change
at will. Only during the full moon.”

“Right,” I said, dripping the sarcasm. “Naturally.”

She looked up at the moon again. “It’s going to happen soon.
You sure you know the way back?”

“Why? Aren’t you coming back with me?”

“I stay out here. I usually go deep in, away from the
trails, but I want you to be able to find your way out without getting lost.”

“You’re going to stay out here all night? In the cold?”

“I’ll have fur covering me. And I have more resistance to
cold than the average human.”

“Yes, yes, of course you do.”

“I’m not joking.”

She took off her shirt and undid her pants. “What are you
doing?”

“Taking off my clothes.”

“Okay. I don’t mind seeing you naked.”

“This isn’t sensual, it’s practical. I don’t want to rip my
clothes. I need something to change back into.” She stuffed her clothes into a
large Ziploc bag, placed it inside another plastic bag and put it under some
branches at the base of a tree. She sniffed the air. Then she covered the
branches with some leaves to give it more camouflage.