Rocked Forever

By Clara Bayard

Copyright © 2016 by Clara Bayard

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All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Every ending leads to a new beginning

Doing the right thing never felt so wrong. Ellie Martin's time covering Dream Defiled's tour gets a lot more complicated once Matthew is gone. Using her inner strength and ambition, she charts a course that can make her dreams come true, all on her own. But as she's grown and changed, her dreams have too.

When the embattled band is reunited and crucial truths are revealed, things will never be the same. Endings and beginnings can look the same depending on how you look at it. As life-changing choices are made, years of work, fun, laughter and tears all comes down to this, in the final book of the Rocked series.

When Matthew Daniels walked out of my life after swearing to never forgive me, my first instinct was to run. Not after him to beg forgiveness, but far away. Back to Los Angeles. Back to a life before I'd opened my heart. Back to when I knew the only person I could really count on was myself. When I knew the most important thing in the world was work. Success, following my plan, getting where I wanted to be. Ambition is simple and clear. Falling in love is anything but. But, of course, I couldn't run. I was stuck on tour with his band, Dream Defiled. I was going to have to spend every day with them, and the hole he left in the group, and in my heart.

I stood at the open door of my hotel room for a long time, just staring into the empty hallway. I felt… nothing. Numb, as thoughts of more practical things rolled through my head. Eventually I shut the door and went back to sit on the edge of my bed, staring out the window. The sun was rising in a bright, clear sky. It was a new day. Something tightened in my chest and I gritted my teeth, refusing to give in.

"I'm fine," I spat at the empty room. "Everything is fine."

A tiny voice deep inside me whispered of pain and misery.

"Everything is just fine, Ellie. It really is." I took three deep breaths and got up. I walked over to the full-length mirror and barked out a sharp laugh. "Everything is fine except for your hair."

I tried to smooth down the matted mess on top of my head. The hot pink highlights in my bob looked more like tangled-up string, and I was in desperate need of a trim. Those were problems I could fix. I grabbed my phone from where it was charging on the bedside table and was about to search for local hair salons when it rang. I bit my lip when I saw who it was, and then answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ellie. Did I wake you?" Becca asked sunnily.

"Nope. What's up?" I managed to keep my voice calm.

"Um, rather a lot, actually. Do you want to grab a bite with me?"

"Sure."

"Great. Why don't you just come to my room, I've got a big order coming from room service."

Anguish stabbed at me as the memory of teasing Matthew about his hotel meal expertise. I shoved it away. "Sounds good. Give me ten minutes to get presentable."

"Okay, see you soon." She hung up, probably already on another call or two. After the death of their long-time manager, Dream Defiled had basically appointed Becca as his replacement in every way that mattered. She was about my age, but pretty much running the day-to-day logistics on the road, and serving as liaison to the giant apparatus across the country it took to keep one of the world's biggest rock bands running. And she did it all with a kind efficiency that left me in awe.

I freshened up and got dressed, and after once last glance at my face – pale in a way makeup couldn't mask, with wide, red eyes – grabbed my bag and headed up to Becca's room. I'd barely knocked twice when the door swung open.

Becca's blond hair was back in a smooth ponytail, and her face was alert. "Great, you're here. Come in. They want to talk to you."

The acid in my empty stomach curdled. I didn't need to ask who she meant, because as she moved aside to let me in, I could see them. The rest of Dream Defiled. Joe was sprawled on a sofa, muttering into his phone. Dex was stretched out on Becca's bed, or their bed. I wasn't sure what their sleeping arrangements were, since she did have a separate hotel room, well, more like a small suite. My eyes continued to scan the room, and my heart stopped beating for a moment when I noticed Rick standing in the corner by the television.

It took every bit of strength I had to not run back to the elevator.

Becca's hand was soft on my back as she gently pushed me forwards.

"Hi, everyone," I said quietly, blankly.

Joe looked up at the sound of my voice, whispered something into the phone and then put it down. He rose to his feet and rushed over to me.

I froze, trapped and terrified. And then shocked as his arms closed around me. He held me tightly, lean muscular frame surprisingly strong, and I noticed he smelled great. There were probably a thousand girls within a mile of the hotel who'd have done anything for a hug from Joe Hawk, but I was baffled by it.

He pulled back, but placed his hands on my shoulders. "Ellie, I don't have the words."

My throat felt lined with sandpaper as I struggled to speak. "I… I'm…"

"Shush, please. I don't know how to thank you. How
we
can ever thank you enough for what you did." A broad crooked smile spread across his face. "We owe you so much."

"You…" I looked around the room again and noticed friendly expressions and gratitude from everyone, even Rick. "You're thanking me?"

Joe chuckled. "Of course. Shit, without you, who knows what would have happened to Matthew." His expression turned serious. "We fucked up, big time. None of us noticed how much he was struggling. And if we hadn't been so busy being a bunch of pissy bitches with each other, we would have."

"I… okay."

Becca shooed Joe away. "Come on, Ellie. Sit down, let's eat. It's been a long night for all of us."

Still in shock, I let her lead me to the small dining table outside the kitchenette. It was covered with dishes of every breakfast food imaginable, and suddenly I was ravenous. My eyes darted from item to item, I couldn't decide where to start.

A huge arm reached across me and pulled a platter of meats away. I turned my head.

Rick shoved a piece of bacon in his mouth and shrugged. "You snooze, you lose."

I just stared at him.

He plopped down in the chair next to me and dumped most of the meat onto a plate, still chewing. "You want some of this?"

I shook my head. "No, thanks."

"More for me."

My mind was still reeling as I filled a plate and began to eat. Becca poured me a cup of coffee from a steaming carafe and placed a bottle of water in front of me. This had to be the weirdest meal I'd ever had. Fortunately, it seemed I was the only one feeling awkward. The others joined us at the table and the room was soon full of loud conversation and sounds of a family meal.

"Not bad," Dex said, elbowing Becca gently. "Why don't we get this every day?"

"Because ‘we' are usually passed out drunk until right before there's work to do," she replied, grinning.

"Fair point."

I joined in the laughter. "You guys don't eat together a lot?"

Joe, who was pouring what looked like a gallon of syrup over French toast, shook his head. "Not anymore, unless we're on the move. We used to." He glanced out the window, a wistful expression making him look very young for a moment.

After slurping back most of a cup of coffee, Dex laughed. "Remember the fights we used to have over pizza toppings? Brutal."

"What?"

He turned to me. "We were broke, right. Our per diem was round a dollar. So we'd find the cheapest pizza shop in whatever town and there was usually a deal, three larges for ten bucks."

"Yeah, I know what you're talking about."

"Right, so the problem is, they were usually one or two toppings, and you had to have the same one on all the pizzas to get the deal. We'd argue for an hour over that shit. Once I threw Joe's cell out a motel window over pineapple. What kind of person puts fruit on a pizza, mate?"

Joe tossed a napkin at him.

I giggled. "So how'd you decide?"

Rick chimed in next to me. "Matty said we should each get a turn to pick in each city, but that didn't really work either. So Ryan pulled rank when we got into it too hard, and just ordered cheese."

Joe grinned. "Which, of course, had never occurred to any of us."

"That's why you're artists, not managers," Becca said gently.

There was a long silence. I couldn't tell if they were thinking about Matthew, or Ryan, but the room was full of affection and sadness in equal amounts.

I cleared my throat and finally blurted out the thing I'd been pretending not to care about. "Has anyone talked to him, to Matthew?"

All three members of the band shook their heads. "He's pouting," Rick said.

"He's upset," Joe corrected.

"He's furious," I muttered.

Becca reached across the table and put her hand over mine. "He'll get over it. And he'll get well. That's what really matters."

"Yeah," I agreed half-heartedly. I looked down at my plate. It was still half full, but my appetite was gone.

Joe put down his fork and looked at me intently. "Ellie, I know you feel bad. But you might have saved his life." He glanced around the table at everyone else. "We had a long talk about everything that's been going on, and we are going to do better. We're going to be better. Stop just going through the motions and really do this damn thing. So when Matthew comes back, we'll be the band he, and all of our fans deserve."

"Okay," I said.

He wiped his hands on a napkin and leaned his elbows on the table. "I know it's been awkward, but you're part of the team. And… we're gonna miss him too. You're not alone."

Tears stung my eyes and I used every ounce of my will to keep them from spilling out. No way was I going to cry in this room. "Well, I've got a job to do, and I'll do it."

Joe sighed, but didn't say anything else.

"Speaking of work, I have some that needs my attention," Becca said. "You guys feel free to finish the food, I'll be in the other room." She stood up, smiled at me, and then walked away, shifting quickly to avoid Dex's grab at her, with a laugh.

Realizing this was my chance, I got up. "I should go. Um, thanks for breakfast and everything."

*

Back in my room, I sat down on the bed and checked my phone. I had a bunch of missed calls from my boss at
HSTV
, and nothing from Matthew. I dialed and opened my computer on my lap.

"Thank the fucking lord, Ellie," my boss yelled. "I thought you'd disappeared."

"Sorry, Val." I sighed and readied myself for another lecture. "I was busy. What's up?"

"What's up is you fucked us. Again."

"I did?"

"You did. And for the last time. What, may I ask, is the point of having you on the road with those assholes if you never actually get any good dirt?"

"I… I've gotten great stuff, Val. You know that."

"Yeah, and yet we keep getting scooped. It's all over the fucking internet that Matthew Daniels left the band, but I haven't heard a word from you about it. Where's my footage? Where's my interview? Where's my goddamn anything?"

I stifled a groan. "That's not exactly what happened."

"No? Well, how the fuck would I know? How the fuck will our subscribers know? Get the damn info. Immediately, or you can buy yourself a plane ticket home. We're not wasting all this money for you to be on vacation, Ellie."

I bit back a harsh retort. She was swearing a lot, which meant she was really pissed and it wasn't the right time to argue. "Yes, okay. I'm sorry and I'll get on it right now."

"Do that."

Before I could respond, she hung up on me.

I sat there silently for a minute, formulating a plan to save my ass. Again. I send Becca a text message explaining, and waited to hear back. Within five minutes she told me the band members would be ready to talk to me on camera in an hour, which was impressive for what was supposed to be a day off. They needed the time to get approval for a statement from the whole management and legal teams.

It took me a while to get everything ready, and as I was applying my lipstick, I got another text. We were going to do the interview in a nearby rehearsal space the guys were using to get the guy who'd be filling in for Matthew up to speed. It was only a few blocks from the hotel so I packed up my gear and headed over on foot, happy for a few minutes of fresh air and distraction.

When I got there the building's manager showed me to the space and left me to set up. I texted my camera guy and my boss to let them know where I was, and then jotted down a few questions in case I needed them.